SEVEN MORE YEARS OF 40 MINUTES OF HELL? COOL!
I’d have bet my next paycheck that MU head basketball coach Mike Anderson would’ve bolted to Georgia or Memphis and the money they were about to throw at him. Good thing I didn’t, because in a rare display of loyalty in college hoops, Anderson decided to remain in Columbia and signed a seven-year contract extension. He could’ve gotten a lot more money from those other schools, too, but I bet he figured why start over somewhere else when I just spent three years rebuilding a program that is now poised to be a perennial Big 12 power? Finally, some stability at MU, both in basketball and football, for a change…
LOU SABAN, 1922-2009
Colorful football coaching legend Lou Saban passed away over the weekend of congestive heart failure at age 87. Lou—no relation to turncoat Alabama head coach Nick Saban—was the original head coach of the then-Boston Patriots in the old AFL, and later led the Buffalo Bills to back-to-back AFL titles in ’64 and ’65 and coached them again in the mid ‘70s (when double-murderer O.J. Simpson still legally ran amok) after a stint as Denver Broncos head coach from ’67 to ‘69. During Saban’s tenure in Denver, NFL Films captured one of the funniest sideline coach sound bytes of all-time (included in this video remembrance) when Lou—exasperated by the play of his offense—uttered those immortal words, "They’re killin’ me, Whitey—they’re killin’ me!!" Assistant coach Whitey Dovell was the target of Lou’s hissy-fit, and to this day, I often use "They’re killin’ me, Whitey…" during my own little fits of rage, although most people don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Saban had another famous sound byte before the cameras during a locker room pep talk in Buffalo in the ‘70s: "You can get it done…what’s more, ya GOTTA get it done!" Rest in peace, Lou…
THE NAME GAME, PART I
Speaking of the Patriots, I can actually remember when they were still called the "Boston" Patriots when I was little, and hearing that name always warms my heart. "New England" Patriots always leaves me a little flat, for some reason, even though they play an hour away from Beantown now. Same goes for "Florida" Marlins—it sounds too much like Florida Evans from "Good Times". I hope they finally get their new stadium in Miami proper so they can finally be the Miami Marlins. "Washington" Bullets is another lame example—Baltimore Bullets sounded so much cooler with the alliteration (plus they had the coolest uniforms in the NBA back in the day). At least Washington Wizards sounds slightly hipper than Washington Bullets, and it’s a damn sight better than Washington Nationals—what a bland name for a team!
THE NAME GAME, PART II
Famed Kansas City-based architectural firm HOK Sport Venues, best known for their designs of major stadiums and arenas around the world, like the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field in Gotham City, the new Twins stadium in Minneapolis, and the retrofitting of our own Truman Sports Complex, has changed its name to Populous. That’s nice, but get a load of the bugle oil they’re spouting about their new name: "Populous allows us to enthusiastically embrace the expertise we uniquely claim—drawing people together," according to senior partner Joe Spear. What the hell does all that have to do with designing stadiums? I hate it when these big corporations get all lofty and spin-doctor-y over some name change—why don’t you just admit that you bought yourselves out from your parent ownership group and shut the hell up already?
SPEAKING OF STADIUMS...
Ain't it amazing how the only time construction workers ever seem to go on strike is when they're doing a major project like a stadium or arena, a convention center, airport or high-rise hotel? That's what's been happening here this week with a couple of the unions involved in remodeling Arrowhead and Kauffman Stadiums. Funny how these union schlubs never get the urge to go on strike when they're building a Wal-Mart or a Starbucks or something. Forgetting the stadiums for a moment, I think these som-bitches have one helluva nerve going on strike during this economic climate—I bet there's a few thousand unemployed construction workers out there who would gladly cross their picket lines and take their places.
TAKE OFF—YOU HOSERS!
Hate to keep beating a dead horse here, but I read another discussion about the Crock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame on msnbc.com this week about why classic groups like Rush and the Moody Blues are excluded from consideration for the Hall, yet "Rockers" like Run-DMC get voted in. You can read the whole thing here, but here are a couple snippets:
—According to Joel Peresman, president and CEO of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation, Inc., the initial selections are made by a committee of 30 to 35 music business people.
I think we’ve hit upon the operative word here—business!
—"It’s not really that this one [act] sold this many albums or this many tickets," explains Peresman. "It’s really ‘What’s the significance of the artist? And why should they be inducted?’"
Duhhh! That’s precisely the point I’ve been trying to make this whole time—what impact and/or influence has that artist had on Rock ‘N’ Roll music over time? You can’t tell me that Rush or the Moody Blues or Kiss or the dozens of other HOF-worthy acts who are annually snubbed by this sham institution aren’t significant. And I defy any of these committee people to explain the "significance" of Leonard Cohen to us. I bet if you polled 100 average Rock fans, not a damn one of them could to tell you who Cohen is. Hell, I’m a very above-average Rock fan, and even I can’t tell you who the hell he is without looking him up on the Internet! Throw me a frickin’ bone here…
Come on Joel, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal—why don’t you just come out and admit that the selection process for the Hall is pure politics perpetrated by a bunch of elitist music journalist snobs who wouldn’t know Rock ‘N’ Roll if it bit them in the ass?
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #111
"Get Over It"—THE EAGLES (1994) "…wallow in the guilt, you wallow in the pain/You wave it like a flag, yeah, you wear it like a crown…" I originally thought Don Henley sang "you wear it like a badge", as in red badge of courage, which would still fit right in with the Jerry Springer/Moron Povich crowd. Easily my favorite Eagles song of all-time, too.
GOOD QUESTION/GOOD ANSWER
Brian Griffin: "Shouldn’t there be an ‘o’ in ‘country’?"
Glen Quagmire: "No"
CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #13
Why is it TV and movie people who go on skiing weekends with their friends always have the ulterior motive of scoring hot chicks or hot guys? I think I’d forego the skiing altogether and just stay home and shoot for getting laid instead—it’s safer!
AND THE BOSS DON’T MIND SOMETIMES IF YOU ACT A FOOL…
I re-watched one of my all-time favorite comedy flicks this week, the mighty Car Wash from the 1976. For some reason, I have an affinity with movies that don’t really have a plot to speak of—like American Graffiti, The Big Chill, Hollywood Knights and Fast Times At Ridgemont High—and CW fits in that groove. It featured a typical work day at a Los Angeles semi-automatic car wash emporium staffed by dysfunctional employees and frequented by even crazier customers (Pop Bottle Bomber, anyone?). The movie was shot on location at an actual old-school car wash at 6th & Rampart in L.A. (long since demolished in the ‘80s), which made things seem all the more real, and many of the shenanigans that went on there were certainly very believable—made you almost want to work there!
The cameo appearances by the late Richard Pryor and George Carlin or even the Pointer Sisters and "Saturday Night Live"’s Garrett Morris in Car Wash weren’t even necessary—they were merely there to lend a little star power—and this film could’ve easily made it on its own with its ensemble cast of mostly unknowns, some of whom made names for themselves later. You had a pre-Huggy Bear Antonio Fargas playing the ever-flaming Lindy…Darrow Igus, who played Floyd, later became a regular on ABC’s "Fridays"…future MTV VJ J.J. Jackson was the radio DJ voice over the closing credits…and a pre-"thirtysomething" Melanie Mayron looked infinitely cuter here playing busty cashier Marsha before she lost all that weight, IMO. There were also a few other familiar names in the cast, like ex-Hogan Hero Ivan Dixon, comedian Franklin Ajaye (a Pryor wanna-be with the biggest afro this side of the late Billy Preston), and even Oakland Raiders defensive behemoth Otis Sistrunk, who played the cook at the diner across the street. Danny DeVito was even in the original screen version of Car Wash, but this thing has been butchered up so many times for re-issue on VHS and DVD, and his scenes plus a few others have vanished over time for reasons unknown.
Oh, and did I mention the killer soundtrack? It featured some great stuff from the dying days of old-school ‘70s Soul and R&B, right before Disco came along and finished it off...
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
1974 - The Year of the Weird
I was listening to one of my homemade ‘70s compilation CDs the other day ("Have A Nice Day-Deluxe", as I like to call my little creations) and while cruising the year 1974, I couldn’t help but note the number of odd recordings that wound up being hit records that year. I mean, we had a singing nun, a little Ragtime, a Canadian defending America with a spoken-word 45, a tribute to James Dean (two, if you count the Eagles' "James Dean"), a hit song with a gorilla chant, an interracial duet about an aborted abortion, a hit single about a Civil War hero, another song with a fake live audience on it and a song about people running around nekkid, among others—all in the same calendar year! Then again, this was the same year that our President resigned in infamy, Evel Knievel jumped the Snake River Canyon in a homemade rocket-cycle (well, tried to, anyway) and Philippe Petit high-wired between the World Trade Center towers, so what else should one have expected? So, in that oddball spirit, here’s a little look back at that goofy year in music history. To paraphrase one of the big hits thereof, “It was weird and it was wonderful…”
"The Joker"—STEVE MILLER BAND This one was a carryover from late ‘73, with young master Miller posing as any number of aliases—the Gangster of Love, Maurice, the Pompatus of Love (whatever that is) and the Space Cowboy. What we do know is that he was smoker and a Midnight toker…
"Seasons In The Sun"—TERRY JACKS One of the all-time biggest sellers for Bell Records this side of the Partridge Family and Tony Orlando & Twilight, this dirge about a poor soul who was dying of some unnamed disease lit up the Billboard charts in early ’74. We had joy, we had fun, indeed!
"Bennie And The Jets"—ELTON JOHN “She’s got electric boobs, a Mohair suit…I read it in a magazine…” Okay, I know the lyric was ‘boots’, b-b-b-b-but this was one of the biggest hits of the year, even with it’s faux live audience. Late producer wunderkind Gus Dudgeon even admitted that the fake crowd noise was “out of time” with their collective clapping, as is par for the course with a British audience. It still astounds me to this day that Elton himself thought he left France with a piece-of-crap album after recording Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Silly Elton…
"The Americans"—BYRON MacGREGOR Quite possibly the most unlikely hit record in Top 40 history, this was a verbatim re-hash of an early, 1973 spoken-word commentary by legendary Canadian pundit Gordon Sinclair (accompanied by “America The Beautiful” in the background) about how Gordon/Byron was “damned tired of seeing America being kicked around” for all the good the U.S. did for the world at the time. Even the late Tex Ritter (John’s pappy) took a shot at this little diatribe, but it was the late Mr. MacGregor’s version that went all the way to #4 on the Billboard charts. “The Americans” was even revived in the wake of 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, albeit to a much hollower effect…
"Rock On"—DAVID ESSEX This song has always come across as rather strange to me, for some reason—”See ‘um shake on the movie screen, uh, Jimmy Dean.” Uhhh, the Sausage King?!? Okay, dude, whatever, you say…
"I Love"—TOM T. HALL Any song that pays tribute to little baby ducks scares the bejeezus outta little ol' me…
"Spiders And Snakes"—JIM STAFFORD Another carryover from the tail-end of ‘73, and a big crossover Country song, to boot. This song was wrote by David Bellamy of the Bellamy Bros., who was a roadie for Mr. Stafford back in the day before he became famous.
"Hooked On A Feeling"—BLUE SWEDE I’m curious as to what think-tank came up the “Ooga-Chucka, Ooga-Chucka” chant that embellished this here 1969 B.J. Thomas hit remake. Whomever it was, it worked, for reasons that remain unexplained to this day…
"The Lord’s Prayer"—SISTER JANET MEAD Delivered in all earnestness, evidently—Sister Janet duplicated Mr. MacGregor’s success and took this thang all the way to #4 in the Spring of ‘74. Amen, sistah!
"W.O.L.D."—HARRY CHAPIN/"T.S.O.P."—M.F.S.B. A couple of hits known by their initials, the former being about an over-the-hill radio DJ (shades of Dr. Johnny Fever?) and the latter being the "Soul Train" theme, all about The Sound Of Philadelphia (performed by Mothers Fathers Sisters Brothers, as the acronym dictated). The latter also featured the Three Degrees doing the "doot-doot-doodle-e-doos"…
"The Streak"—RAY STEVENS Oh, yes, they called it great sensation that was sweeping the nation in ‘74—running around in the buff! I was ten at the time and never witnessed this phenomenon in person, but heard plenty about it on the nightly news with Walter Cronkite, as well as from my older sister, who witnessed a streaker or two on campus at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, my future alma-mater. Don't look, Ethel!
"Billy, Don’t Be A Hero"—BO DONALDSON & THE HEYWOODS Here’s that Civil War paean I referred to earlier. What exactly is a Heywood, anyway?
"The Night Chicago Died"—PAPER LACE Originally recorded by those dreaded aforementioned Heywoods, “The Night Chicago Died” was the one and only hit for Paper Lace, going all the way to #1 in the summer of ‘74. I always thought it was about the famed fire in Chicago, rather than about Al Capone and his famous vault…
"(You’re) Having My Baby"—PAUL ANKA & ODIA COATES Man, did this song have all them conservatives shittin' bricks on not one, but two fronts here! First, there was the whole abortion thing (or in this case, the averted variety), then you had an interracial couple singing all about it—shades of blasphemy in those days!
"Beach Baby"—FIRST CLASS A bit of nostalgia pastiche in the American Graffiti/”Happy Days” era. Only problem was that the ‘50s weren’t as fabulous as we‘re made to believe. A little trivia for you, here, singer Tony Burrows also fronted The Pipkins ("Gimme Dat Ding"), The Brotherhood of Man ("United We Stand"), White Plains ("My Baby Loves Lovin'") and Edison Lighthouse ("Love Grows [Where My Rosemary Goes]'").
"Wild Thing"—FANCY White Trash Rock ‘N’ Roll rears its ugly head on this insipid remake of the Troggs' classic. As Jed Clampett was known to utter, “Pity-ful, pity-ful…”
"Sister Mary Elephant"/"Earache My Eye"—CHEECH & CHONG A pair of Dr. Demento classics that hit the Top 40 in ‘74. I could easily relate to “Elephant”, given the typical quality of substitute teachers in the Raytown School District. Even my regular 4th-grade teacher thought this thing was a total hoot! SHAAADUUUP!!! “Earache” was the debut of Rock legend Alice Bowie, too…
"Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)"—REUNION A rapid-fire roll call of Rock ‘N’ Roll legends, both big and small, provided by former Ohio Express vocalist Joey Levine (no relation to the late Irving R. Levine). Comedienne Tracey Ullman turned in a serviceable remake of this one in 1984.
"Kung Fu Fighting"—CARL DOUGLAS This hit presaged Miss Piggy by at least two years with its inherent karate chops and “HI-YAAA”s. It was disco before disco was ever cool. Come to think of it, was Disco ever cool?!?
"Angie Baby"—HELEN REDDY Weird song about a weird girl written by Alan O’Day (of “Undercover Angel” fame) that was cause of much conjecture in ‘74. Did she kill the boy that came into her room? Did she swallow him whole, or did the radio do it? Sounded like “Search For Tomorrow” or "The Edge Of Night" territory to me…
"Mandy"—BARRY MANILOW The first of a continuous steady stream of depressing dreary-weepies from Brother Barry, this sad-sack song checked in at numero uno at the tail-end of '74 and forever cemented Mr. Barry Allan Pinkus into the hearts and minds of American record-buyers.
"The Entertainer"—MARVIN HAMLISCH Marvin had to reach back 72 years to snag Scott Joplin’s 1902 piano rag, which was part of the soundtrack to the hit film The Sting, starring the late Paul Newman, Robert Redford and the late Robert Shaw. Our music teacher at Blue Ridge Elementary School was majorly impressed that I even knew who the hell Scott Joplin was way back then…
And little did 4th-grade yours truly know that all the while in 1974, some crazy-ass Rock ’N’ Roll band from New York that wore make-up and incorporated lots of pyro and fire into their live stage show was already in en route to conquering the world and would ultimately become my favorite band of all-time…
"The Joker"—STEVE MILLER BAND This one was a carryover from late ‘73, with young master Miller posing as any number of aliases—the Gangster of Love, Maurice, the Pompatus of Love (whatever that is) and the Space Cowboy. What we do know is that he was smoker and a Midnight toker…
"Seasons In The Sun"—TERRY JACKS One of the all-time biggest sellers for Bell Records this side of the Partridge Family and Tony Orlando & Twilight, this dirge about a poor soul who was dying of some unnamed disease lit up the Billboard charts in early ’74. We had joy, we had fun, indeed!
"Bennie And The Jets"—ELTON JOHN “She’s got electric boobs, a Mohair suit…I read it in a magazine…” Okay, I know the lyric was ‘boots’, b-b-b-b-but this was one of the biggest hits of the year, even with it’s faux live audience. Late producer wunderkind Gus Dudgeon even admitted that the fake crowd noise was “out of time” with their collective clapping, as is par for the course with a British audience. It still astounds me to this day that Elton himself thought he left France with a piece-of-crap album after recording Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Silly Elton…
"The Americans"—BYRON MacGREGOR Quite possibly the most unlikely hit record in Top 40 history, this was a verbatim re-hash of an early, 1973 spoken-word commentary by legendary Canadian pundit Gordon Sinclair (accompanied by “America The Beautiful” in the background) about how Gordon/Byron was “damned tired of seeing America being kicked around” for all the good the U.S. did for the world at the time. Even the late Tex Ritter (John’s pappy) took a shot at this little diatribe, but it was the late Mr. MacGregor’s version that went all the way to #4 on the Billboard charts. “The Americans” was even revived in the wake of 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, albeit to a much hollower effect…
"Rock On"—DAVID ESSEX This song has always come across as rather strange to me, for some reason—”See ‘um shake on the movie screen, uh, Jimmy Dean.” Uhhh, the Sausage King?!? Okay, dude, whatever, you say…
"I Love"—TOM T. HALL Any song that pays tribute to little baby ducks scares the bejeezus outta little ol' me…
"Spiders And Snakes"—JIM STAFFORD Another carryover from the tail-end of ‘73, and a big crossover Country song, to boot. This song was wrote by David Bellamy of the Bellamy Bros., who was a roadie for Mr. Stafford back in the day before he became famous.
"Hooked On A Feeling"—BLUE SWEDE I’m curious as to what think-tank came up the “Ooga-Chucka, Ooga-Chucka” chant that embellished this here 1969 B.J. Thomas hit remake. Whomever it was, it worked, for reasons that remain unexplained to this day…
"The Lord’s Prayer"—SISTER JANET MEAD Delivered in all earnestness, evidently—Sister Janet duplicated Mr. MacGregor’s success and took this thang all the way to #4 in the Spring of ‘74. Amen, sistah!
"W.O.L.D."—HARRY CHAPIN/"T.S.O.P."—M.F.S.B. A couple of hits known by their initials, the former being about an over-the-hill radio DJ (shades of Dr. Johnny Fever?) and the latter being the "Soul Train" theme, all about The Sound Of Philadelphia (performed by Mothers Fathers Sisters Brothers, as the acronym dictated). The latter also featured the Three Degrees doing the "doot-doot-doodle-e-doos"…
"The Streak"—RAY STEVENS Oh, yes, they called it great sensation that was sweeping the nation in ‘74—running around in the buff! I was ten at the time and never witnessed this phenomenon in person, but heard plenty about it on the nightly news with Walter Cronkite, as well as from my older sister, who witnessed a streaker or two on campus at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, my future alma-mater. Don't look, Ethel!
"Billy, Don’t Be A Hero"—BO DONALDSON & THE HEYWOODS Here’s that Civil War paean I referred to earlier. What exactly is a Heywood, anyway?
"The Night Chicago Died"—PAPER LACE Originally recorded by those dreaded aforementioned Heywoods, “The Night Chicago Died” was the one and only hit for Paper Lace, going all the way to #1 in the summer of ‘74. I always thought it was about the famed fire in Chicago, rather than about Al Capone and his famous vault…
"(You’re) Having My Baby"—PAUL ANKA & ODIA COATES Man, did this song have all them conservatives shittin' bricks on not one, but two fronts here! First, there was the whole abortion thing (or in this case, the averted variety), then you had an interracial couple singing all about it—shades of blasphemy in those days!
"Beach Baby"—FIRST CLASS A bit of nostalgia pastiche in the American Graffiti/”Happy Days” era. Only problem was that the ‘50s weren’t as fabulous as we‘re made to believe. A little trivia for you, here, singer Tony Burrows also fronted The Pipkins ("Gimme Dat Ding"), The Brotherhood of Man ("United We Stand"), White Plains ("My Baby Loves Lovin'") and Edison Lighthouse ("Love Grows [Where My Rosemary Goes]'").
"Wild Thing"—FANCY White Trash Rock ‘N’ Roll rears its ugly head on this insipid remake of the Troggs' classic. As Jed Clampett was known to utter, “Pity-ful, pity-ful…”
"Sister Mary Elephant"/"Earache My Eye"—CHEECH & CHONG A pair of Dr. Demento classics that hit the Top 40 in ‘74. I could easily relate to “Elephant”, given the typical quality of substitute teachers in the Raytown School District. Even my regular 4th-grade teacher thought this thing was a total hoot! SHAAADUUUP!!! “Earache” was the debut of Rock legend Alice Bowie, too…
"Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)"—REUNION A rapid-fire roll call of Rock ‘N’ Roll legends, both big and small, provided by former Ohio Express vocalist Joey Levine (no relation to the late Irving R. Levine). Comedienne Tracey Ullman turned in a serviceable remake of this one in 1984.
"Kung Fu Fighting"—CARL DOUGLAS This hit presaged Miss Piggy by at least two years with its inherent karate chops and “HI-YAAA”s. It was disco before disco was ever cool. Come to think of it, was Disco ever cool?!?
"Angie Baby"—HELEN REDDY Weird song about a weird girl written by Alan O’Day (of “Undercover Angel” fame) that was cause of much conjecture in ‘74. Did she kill the boy that came into her room? Did she swallow him whole, or did the radio do it? Sounded like “Search For Tomorrow” or "The Edge Of Night" territory to me…
"Mandy"—BARRY MANILOW The first of a continuous steady stream of depressing dreary-weepies from Brother Barry, this sad-sack song checked in at numero uno at the tail-end of '74 and forever cemented Mr. Barry Allan Pinkus into the hearts and minds of American record-buyers.
"The Entertainer"—MARVIN HAMLISCH Marvin had to reach back 72 years to snag Scott Joplin’s 1902 piano rag, which was part of the soundtrack to the hit film The Sting, starring the late Paul Newman, Robert Redford and the late Robert Shaw. Our music teacher at Blue Ridge Elementary School was majorly impressed that I even knew who the hell Scott Joplin was way back then…
And little did 4th-grade yours truly know that all the while in 1974, some crazy-ass Rock ’N’ Roll band from New York that wore make-up and incorporated lots of pyro and fire into their live stage show was already in en route to conquering the world and would ultimately become my favorite band of all-time…
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