In an effort to improve even further on this blog's recent off-the-charts rating on the mighty Cuss-O-Meter of 28.7 (the average is 8.0), here are my Top 20 Favorite Songs of All-Time With Cuss Words In Them:
Honorable mentions:
"I Just Wanna"—KISS (1992) Although it's implied that Paul Stanley sings "I just wanna fuck" here, the official lyric is "I just wanna FUH-get you". Surely, this was a mere oversight on Paul's part...
"If You See Kay"—APRIL WINE (1983) Cute title, guys, real cute...
"Play Guitar"—JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP (1989) "Forget all that macho shit and learn how to play guitar." Methinks the great axe master Mellencamp oughtta take his own advice here...
20) "I"—KISS (1981) My favorite song off that bad acid trip known as Music From The Elder, it contained the line "...and the balls to stand alone!" which was altered to "...and the guts to stand alone" for TV appearances on "Solid Gold" and "Fridays".
19) "Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)"—W.A.S.P. (1983) This song caused quite the controversy, to the point where Tipper Gore peed her panties over it and tried (in vain) to get it banned. Truth to tell, in spite of its title, the song isn't really all that outrageous...
18) "Locomotive Breath"—JETHRO TULL (1971) In the shuffling madness, the lyric went, "...the all-time winner has got him by the balls...", but Warner Bros. Records panicked and re-issued it on the single as "the all-time winner has got him by the fun". Huh?
17) "Your Sister Can't Twist (But She Can Rock 'N' Roll)"—ELTON JOHN (1973) Sir Elton's first recorded profanity: "I heard of this place at the back of town, where you can really kick the shit when the sun goes down..."
16) "Star Star"—THE ROLLING STONES (1973) Closing track off the Goat's Head Soup album, this one is better known as "Star Fucker"...
15) "Working Class Hero"—JOHN LENNON (1970) JL dropped a couple F-bombs in this nasty little diatribe: "Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules..." and "But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see..."
14) "She Loves My Cock"—JACKYL (1992) I'll take your word for it on that, dude...
13) "Mean Man"—W.A.S.P. (1989) Actually, that would be "Mean motherfuckin' man..." according to the lyrics...
12) "Tough Guys"—R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON (1980) "They think they're full of fire--she thinks they're full of shit..." Great line.
11) "Sinner's Swing!"—VAN HALEN (1981) "She looks so fucking good, so sexy and so frail..." as Diamond Dave sings. One of my all-time favorite VH songs...
10) "Money"—PINK FLOYD (1973) "Don't give me that goody-goody-good bullshit!" Pink Floyd got away with murder for years on the radio with this line until the whole Janet Jackson boob flap/flapping boob thing that caused paranoia amongst broadcasters fearing huge fines from the FCC for the mere utterance of the word "poop", let alone "shit".
9) "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"—CHARLIE DANIELS BAND (1979) "I done told you once, you son-of-a-bitch, I'm the best there's ever been..." Evidently, even Southern Baptist Super-Christians can't even bring themselves to call the devil a son-of-a-bitch, as Charlie D. recorded the tamer "I done told you once, you son-of-a-gun..." version to spare their virgin ears.
8) "The Bitch Is Back"—ELTON JOHN (1974) For my little ten-year-old ass, this song was a Godsend when it came out, as I was heavily into learning cuss words of any kind at the time. Great song anyway, cuss word or not...
7) "Piss On The Wall"—J. GEILS BAND (1981) The closing (and best) track off the classic Geils Freeze-Frame album, singer Peter Wolf pleads for calm as he sings, "Seems like everybody's shakin' 'cus the big one's 'bout to fall, but I'm tryin' to hold it steady while I piss on the wall!"
6) "Rehumanize Yourself"—THE POLICE (1981) Sting sings "He's got his hand in the air with the other cunts, you got to humanize yourself..." Only song I know of that contains the word "cunt".
5) "Had It With You"—THE ROLLING STONES (1986) Jagger wasted no time getting foul here, as the opening line of the song goes, "Well, I love you, dirty fucker..." Very underrated song, BTW...
4) "The Rodeo Song"—THE PATRIOT BAND (1981) This Dr. Demento classic may hold the record for the most cuss words in one song! A little sampling of the lyrics: "Well, it's 40-below, but I don't give a fuck, got heater in my truck, and I'm off to the rodeo..." and "Piss me off! Fucking jerk! Get on my nerves..." Trust me, it's a funny song...
3) "Mr. Brownstone"—GUNS 'N' ROSES (1987) I know for a fact that this song accidentally got played on the air at least once on my former radio station, K-Joe 105-FM in St. Joseph, MO by my good friend Easy Earl Harris. Earl—a black man—was totally unfamiliar with the music of G'n'R, but was happy to oblige a listener who called in to request the song one night, not knowing it contained the lyric, "But that old man, he's a real motherfucker—gonna kick him on down the line..." After that, I made sure to put a note on the Appetite For Destruction CD, "Do NOT play Track 5!" Ditto went for Track 7, "You're (fuckin') Crazy"...
2) "Who Are You"—THE WHO (1978) The 'orrible 'Oo also fell victim to the Janet Jackson thang, so now you get the neutered version of "Who Are You" on the radio, where "Who the fuck are you?" has been eradicated altogether. Still, it's much better than the "clean" original 1978 single version for which Roger Daltrey had to return to the studio to sing five whole words: "Who the hell are you?"
1) "Stairway To Cleveland"—JEFFERSON STARSHIP (1981) One of my all-time favorite songs, irregardless of its vulgarity, I just love its hilarious rapid-fire mob vocals from practically the entire group. This one never got played on the radio thanks to that classic little refrain "Fuck you--We do what we want!"
Come to think of it, that's the basic tenet of this here blog...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sods and Odds
Random thoughts while I'm being distracted by the NCAA bassit-ball thang...
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
"...after careful deliberation I completed my brackets today, and I have three of the four #1 seeds making the Final Four--Kansas, North Carolina, and Memphis--but UCLA is going to be tripped up by my dark horse, Xavier. Watch out for those mighty Muscatels--er, uh--Musketeers! And even though I'm a Missouri fan, I have Kansas winning the whole shootin' match on the 20th anniversary of the last time they did it. Remember folks, you heard it here first!"—B. Holland, March 17, 2008
Admittedly, I stepped on my winky on that whole Xavier thing, but damned if I didn't get tonight's match-up dead solid perfect in my bracket. Now if Kansas goes on to win this game, they'll make me look like a genius and break my heart at the same time because I didn't put any money on my brilliant bracket-ology...
POTTY MOUTH!
Thanks to fellow blogger Dr. Sardonicus, I now know where my humble blog stands in terms of vulgarity by way of the Blog Cuss-O-Meter, which measures the relative use of profanity within one's blog or website. According to these folks, the average "Cuss Level" is 8%, and yours truly registered an astounding rate of cussery of 28.7! What the fuck can I say—that's the way I talk most of the time when I write. And in the words of the late Redd Foxx, "I'm too old to stand up here and say 'doo-doo'!"
REASON #1,192...
...for why I'm not a religious person: Today's headline— "Over 400 children taken from Texas polygamist ranch..." God bless us, one and all, huh? Obee-kaybee...
EARLY EVENING, APRIL 4...
U2's Bono didn't quite get the time of day right in his lyric for "Pride (In The Name Of Love)", but his heart was in the right place in his tribute to Rev. Martin Luther King. With Friday being the 40th anniversary of that fateful day in Memphis, there were numerous King documentaries on TV over the weekend, most of which I found to be very educational. In spite of my bias towards religious figures, I really think MLK was an honorable man (in spite of his flaws), and as a white person whose father is from the "Deep" South, I'm deeply embarrassed by the unbridled bigotry displayed by some of these Southern "authority" figures from the '60s and the way they treated black people back then. I also think it's very petty the way J. Edgar Hoover and his FBI cronies treated King as if he was a Communist—talk about your raging paranoia! I tend to agree with the rank and file that James Earl Ray ain't the one who pulled the trigger on April 4, either...
SPEAKING OF UGLINESS...
That's what the Summer Olympics in China are going to be. Here we are 3-4 months away, and it's already turning into a political free-for-all for these protestors. I fear Beijing will make Munich look like a pillow fight. Makes one wonder if the Olympics are even worth staging anymore...
GIVE IT UP, ALREADY!
"The inquest into the death of Princess Diana returned a verdict of unlawful killing Monday, blaming the driving of chauffeur Henri Paul and paparazzi photographers pursuing her car at high speed..."
No shit? The above headline is from today, not 1998—didn't we already know this for a fact ten years ago? All this lawsuit shit isn't going to bring Diana back, folks—let her go, for Pete's sake!
HIS HAND IS NOW COLD AND DEAD...
...so feel free to help yourself to charmin' Chuck Heston's gun, if you're so inclined. Don't mean to sound insensitive here, but as I've stated before on this blog, I'm not one to heap high praise upon someone whom I've disliked just because they're now dead. While I'm sorry that Heston had to battle Alzheimer's disease—nothing funny about that, whatsoever—to be bluntly honest, he was not one of my favorite people in the world. Unlike him and other NRA-types, I don't feel compelled to prove my manhood by packing heat...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #75
"That's The Way I Wanna Rock 'N' Roll"—AC/DC (1988) "Turn off my brain control..." Or as dopey me heard it, "Turn off my breaking toe..."
DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN WE THINK...
You want me to do what?!?
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
"...after careful deliberation I completed my brackets today, and I have three of the four #1 seeds making the Final Four--Kansas, North Carolina, and Memphis--but UCLA is going to be tripped up by my dark horse, Xavier. Watch out for those mighty Muscatels--er, uh--Musketeers! And even though I'm a Missouri fan, I have Kansas winning the whole shootin' match on the 20th anniversary of the last time they did it. Remember folks, you heard it here first!"—B. Holland, March 17, 2008
Admittedly, I stepped on my winky on that whole Xavier thing, but damned if I didn't get tonight's match-up dead solid perfect in my bracket. Now if Kansas goes on to win this game, they'll make me look like a genius and break my heart at the same time because I didn't put any money on my brilliant bracket-ology...
POTTY MOUTH!
Thanks to fellow blogger Dr. Sardonicus, I now know where my humble blog stands in terms of vulgarity by way of the Blog Cuss-O-Meter, which measures the relative use of profanity within one's blog or website. According to these folks, the average "Cuss Level" is 8%, and yours truly registered an astounding rate of cussery of 28.7! What the fuck can I say—that's the way I talk most of the time when I write. And in the words of the late Redd Foxx, "I'm too old to stand up here and say 'doo-doo'!"
REASON #1,192...
...for why I'm not a religious person: Today's headline— "Over 400 children taken from Texas polygamist ranch..." God bless us, one and all, huh? Obee-kaybee...
EARLY EVENING, APRIL 4...
U2's Bono didn't quite get the time of day right in his lyric for "Pride (In The Name Of Love)", but his heart was in the right place in his tribute to Rev. Martin Luther King. With Friday being the 40th anniversary of that fateful day in Memphis, there were numerous King documentaries on TV over the weekend, most of which I found to be very educational. In spite of my bias towards religious figures, I really think MLK was an honorable man (in spite of his flaws), and as a white person whose father is from the "Deep" South, I'm deeply embarrassed by the unbridled bigotry displayed by some of these Southern "authority" figures from the '60s and the way they treated black people back then. I also think it's very petty the way J. Edgar Hoover and his FBI cronies treated King as if he was a Communist—talk about your raging paranoia! I tend to agree with the rank and file that James Earl Ray ain't the one who pulled the trigger on April 4, either...
SPEAKING OF UGLINESS...
That's what the Summer Olympics in China are going to be. Here we are 3-4 months away, and it's already turning into a political free-for-all for these protestors. I fear Beijing will make Munich look like a pillow fight. Makes one wonder if the Olympics are even worth staging anymore...
GIVE IT UP, ALREADY!
"The inquest into the death of Princess Diana returned a verdict of unlawful killing Monday, blaming the driving of chauffeur Henri Paul and paparazzi photographers pursuing her car at high speed..."
No shit? The above headline is from today, not 1998—didn't we already know this for a fact ten years ago? All this lawsuit shit isn't going to bring Diana back, folks—let her go, for Pete's sake!
HIS HAND IS NOW COLD AND DEAD...
...so feel free to help yourself to charmin' Chuck Heston's gun, if you're so inclined. Don't mean to sound insensitive here, but as I've stated before on this blog, I'm not one to heap high praise upon someone whom I've disliked just because they're now dead. While I'm sorry that Heston had to battle Alzheimer's disease—nothing funny about that, whatsoever—to be bluntly honest, he was not one of my favorite people in the world. Unlike him and other NRA-types, I don't feel compelled to prove my manhood by packing heat...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #75
"That's The Way I Wanna Rock 'N' Roll"—AC/DC (1988) "Turn off my brain control..." Or as dopey me heard it, "Turn off my breaking toe..."
DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN WE THINK...
You want me to do what?!?
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