Good ol’ Larry Flynt used to have a monthly feature in Hustler magazine called “Asshole Of The Month”, and often the recipients of said accolade (mostly politicians and right-wing dickheads) were truly deserving, and I think it’s appropriate to revive this little tradition in year-end style, so please kick back, my dear friends, and enjoy yours truly’s salute to those who fucked up colossally in 2007:
30) Ted Nugent: An ex-idol of mine. I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again: I used to idolize you, ya big-mouth douche! And to paraphrase Dr. Sardonicus, after your diatribes on Hillary and Obama, I don’t want to hear no more about the Dixie Chicks, you friggin’ has-been...
29) Donald Trump/Rosie O’Donnell: These two publicity mongers deserve each other. I still say they should duke it out on “Celebrity Death Match”. My money’s on Rosie…
28) Steven A. Smith: At the risk of sounding racist here, I’ve grown real weary of this guy’s shuck-and-jive Angry Black Man routine on ESPN. Shaddup, already, you pompous ass!
27) O.J. Simpson: Forever on a personal quest to prove what a dickweed he is. Congrats, Juice—you’re headin’ for the big house, now!
26) John Mellencamp: Empty-headed hick Springsteen wanna-be whom I’ve loathed for lo, these many years, and he even sold his soul to GM with his "This Is Our Country" schlock, to boot. Will be inducted into the Crock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame next year. Oh, joy!
25) Katie Horner: Local over-zealous TV weather tart/alarmist who chronically disrupts CBS programming at every sighting of a dark cloud within 100 miles of Kansas City. She actually encouraged viewers to wear bicycle helmets whilst riding out a tornado in their storm cellars last Spring!
24) Al Gore: Actual President-elect of 2000 who now milks his newfound adulation as pre-eminent Global Warming pointer-outer to death (while cruising around in his gas-guzzling stretch limo, natch).
23) Kid Rock: I’m still trying to figure out why people pay good money to see this no-talent poser (in a hat) perform in concert—this clown is this generation’s Vanilla Ice! Has been involved in more fights this year than a NARC at a Hell's Angels rally.
22) Bill Belichick: Yes, this guy is a brilliant football coach. Sadly, he has all the people skills of Charles Manson…
21) Rev. Jerry Falwell: In his final year of eligibility I feel compelled to include Mr. “Give all your money to the church and solve your debt problems” once more for old time’s sake.
20) Nancy Grace: Sneering, helmet-haired self-appointed judge and jury be-yatch who holds court on CNN every night. She may well have been personally responsible for the suicide death of a woman she interrogated on her show earlier this year, but shows less remorse than C. Manson ever has...
19) David Beckham: The farce to end all farces! Major League Soccer prostituted itself around and sold its credibility right down the river by signing this overrated wanker to a mega-million $$ contract, just so he could play in five whole games for the Los Angeles Galaxy. True, the media circus that followed him around wasn’t all his fault, but I’m sorry—nobody’s that good!
18) Adam “Pacman” Jones: First-class moron NFL player known for his numerous run-ins with the law, the most infamous of which left a Las Vegas titty bar bouncer paralyzed following gunfire instigated by a member of Pacman’s entourage earlier this year.
17) Jason Whitlock: Ever-flatulent Kansas City Star sports columnist and self-appointed avatar of racial issues in the wake of the who Don Imus flap. A man who regularly uses the terms “hoes” and “pimp-slap” in his columns…
16) Clay Chastain: Those of you outside of Kansas City won’t know who he is, but he’s become a major nuisance to me. Chastain is a very vocal advocate for a light-rail mass transit system in K.C.—which I’m all for, actually. My problem with this guy is that he lives in Virginia, yet he thinks he has the right to tell our city what to do with its money! Move your sorry ass back here, Clay, and I’ll take you more seriously…
15) Rev. Pat Robertson: Looks like this dickhead will have to carry on without his tag-team partner Falwell now, but fear not, dear friends—I have no doubt ol’ Pat will continue to give religion a bad name until his dying day…
14) Britney Spears: Ain’t nothing worse than a tabloid-fodder celebrity who goes out of his/her way to draw attention to his/her flagging career. Do us all a big favor, Brit, and disappear quietly like Tiffany did about 20 years ago…
13) Don Imus: Happy Holidays, Don—as in “Hoe, Hoe, Hoe”! Just as I predicted, the asshole is back on the air already...
12) Rev. Al Sharpton/Rev. Jesse Jackson: Don’t you just wish these two publicity hounds would both be run over by a bus? Black people don’t even take them seriously as religious or civil rights leaders anymore…
11) Mike Nifong: Opportunistic D.A. who was bound and determined to send three innocent Duke lacrosse players to the pokey for his own political gain. Nice try, dumbass, but as Fred Sanford once said, “He who liveth by the sword shall be stucketh.” Still and all, I maintain that lacrosse is a faggot college activity!
10) Bud Selig: Commissioner Howdy Doody proved once again what a spineless leader he is by showing up to watch Bonds hit "#756", standing there with his hands in his pockets looking like a total Melvin. Should’ve been fired years ago…
9) Roger Clemens: This jagoff finally decided he wanted to pitch for the Yankees after the season was a third of the way over, which led to this utterly ridiculous moment of over-zealous hype. He signed a beyond-belief $28 zillion contract to merely go 6-6 with a 4.47 ERA. Truly earth-shattering! The Mitchell Report sez he did steroids, too—the Dickens you say!
8) Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho): This phony Republican fuckwad is on record voting for anti-Gay legislation at every turn, yet who was that foot-tapper in the john at the Minneapolis aeroport trolling for fudge packers earlier this year, hmmm? It certainly couldn’t have been this honorable Senator from the Spud State who uttered the phrase “I’m not gay!” more often than Mr. Garrison on “South Park”. Or could it? Oh, what a twit...
7) Michael Vick: No explanation needed here. Hope he enjoys his time in the pokey with his bitches (pun intended).
6) Michelle Malkin/Sean Hannity/Ann Coulter/Bill O’Reilly/Rush Limbaugh/Geraldo Rivera/Jonah Goldberg/Dennis Miller: I know I’m being rather lazy here, but I’m lumping all these ultra-conservative Republican Party cheerleaders/pinhead pundits into one entry. Regular readers of this blog already know why...
5) Barry Bonds: Do I even need to elaborate? Arrogant steroid-taking horse’s ass with shriveled-up nads who now claims to be baseball’s Home Run King. Sorry, ass-wipe—Henry Louis Aaron is still the man, and you’re not one, and unlike you, my dick still works just fine...
4) The entire Oil Industry: These greedy fuckwads continue to reap record profits for two simple reasons: A) because they can, and B) no one’s trying to stop them.
3) George W. Bush/Dick Cheney: Pretty self-explanatory. They’re joined at the hip, therefore I count them as one entry.
2) Seung-Hui Cho (Virginia Tech gunman): This loser, combined with the Siamese twins in the #3 spot, are probably personally responsible for more death and mayhem than anyone else this year. I do understand how it feels to be disenfranchised and I do realize this Cho bastard was screwed-up to begin with and was picked on constantly during his youth, but that’s no excuse for being such a cold-blooded miscreant, and it‘s impossible for me to have any empathy for this fucker. Burn in hell, ass-wipe…
1) Rev. Fred Phelps/Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, KS: Most assholes don’t actually mean to be assholes—they just are. But then again, there are sub-humans like Rev. Fred and his inbred band of psychos (half of whom are lawyers) who go out of their way to be assholes by picketing/protesting the funerals of fallen U.S. soldiers who died while indirectly defending these tick-turds’ collective Constitutional right to do so. I now pose the question once asked by Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. in their 1985 song "I‘m Alive": “Tell me, what’s in it for you?…Damn you, Holy Man, alive…”
Saturday, December 22, 2007
"Dashing through the snow..."
"…in an ‘03 Cavalier…Four more years to go, and I’ll own it free and clear!”
GLOBAL WARMING, MY ASS!!
For the third straight Saturday, we’re having what the Weather Channel people might call a “Winter Weather Event” here in K.C. It started off as just plain rain, then freezing rain, then sleet and now the snow is blowing horizontally in the lovely 25-35 MPH winds out of the northwest. Luckily, I managed to get the bulk of my Christmas shopping done this morning before this little Norwester hit town.
PEOPLE ARE STRANGE…
Explain this to me, please—what is this obsession some people have with wearing shorts? While doing my shopping today, I encountered two different people at Target strolling around in shorts. Nothing wrong with that, but if you’ll read my weather report above, you’ll note that today was not exactly balmy in the great outdoors! And I’m not talking about kids who don’t know any better, but grown adults here. Maybe it’s just because I get cold relatively easy, but I don’t get why you’d wear shorts like it was the 4th of July while doing your Christmas shopping. Same goes for women who wear skirts and no hose this time of year—ain’t that just a tad drafty?
HYPOCRISY, THE CONTINUING SAGA
Seems that there was a new book about parenting due to hit the stands. Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World is the memoir of one Lynne Spears, mother of singer/nutbag Britney Spears and actress Jamie Lynn Spears. The book was slated to come out on May 11th next year—Mother’s Day, naturally—but her publisher is delaying the release indefinitely after this week’s revelation that little Jamie Lynn is pregnant. What’s even funnier to me is that the publisher, Thomas Nelson, Inc., is an inspirational Christian book outfit. I repeat—a Christian book publisher! Don’t it seem just a tad disingenuous that one of their offerings would come from the mother of a skanky out-of-control singer who dresses like a whore and whose concert performances have been known to include male dancers sticking their faces right in her crotch, let alone the mother of a 16-year-old girl who just got knocked up? Oh well, I guess if there’s a buck or two to be made, all bets are off and ethics and morality go right out the window, huh? One can only imagine the helpful parenting hints ol' Lynne will dish out in her book—not unlike the advice of a twice-divorced marriage counselor...
I KNOW THAT DUDE!
I stumbled across the ancient classic kids’ musical film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the TV this week, starring the original “DVD” himself, Dick Van Dyke. I probably hadn’t seen this thing in damn near 40 years, and there was a guy in it who looked and sounded awfully familiar to me. It was none other than the lad himself, Benny Hill! Little did I know when I first saw this film how much this man would later corrupt little ol’ me…
A FRESH ANGLE…
…on Madonna’s induction into the Rock ’N’ Roll Hall of Fame. I read a column on MSNBC the other day that pointed out something I hadn’t thought of before—one of the reasons why they voted Madonna in is so it would draw attention to the Hall, and it makes perfect sense. Not saying that makes it right, of course, but last year they had the built-in intrigue of the whole Van Halen soap opera to draw attention, and this year they’re desperate because of the sad fact that truly worthy candidates like the Moody Blues, Deep Purple or the Brothers Doobie ain’t gonna cause much buzz in our short attention span society. By the same token, though, you can’t tell me that Kiss being voted in wouldn’t raise more than a few eyebrows…
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #66
“In My Time Of Dying”—LED ZEPPELIN (1975) I was confused by the part at the end where Robert Plant repeats the phrase “Oh, my Jesus” several times. I thought he was singing “On my T.V.”!
HOLY ALMANAC, BATMAN!
I’m currently reading a wonderful little anthology book called From ABBA to Zoom by local K.C. author David Mansour, which came out a couple years ago. Dave has painstakingly chronicled practically everything that was or is prominent in Pop Culture since the 1950’s, right down to the characters on “Josie & The Pussycats”. I’m not even halfway through the B’s yet, and I’m having a ball recollecting stuff from the past, like the burger offerings at A&W restaurants—Papa Burger, Mama Burger, Baby Burger, etc.—and I’m now stockpiling even more ammunition for my Pop Culture reference arsenal on the ol’ blog here.
GLOBAL WARMING, MY ASS!!
For the third straight Saturday, we’re having what the Weather Channel people might call a “Winter Weather Event” here in K.C. It started off as just plain rain, then freezing rain, then sleet and now the snow is blowing horizontally in the lovely 25-35 MPH winds out of the northwest. Luckily, I managed to get the bulk of my Christmas shopping done this morning before this little Norwester hit town.
PEOPLE ARE STRANGE…
Explain this to me, please—what is this obsession some people have with wearing shorts? While doing my shopping today, I encountered two different people at Target strolling around in shorts. Nothing wrong with that, but if you’ll read my weather report above, you’ll note that today was not exactly balmy in the great outdoors! And I’m not talking about kids who don’t know any better, but grown adults here. Maybe it’s just because I get cold relatively easy, but I don’t get why you’d wear shorts like it was the 4th of July while doing your Christmas shopping. Same goes for women who wear skirts and no hose this time of year—ain’t that just a tad drafty?
HYPOCRISY, THE CONTINUING SAGA
Seems that there was a new book about parenting due to hit the stands. Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World is the memoir of one Lynne Spears, mother of singer/nutbag Britney Spears and actress Jamie Lynn Spears. The book was slated to come out on May 11th next year—Mother’s Day, naturally—but her publisher is delaying the release indefinitely after this week’s revelation that little Jamie Lynn is pregnant. What’s even funnier to me is that the publisher, Thomas Nelson, Inc., is an inspirational Christian book outfit. I repeat—a Christian book publisher! Don’t it seem just a tad disingenuous that one of their offerings would come from the mother of a skanky out-of-control singer who dresses like a whore and whose concert performances have been known to include male dancers sticking their faces right in her crotch, let alone the mother of a 16-year-old girl who just got knocked up? Oh well, I guess if there’s a buck or two to be made, all bets are off and ethics and morality go right out the window, huh? One can only imagine the helpful parenting hints ol' Lynne will dish out in her book—not unlike the advice of a twice-divorced marriage counselor...
I KNOW THAT DUDE!
I stumbled across the ancient classic kids’ musical film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the TV this week, starring the original “DVD” himself, Dick Van Dyke. I probably hadn’t seen this thing in damn near 40 years, and there was a guy in it who looked and sounded awfully familiar to me. It was none other than the lad himself, Benny Hill! Little did I know when I first saw this film how much this man would later corrupt little ol’ me…
A FRESH ANGLE…
…on Madonna’s induction into the Rock ’N’ Roll Hall of Fame. I read a column on MSNBC the other day that pointed out something I hadn’t thought of before—one of the reasons why they voted Madonna in is so it would draw attention to the Hall, and it makes perfect sense. Not saying that makes it right, of course, but last year they had the built-in intrigue of the whole Van Halen soap opera to draw attention, and this year they’re desperate because of the sad fact that truly worthy candidates like the Moody Blues, Deep Purple or the Brothers Doobie ain’t gonna cause much buzz in our short attention span society. By the same token, though, you can’t tell me that Kiss being voted in wouldn’t raise more than a few eyebrows…
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #66
“In My Time Of Dying”—LED ZEPPELIN (1975) I was confused by the part at the end where Robert Plant repeats the phrase “Oh, my Jesus” several times. I thought he was singing “On my T.V.”!
HOLY ALMANAC, BATMAN!
I’m currently reading a wonderful little anthology book called From ABBA to Zoom by local K.C. author David Mansour, which came out a couple years ago. Dave has painstakingly chronicled practically everything that was or is prominent in Pop Culture since the 1950’s, right down to the characters on “Josie & The Pussycats”. I’m not even halfway through the B’s yet, and I’m having a ball recollecting stuff from the past, like the burger offerings at A&W restaurants—Papa Burger, Mama Burger, Baby Burger, etc.—and I’m now stockpiling even more ammunition for my Pop Culture reference arsenal on the ol’ blog here.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I'm nervous and my socks are too loose...
...and so overcome by Mellencamp's election to the Rock Hall of Fame that I can hardly function! Actually, it's just the usual Christmas madness, and I've been too friggin' busy to do much blogging this week. I hope to make up for it voluminously over the long weekend coming up...
YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY...
Happy 62nd b-day to Peter Criss of Kiss. The Catman has been dogged-on (ohhh, bad pun!) by both critics and fans alike at times over the years, and even I don't consider him to be the best drummer Kiss ever had—the two Erics both blew him away—but I think he's a good guy overall. Certainly the most down-to-earth member of the original four of Kiss. If you look at concert videos from the '70s, Peter was quite the basher and very animated in his playing style. Over the years, he's refined his technique and is more of a timekeeper now. I also give him credit for having sense enough to leave the circus with a little dignity, realizing he's in his '60s now. I really wish Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley would have retired the make-up after the so-called "Farewell Tour" in 2000 when Peter (and later Ace Frehley) left the band for good. Kiss looks too much like a tribute band now.
"SOFT ROCK" REVISITED
I got to thinking about the remark I made early this week regarding the late Dan Fogelberg and the "Soft Rock" genre being something I can only take in small doses. In DF's case, I tended to shy away from his music because I didn't really relate to songs about forest Primevals and such, but it occurred to me that there are lots of "mellow" songs out there that I truly love, some more than I realized. People who know me well might even be shocked at some of the stuff I enjoy. Take Gordon Lightfoot, for instance: "If You Could Read My Mind" from 1971 is an old favorite from my Top 40 listening days, as is 1974's "Sundown", and is there not a more chilling song than "Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald" from '76? Friggin' brilliant!
My man Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere & The Raiders had a brief solo career in the early '70s and scored hits with songs like "Arizona", "Silver Bird" and "Miss America" (not the Styx song), but my favorite is his minor hit recording of a Neil Diamond song called "And The Grass Won't Pay No Mind" from 1970. Hell, Diamond himself put out some wonderful stuff during that time, like "I Am...I Said" and "Play Me" (even though it included the non-existent word "brang" in its lyrics). I even groove to songs by Country crossover artists like the late Charlie Rich and "Most Beautiful Girl" and Glen Campbell's "Wichita Lineman". Quite possibly my all-time favorite "mellow" song ever is the late Brook Benton's "Rainy Night In Georgia" from 1970. The instrumentation on that track is so atmospheric, and Benton's vocal is so convincing that he truly made you feel he really was some drifter hitching train rides.
That's all I have for now—I'll reactivate the ol' verbal bazooka over the weekend...
YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY...
Happy 62nd b-day to Peter Criss of Kiss. The Catman has been dogged-on (ohhh, bad pun!) by both critics and fans alike at times over the years, and even I don't consider him to be the best drummer Kiss ever had—the two Erics both blew him away—but I think he's a good guy overall. Certainly the most down-to-earth member of the original four of Kiss. If you look at concert videos from the '70s, Peter was quite the basher and very animated in his playing style. Over the years, he's refined his technique and is more of a timekeeper now. I also give him credit for having sense enough to leave the circus with a little dignity, realizing he's in his '60s now. I really wish Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley would have retired the make-up after the so-called "Farewell Tour" in 2000 when Peter (and later Ace Frehley) left the band for good. Kiss looks too much like a tribute band now.
"SOFT ROCK" REVISITED
I got to thinking about the remark I made early this week regarding the late Dan Fogelberg and the "Soft Rock" genre being something I can only take in small doses. In DF's case, I tended to shy away from his music because I didn't really relate to songs about forest Primevals and such, but it occurred to me that there are lots of "mellow" songs out there that I truly love, some more than I realized. People who know me well might even be shocked at some of the stuff I enjoy. Take Gordon Lightfoot, for instance: "If You Could Read My Mind" from 1971 is an old favorite from my Top 40 listening days, as is 1974's "Sundown", and is there not a more chilling song than "Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald" from '76? Friggin' brilliant!
My man Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere & The Raiders had a brief solo career in the early '70s and scored hits with songs like "Arizona", "Silver Bird" and "Miss America" (not the Styx song), but my favorite is his minor hit recording of a Neil Diamond song called "And The Grass Won't Pay No Mind" from 1970. Hell, Diamond himself put out some wonderful stuff during that time, like "I Am...I Said" and "Play Me" (even though it included the non-existent word "brang" in its lyrics). I even groove to songs by Country crossover artists like the late Charlie Rich and "Most Beautiful Girl" and Glen Campbell's "Wichita Lineman". Quite possibly my all-time favorite "mellow" song ever is the late Brook Benton's "Rainy Night In Georgia" from 1970. The instrumentation on that track is so atmospheric, and Benton's vocal is so convincing that he truly made you feel he really was some drifter hitching train rides.
That's all I have for now—I'll reactivate the ol' verbal bazooka over the weekend...
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
'Scuse me while I puke and die!
John Mellencamp has been voted into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame. So has Madonna. So has some so-called Rocker named Leonard Cohen. Shit, they might as well induct Mantovanni, Pat Boone and Topo Gigio while they're at it. Meanwhile, Deep Purple, The Moody Blues, Kiss, Paul Revere & The Raiders, Rush, The Doobie Bros., Cheap Trick—oh, fuck it, I give up! I surrender! I'm done arguing about who should be inducted into this travesty of a shrine. It's a very cool museum in Cleveland, but the entity as a whole is a fucking joke! At least the Country Music folks get it right by inducting those who rightfully belong in their Hall of Fame...
Monday, December 17, 2007
I haven't the bloggiest idea...
DAN FOGELBERG, 1951-2007
Sad news in the music world with the passing of singer Dan Fogelberg yesterday of pancreatic cancer. I didn't follow his career all that closely, therefore I wasn't even aware that he'd been seriously ill for the past few years. Although the "Soft Rock" genre is better for me when taken in small doses, DF certainly had his moments like "Part of The Plan" and my personal favorite, 1978's "The Power Of Gold" (with Tim Weissberg). I seem to remember he got plenty of airplay at the "Mighty 1030" on the Transtar satellite in '87 when I worked there. R.I.P., Dan...
I HAVE A QUESTION...
How can the Golden Globe Awards people nominate this Charlie Wilson's War flick for five awards, when it hasn't even come out yet?!? Ain't it amazing how these brand new movies get all the nods (the Oscars do this too), while all the good stuff that comes out in March and April every year is largely forgotten? Who be paying for these nominations, hmmm?
SHOUT, SHOUT, LET IT ALL OUT—THESE ARE THE THINGS I COULD DO WITHOUT...
Things like constant reaction shots from the luxury suites of player's wives, mothers, girlfriends, et al., during NFL games. Especially skank celebrity girlfriends like Jessica Simpson in her pink Tony Romo jersey, whom Fox TV constantly cut away to during the Cowboys-Eagles game yesterday. And some schmuck sitting with her actually brought it to her attention that she was on camera—as if this bimbo has never been on TV before! And true-to-form, the talking heads on ESPN are now trying to blame Romo's poor performance yesterday on said bimbo's distraction. Yeah, right, whatever...
I could also do without singer Beyoncé on every other TV ad these days. Ironically, she's taken the place of the above-mentioned J. Simpson on the Direct TV ads this football season, and she's also hawking cell phones and who knows what else. Beyoncé is a talented singer and a half-decent actress, but she's rapidly turning into a big sell-out.
VICTIMS OF VENOMOUS FATE
The Northwest Missouri State Bearcats are beginning to look like the Buffalo Bills of Division II football. For the third straight season, NWMS made it to the Division II title game, only to lose another heartbreaker on Saturday, this time to Valdosta State 25-20. Things were looking good for the Bearcats with about 5:00 to go in the game when a killer holding penalty nullified a nice first down play as they tried to run the clock out with the lead. Valdosta got the ball back and scored with just seconds left. Life's a real bitch sometimes, unfortunately...
OFF THE SCHNIDE!
Congrats to the Miami Dolphins for finally winning a game this year after beating Baltimore 22-16 in OT yesterday. Congrats for not only winning the game, but making me look like a genius for picking them to win! And congrats to the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers for maintaining their rightful place in ignominy (igno-Mini-Me?) as the only NFL team to go winless for an entire season. I remember that sad-sack team's maiden season very well—nearly every game was a 45-10, 48-3, 42-0 blowout—even the then-lowly Chiefs manhandled them pretty good that year. They continued their mighty losing streak on into the next season, going 0-12 before finally beating the Saints in Week 13. At least the Bucs had an excuse—they were a rag-tag expansion team full of cast-offs, wanna-bes and never-weres. The Dolphins have no such excuse, being a franchise that's been around for 40-some-odd years.
Speaking of the Bucs, on the same day that Miami spared their place in the record books, Tampa Bay finally recorded a kickoff return for a TD! In much the same manner as how the New York Mets have never had a no-hitter in their 45-year existence, it took the Buccaneers 31 years and 1,865 tries to finally run back a kickoff for a touchdown. What's the bet TB gets another one next week...
SPEAKING OF IGNOMINY
El Chiefos put on yet another half-assed performance at Arrowhead yesterday, and as I predicted when the season started, the fans are turning on the team in droves now that things have gone totally south. Most of their venom is aimed at general manager Carl Peterson and head coach Herm Edwards. I'm willing to give Edwards one more season to make his plan work, given that he's still working with a lot of players left over from the Dick Vermeil era that don't fit his new system, but Peterson's time has come and gone. Step aside, CP, and let someone else run the show...
31 FLAVORS?!?
Well, the college bowl season begins this weekend, and there are now a staggering 31 bowl games (32 counting the BCS title game). At the risk of sounding overly-nostalgic, I remember the good ol' days when I was a kid and there were about 1/3 that many bowl games. You had the big four—Rose, Cotton, Sugar and Orange—on New Year's Day (or Eve, sometimes) and maybe another half-dozen or so traditional bowl games (Fiesta, Gator, Holiday, Tangerine, Peach, Sun and the vaunted Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl from Houston), plus a handful of All-Star games like the Blue-Gray Classic, Hula Bowl and Senior Bowl. Thus, viewers were guaranteed of seeing good solid teams playing over the holidays—none of this 6-6 vs. 7-5 crap like we have today.
Now you have these tradition-free bowl games like the New Orleans Bowl, Ft. Worth Bowl, Motor City Bowl, et al, not to mention all these soulless corporate name dot.com bowls and crap like the Outback Bowl, etc. Even the Peach Bowl ain't Peachy anymore—now it's the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. It's quite conceivable that one day we'll be treated to the ACME Lint Filter Bowl! What's worse, some cities have multiple bowl games each year now, like Orlando and San Diego. Hell, New Orleans has three this year with the BCS title game. Too much of a good thing, folks...
Rant within a rant: Why does Fox Sports suddenly get to carry all the big bowl games (except the Rose Bowl) when they don't even televise one single solitary regular season game on free TV? I guess this is what you'd call the new-millennium version of "Bowling For Dollars"...
Damn, I miss the '70s!
THE POOP AND NOTHING BUT THE POOP
Brazilian soccer midfielder Kaka was named the FIFA World Player Of The Year. I guess that means he truly is The Shit! That was too easy, I know, but I just couldn't resist...
Sad news in the music world with the passing of singer Dan Fogelberg yesterday of pancreatic cancer. I didn't follow his career all that closely, therefore I wasn't even aware that he'd been seriously ill for the past few years. Although the "Soft Rock" genre is better for me when taken in small doses, DF certainly had his moments like "Part of The Plan" and my personal favorite, 1978's "The Power Of Gold" (with Tim Weissberg). I seem to remember he got plenty of airplay at the "Mighty 1030" on the Transtar satellite in '87 when I worked there. R.I.P., Dan...
I HAVE A QUESTION...
How can the Golden Globe Awards people nominate this Charlie Wilson's War flick for five awards, when it hasn't even come out yet?!? Ain't it amazing how these brand new movies get all the nods (the Oscars do this too), while all the good stuff that comes out in March and April every year is largely forgotten? Who be paying for these nominations, hmmm?
SHOUT, SHOUT, LET IT ALL OUT—THESE ARE THE THINGS I COULD DO WITHOUT...
Things like constant reaction shots from the luxury suites of player's wives, mothers, girlfriends, et al., during NFL games. Especially skank celebrity girlfriends like Jessica Simpson in her pink Tony Romo jersey, whom Fox TV constantly cut away to during the Cowboys-Eagles game yesterday. And some schmuck sitting with her actually brought it to her attention that she was on camera—as if this bimbo has never been on TV before! And true-to-form, the talking heads on ESPN are now trying to blame Romo's poor performance yesterday on said bimbo's distraction. Yeah, right, whatever...
I could also do without singer Beyoncé on every other TV ad these days. Ironically, she's taken the place of the above-mentioned J. Simpson on the Direct TV ads this football season, and she's also hawking cell phones and who knows what else. Beyoncé is a talented singer and a half-decent actress, but she's rapidly turning into a big sell-out.
VICTIMS OF VENOMOUS FATE
The Northwest Missouri State Bearcats are beginning to look like the Buffalo Bills of Division II football. For the third straight season, NWMS made it to the Division II title game, only to lose another heartbreaker on Saturday, this time to Valdosta State 25-20. Things were looking good for the Bearcats with about 5:00 to go in the game when a killer holding penalty nullified a nice first down play as they tried to run the clock out with the lead. Valdosta got the ball back and scored with just seconds left. Life's a real bitch sometimes, unfortunately...
OFF THE SCHNIDE!
Congrats to the Miami Dolphins for finally winning a game this year after beating Baltimore 22-16 in OT yesterday. Congrats for not only winning the game, but making me look like a genius for picking them to win! And congrats to the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers for maintaining their rightful place in ignominy (igno-Mini-Me?) as the only NFL team to go winless for an entire season. I remember that sad-sack team's maiden season very well—nearly every game was a 45-10, 48-3, 42-0 blowout—even the then-lowly Chiefs manhandled them pretty good that year. They continued their mighty losing streak on into the next season, going 0-12 before finally beating the Saints in Week 13. At least the Bucs had an excuse—they were a rag-tag expansion team full of cast-offs, wanna-bes and never-weres. The Dolphins have no such excuse, being a franchise that's been around for 40-some-odd years.
Speaking of the Bucs, on the same day that Miami spared their place in the record books, Tampa Bay finally recorded a kickoff return for a TD! In much the same manner as how the New York Mets have never had a no-hitter in their 45-year existence, it took the Buccaneers 31 years and 1,865 tries to finally run back a kickoff for a touchdown. What's the bet TB gets another one next week...
SPEAKING OF IGNOMINY
El Chiefos put on yet another half-assed performance at Arrowhead yesterday, and as I predicted when the season started, the fans are turning on the team in droves now that things have gone totally south. Most of their venom is aimed at general manager Carl Peterson and head coach Herm Edwards. I'm willing to give Edwards one more season to make his plan work, given that he's still working with a lot of players left over from the Dick Vermeil era that don't fit his new system, but Peterson's time has come and gone. Step aside, CP, and let someone else run the show...
31 FLAVORS?!?
Well, the college bowl season begins this weekend, and there are now a staggering 31 bowl games (32 counting the BCS title game). At the risk of sounding overly-nostalgic, I remember the good ol' days when I was a kid and there were about 1/3 that many bowl games. You had the big four—Rose, Cotton, Sugar and Orange—on New Year's Day (or Eve, sometimes) and maybe another half-dozen or so traditional bowl games (Fiesta, Gator, Holiday, Tangerine, Peach, Sun and the vaunted Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl from Houston), plus a handful of All-Star games like the Blue-Gray Classic, Hula Bowl and Senior Bowl. Thus, viewers were guaranteed of seeing good solid teams playing over the holidays—none of this 6-6 vs. 7-5 crap like we have today.
Now you have these tradition-free bowl games like the New Orleans Bowl, Ft. Worth Bowl, Motor City Bowl, et al, not to mention all these soulless corporate name dot.com bowls and crap like the Outback Bowl, etc. Even the Peach Bowl ain't Peachy anymore—now it's the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. It's quite conceivable that one day we'll be treated to the ACME Lint Filter Bowl! What's worse, some cities have multiple bowl games each year now, like Orlando and San Diego. Hell, New Orleans has three this year with the BCS title game. Too much of a good thing, folks...
Rant within a rant: Why does Fox Sports suddenly get to carry all the big bowl games (except the Rose Bowl) when they don't even televise one single solitary regular season game on free TV? I guess this is what you'd call the new-millennium version of "Bowling For Dollars"...
Damn, I miss the '70s!
THE POOP AND NOTHING BUT THE POOP
Brazilian soccer midfielder Kaka was named the FIFA World Player Of The Year. I guess that means he truly is The Shit! That was too easy, I know, but I just couldn't resist...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
