Friday, December 22, 2006

And that's all I have to say about that...

My take on the latest celebrity pissing match between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell: I believe the late Benny Hill may have put it most succinctly, "Biiiiiiiiiig Deeeeeeeeeealllll!" I can't stand either one of these media whores anyway. I say let's put 'em on "Celebrity Death Match" and let them maul each other to death. The world will be a happier place without them...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

This Chafes My Hiney

Don't know about anyone else, but I've grown terribly weary of those HD TV ads with Jessica Simpson posing as Daisy Duke. Say what you will about the original "Dukes Of Hazzard" TV show and all, but I have issues with Miss "I-Forgot-The-Words-To-'9 To 5'" playing the original Miss Daisy. On the TV show, Daisy Duke was quite the hottie, not to mention the prototype for the modern-day Hooters girl, but she was NOT a skank, nor was she a blonde airhead! Catherine Bach should sue for defamation of her character--this is not your father's Daisy Duke!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Current TV People I Can Really Do Without

Dispensing with the obvious usual suspects—Bill O'Reilly, Geraldo Rivera, Dick Vitale, Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell, et al—who kinda go without saying, here is a semi-comprehensive list of current people on the Boob Tube that my life would be infinitely better without (in no particular order):

—That jagoff that hosts "Extreme Makeover"
—Those two dorks in the mini-van on the Sonic commercials (see previous post)
—Carson Daly

—Robin McGraw (Mrs. Dr. Phil)
—That "You can find the love of your life" doofus on the ads
—Steve Doocy (Fox News Channel)
—Dennis Haysbert on the Allstate ads (Loved him as Pedro Cerrano in Major League, but I’m sick of him lecturing me about car insurance!)
—That Nancy Grace biyatch on CNN (Wouldn't you love to see her run over by a bus?)
—That "I’m thinking of a number..." dweeb on the ads (Free, my ass!)
—Michael Irvin (ESPN)
—That smiling geek on the Enzyte "male enhancement" ads (Unlike him, I need no drugs to get mine working!)
—All the hack comedian wanna-be’s VH-1 trots out for these "I Love The ‘80s", et al, shows
—Greta Van Sustererereren (Fox News Channel)
—Lynn Hoffman (Annoying VH-1 Classic VJ)
—That prissy-looking geek with the pencil-thin mustache on those "Colon Cleanser" infomercials

—The Geico Gecko (no longer funny!)
—All sideline reporters at sporting events (excluding Guy LaDouche on "M.X.C.", that is)
—Steven A. Smith (ESPN self-appointed expert on everything)
—Jim Rome (ditto)

—Jared From Subway
—Katie Horner (KCTV-5, Kansas City over-zealous weather tart/doomsday predictor)
—Come to think of it, the ENTIRE KCTV-5 news team ("Late-breaking, investigative, irritative, sensationalistic, tabloidy...")
—Jim Cramer (CNBC’s financial "guru"/clown)
—Deion Sanders (NFL Network analyst/Pimp wanna-be)

I'm sure I missed somebody here, but I'll get them next's MY blog, after all...

Could someone please explain...

...these dumbass Sonic Drive-In ads on TV to me?  You have these two 30-something dorks in a mini-van, arguing like a married couple and/or making inane commentary about whatever it is they're dining on at Sonic.  Not to sound homophobic or anything, but two guys spending THAT much time together in a mini-van makes me nervous!  These commercials are just about the most pointless damn things, yet I've read more than once how they are so highly-regarded (and even award-winning) in advertising circles!  Am I missing something here?  And what's up with that insipid punch-in-the-face sound effect they punctuate these things with?  These ads sure don't entertain me, much less make me wanna run out and grab a burger there. I'm confused...

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Top 4 Funniest Rock Album Reviews of All-Time

These are culled from various Rock magazines and publications from the '70s, like Rolling Stone and Creem, et al:

1) EMERSON LAKE & PALMER, Welcome Back My Friends To The Show That Never Ends: “It sure lives up to the title…”
2) CHASE, Chase: “Flee!”
3) LEO KOTTKE, Greatest Hits, 1971-75: “Who?!?”
4) CHICAGO, Chicago IV-Live At Carnegie Hall: "...the shrink wrap is as interesting as the music..."