The 30 Most Overrated Movies of All-Time

1) Saturday Night Fever (1977)  Classic case of a movie where the soundtrack is infinitely better than the film it came from—Vision Quest, Detroit Rock City, F.M., and Cocktail are other good examples of this phenomenon.  SNF is an incredibly average movie, apart from the dance floor scenes, which are fairly impressive.  Sadly, the storyline is pretty mundane, most of the characters aren’t terribly likeable, and I can only take so much of high-strung Italians sniping at each other over little shit at the dinner table…
2) Nashville (1976)  I’d always heard lots of good things about this film, so when I sat down to watch it about a year ago, I was majorly disappointed.  Aimless plot, bizarre characters and this old fart redneck pseudo-narrator droning on throughout the film. Robert Altman may well be the most overrated director of all-time, too.  The only saving grace of this film was seeing all the old ‘70s cars and fashions, but overall, Nashville left me scratching my head…
3) Flashdance (1983)  Overrated movie that spawned an equally-overrated fashion fad—dancewear in the form of oversized torn sweatshirts that were about as sexy as today‘s sports bras.  Not unlike Saturday Night Fever, watching this one again 20-some-odd years later makes one ask, “What was the big deal in the first place?”  Even Jennifer Beals’ taking-off-the-bra-under-her-shirt bit is pretty underwhelming.
4) M*A*S*H (1970)  Perhaps I’m a bit prejudiced by years of watching the TV series, but I have never liked this film—if you’ll pardon the pun, it’s just a big mish-mash to me!  No real storyline to speak of, and Robert Altman had this irritating habit of having multiple people speaking dialogue over each other at the same time—it’s even hard to follow on DVD with the subtitles turned on!  It also didn’t help that they staged that hokey football game wearing late-1960’s helmets and uniforms in what was supposed to be 1952 South Korea.  Very lame.
5) Rocky Horror Picture Show (1973)  When I first rented the video for this one back in the mid-‘90s, I was excited to see what all the fuss was about, but it turned out to be a huge letdown.  Rocky Snorer Picture Show is more accurate!  I guess this is one of those you-had-to-be-there-at-the-time kind of things to understand all the hoopla surrounding it back in the day.
6) Pretty Woman (1990)  Man, was this one overrated in EVERY possible way!  Richard Gere and Julia Roberts are two of the most overrated actors of all-time, both in terms of their looks and acting ability (especially Roberts), and this movie didn’t honk my hooter at all.  In the words of the Wayans Brothers’ “Men on Film”:  “HATED it!”
7) Grease (1978)  I love Olivia Newton-John to death—I lusted after her mightily back in the ‘70s—but I can’t stand this film. I’m not real big on musicals in the first place, but this one is so hokey and cornball, and having John Revolting as the lead didn’t help matters any.  Travolta is to singing what Ted Baxter was to newscasting, especially on “Summer Nights”, and that “tell me more, tell me more” chorus grates on me like Joan Rivers!  The ‘50s weren’t as fabulous as they were cracked up to be, either.  I’ll take ONJ in Xanadu over this corny thing any day…
8) Caddyshack (1978)  Apart from Bill Murray’s bits—which truly WERE funny—and a couple good lines from Rodney Dangerfield, this movie was a very unfunny bore!  While I do admit to never caring much for Chevy Chase in the first place, I’ve never understood why Caddyshack is held in such high esteem and put in the same league with classics like Animal House and American Graffiti.
9) Pulp Fiction (1994)  I’ve watched this thing at least ten times, and I still don’t quite get the point of it all, other than what I already knew—drugs are bad, mmm-kay?  It also was hard for me to take Samuel L. Jackson’s character seriously—that afro wig kept reminding me of late ventriloquist Willie Tyler’s dummy Lester!  Decent soundtrack, though.  By the way, do you see a trend, here?  This is the third John Travolta film to make this list, although he was almost tolerable in this one.  Almost…
10) The Last Picture Show (1971)  I just watched this one last week, and boy was I unimpressed!  This one got a bunch of Oscar nominations, and I’m clueless as to why.  Just a bunch of hick people in a hick town in Texas in the ‘50s that didn’t know what to do with themselves.  It wasn’t even worth sitting through to watch Cybill Shepherd take her clothes off on the diving board!
11) The Aviator (2004)  This damn thing was about an hour too long, for starters, and it seems to me that a guy whose life story was as quirky and weird as Howard Hughes' could sustain one’s interest throughout a whole movie, but not the way they told it here.  Aviator got a boatload of Oscar nods that it didn’t deserve, too.
12) Lost In Translation (2003)  I’m still trying to figure out what got the Oscar people all worked-up about this movie!  Nothing against Bill Murray, but what was so special about his performance here?  What was so special about the movie, period?  Apart from the beautiful scenic views of downtown Tokyo, and the rather humorous scene with Murray in the swimming pool with the geriatric water aerobics group, this movie was a total dud.
13) Borat (2006)  Please see my prior post from January 3 for my little dissertation on this one…I’m too fucking tired to type it all over again!
14) ANY Woody Allen Movie  Normally, I don’t like to use a blanket entry like this, but in the Wood Man’s case, I think it’s totally appropriate.  This guy’s movies are all the same—he always plays the same sorry-ass hang-dog character, and almost always casts the equally-overrated Diane Keaton, yet the critics go ape-shit over his flicks every damn time.
15) Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1978)  The hoopla that surrounded this one when it first came out rivaled that of Star Wars, but the movie itself sure as hell didn’t. Zzzzzz…
16) Melvin And Howard (1980)  I hate to pick on this one because I really like Paul LeMat (he was John Milner driving the yellow car in American Graffiti), but this one wasn’t the laugh riot I was expecting and was pretty dull overall.  Interesting piece of casting, though: Mary Steenburgen playing a stripper!  Huh?!?
17) Shampoo (1972)  Coulda used some mousse and conditioner too!  I put Warren Beatty in the same category as Richard Gere—overrated pretty boy…
18) The Buddy Holly Story (1978)  ‘A’ for effort on the part of the very stocky Gary Busey for making a convincing-looking Buddy Holly—who in real life was thinner than Ron Howard’s hair—but the film itself took way too many detours around the facts for my liking.  Hell, they even reduced The Crickets from a four-piece band to a three-piece, and changed the names of the guys in the band to avoid lawsuits.  Someone should have also told the director that there ain’t any mountains anywhere near Lubbock, Texas!
19) Moonstruck (1987)  More hyper-tense Italians sniping at each other over little shit.  Nicholas Cage was in this one too, which is rarely helpful.  And Cher’s “Italian” accent was about as convincing as that of Meryl Streep in The Bridges of Madison County, which was, in turn, about as convincing as Mr. Tudball’s toupee on the “Carol Burnett Show”!  Yet, Cher got a Best Actress Oscar anyway.  Figures…
20) Ordinary People (1978)  Should’ve been called Ordinary Movie!  This one got a bunch of Oscar nods too, for no particular reason.  It wasn’t that bad of a movie, really—it was just, well, ordinary!
21) The Matrix (1999)  I realize you have to suspend your disbelief a bit more when it comes to futuristic Sci-Fi flicks, but I found that difficult with this one, especially because it seemed to focus solely on impressing me with all its special effects eye candy instead of a plausible story.
22) Sideways (2004)  Can someone please explain why this yap-fest was so highly-regarded?  I finally gave up on the damn thing about two-thirds of the way through it because I couldn’t take any more of the constant dialogue amongst the two boring main characters.  Freakin' C-SPAN is more lively than this crap was!
23) The Pope Of Greenwich Village (1984)  Dumbass character played by Eric Roberts gets involved up to his eyelids with the Mafia and yet has the nerve to act surprised when some thug cuts off his thumb when he fails to pay them back their money.  “Deyyyy took my thuuuummb, CHAWWWW-LIEEE!!!!” he exclaims to his brother.  Roberts pulls off the New Yawk accent about as well as I do, too…
24) Apocalypse Now (1979)  Easily the most-overrated of all the Vietnam movies so far, especially Marlon Brando’s performance.  Tell me please, why did/does that fucker rate such high praise for merely mumbling?  Damn movie was about an hour and a half too long, too…
25) This Is Spinal Tap (1984)  This one certainly has its moments, especially early on, like the Stonehenge stage bit and songs like “Hell Hole” and “Big Bottom”, but the longer the movie goes on, the more boring it gets, and you remember that you’re watching actors in bad wigs instead of a fictional Heavy Metal band.
26) Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961)  Never have understood the appeal of this movie, even though Audrey Hepburn was a doll.  I think maybe it’s because flighty characters like Holly Golightly rarely appeal to me.
27) Last Tango In Paris (1972)  Ol’ Marlo Brandon (as A. Bunker called him) strikes again!  I liked Brando in The Godfather and On The Waterfront, but beyond those two, I just don’t get what the big deal is about him.  This movie sucked, big time!
28) Dog Day Afternoon (1975)  Overblown Al Pacino yawner.  He’s a bank robber, yet we’re supposed to feel empathy for him?  That’s like rooting for the shark in Jaws.  Come to think of it, I actually did root for the shark in Jaws The Revenge, because it was so bad and Lorraine Gary is so ugly!  As for Dog Day, it was all bark and no bite.  Sorry...
29) Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969)  This movie came out when sex farces were en vogue in the late ‘60s, but this one was hardly arousing, partly because such dullards as Elliott Gould and Robert Culp were in it...
30) V For Vendetta (2005)  This futuristic tale of a totalitarian state was hyped as another Matrix when it came out, but Natalie Portman wound up having her head shaved for nothing, because this flick was a total snoozer!  At least she made a really cute bald chick…

The 30 Greatest Album Covers of All-Time, Part 3

10) Styx—Paradise Theater (1981)  Great concept for both the front and back covers here.  Too bad Dennis DeYoung let it all go to his head and created that Kilroy debacle a couple years later.


9) The Beatles—Revolver (1966)  The Beatles had so many cool covers, but this is my favorite, even though it’s a tad arty-farty.  I don’t normally go for Avant-Garde stuff, but it was done by musician Klaus Voorman, who later played bass on Ringo’s, John’s and George’s solo albums.  Wish I could draw like that…

8) Belinda Carlisle—Belinda (1986)  I won’t deny that this one was easy on my eyes!

7) Led Zeppelin—Led Zeppelin (1969)  It’s ironic how un-subtle this cover was, compared to Zep’s subsequent album covers that were all mysterious and/or weird.





6) Foreigner—4 (1981)  I laughed out loud the first time I saw this one—brilliant idea, too!
5) Stevie Ray Vaughan—Couldn’t Stand The Weather (1984)  Gotta love an album cover with a great punchline!







4) The Who—Who’s Next (1971)  Legend has it the band passed this plinth thing in a slag heap while on tour, and apparently there was no Port-a-Potty handy, so it served them well.  When ya gotta go, ya gotta go…

3) Elton John—Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (1973)  Not only does this one make my list for the front cover—which is first-rate—but the entire package was just stunning.  I loved how each song on the album had its own appropriate and colorful illustration next to its lyrics and musician credits. It’s also my favorite album, music-wise, of all-time.


2) The Who—The Who By Numbers (1975)  The late John Entwistle was not only the greatest bass player on the planet, but also a very talented artist, as evidenced by this classic cover.  He once claimed that the faces were the easy part to draw, but the dots and the numbers were a big pain in the arse!




1) Kiss—Destroyer (1976)  They don’t get much cooler than this!  Kudos to artist Ken Kelly for creating such a beautiful and powerful album portrait that so accurately captured the Hottest Band In The World just as they were about to take it over.  Looks even cooler as a silver mylar poster…

The 30 Greatest Album Covers of All-Time, Part 2

My apologies in advance for the somewhat sloppy layout and alignment here, but it weren't my fault! The blogger folks claim that their editor application is a "wysiwyg", but that's a bunch of hooey. Damn thing has a mind of its own, and trust me, I was completely sober when I put this together...


20) Elton John—Captain Fantastic & The Brown Dirt Cowboy (1975)  Elton John always went above and beyond the call with his album jackets back in the ‘70s.  This one included not one, but TWO souvenir booklets along with a crazy front and back cover that you can look at a hundred times and still keep finding things you didn’t notice before.

19) Van Halen—Van Halen II (1979)  Complete antithesis of #20—very simple, but very stately.

18) Paul Revere & The Raiders—Hard & Heavy (with Marshmallow) (1969)  There goes the neighborhood!  Hope they were headed in the general direction of the Bradys’ house…

17) Elton John—Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only The Piano Player (1973) Another of Elton’s elaborate album jackets, and you gotta love the title too.

 

16) Ted Nugent—Weekend Warriors (1978)  In spite of my current animosity toward the Rev. Theodosius Atrocious, as well as my ambivalence on the whole gun thing, I still think this was still a pretty cool cover.

15) Twisted Sister—Love Is For Suckers (1987)  Great title for a great song, a sadly overlooked album, and a clever cover, to boot.  Now, drop and give me 20!

14) Van Halen—1984 (1984)  I’m sure the Surgeon General wasn’t too crazy about this one, but it’s damn funny anyway.  Still, I’m required to say that smoking’s bad, mmm-kay?

13) The Outlaws—Ghost Riders (1980)  For all those Space Cowboys out there—Yippie-ki-yo, motherfucker!

12) The Grateful Dead—Dead Set (1981)  I was never a big Dead fan, but I thought this was a cool album jacket. It’s actually a gatefold sleeve, and on the back it features another skeleton overlooking New York City.

11) Jane Wiedlin—Tangled (1990)  Okay, this came out during the CD-only era, but I’m including it anyway.  Borderline porn on an album cover—great concept!

Happy Matt Groening's B-Day!

...that's the man who gave us the "Simpsons".  Beats celebrating Valentine's Day, that's for sure...

THIS JUST IN...ANNA NICOLE IS STILL DEAD!
Well, predictably, Anna Nicole Smith’s been dead for a week now, and she’s still getting wall-to-wall coverage on all the cable news channels night after night during prime-time.  During a quick scan through the channels on Tuesday night during the 9:00 hour, I counted no less than SEVEN channels that were flapping their jaws about her.  You’d think that A.N.S. actually did something important in her life to merit more media coverage than the deaths of Presidents Reagan and Ford combined.  She’s fast approaching Princess Diana territory already.

I’d like to think that at this very moment somewhere out there in the television news industry, there are more than a few people with principles and/or a conscience—whether they be a staff writer or a reporter or a cameraman or a gopher or whatever—who are now asking themselves, "I got into this sleazy business just for this?" and are contemplating a career change.

I’d really like to think that, anyway…

WEATHER B.S.
Local TV weather geek Gary Lezak’s print ad in yesterday’s paper read, "It’s day 34 of the 2007 Cold Wave—is there an end in sight?  Tune in to 41 Action News tonight and find out…"  Hey Gary, I’ll let you in on a little secret:  it’s February in Kansas City—it’s supposed to be cold!!  Didn’t they teach you that at Meteorology school?  As for your "Cold Wave", I seem to remember a Tuesday the week before last when it got up to 55 degrees here.  This is precisely why I so despise today’s local TV news and weather people—they’re such sensationalists (and alarmists, too).  I get my weather from the Weather Channel or the National Weather Service website, anyway.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #10
"Tom Sawyer"—RUSH (1981) "…his mind is not for rent to any god or government/Always hope for your discontent…" could also be misinterpreted as "always hope for your Discotheque…"

WHY APOLOGIZE?
Sen. Obama was absolutely right when he said our American soldiers in Iraq have been wasted, but he later apologized for using the word "wasted".  Dude, this whole fucking thing has been one BIG waste—no apology was necessary!  What term would the Shrubs—er uh, Bushes have preferred Obama to use:  "Properly done away with"?  Gimme a break already…

BRILLIANT!We had a patient at work yesterday named Dixie Hicks.  Now, if that ain’t the perfect name for a potential all-male Dixie Chicks tribute band, then I don’t know what is!  Hell, there probably already is one, for all I know.  Chicks With Dicks would also work…

COMEDY AIN’T CHEAP
Saw by the paper today that 45 bucks (plus convenience charge) would get me a nosebleed seat at Kemper Arena for Larry The Cable Guy’s upcoming show tomorrow night.  I get more of a laugh out of that fact than I probably would out of the show itself.  I heard Blue Man Group tickets are about that much $$ too.  Now, that’s funny!

The 30 Greatest Album Covers of All-Time, Part 1

Even as much as I loved the advent of the compact disc over 20 years ago, one casualty of CD technology has been the mighty album cover, which sadly has become a lost art. So, here's Part 1 (of three) of my little tribute to album cover art:

30) Kiss—Love Gun (1977)  This was Ken "Destroyer" Kelly’s second Kiss album cover portrait.  Not quite as good as his first, but most worthy, all the same.

29) The Beatles—Abbey Road (1969)  So legendary, it HAD to make this list.  By the way, in case you missed it—Paul’s still not dead!  However, his career appears to be...





28) The Who—The Who Sell Out (1967)  Funny album covers always score high with me, and this one’s a classic!  Legend has it that Roger Daltrey caught a cold from having to sit in that tub of beans.

27) Boston—Boston (1976) The guitar-shaped spaceship made the ‘Enterprise’ look pretty hokey in comparison!







26) Molly Hatchet—Flirtin’ With Disaster (1980)  I think that dude on the cover was having a bad day, don’t you?  He looked like he meant business!

25) George Carlin—Class Clown (1972)  It’s easy to forget to include comedy albums on a list like this, but they are certainly worthy of consideration.  The track listing on the chalkboard on the back was clever, too.



24) R.E.O. Speedwagon—You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tuna Fish (1978)  Just in case you missed the point of the title!  Still funny as hell…





23) Led Zeppelin—Physical Graffiti (1975)  I always loved album jackets that had cut-outs on the cover that integrated with whatever was on the inner sleeve(s).








22) Kiss—Rock And Roll Over (1976)  I spent many an hour tracing this one onto the covers of my school notebooks during class in junior high school.









21) ZZ Top—Afterburner (1985)  That little ol’ band from Texas beams up!  Too bad this was the last of their really good records before complacency set in...

Great Moments In Radio, Vol. VI

At K-JO in St. Joseph, we carried the "Tom Snyder Radio Show" from 9PM to Midnight every Monday thru Friday, which was actually quite enjoyable.  Yes, T.S. could sometimes be pompous as all get-out—especially on T.V.—but his radio show was a lot more fun to listen to than the abrasiveness of loveable Larry King ("Alexandria, Virginia--HELLO!!").

I particularly always looked forward to the end of Tom's show, not because it sucked, but because Snyder would always remain on the satellite and talk off the air for a few minutes, thanking his guests, the network affiliates, production crew, et al, and he would also do commentary on the show he’d just completed (often in PG-rated language).  One night, some asshole called in right at the end of the show and got on his soapbox and started ranting about this, that and the other to the point where even Snyder couldn’t get a word in with him at all.  During Tom’s post-show commentary, he says, "That last guy SUCKED (pregnant pause)…the wind right out of me!  I hate it when people get on here and try to make speeches!"  Unfortunately, we only had a 90-second window with which to listen to Tom’s remarks because we had to switch the satellite over to ABC news at the top of the hour, so we rarely got to hear the end of Tom's rants, many of which had to have been real doozies!

20 Questions

A compilation of some of the funniest questions I've ever heard posed, in no particular order:

—"Does Joe Jackson HAVE to be in his videos?" (Gallagher)
—"Who the hell is Rula Lenska?" (Johnny Carson)
—"You listen to singing meat loafs?" (my brother Earnie)
—"Do you mind if I call you 'Arse'?" (singer Phil Collins to talk show host Arsenio Hall)
—"Do I have a scrotum?" (Sharon Osbourne)
—"What are you people—on dope?" (Mr. Hand in Fast Times At Ridgemont High)
—"Why is there no blue food?" (George Carlin) [Blueberries are purple!]
—"What's the matter, honey--does your hair hurt?" (Redd Foxx, to an uptight female audience member)
—"How can a guy who changes his name and wears a toupee be 'telling it like it is'?" (Joe Garagiola regarding Howard Cosell)
—"Well, what're we suppose to do, ya mo'ron?" (Stork in National Lampoon's Animal House)
—"How could anyone be so unkind to arrest a man for driving while blind?" (ZZ Top)
—"How do you not fall down more?" (Chandler Bing to Joey on "Friends")
—"How come he's got those two Cocoa Puffs stuck to his cheek?" (Beavis, regarding Lemmy from Motorhead)
—"How you get so big eating food of this kind?" (Yoda to Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back)
—"Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?" (George Carlin)
—"Are you totally deranged?" (John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda)
—"What is your major malfunction, numb-nuts?" (Sgt. Hartman in Full Metal Jacket)
—"Would it make you feel any better...if they was pushed outta windows?" (Archie Bunker to Gloria, in response to the number of people killed annually by handguns)
—"Why you no crapping?" (Benny Hill, as Oriental man)

Seems like I've done this a hundred times already...

...OH WAIT--I HAVE!
After only two months and change, this is my 100th blog entry already.  You be the judge--is this a good thing or a bad thing?

MR. POT, MEET MR. KETTLE—BY THE WAY, YOU’RE BLACK!
The all-knowing, all-seeing triumvirate jury on Faux News Channel’s morning show (Super Doofus Steve Doocy, the blonde with the ugly legs, and that other dork whose name escapes me) today accused the Grammy Awards people of having an "agenda" by awarding five Grammies to the Dixie Chicks last night, as well as one to former Prez Jimmy Carter (Best Spoken Word Recording or some such thing).  Why, whatever would possess them to suggest something like that?  They’re so "fair and balanced", after all!

Certainly, no one on THIS blog would EVER dare accuse Fox News Channel of having an "agenda", would they?  [Chuckle/snort/wheeze/guffaw/tee-hee!]  Then again, in the words of Fred Sanford, "If the shoe fits--shove it up your nose!"  AND, I have no doubt that FNC will be sure to point out any alleged "agenda" in the unlikely event that, say, Ted Nugent and Dubya ever win Grammies in the same year…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #9
"Right Down The Line"—GERRY RAFFERTY (1978) "When I wanted you to share my life…" sounded kinda like "When I wanted you to shave my wife…" to me.  You’ve heard of blurred vision? Well, sometimes I have blurred hearing…

I’M NOT SURE, BUT…
I think I saw Don Imus actually crack a smile this morning on his show! I was about half-asleep at the time, though, so it may have been a dream. I have to be careful not to leave his show on in lieu of my snooze-alarm time in the morning or I’ll fall back to sleep and be late for work…

NICE COMEBA(RA)CK!
In response to Mr. Big Mouth Dumbass Australian Prime Minister’s criticism of him (see previous post), Barack Obama suggested that perhaps the Aussies ought to send 20,000 of their troops to Iraq instead of us.  Nice return of serve, and not a bad idea either, Bro!

A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY...
To singer Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child, who turned 26 yesterday.  I only bring this up because I wanted to make any of the producers at VH-1 who might be reading this aware that Ms. Rowland was born in 1981.  You see, they included her personal recollections on their "I Love the '70s" anthology show a couple years ago.  Do the math, folks, and tell me what's wrong with that picture?

WELL, DOGGIES!
The Westminster Kennel big-time dog show from Madison Sq. Garden is currently airing on USA network as I type.  I'm hardly a dog enthusiast, but I get a kick out of watching this thing if for no other reason just to hear the announcers say the word "bitch" without being censored!  [Yes, I know I'm rather shallow sometimes.]  I keep waiting for one of these dogs to trip up their handler while they run around the circuit too!  I'm also patiently awaiting the Weenie Dog competition.  At least this year they don't have that old lady judge who resembled Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars…

Meantime, in an absolutely brilliant piece of counter-programming, Animal Planet is airing the "World's Ugliest Dog" competition directly opposite the Westminster thing, and it's funny as hell!  Much to my chagrin, though, neither Rosie O'Donnell or Joan Rivers' ugly-ass daughter were among the contestants…

You bought Dubya's malarkey, too--eh, Chief?

Australian Prime Minister John Howard—a staunch Dubya ally—who has sent troops to Iraq and faces his own re-election bid later this year, said Barack Obama's proposals to end the war in Iraq would spell disaster for the Middle East. [Not that this little exercise in futility hasn't already resembled Mr. Magoo performing lazer eye surgery, eh, Big John?]

"I think that will just encourage those who want to completely destabilize and destroy Iraq, and create chaos and a victory for the terrorists to hang on and hope for an Obama victory," Howard said on Nine Network television.  And furthermore, Big John sez, "If I were running al-Qaida in Iraq, I would put a circle around March 2008 and be praying as many times as possible for a victory, not only for Obama but also for the Democrats."

John, ol' buddy, ol' pal—it sounds as if you've been downing more cans of Foster's than I have lately, so why don't you tie your kangaroo down, sport, put a few more shrimps on the barbie and go back to holding up that poster of Kylie Minogue with one hand, and run your own country, okay Bud?  G'day, Mate!