Careful, Nervous Blogger Driving...

THE HOUSE IS A-ROCKIN'...
I neglected to mention on Thursday that it was my 12th anniversary at my humble abode, which I took possession of on January 3, 1996, thus my house is now officially 60% paid-for.  It ain't the Taj Mahal or the Presley Estate, but it's a good little house all the same, and I love it to death.

SPEAKING OF STEVIE RAY REFERENCES...
SRV will be eligible for induction into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame next year.  He fuckin' better be inducted, or I will personally drive to Cleveland to the Hall of Fame and piss on it.  Really, really hard!

ROCK CHALK, JAYHAWKS
As a Missouri fan, even I have to give it up to Kansas for their 24-21 victory in the Orange Bowl the other night against Virginia Tech.  I certainly was all ready to do the "Hokie Pokey" if Va. Tech won, but KU was up to the challenge of proving they are indeed worthy.  It's all good for the Big 12 too, as we now have a changing of the guard after 40 some-odd years of Nebraska/Oklahoma/Colorado/Texas domination of the conference.  Next season promises to be even more exciting than this year was...

I also must comment on the milquetoast performance by ZZ Top at halftime of the O-Bowl.  One friggin' song ("Sharp Dressed Man") and that's all?  And do we really need all the dancing girls scattered all around the field, all of whom weren't even born before "My Head's In Mississippi" came out?  Frankly, I expect better from the Little 'Ol Band From Tejas!

While I'm at it, I want to share a quote from K.C. Star columnist Jeff Flanagan about the bowl game coverage on TV in general:  "We don't need 100 interviews with past coaches, retired athletic directors, parents in the stands, or VIPs on the sideline...Some marketing genius at ESPN apparently decided a few years ago that football telecasts should be geared toward entertaining and/or luring the non-football fan.  But guess what?  The non-football fan isn't watching 99.9% of the bowls...Non-football fans watch other things."  Amen to that!  The gambit I'm sickest of is interviewing the parents in the stands and/or showing their reaction to every freakin' play their QB son makes—very irritating!  NBC started this crap about 15 years ago or so when Bubby Brister was subbing at QB for the Steelers in a game at Denver, and Jesus Horatio Christ, these som-bitches flashed their cameras to catch his mom in the crowd after every fucking play to get her reaction to young Bubby's prowess on the playing field, and it got old real quick, folks!

SURE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
One of our local Classic Rock stations is running their "Top 1,001 Songs of All-Time" countdown to start the year, and at position #666 is that Satanic classic, "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles!  The number of the beast, you say?  I dunno, but then again, you can't spell "Beatles" without "b-e-a-s-t"...

OUR COUSIN VINNIE?
For no particular reason, I got to thinking about former Kiss guitarist Vinnie Vincent today.  A little trivia for you, here—didya know that our man Vincent Cusano was a staff writer on TV's "Happy Days"?  I'd be willing to bet it was during the "Joanie Loves Chachi" era.  Anyway, allow me to present to you one of the silliest music videos of all-time.  Not a bad song, mind you, but this thing looked more like a parody of Rock excess than anything Weird Al ever did.  I've said it before, I'll say it again—VV was a damn good songwriter, but he was a mediocre guitar player, at best, and he stepped on his own winkie (while wearing spiked golf shoes) more than a little bit...

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO "LENNY THE COOL"
I witnessed yet another bon mot from former Chiefs legend Len Dawson last night on Channel 9 here in K.C., where he is their sports anchor.  He's notorious for butchering (non-football) player's names, and while reporting the news that the Royals had signed former big-name pitcher Hideo Nomo (pronounced hih-DAY-o) to a minor-league contract, our Lenny pronounced Nomo's first name as to rhyme with "video"!  I loved Len Dawson to death as a player, and he's not bad as a color commentator on the Chiefs radio broadcasts either, but he is to TV sports anchoring what Vinnie Vincent was to music video-ing!

TELLIN' IT LIKE IT IS—VOLUME II
More song lyrics where I substitute the word "fuck" for the word "love", like it shoulda been in the first place...

"More Today Than Yesterday"—SPIRAL STAIRCASE (1970)  "Every day's a new day, every time I fuck (love) ya..."
"Good Trouble"—R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON (1982)  "We could stay awake and fuck (dance) all night--we can always sleep..."
"Lovin' You's A Dirty Job"—RATT (1990)  "Fuckin' (Lovin') you is a dirty job..."

Classic Old-School Fast-Food Joint #1

Hate to seem like I'm ripping off everything Randy Raley does on his blog, but in the tradition of his Old-Time Gas Station series, I give you a favorite memory of mine, Classic Old-School Fast-Food Joints!
First up is a place we rarely ate at when I was a kid—the mighty Burger Chef.  Not that I didn't want to eat there, but there weren't that many B.C.'s around Kansas City, and it was like pulling teeth to get my old man to take us out to eat anyway.  By the time I was old enough to drive in 1980, the Chef had left our area altogether.

Remember Burger Chef and Jeff?  Evidently, there are a few folks out there who do, like the guy who put this website together.  And this one.  B.C.'s heyday was the '60s and early '70s, but they were gone by the Reagan Administration.

If possession is 9/10 of the law...

...then what's the other tenth? Inquiring mind wants to know!

TEMPLE OF DOOM!
Congrats to MU running back Tony Temple for his record-setting performance in the Cotton Bowl the other day—281 yards rushing and 4 TDs—as Mizzou got high on the Hawgs and whooped Arkansas 38-7.  Everyone worried about MU having a letdown after being snubbed for the Orange Bowl bid that went to Kansas, but they showed a lot of class and played their asses off and I'm very proud of them for finishing 12-2—their best season ever.  More good news for MU—they don't have to play Oklahoma next year, unless it's in the Big 12 title game.  Given the way OU played against West "Virgina" last night in the Fiesta Bowl, I can't figure out for the life of me how they managed to beat Missouri twice this year.  Watch out for the Tigers in '08, folks!

SPEAKING OF DOOM...
...that's what our buddy, the (very wrong) Rev. Pat Robertson, is predicting.  Yesterday, he proclaimed (as he always does) that God Himself told him 2008 will be a year of worldwide violence, and we're going to have a recession followed by a stock-market crash by 2010.  "The Lord was saying that there's going to be violence and chaos in the world," Pat claims.  Uhhh, your bulletin's a little late, dumbass—there already is violence and chaos in the world!  Yet another example of how this fucker and others of his ilk prey upon simple-minded people's fears.  Sleaze-bags like Robertson are a huge reason why I'm a non-believer...

PUCKIN'-A!
Was so pleased to see the NHL's outdoor hockey game in Buffalo become a surprise hit on New Year's Day, as some folks actually did tune in the broadcast on NBC.  Mother Nature added a little spice to the game with the snow and sleet, but for the folks in the stands, the conditions were no worse than those of a typical Buffalo Bills game this time of year, so it probably didn't even faze them.  Besides, the sight of 71,000 tuques in one place is quite heartwarming!  It's also nice to see something positive happen for the NHL for a change, and now there's talk of making this an annual event in different venues, possibly even in some non-NHL cities.  May I suggest Kansas City?  Might as well—Arrowhead Stadium never gets used in January anymore, except by the pigeons who roost there.

PEOPLE ARE STRANGE...
Okay, sitting outdoors for three hours watching a sporting event all bundled up in Winter time is one thing, but someone please explain this Polar Bear Club network to me.  That's the folks in numerous localities around the country who every New Year's Day go running into icy water intentionally wearing only bathing suits!  What exactly does this prove, besides that these yokels are first-class candidates for the looney bin?  Shit, I was freezing my ass off the other morning just walking out to grab my newspaper—and I was fully-clothed with a coat on!  These folks are certifiable...

SHE'S A BEAUTY?!?
University of Arizona law student and former beauty-queen Kumari Fulbright, accused of forcibly holding and torturing a former boyfriend by biting him on the arm and sticking a butcher knife in his ear, has been freed on bond.

You've no doubt already seen this pic making the rounds on the 'net and in the papers. Okay, I know she's an easy target here, but I just can't resist.  Who on earth did this former beauty queen—former being the key word here, I'm assuming—compete against?  The cretins at the Cantina Bar in Star Wars?  Joan Rivers and her ugly-ass daughter?  Joe Torre?  Steven Tyler?  Only a matter of time before we see her face on iodine bottles the world over...

IS THERE NOTHING SACRED?
Was extremely disappointed to hear Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Pride And Joy" on a car commercial numerous times during the bowl games.  I can't possibly fathom any scenario where SRV would have sold his music to any TV ad if he were still with us—shame (x3) on his estate for being sellouts!

IS THERE NOTHING SACRED?—PART DEUX
I saw by the paper today that they're now making a live-action "Speed Racer" movie.  Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!  Chim-Chim and Sprytle (sp?) are gonna be pissed...

AFTER FURTHER REVUE...
Anybody remember the old kids' show "The New Zoo Revue"?  I rented it on DVD not so long ago, mostly to re-live childhood memories of lusting after the lovely Emmy Jo in her short skirts and go-go boots—she was about the fourth female I remember being smitten by on TV after Yvonne Craig as Batgirl, Marcia Brady and the girl from "The Bugaloos".  Anyway, a couple things struck me about the show as I viewed it with adult eyes.  First off, the frog's voice sounded uncomfortably close to that of Bart Simpson, whom he pre-dated by a good 15 years at least.  Secondly, how is it the frog lived in a hole in the ground and the owl lived in a tree, but the hippo had her own fully-furnished apartment just like the humans?  Oh yes, I forgot—this was the '70s!!

LOOK MA—NO LEGS!
Even Lt. Dan might be impressed with this chick!

I'm still standing...

...better than Elton ever did, I might add!

NEWTS AND NOTES ON THE NEW YEAR:
Last song of '07:  "Had Enough"--The Who. Long live The Ox!

First song of '08:  "Delirious"--Z.Z. Top. Seemed appropriate to set the tone for the new year...

Second song of '08:  "New Year's Day"—U2.  Terribly predictable, true, but damned if this isn't a killer tune!  I'm only sorry I didn't realize that when it came out 25 years ago.  Hey, I fully admit it—I fucked up!  Wasn't the first time, won't be the last...

First question of '08:  Is there any appreciable difference at all between Carson Daly and Ryan Seacrest?  To me, these fuckers are interchangeable—and totally disposable, as well...

Second question of '08:  Why hasn't Dick Clark's health improved at all? Sad to say this, but he sounds just as bad as he did a year ago at this time—struggling for breath as he speaks—and it's heartbreaking to see the World's Oldest Teenager reduced to this.  Thankfully, at least he didn't inadvertently grab his wife's right boob on camera this year when he kissed her at Midnight like he did last year...

First (coherent) thought of '08:  I truly hope all is (and remains) well in the lives of my dearest friends (Stacy, Phil & Chris, Tom, John, Minta, Margaret, Rose, Fork, Alex, Tracy, Nadine and Andrea), as well as my fellow travelers in the good ol' blogosphere (Randy, Ken, Michelle, the good Doc. Sardonicus, Kilroy) and all the little people (Martians, midgets, et al) I've failed to mention by name here.  Y'all somehow manage to keep the proverbial acorn spinning on this end, and I thank you profusely, one and all!...

Second (coherent) thought of '08:  Why is Dubya still in charge?

"Another year over...a new one's just begun..."

At the risk of sounding like Barry Manilow, it's just another New Year's Eve here at the ol' homestead and I'm spending NYE alone for the third straight year, which speaks volumes on the current state of my flatlining social life.  I did have an offer to hang with a couple married friends of mine at one of the casinos tonight, but I would have just been a third-wheel (which I'm getting way too old for), so I passed.  All my other friends are married with kids and/or have no desire to get out on NYE, so I'll just spend it with Dick Clark and Co. once again and drink myself blind to the sound of ol' T. Rex (or perhaps some Johnny Cash).

Then again, going out on NYE is rather overrated anyway.  Unless you're willing to spend a shitload of money, decent options are pretty limited.  Even the crappiest sports bars or biker bars are going to charge you ten bucks just to get in the door and provide you with some cheapo party favors, lame appetizers and overpriced watered-down drinks.  If I had a girlfriend, or if I could round up a group of friends to get together with and ring in the new year, I might be more inclined to splurge and go out.  Even better would be if I knew someone who was throwing their own NYE party at home, but such is not the case.  Just as well—this way I don't have to dodge the drunks driving home since I'm already there.  Come to think of it, one of the better NYE's I ever had was the time I spent it playing house with an ex-girlfriend curled up on her sofa watching Dick Clark (Kiss was on that year, as I remember).  I guess I'll continue my tongue-in-cheek tradition that I started in 1999-2000 during the whole Y2K fuss by making The Who's "Had Enough" the last song of the year I hear right before Midnight because it ends with the line "here comes the end of the world..."  Hey, one of these years, it might just be right!

Before I sign off for 2007, I want to wish the Mizzou Tigers best of luck against Ar-Kansas tomorrow in the Cotton Bowl.  I also want to send warm greetings to the good people of Buffalo who will attend the outdoor hockey game tomorrow in the Bills' stadium between the Sabres and Pittsburgh—let's hope y'all return home safely without freezing off any of your extremities!

And to the rest of us—with the exception of those who made my 2007 Asshole(s) Of The Year list, as well as the New York Yankees—I raise a toast and hope we all have a boffo 2008.  Happy, happy, joy, joy!