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...and I really should be back at school. What—only Chris Berman of ESPN can use that line now?!? Hah, I say—Hah!
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A DAYDREAM...
I had this wonderful dream today that Notre Dame went 0-5 after losing to Purdue. No wait—that really did happen!! Way to go, youse Boilermakers! And cheer up, all you Irish fanatics out there—I'm sure we can find a Pop Warner team out there for your gridiron heroes to open up a can of whoop-ass upon...
THE CUBS ARE IN THE SHOW!
Was most pleased that my favorite National League team made the playoffs yesterday. I became a Chicago Cubs fan in the summer of 1984 when I first got cable TV and enjoyed the work of everyone's favorite Cub fan/Bud Man, the late Harry Caray. I don't even give a rat's oblique that their record isn't all that impressive this year—no one else in the NL is exactly burning the world down this season either—Go Cubbies!
Just as an aside, last time I was in Chi-Town, I stopped by Wrigley Field to check out the Harry Caray statue outside the ballpark, and a woman was there with her little girl, the latter of whom asked, "Is that Drew Carey?" Freakin' priceless...
HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!
I've been enjoying the newly-released "Johnny Cash Show" DVD set this week, and I'm most impressed. Not only have they restored this show (which debuted on ABC in 1969) to almost pristine condition, but I gotta give Cash credit (I just had to say that, sorry!) for the wide variety of singers he shared the stage of Nashville's Ryman Auditorium with for this show—everyone from George Jones to Louis Armstrong to (a beardless) Waylon Jennings to Stevie Wonder to Marty Robbins to Bob Dylan to Joni Mitchell to C.C.R. to Neil Young doing "The Needle And The Damage Done"—that song alone took some major balls to air on network TV in 1969! I also got a chuckle or two out of the red outfit the late and legendary Tammy Wynette wore, complete with silver boots, the likes of which weren't seen again until Shania Twain came along. Loretta Lynn was also quite a sight in her blatantly obvious wig, which probably had its own ZIP code. Still and all, this DVD set (narrated by singer Kris Kristofferson) is a wonderful time capsule from a bygone TV era that is well worth a look.
SHANGHAI-ED 120 MILES OR SO SOUTH OF SHANGHAI...
So much for my encouragement for the U.S. chick soccer team in the World Cup thang in China, as their head coach Greg Ryan surreptitiously replaced starting goalkeeper Hope Solo (no relation to Han, guitar or drum) in favor of Briana Scurry, who helped them win the Cup in '99, but is now like, really old, and Ms. Solo has won every fucking game this year so far. We lost to Brazil 4-zip, and while it's true that the U.S. team didn't exactly rack up any goals in this game, Coach Ryan violated one of the basic tenets of sports here: Dance with the one who brung ya! What a maroon...
CLAP FOR THE WOLFMAN!
I've been doing a little housecleaning this week, during which I unearthed this little gem (click pic to enlarge) from my personal archives, one of the few momentos I managed to smuggle away following the demise of "The Mighty 1030" KKJC-AM in Blue Springs, MO, the first (and best) radio station I ever worked at from November, 1986 until its untimely, albeit unavoidable, death on January 31, 1988 at 10PM, just after the Washington Redskins made John Elway and the Denver Broncos look like crash test dummies in the Stupor Bowl. This photo (and accompanying Raytown Post newspaper article) adorned the walls of our studio, detailing how the legendary Wolfman Jack dropped in for a visit in the Spring of 1985 (when the station was known as KBSM) in support of his syndicated Oldies show that aired on "Eastern Jackson County's Radio Station" at that time. It's a major honor to be able to truthfully say that I once actually operated the same control board (sometimes coherently) and spoke into the very same microphone as the mighty Wolfman! A brush with greatness, in a roundabout way—not unlike when I got to touch Jack Buck's mail slot during a tour of KMOX in St. Louis in the early '90s...
OH NO—HERE IT COMES AGAIN...
I only wish I was merely quoting Ronnie James Dio's first line from Black Sabbath's 1980 classic "Neon Knights", but sadly, I'm referring to the (C)Rock And Roll Hall of Fame's finalists for their Class of 2008. Hold on to yer hats folks and get a load of this malarkey: Madonna, John "Cougar" Mellencamp, The Beastie Boys (a Rap act, as I seem to recall), Donna Summer, Chic (both Disco acts, as I seem to recall), Leonard Cohen (who?), some Rap person/thing/country who bought way too many vowels named Afrika Bambaataa, The Dave Clark Five and The Ventures. In my eyes (and ears), the latter two entries are the only ones even worthy of a sniff of the HOF, but not before the likes of Kiss, Paul Revere & The Raiders, The Moody Blues, The Doobie Brothers, Three Dog Night, ABBA, Neil Diamond, Motorhead, Judas Priest...oh, fuck it—why do I bother with this, based on this asinine voting process?
And I hereby quote: "Nominees are chosen by a 70-member committee of label execs, rock historians and journalists, with ballots mailed to an international voting body of 700 music industry types."
By my count, that's 770 people that don't have clue about what Rock 'N' Roll truly is if they're even considering turds like the Beastie Boys. And I guaran-fuckin'-tee you these 770 mongoloids would sooner see Michael Bolton and Kid Rock in the RNRHOF than Def Leppard and Cheap Trick.
Oh well, at least the Country Music Hall of Fame gets it right...
HANG IN THERE, DOC...
A shout-out to my good friend Dr. Sardonicus: I know you're anxiously awaiting the better half of my Top 50 Songs of the '50s countdown, but I've been up to my eyeballs in home improvement projects this weekend, not to mention just plain reacting to everything else I've reacted to above, so please bear with me. Trust me, it'll be worth the wait, since my opinion carries damn near as much weight as those Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame heathens...
I’ve been tracking through my own homemade 10-disc chronological ‘50s CD set this week, and want to salute my favorites from that era that didn’t have the name Presley, Berry or Holly attached to them. Elvis, Chuck and Buddy easily combined for at least another 50 classics from the Fabulous ‘50s, so I’ll focus on that mighty triumvirate later, and give tribute to the best of everyone else here:
50) "Matchbox"—CARL PERKINS (1956) The Beatles covered this one in ‘63, but it barely clocked in at 1:45, for some reason. Carl’s version was a tad longer, and just as good…
49) "Kissin’ Time"—BOBBY RYDELL (1959) Okay, I’m a tad biased here because Kiss (reluctantly) recorded this one in 1974, but at least B. Rydell was good enough to mention Kansas City in the first verse, unlike that bastard bat-lizard G. Simmons! We Kansas Citians are a tad sensitive about things like this…
48) "Sea Of Love"—PHIL PHILLIPS (1959) Robert Plant chose a fine classic indeed to remake in 1985 under the Honeydrippers’ banner. It certainly oozes (not to mention drips) in sentimentality, and it works!
47) "(The Night Time Is) The Right Time"—RAY CHARLES (1958) Song made even more famous nearly 30 years later in an episode of “The Cosby Show”. Also covered by the likes of Creedence Clearwater Revival and Otis Redding & Carla Thomas.
46) "La Bamba"—RITCHIE VALENS (1958) “Rock ‘N’ Roll in Spanish?” incredulous manager Bob Keane asks Ritchie in the film La Bamba. Why not?!? RV apparently had a head cold the day this was recorded, accounting for the somewhat nasally condition of his voice therein.
45) "Trickle, Trickle"—THE VIDEOS (1958) Obscure little doo-wop classic that didn’t even make the Top 40, but was later covered quite nicely by Manhattan Transfer in the late ‘70s.
44) "Sixteen Candles"—THE CRESTS (1958) Outstanding lead vocals by Johnny Maestro on this classic that eventually morphed into the Molly Ringwald movie of the same name, thus giving birth to the phrase. “Wot’s happenin’, Hot Stuff…”
43) "A Lover’s Question"—CLYDE McPHATTER (1958) Original lead singer for the ever-changing Drifters, this dude had a great voice and died way before his time in 1972.
42) "Summertime Blues"—EDDIE COCHRAN (1958) Another guy who died way before his time, yet was successfully channeled by Stray Cat Brian Setzer in La Bamba and by The Who on their classic Live At Leeds album.
41) "Chantilly Lace"—THE BIG BOPPER (1958) Jiles Perry Richardson was part of the doomed triumvirate on “The Day The Music Died”, but he excelled at novelty songs, and this one’s a classic of that genre. Seems as though he knew what we liked…
40) "Purple People Eater"—SHEB WOOLEY (1958) Another novelty song composer, ol’ Sheb was also a regular on TV’s “Rawhide” and also appeared in the film Hoosiers in 1986.
39) "This I Swear"—THE SKYLINERS (1959) Natural follow-up to their killer hit “Since I Don’t Have You”. The backing track is almost identical to that of its predecessor, but the vocals don’t quite soar as high…
38) "Do You Want To Dance?"—BOBBY FREEMAN (1958) Infectious little tune featuring that patented studio trick, the almighty false ending.
37) "Book Of Love"—THE MONOTONES (1958) “Well I wonder-wonder whom-ba-doo-hoo-whoomp—who wrote the book of love?” Doo-wop at its utterly silliest…
36) "At The Hop"—DANNY & THE JUNIORS (1957) Only song I know of that discusses Calypso-ing with a chicken, whatever that means…
35) "Silhouettes"—THE RAYS (1957) Doo-wop classic about some poor sap who’s on the wrong block. Haven't we all been there/done that at one time or another? Later successfully covered by Herman’s Hermits in 1965.
34) "Wake Up Little Susie"—EVERLY BROTHERS (1957) Phil & Don’s classic about copping a few Z’s in the movie theater. Yeah sure, likely excuse…
33) "Mr. Lee"—THE BOBBETTES (1957) Girl group classic that predated girl groups easily by three or four years...
32) "Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On"—JERRY LEE LEWIS (1957) Good gravy! How many pianny players were influenced by this song? Everyone from Elton John to Jon Lord of Deep Purple to even Benny Andersson of ABBA, and several others along the way…
31) "Love Is Strange"—MICKEY & SYLVIA (1957) Song made even more famous by the classic scene in 1987’s Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey. Sylvia later had a fairly filthy hit record with her orgasmic whispery vocals on “Pillow Talk” in 1973.
30) "I Ain’t Got No Home"—CLARENCE “FROGMAN” HENRY (1956) Listen to this one, and you’ll quickly realize why they called him “Frogman”. Levon Helm of The Band had a little fun with the “Woo-woo-woo-ooh-ooh” bit on their early ‘70s cover version too…
29) "Shake Rattle And Roll"—BILL HALEY & HIS COMETS (1955) Sexist as all get-out, but a classic all the same. Elvis’ version is even better, but as previously stated, The King’s contributions are in a separate class…
28) "Tequila"—THE CHAMPS (1958) Pee-Wee Herman’s fave tune. Not to be confused with “Tacoma”, which isn’t nearly as mind-numbing…
27) "Long Tall Sally"—LITTLE RICHARD (1956) Engrossing story about an apparently hairless woman, one “bald-headed Sally”, her Uncle John, and jumping back-and-forth in some misbegotten alley. Paul McCartney’s blistering vocals on The Beatles’ 1964 cover version (released precisely eight days after my birth) blows the original to the moon and back…
26) "Sleep Walk"—SANTO & JONNY (1959) Appropriately hypnotic instrumental that served as the coda for the La Bamba film.
I'M A MAN, YES I AM, AND I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE YOU SO...
So claimed Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy during his now-infamous post-game tirade on Saturday (the "I'm A Man" part, anyway), as he went after Daily Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson for an article she wrote which criticized OSU's QB Bobby Reid and allegedly questioned his manhood, etc. I haven't read the article so I don't know if Carlson's assertions are true or not, nor do I really care—in my eyes this was just bullshit macho bravado histrionics put on by the coach of a college football team grossly overshadowed by a far-superior one just 80 miles or so down the road in Norman who is desperate to keep his name and school (ironically) in the papers. A little footnote here: Jenni Carlson and I were co-workers for a brief time when I moonlighted as a stats editor at the K.C. Star back in the '90s when she was first starting out in the business. She never came across to me as being malicious or as someone who would intentionally smear someone, and to her credit, Jenni is standing by her story and her sources. As for Mr. Gundy, even if his concerns with Carlson's article are valid, he should have dealt with her and/or the editors of the paper in private instead of pissing all over what should have been a celebration of his team's VICTORY over Texas Tech at a post-game press conference. I repeat, folks--a VICTORY! Sorry, coach G., you are totally classless...
And oh yeah, as for this notion that anyone (be it print media professionals, or—heaven forbid—schmucks like yours truly) have the unmitigated gall to criticize amateur athletes solely because they ain't getting paid, that's a bunch of caca! It's not like anyone's forcing these guys to participate in collegiate athletics, so they're fair game in my book—especially starting quarterbacks—so, suck it up and deal with it, all you Peyton Manning wanna-be's!
VAN WHO-LEN?
I spent some quality time at the library today (aka Barnes & Noble) thumbing through that new book Everybody Wants Some!!—The Van Halen Saga and it's a damn good read. I'm too cheap to pay the $28 for the hardcover version, so I've just been skipping around reading the juicy parts, and there's some very interesting shit to behold. Evidently the rift between Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth went as far back as the Fair Warning album in 1981, at which point EVH considered leaving the band. By the end of the 1984 tour, Eddie, Alex and Michael Anthony all could no longer stand Diamond Dave's bullshit, even though by all outward appearances everything was just peachy. When Roth did indeed leave the band in 1985, other musicians (besides Sammy Hagar) talked of collaborating/working with VH, including Phil Collins, Brian May of Queen and—most intriguingly—Pete Townshend of The Who. I can't see that one working in a million years—those gi-normous egos would've cancelled each other out, but it might've been fun trying. Near as I could tell, the book doesn't mention that there was actually talk of Eddie Van Halen joining Kiss in 1982 after Ace Frehley left. One shudders to think what Ed would've looked like in Kiss make-up...
SMOKE FROM A DISTANT VICK
Seems that everyone's favorite dog lover has also now tested positive for marijuana. Is it just me, or does M. Vick fuck up just about as often as the band Foghat changes bass players? Still, I'm sure the NAACP Vickweeds out there will continue to insist that poor Snoop Mikey Mike deserves a (thirty)second chance at redemption, because as we all know, black people never do anything wrong...
CHICK SOCCER RULES!
Best of luck to the United States womens soccer team in the World Cup semifinals against Brazil in China tomorrow morning (our time). Unlike chick basketball, I can actually sit through a women's soccer game and enjoy it. Women playing basketball always looks so awkward and amateur-ish to me, but the girls play soccer (and hockey too, for that matter) much more fluidly, and are every bit as tough as the guys at times. In best Oprah/Tyra Banks parlance: You go, girls!
WHEN MASCOTS ATTACK!
Kudos to my favorite sports mascot this side of The Famous Chicken and Truman The (M.U.) Tiger, as the Chiefs' K.C. Wolf made a sizeable assist in the apprehension of a stupid drunk fuck running onto the field at Arrowhead on Sunday. It was certainly better than any tackle the Chefs made on Sunday...
OH SO ORIGINAL!
VH-1 Classic has been recently hyping the first "solo" album by Ann Wilson of Heart, which naturally is comprised of nothing but remakes of other people's songs, like the Youngbloods' '60s epic "Get Together" and Led Zeppelin's "The Immigrant Song". I love AW to death here, but this ain't exactly winning me over, although I do give her a couple style points for duetting with Elton John on his obscure and underrated track "Where To Now, St. Peter?". I know I've posed this question before, but why the filth-flarn-filth can't (or won't) Classic Rock people come up anything new nowadays?!? Apart from U2, Tom Petty, Sir Elton himself, and Bruce Springsteen (whose new song "Radio Nowhere" ain't half-bad, btw), we get nothing but albums full of cover songs from everyone today! Hell, even that hick Mellencamp at least still puts out new—albeit inferior—original material today. Has Rock 'N' Roll truly run out of things to say?
HAIL TO THE SPARTANS!
How 'bout 'dem Fighting Irish, eh? Need I say more? Out of respect to my readers who are ND fans, I won't rub it in any more than I have to, but at least Michigan State has figured out how to win in South Bend over the last 12 years or so. And this just in, Notre Dame fans—your football team sucks like a freakin' Hoover!!!
MARCEL MARCEAU, 1923-2007
Legendary mime Marcel Marceau died yesterday at age 84. Sorry, but I can't resist this—a moment of silence, please...
MM's only spoken role in film was in Mel Brooks' 1976 parody Silent Movie, which may well have been the most profound piece of irony this side of Frank Beard being the only clean-shaven member of ZZ Top...
HAIL TO THE WEENIES!
Every time I see Dauschounds (sp?) running, it makes me chuckle. I don't know why...
RIGHTEOUS BUCKS
$40 for Smothers Brothers tickets at Ameristar Casino in K.C.? By my count, that's precisely one Yankee dollar for every year since the Smo Bros. were actually relevant...
A HEARTFELT SALUTE
To one of my closest and hardest-working partners in my life, my mighty GE SuperRadio, which I listened to the Chiefs game on today because the Fox-TV NFL play-by-play team was so utterly sub-standard. Mom gave me this rascal for Christmas in 1980, and he's been one of the most dependable pieces of man-made technology I've ever owned, in spite of years and years of being dropped, rained-on, overheated, battered by errant racquetballs, and worse yet—being forced to play caca like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity (against my better judgment)—yet he's still standing tall and producing fine fidelity...
HOME OF THE CHIEFS?
On the sports talk radio front the other day, I heard some Southern good ol' boy giving football odds info on the Kansas City Chiefs because they have a definitive home field advantage at something called "Airhead" Stadium. A very prescient comment, considering the way El Chiefos have been playing lately, but they did the Rolling Stones proud by "Winning Ugly" today, 13-10 over Minnesota at The 'Head...
WITH SATAN ON MY SIDE, I SHALL PREVAIL...AGAIN!
That would be the New York Islanders' Miroslav Satan, (pronounced Shuh-TAN, by youse Americans), who landed on my fantasy hockey team again in the draft as I prepare to defend my 2006-07 champeenship title again dis year. Great player with a killer name—it's just a dirty shame Satan doesn't play for the New Jersey Devils, but we can't have everything, now can we?
While I'm on fantasy sports, it would appear that beleaguered Eagles QB Donovan McNabb has been reconnected with his Mojo, throwing for 381 yards and 4 TDs today as the Iggles dismantled the Detroit Lions, 56-21 (despite all four of the Fox-TV talking heads picking the Lions to win). I only mention this because last week, Philly's receivers couldn't even catch a cold, yet former St. Louis Lamb Kevin Curtis had 221 yards and 3 TD's for the Eagles, and Brian Westbrook (cool first name) also had 221 total yards (receiving and rushing) and 3 TDs—and both these guys are on my fantasy team, as is kicker David Akers and his 8 extra points. As E. Cartman once said, "Sweet..."
LOOOOOKING GOOD!
While I'm on the NFL, a tip of the hat to the Washington Redskins for sporting their 1970-71 throwback helmets and uniforms from the early George Allen era today vs. the New Yawk Giants. Talk about taking me back to a simpler time—shades of Pat Fischer, Billy Kilmer, Larry Brown, Kurt Knight, Mike Bragg, Chris Hanburger and Roy Jefferson! Those uni's with the yellow helmets and pants were prevalent when I first started watching football on the TV when I was 6-7 years old, and the colors and the logo still resonate with me to this day, even though the 'Skins look a lot different in the modern day. Any of my football brethren feel the same way? As for the Philadelphia Eagles' throwback helmets and uniforms also worn today, they missed the boat—these things were Fugly personified! Shoulda gone with the 1970-73 Bill Bradley/Tom Dempsey-era uniforms with the white helmets and green wings—then we'd really have something to talk about...
HELP ME FIND THIS GIRL, PLEASE!
Y'all ever see this goofy '60s movie called Pop Gear? It was a a showcase for British Invasion groups like the Animals, the Honeycombs ("Have I The Right?"), Peter & Gordon and Herman's Hermits that often airs on Flix and IndiePlex, and it also features this unsung cutie named Billie Davis who I've sorta fallen in love with, seeing's as she's a cross between Bernadette Peters (sonically) and Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles (visually), and her song "Whatcha Gonna Do" was quite the in-thing in 1964, according to the movie. I'd love to see this girl on DVD, if she's out there. And while you're there, these guys are a total hoot, too...
TELLIN' IT LIKE IT REALLY IS...
It took me about 30 some-odd years, but it finally dawned on me what certain song titles and lyrics truly meant, so imagine how I felt when I learned that things weren't as innocuous as they seemed when I was a kid, as the terms "touch" and "love", etc., really meant something a little more hardcore. Thusly, Diana Ross' lovely 1973 song should've been called "Fuck Me In The Morning" (then just walk away!), Dan Hill's 1977 treacly ballad should've been called "Sometimes When We Fuck" and Englebert What-his-dinck's love song from the same year was basically "After The Fuckin'". Seriously, am I right or what? Much more to come (cum?) later on this very subject, but suffice it to say that my eyes have been opened...
I've been doing a little housecleaning this week, during which I unearthed this little gem (click pic to enlarge) from my personal archives, one of the few momentos I managed to smuggle away following the demise of "The Mighty 1030" KKJC-AM in Blue Springs, MO, the first (and best) radio station I ever worked at from November, 1986 until its untimely, albeit unavoidable, death on January 31, 1988 at 10PM, just after the Washington Redskins made John Elway and the Denver Broncos look like crash test dummies in the Stupor Bowl. This photo (and accompanying Raytown Post newspaper article) adorned the walls of our studio, detailing how the legendary Wolfman Jack dropped in for a visit in the Spring of 1985 (when the station was known as KBSM) in support of his syndicated Oldies show that aired on "Eastern Jackson County's Radio Station" at that time. It's a major honor to be able to truthfully say that I once actually operated the same control board (sometimes coherently) and spoke into the very same microphone as the mighty Wolfman! A brush with greatness, in a roundabout way—not unlike when I got to touch Jack Buck's mail slot during a tour of KMOX in St. Louis in the early '90s...
