My apologies for not having posted anything this week, but I think I'm going through what all bloggers experience from time to time—a case of blogger's cramp. I've had several things I've wanted to write about at length, but for whatever reason, I kinda hit the wall this week and didn't feel inspired to create anything. I've been in a bit of a funk too, mostly over a good friend's misfortune (see below) and this whole economy crisis and such, therefore I've been running on radio silence this week.
HANG IN THERE, JIM...
On a serious note, I want to send out long-distance best wishes to a friend of mine/fellow traveler who is going through an especially rough year. He lost his brother in a car accident back in the spring, and last weekend his 25-year-old son was badly injured in a dune buggy accident in Oregon in which he lost his left leg below the knee. Much worse, Jim's sister's fiance and 19-year-old daughter from a previous marriage were killed in the same accident, when their sand rail collided head-on with another sand rail being driven by some stupid drunk fuck in a locale that apparently has a history of this type of accident—what a needless, senseless (and avoidable) tragedy.
Jim, my friend, I don't know what to say—you and your family sure don't deserve this. My thoughts are with you, man. I hope Phillip is able to recover and get on with his life...
THANK YOU, DETROIT...
...for losing that make-up game with the White Sox on Monday, thus enabling the Royals to finish out of last place for a change. Weren't the Tigers 'sposed to be good this year?!?
I STILL DON'T BELIEVE IN CURSES!
But I'm at a loss to explain why the Chicago Cubs are trying desperately to repeat last year's three-and-out playoff series, as the Dodgers swept the first two games at Wrigley Field. Perhaps the Cubs should've lobbied Commish Bud Selig to move their home games to Miller Park in Milwaukee...
PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!—PART I
For the second straight year, innocent baseball viewers are being subjected to a barrage of promos between innings on TBS for "Frank TV", starring mildly-humorous-at-best impressionist Frank Caliendo during the playoffs. Caliendo himself apologized last year on ESPN's "Mike & Mike In The Morning" radio show for the way TBS force-fed him to us, and yet they're doing it again. Don't they have anything else to plug on TBS, like some "Friends" reruns or something? Oy!
PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!—PART II
Shame on DirecTV and actor Craig T. Nelson for these new ads that feature the late Heather O'Rourke doing her "They're here..." bit from Poltergeist. These commercials creep me out in much the same way as did those Orville Reddenbacher popcorn ads they put out a couple years ago—even though he'd been long-since deceased. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
DUDE, YER GETTIN' A CELL!
Congratulations to Orenthal James Simpson for finally getting his sorry-ass thrown in jail (probably for good) after being convicted for being a dumbass and assaulting people with deadly weapons, kidnapping and such. I guess this means O.J.'s search for the "real killers" is now permanently scrubbed...
O.J. AND HELIO DOWN BY THE JAILYARD?
Meantime, race car driver and "Dancing With The Stars" alum Helio Castroneves and his sister/agent are up on tax-evasion charges that go back about five years. Exactly how dumb are you, Helio?
WHILE I'M AT IT...
Ted McGinley on "Dancing With The Stars"?!? That's a contradiction in terms! I'd sooner watch John C. McGinley hoofing it on that show—at least he actually stars on a TV show ("Scrubs"), rather than perennially playing some peripheral dork character.
WHO WERE THOSE GUYS...
...that impersonated an NFL franchise last Sunday at Arrowhead Stadium? Those guys in the red uniforms must have been impostors, because they gave an inspired, not to mention, dominant effort against the Denver Broncos, winning 33-19. Commish Roger Goodell should've launched an investigation immediately!
OVAH!
The last time the Missouri Tigers won a foosball game in Lincoln, Nebraska, I was a mere lad of 14 in the 9th grade at Raytown Junior High. Thirty years later, that streak is about to end, unless the Cornhuskers rack up six TDs and a 2-point conversion in the 4th quarter and keep MU off the board—which ain't gonna happen. Nice going, you Tiggers!
ATTENTION, CHIEFS, ATTENTION!
Might I suggest you draft Mizzou's Jeff Wolfert next year and solve your place-kicking woes? The boy is good...
BRIAN HOLLAND, CORPORATE SHILL?
I received an e-mail the other day with the following offer:
I wanted to know if by any chance you would be interested in doing an unbiased review of our site on your blog. If you agree you can choose between receiving a product sample or receiving a payment. If you choose the product sample instead of the payment the sample is yours to keep and you don’t need to send it back. The product sample that you can get is Peloop - a penis enhancer...
Is that anything like Austin Powers' "Swedish-made penis enlarger--with male symbol"? Uhhh, no thanks, Peloop—I'm perfectly happy with my Li'l General as he is. Besides, what the hell am I gonna say? "After trying Peloop, my dick's three sizes larger now..." Riiiight.
METHINKS I SEE A PATTERN HERE
I took a mini-road trip today over to Paola, KS to check out another eatery that's been profiled on Food Network's "Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives", a place called the BBQ Shack. This is the fifth place I've visited that's been hyped on DD&D, and the fourth one I've been majorly underwhelmed by. First off, the place is no longer even a shack, as they've recently relocated to a sterile strip mall, secondly, there wasn't anything special about their food and thirdly, I found the servers there to be rather rude. In fact, their food gave me a rather nasty case of the Schaefers (diarrhea, to youse non-beer drinkers) a couple hours ago.
Of all the DD&D places I've visited so far, only Hodad's in San Diego was worth the visit to me. Just a hunch, but if these places pay ol' Guy Fieri enough money, he'll say anything they want him to about how great their food allegedly is. Fieri has visited three places right here in Kansas City that I've never even heard of before, and it seems to me that if they were really that good, I'd already know about them.
MY KIND OF PLACE!
Here's one Guy Fieri ain't been to yet! A friend sent me these pics of a place in Arizona called the Heart Attack Grill. 
Click on this pic and check out the menu items!
And if you should require a little defibrillation, trained nurses are always on hand! It just so happens I'm thinking of taking a little vacation to the Valley of the Sun this coming February, so screw Hooters—I think I might pass by for a By-Pass burger!
