Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Simpsons Vs. Family Guy--Tale of the Tape

Having become a recent convert to TV’s “The Family Guy”, I thought it would be great fun to compare and contrast the venerable show that obviously inspired it, “The Simpsons”, so here’s how the shows stack up for me, character by character.

The Dads:  Homer Simpson vs. Peter Griffin
They’re both lovable schlubs, both dumb as a box of rocks and both have very man-child qualities to them, but I give the edge to Homer, who I find far more likeable.  Peter G. gets points for being a die-hard Kiss fan and all, but he can be very obnoxious and even rather creepy at times, so for me, Homer is da man!  Advantage:  The Simpsons

The Moms:  Marge Simpson vs. Lois Griffin
Both have voices that grate on you like Fran Drescher, and bless Marge for putting up with Homer all these years, but I’m more partial to Lois—she’s a redhead, after all, and she has better legs too…  Advantage:  Family Guy

The Sons:  Bart Simpson vs. Chris Griffin
Aye carrumba!  Gotta go with the Bart Man all the way here—he’s infinitely funnier, far craftier and is in a whole different league than Chris, who I find rather annoying at times and quite doltish.  Advantage:  The Simpsons

The Daughters:  Lisa Simpson vs. Meg GriffinHmmm, Lisa is the sax-playing brainiac and Meg has no discernible talent at all, yet I kinda like her anyway, in spite of that condom hat she always wears.  Can’t seem to choose between the two.  Advantage:  Push

The Infants:  Maggie Simpson vs. Stewie Griffin
No contest here—as cute as Maggie might be, Stewie clearly outshines his pacifier-sucking counterpart by light years.  He would surely tell you that himself…  Advantage:  Family Guy

The Dogs:  Santa’s Little Helper vs. Brian Griffin
This really isn’t a fair competition since SLH doesn’t really do much on “The Simpsons”. With such a cool name Brian wins anyway, and besides, he can drink me under the table!  Advantage:  Family Guy

The Grandfathers:  Abe Simpson vs. Carter Pewterschmidt
Gotta go with Homer’s dad here—as curmudgeonly as he is, he’s so much funnier than Lois Griffin’s ultra-snobbish father.  Advantage:  The Simpsons

The Neighbors:  Ned Flanders vs. Cleveland Brown
Their voices are so similar, it’s almost scary, by I have to go with my man Cleveland, even though he’s quite possibly the whitest black man in America this side of Al Roker.  Ned’s too big of a mamby-pamby, yes indeed-ely-doo.  Advantage:  Family Guy

The Watering Holes:  Moe’s vs. The Drunken Clam
The Clam has the great name, but you can’t get a Flaming Moe or Duff Beer there, so I give Moe’s the nod, if only just barely…  Advantage:  The Simpsons

The Mayors:  Joe Quimby vs. Adam WestQuimby does an admirable Ted Kennedy impersonation, but I have to go with the Caped Crusader, the great Adam West, who doesn’t mind poking fun at himself.  Advantage:  Family Guy

The Pompous News Anchors:  Kent Brockman vs. Tom Tucker
Both sound authoritative but have little substance—they’d be perfect fits on Faux News Channel!  Advantage:  Push

The Cops:  Chief Clancy Wiggum vs. Officer Joe Swanson
Another toss-up.  Let’s just say I respect their authoritahhh, and leave it at that!  Advantage:  Push

Final analysis:  Family Guy 5, Simpsons 4, Push 3.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with a good counterpart to compare the irrepressible Glen Quagmire to, so he’s in a class all by himself.  Advantage:  Giggity!!  Still, the results are pretty even all the way through.  Just goes to prove these are both classic TV comedies.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Blogging with Myself (Oh-oh-uh-OH!)

I haven’t been in very much of a creative mood over the last week or so, therefore, I haven’t posted much lately.  Not unlike the news media, I’ve had to re-charge my batteries a bit since the election, plus I’ve been in a bit of a personal funk lately…

And just as my mood was beginning to brighten today, I read of the passing of Jimi Hendrix Experience drummer Mitch Mitchell at age 61.  Mitchell (whose given name was actually John) was found dead in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon, evidently of natural causes while performing on the “Experience Hendrix Tour”.  MM was one of my all-time favorite drummersa somewhat tamer version of Keith Moon, if you willand 1967’s “Fire” may well have been the greatest three minutes of any drummer’s career.  Coincidentally, Mitchell was born in the same town in England as Moon.  Rest in peace, Mitch…

Call me Scrooge all you want, but I’m sick of the Yuletide season already.  Home Depot and Lowe’s had their Xmas stuff up for sale by Labor Day, one of our local radio stations started playing wall-to-wall Christmas songs when the clock struck Midnight on Halloween, and now all the Christians are fighting against the alleged “War on Christmas” again this year because of bans on nativity scenes and Xmas decorations on U.S. government property, etc.  Hell, is the holiday season even worth it, anymore?

In a related development, thanks to the current economic climate, I paid a rather surreal visit to Target last nightthe place was a virtual ghost town!  Granted, it was a Tuesday and the weather was wet and yucky out, but it was still weird to practically have the entire store to myself during what is normally the holiday shopping season.

A predictable spate of raging paranoia has NRA-types in its clutches in the wake of Barack Obama’s ascent to the Presidency, thus sparking a run on guns at local shops, as the Gun Lobby thinks the President-Elect wants to take their precious weaponry away from them.  These folks may well be unemployed thanks to our current economic abyss, but by God, they shure have their priorities in order by spending what little money they have left to pad their arse(enals).

For the record, Mr. Obama only wants to ban semi-automatic weapons, and once again, could one of you junior Ted Nugents (preferably a literate one) please explain to me (like I’m a four-year-old) exactly why anyone other than law enforcement or military personnel would have use for assault rifles anyway?

Not only did we elect a black President for the first time in our history last week, but my parental units now willingly have cable TV!  Even scarier, the cable guy showed up early to install it for them!  What’s worse, for the first time ever, my parents now have a nicer TV than I do. WTF?!?

A little background:  my father is one of the most conservative people on this planet, and is highly-resistant to change (a trait I sadly inherited from him).  Therefore, little luxuries like cable TV and push-button telephones have always been foreign concepts to dear ol’ Dad, but he was forced to give up his rotary-dial phone against his will a few years ago, yet he’s been watching the same 27” Zenith floor-model console color TV since 1984 (my Junior year in college, btw).  Mom has been badgering him for a new TV for years, and after numerous visits to my sister’s house and watching shows on her fancy newfangled set, she finally broke him down and convinced him to join the rest of us in the 21st Century and get a 42” Samsung flat screen TV and cable to go with it.  Now the man is forced to learn how to work a remote control for the first time in his life!  If Dad gets a personal computer, then I’ll know for sure that life as we know it is about to end…

Speaking of cable TV, why was the film Apollo 13 on Sci-Fi Channel last week?  Wasn’t that a true story?  Science, yes, but there was nothing fictional about it...

While I’m on Apollo 13, I recently observed a small goof in this fine movie.  During the opening scene where everyone is gathered at the Lovell household in Houston to watch the Apollo 11 moon landing on TV, several of the gentlemen there are wearing sport coats.  Uhhh, long sleeves in Texas in July?!?  Now that's Science Fiction!

Congrats to my Raytown South High Cardinals for their first round victory in the Missouri Class 5 football playoffs the other night against the dreaded Winnetonka Griffins (no relation to the Quahog Griffins).  Ray-South is a perennial basketball power, but rarely does the football team make the state playoffs.  The Cards are 10-1, and will next play the school that gave them their lone loss this season, the Injuns of Fort Osage, aka good ol’ “F.O.”.  Go Big Red!

“Tom Brady works out at Patriots’ team facility”; “Lindsay Lohan calls Obama ‘first colored President’”  Could someone please explain to me why either of these headlines I saw on the Internet today are newsworthy?!?

Comedian/ventriloquist Jeff Dunham has been a recent DVD view for me.  A brief sampling of deep thoughts from JD:

Jeff:  “If you try to choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?”

Jeff:  “What’s your favorite beer?”  Bubba J:  “An open one.”

Jeff:  “How do you know when you’ve had too many?”  Bubba J:  “When I run out.”

I don’t know how the hell he keeps track of all those voices, but this dude is fuggin’ funny!