...get yerself a brand new motor car! (More on Styx in a future blog post, btw...)
IT'S A GAS, GAS, GAS!
For the first time since I dunno when, I paid $1.37 a gallon for gas today. At this rate, I figure gasoline oughtta be free by Christmas, and by Ground Hog Day, '09, the oil companies will be paying US to pump gas! All the while, the economic "experts" out there are trying to tell me that low gas prices are a bad thing. Fuck you!
THEN AGAIN...
...these are the same people who went apeshit at the end of trading yesterday on the New York Stock Exchange when they heard President-elect Obama was going to name Timothy Geithner as his Treasury secretary. The market was floundering before that, then suddenly made a 500-point gain in less than three hours. I'm not sure, but I believe the one fatal flaw of the stock market is the reactionary nature of it, don't you? All it takes is some rumor to send all them traders into a veritable tizzy...
AIN'T THAT PECULIAR...
...that my alma mater Raytown South beat last night in the Missouri Class 5 semi-finals? That would be Raymore-Peculiar High School that the now-mighty Cardinals football team defeated 27-18 on Friday night in the state football playoffs. The Big Red will now face either Jackson, MO or Hazelwood East (both of whom have worse records than Ray-South) in the Big Show next weekend. All I gotta say is, beat them turkeys—whoever they are!
AT LEAST...
...their game was far more riveting than tonight's big showdown between Texas Tech and Oklahoma, during which OU blew the collective doors off the Red Raiders, 65-21. This game was over by the end of the first quarter, and now the Big 12 South division is a mess—each division leader has one loss. Oklahoma lost to Texas, who lost to Texas Tech, who lost to Oklahoma. Who the hell wins this thing?!?
Meantime, it seems like every Top 25 game in college football today was a blowout, but yours truly is rejoicing in Notre Dame losing to Syracuse 24-23 today. These days, losing to the dreaded Orangemen is like getting beat by the cast of "The Facts Of Life" (Mrs. Garrett included)! Pitiful...pity-ful...
PUT A SOCK IN IT!
Again, I ask the question why does the U.S. news media always air these videotapes done by these Muslim assholes denouncing America? Why is it every time ol' Mukka-Lukka Al So-And-So from Iran, Iraq or Afghanistan whips out a video and bad-mouths our country, it's headline news on CNN and Faux News Channel? In case you TV news idiots out there haven't figured it out yet, this is exactly what these fuckers want—free publicity!
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #101
"In The Air Tonight"—PHIL COLLINS (1981) "The pain still grows..." I originally misinterpreted this as "the pain's too gross..."
IF AN NFL NETWORK FALLS IN THE WOODS...
...and no one hears it, does anyone care? Evidently, the battle rages on between the National Football League and Compost—er uh, Comcast—over where Comcast places the NFL's esteemed network in their digital channel lineup. Sorry, kids, but I have no desire to pay extra for this superfluous channel. The live Thursday night games they air are generally bland (Cincinnati at Pittsburgh?) and the rest of their programming day is just a three-hour tape loop. At least they got rid of Bryant Gumbel, so that's a step in the right direction...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The World According to Hearne
The current economic crisis has claimed the job of that journalistic institution known as Hearne Christopher, Jr., who was dismissed in the latest round of firings at the Kansas City Star last week. I normally don’t condone kicking someone when they’re down, but since Hearne made a regular habit of doing so in his columns to other media folks who lost their jobs, I’ll waive traditional protocol here.HC’s “Cowtown Confidential” gossip column ran 3-4 times a week in the Star, and was the absolute epitome of vapidity, and I constantly asked myself why I even bothered to read it, but I guess the old car accident analogy is true—one couldn't help but look at it! It’s way beyond my realm of expertise as to how on earth a grown man who used terms like "wonk", "schmooze", “inside skinny”, “meister” and "kiddie-bopper" on a regular basis and coined phrases like “homeless dude” and “beggar extraordinaire” rated having a regular column in a major market newspaper. By comparison, Hearne made the high-school kids writing for the "Teen Star" section of the paper sound like seasoned professionals. Then again, to paraphrase a letter writer to the Star who slayed Hearne a few years ago: In Kansas City, there ain't much of an "inside" to be inside of anyway! To wit, being a gossip columnist in Kansas City is akin to being a snow plow driver in the Bahamas.
In general, Christopher’s columns were full of mindless tripe about what Marilyn Manson had for dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steak House while he/she/it was in town or what Sting shopped for at Crown Center along with fluff pieces about the activities of the Watson’s Girl (a semi-irritating overly-perky big-boobed spokesmodel gal who does TV ads for a local swimming pool company). Hearne also kept readers posted on various and sundry rumors and scuttlebutt around the city (often prefaced by his pet phrase “Heard on the street…”) via his network of informants that included third-rate DJs (both radio and nightclub variety), bar owners and concert promoters. HC also had his regular lap dogs to provide fodder for his column like radio station executive Bob Zuroweste, TV weather geek Gary Lezak, light-rail activist Clay Chastain and former radio DJ Kelly Urich, the latter of whose “humor” was a regular feature in Hearne’s column. I didn’t think it was possible to make Gilbert Gottfried seem like George Carlin, but Urich somehow managed to. But I digress…
Of all his lap dogs, Erich “Mancow” Muller was far and away Hearne’s favorite. Even though Mancow hails from right here in Raytown (and graduated from the same high school as yours truly), I fail to see how an overrated shock jock based 500 miles away in Chicago could possibly have his finger on the pulse of what's going on in Kansas City, but that never prevented HC from boring his readers with Mancow’s latest opinions and exploits. If you didn't know any better, you'd swear that Hearne Christopher was actually Mancow's personal publicist, as HC couldn't go more than about three columns without quoting this loud-mouthed boor who doesn’t even have a following in this town, apart from his loyal legion of sycophants.
Christopher also went to great lengths to constantly rip on Mancow’s rival, the equally-irritating Johnny Dare on 98.9 The (C)Rock, especially for the show Dare was fined $250,000 by the FCC for because it featured strippers on it (playing “Twister”, I believe) in the wake of the whole Janet Jackson boob thing. I find it highly incongruous and crass that Christopher would criticize Dare's on-air style when his daily column was practically a never-ending commercial Muller’s show, which isn’t dissimilar to Dare's in terms of style and content (except for the strippers), and it's a safe bet that Mancow will never be known as "Mr. Wholesome Family Values". Hearne was a total hypocrite to criticize Dare's raunchiness while giving Muller a pass for doing essentially the same thing, especially considering that it was also perfectly okey-dokey for Hearne to write about Playboy Playmates and topless models in his columns on a regular basis.
[Oh by the way, I’m hardly a fan of Johnny Dare, but did anyone actually SEE those strippers on his radio show? Didn’t think so. So, exactly why was the show considered obscene?]
I also took issue with the way HC dogged on my man Randy Raley’s morning show on 101-The Fox a few years back, which he deemed to be a “snoozer” just after it debuted and before it even had a chance to find its niche. Nice going, asshole, you probably drove a lot of listeners away from Randy with your remarks without even giving him a chance to succeed. While Randy’s show was far from perfect, it was still light years better than the previous two morning teams on that same station, and was one of the rare morning shows I actually looked forward to listening to every day—it was a welcome respite from Dare’s sophomoric crapfest and the “Over The Hill Gang” at 99.7 KY, the other classic Rock station at the time.
Above all others, Hearne’s most bizarre folly was his championing of infamous panhandler Jerry Mazer (aka, “beggar extraordinaire”/"homeless dude”). Mazer made national headlines several years ago by challenging laws forbidding begging for money on public streets (he was even interviewed on ABC’s “20/20” once, as I recall), saying they were unfair to those of his ilk. Never mind the fact that this asshole refuses to get a real job, thinks nothing of using profanity and calling you names if you turn him down for a handout, and is totally unrepentant about what he does. As a veteran of numerous unpleasant encounters with Mazer myself, I found it appalling that Christopher constantly glorified this churlish loser and made him out to be some sort of local folk hero, as if anyone truly gave a damn about this creep’s every move. It would be poetic justice to think that Hearne is now out on the streets begging with ol’ Jer since he lost his job, but from what I hear (on the streets?), HC is a trust fund baby and his family’s loaded, so he won’t be hurting anytime soon.
There was talk not so long ago of a local radio show for Hearne—as you can clearly see by his mug shot above, he certainly has the face for it. I’d been meaning to do a blog entry on this putz for quite a while now—I was just waiting for HC to produce yet another classic bon mot like “homeless dude”, but I guess I waited too long. Oh well, buh-bye, Hearne—don’t let the door hit yer ass on the way out…
Monday, November 17, 2008
11-17-08
...Not to be confused with Elton John's first live album, 11-17-70!
YES, VIRGINIA, IT’S A RECESSION
Once again, I heard on the radio this morning where economic “experts” still aren’t sure whether the U.S. is in a recession or not. According to the National Association for Business Economics, approximately 96 percent of the economists polled believe a recession has started. Ya think?!? Why is this still even being debated at this point? The stock market’s in the tank, no one’s spending money, there are massive lay-offs everywhere, and unemployment figures are spiking like my blood pressure does while watching Bill O'Reilly—what more evidence do you goomers need? This is akin to wondering if Dubya was a good President or not. Yes, kids, it’s a bloody recession, already!!
WORD UP!
The term “meh” is now officially recognized as a word by the Collins English Dictionary. I’ve found it to be a rather handy word myself, as an “expression of indifference or boredom or an adjective meaning mediocre or boring” according to the dictionary. And just like “d’oh!”, the word appears to have gained popularity on “The Simpsons”, yes indeed-ely-doo…
MEH, PERSONIFIED
Anyone get a load of Bob Costas and Co. hyping NBC’s “Go Green” campaign during last night's “Sunday Night Football” telecast? I cringed while Costas, Keith Olbermann, Chris Collinsworth, et al, sat there and recited things they’ve individually done to help the environment in the last year as if it were some sort of class assignment. It all sounded about as sincere as a Don Imus apology, and what’s the bet most of these guys drive Hummers, hmm? This little campaign of theirs is nothing but fashionable PR posturing devoid of any substance whatsoever—just like when President Ford wanted everyone to wear “WIN” buttons so we could Whip Inflation Now. Yeah, that’ll make it all better…
MAMMA MIA!
Seems the Securities & Exchange Commission is accusing Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban of insider trading on a stock deal to avoid $750,000 in losses over some company called Mamma.com. Huh? $750,000 is pocket change to this guy—why would he risk getting in hot water over that? What a maroon…
STILL WORTH THE WAIT?
“Can someone explain why they’ve already put tickets on sale for Celine Dion at Sprint Center, when the concert isn’t scheduled until November 15, 2008?!? I’ve never heard of concert tickets being put on sale nearly a year in advance before. Is this to allow her legion of fans (all 14 of ‘em) to schedule their vacations from work around it or something?”—B. Holland, November 27, 2007
In a juicy bit of irony, Celine Dion fans in K.C. will just have to wait a tad longer to see their heroine in concert, as a throat ailment has forced the postponement of Saturday’s Sprint Center concert until January. I suppose a couple more months won’t kill them…
"WELL, HONK MY HOOTER—YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!"
One of my guilty pleasures every morning before I go to work is Univision's equivalent to "Good Morning America" called "Despierta America", mostly because of the cutie on the show named Ana Maria. I've never understood a thing she's said until today when she was interviewing actor Will Smith (who is mildly fluent in Spanish) when all of a sudden Ana Maria began speaking to Will in English! Very fluid English, at that. Shades of John Cusack in Better Off Dead with that French hottie Monique...
UNCLEAR OF THE CONCEPT?
I just had to chortle a couple times when I saw that #24 Tulsa got slammed 70-30 by the University of Houston on Saturday. And that ain’t no basketball score—that’s tackle football! Evidently TU misunderstood the Top 25 bylaw that no Top 25 team should ever be beaten by 40 points, let alone allow 70 to an opponent! BTW, why is Tulsa called the “Golden Hurricane”? By the time hurricanes make it to northeastern Oklahoma, they’re tropical storms anyway.
AT THE MOVIES
A couple quick reviews for you, as I caught up on some DVD watching over the weekend. I finally got around to viewing The Bucket List, and it wasn’t too bad. Even Jack Nicholson was entertaining here—as entertaining as a rich curmudgeon asshole with terminal brain cancer can be, anyway—and Morgan Freeman was his usual solid self. And director Rob Reiner was good enough to keep his film at a tolerable length of just over an hour and a half instead of subscribing to the “bigger/longer is better” theory. I give Bucket List about a 6.5.
Being a child of the ‘70s, I decided to waste an hour and a half of my life on Will Ferrell’s Semi-Pro, and although it exceeded my expectations on some levels, it was semi-funny at best. I think it actually would’ve been much better without Ferrell (this generation’s Chevy Chase) and his phony athlete shtick, which is growing really tiresome. This movie also could’ve been infinitely funnier if the producers had mined the treasure trove of hilarious (and true) stories and characters of the old American Basketball Association instead of putting out yet another mediocre (meh?) Will Farrell vehicle. They did occasionally manage to pay proper homage to the ABA here, like the bikini-clad cheerleaders (the old Miami Floridians really had them) along with some of the other silly promotions and gimmicks ABA teams pulled off to put fannies in the seats. I also liked the accuracy of the old ABA uniforms in the film, esp. those worn by the Spirits of St. Louis and New York Nets. Overall, I give Semi-Pro a 5.0. Without Farrell, it might’ve been a 6.0...
YES, VIRGINIA, IT’S A RECESSION
Once again, I heard on the radio this morning where economic “experts” still aren’t sure whether the U.S. is in a recession or not. According to the National Association for Business Economics, approximately 96 percent of the economists polled believe a recession has started. Ya think?!? Why is this still even being debated at this point? The stock market’s in the tank, no one’s spending money, there are massive lay-offs everywhere, and unemployment figures are spiking like my blood pressure does while watching Bill O'Reilly—what more evidence do you goomers need? This is akin to wondering if Dubya was a good President or not. Yes, kids, it’s a bloody recession, already!!
WORD UP!
The term “meh” is now officially recognized as a word by the Collins English Dictionary. I’ve found it to be a rather handy word myself, as an “expression of indifference or boredom or an adjective meaning mediocre or boring” according to the dictionary. And just like “d’oh!”, the word appears to have gained popularity on “The Simpsons”, yes indeed-ely-doo…
MEH, PERSONIFIED
Anyone get a load of Bob Costas and Co. hyping NBC’s “Go Green” campaign during last night's “Sunday Night Football” telecast? I cringed while Costas, Keith Olbermann, Chris Collinsworth, et al, sat there and recited things they’ve individually done to help the environment in the last year as if it were some sort of class assignment. It all sounded about as sincere as a Don Imus apology, and what’s the bet most of these guys drive Hummers, hmm? This little campaign of theirs is nothing but fashionable PR posturing devoid of any substance whatsoever—just like when President Ford wanted everyone to wear “WIN” buttons so we could Whip Inflation Now. Yeah, that’ll make it all better…
MAMMA MIA!
Seems the Securities & Exchange Commission is accusing Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban of insider trading on a stock deal to avoid $750,000 in losses over some company called Mamma.com. Huh? $750,000 is pocket change to this guy—why would he risk getting in hot water over that? What a maroon…
STILL WORTH THE WAIT?
“Can someone explain why they’ve already put tickets on sale for Celine Dion at Sprint Center, when the concert isn’t scheduled until November 15, 2008?!? I’ve never heard of concert tickets being put on sale nearly a year in advance before. Is this to allow her legion of fans (all 14 of ‘em) to schedule their vacations from work around it or something?”—B. Holland, November 27, 2007
In a juicy bit of irony, Celine Dion fans in K.C. will just have to wait a tad longer to see their heroine in concert, as a throat ailment has forced the postponement of Saturday’s Sprint Center concert until January. I suppose a couple more months won’t kill them…
"WELL, HONK MY HOOTER—YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!"
One of my guilty pleasures every morning before I go to work is Univision's equivalent to "Good Morning America" called "Despierta America", mostly because of the cutie on the show named Ana Maria. I've never understood a thing she's said until today when she was interviewing actor Will Smith (who is mildly fluent in Spanish) when all of a sudden Ana Maria began speaking to Will in English! Very fluid English, at that. Shades of John Cusack in Better Off Dead with that French hottie Monique...
UNCLEAR OF THE CONCEPT?
I just had to chortle a couple times when I saw that #24 Tulsa got slammed 70-30 by the University of Houston on Saturday. And that ain’t no basketball score—that’s tackle football! Evidently TU misunderstood the Top 25 bylaw that no Top 25 team should ever be beaten by 40 points, let alone allow 70 to an opponent! BTW, why is Tulsa called the “Golden Hurricane”? By the time hurricanes make it to northeastern Oklahoma, they’re tropical storms anyway.
AT THE MOVIES
A couple quick reviews for you, as I caught up on some DVD watching over the weekend. I finally got around to viewing The Bucket List, and it wasn’t too bad. Even Jack Nicholson was entertaining here—as entertaining as a rich curmudgeon asshole with terminal brain cancer can be, anyway—and Morgan Freeman was his usual solid self. And director Rob Reiner was good enough to keep his film at a tolerable length of just over an hour and a half instead of subscribing to the “bigger/longer is better” theory. I give Bucket List about a 6.5.
Being a child of the ‘70s, I decided to waste an hour and a half of my life on Will Ferrell’s Semi-Pro, and although it exceeded my expectations on some levels, it was semi-funny at best. I think it actually would’ve been much better without Ferrell (this generation’s Chevy Chase) and his phony athlete shtick, which is growing really tiresome. This movie also could’ve been infinitely funnier if the producers had mined the treasure trove of hilarious (and true) stories and characters of the old American Basketball Association instead of putting out yet another mediocre (meh?) Will Farrell vehicle. They did occasionally manage to pay proper homage to the ABA here, like the bikini-clad cheerleaders (the old Miami Floridians really had them) along with some of the other silly promotions and gimmicks ABA teams pulled off to put fannies in the seats. I also liked the accuracy of the old ABA uniforms in the film, esp. those worn by the Spirits of St. Louis and New York Nets. Overall, I give Semi-Pro a 5.0. Without Farrell, it might’ve been a 6.0...
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