Then again, why not?!?
A DECADE OF DECAY
Seems like it was just yesterday that we were partying like it was 1999 and fretting about Y2K, but Time magazine ran a nice feature this week in which they accurately deemed the ‘00s the “Decade From Hell”, and it suddenly hit me that this current decade is rapidly hurtling to a close—and not a minute too soon. It amazes me how, the older I get, time seems to pass by so much faster now—to me, the ‘90s came and went in a flash too, while the ‘70s and ‘80s seemed to last forever. The Time piece (timepiece?) paints a pretty bleak picture of the last ten years for all of us, what with 9/11, Dubya/Cheney, Katrina, the economic meltdown, steroids in sports, fall of the automakers, et al (and I would add to that list “Reality” TV, the decline of the music and radio industries, Lindsay Lohan, the advent of college football's BCS system, Paris Hilton, the rise of Fox News Channel—these and many many more), but the article also gives hope that things like this are cyclical and that better times lie ahead for all.
I hope they’re right, because this decade has been equally wretched for me personally as well, and a huge disappointment considering how the ‘90s ended for me with such promise. At the end of ’99, I was 35 and in reasonably good physical condition. Also at the time, I was involved in the best (albeit most unorthodox) relationship with a woman I’ve ever had, I was well on my way to getting out of credit card debt and I still had a social life and was able to hang out with friends on a regular basis. Flash ahead ten years—I’m now 45 and rapidly turning into a jaded, bitter old fuck. I haven’t even kissed a woman on the lips since December, ’99, I’m back in debt even worse than before, I'm heavier than ever before, my once-brilliant eyesight has deteriorated considerably and my flatlining social life makes me want to book passage on the next ferry to the Land of Misfit Toys. Most of my personal crap is self-inflicted, no question, and like in the old Who song, “I’m just tryin’ to fight my way out of this dream.” Then again, I seem to function better in decades with odd numbers in the tens place—the ‘90s were much happier for me personally, and I’m a child of the ‘70s—so maybe things will start to turn around four weeks from now. I sure hope so, because 20 years from now, I don’t want to wind up being one of these old farts I always see sitting around at McDonald’s every morning drinking coffee whose daily highlight is bemoaning how his life went wrong over his Egg McMuffin. Like Edgar Winter's "Free Ride" goes, “We (I) gotta do better, it’s time we (I) begin…”
“THEY SAID HE WAS RUTHLESS, THEY SAID HE WAS CRUDE…”
…and that’s why Kansas University football coach Mark Mangino is now unemployed. Once a media darling and hero for resurrecting KU’s moribund football program, the Bambino fell and fell hard once all the allegations of player abuse were hurled at him since their seven-game losing streak began in October, culminating with the defeat at the hands of my Mizzou Tigers last Saturday. Damn shame, too—it’s been fun seeing KU be a perennial winner for a change on the gridiron these last few years instead of just on the basketball court. And even though Mangino “had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude”, one wonders if he’d still have a job if Kansas won just two or three of those seven games—it’s amazing how winning can keep dirt under the rug. So long, Bambino…
WHAT A PUTTS!
Didn’t anyone ever explain to Tiger Woods that you’re only supposed to play one hole at a time? It figures, just when I was starting to like the guy, he reveals himself to be just another zillionaire douche who lets his little head do the thinking. And what a stupid way for one’s peccadilloes to be uncovered—by wiping out a fire hydrant near one’s own driveway! I happen to have a fire hydrant right smack dab in my front yard, but even in my most harried states, I’ve always managed to avoid hitting hit the bloody thing with my motor vehicle. Then again, all this media fuss over Tiger this week is so unwarranted. I mean, what’s he done wrong, really? Same thing millions of other men are doing in this country at this very moment—he cheated on his wife. With great regularity, apparently. Certainly no worse than dog fighting or Ponzi schemes or just being Ryan Seacrest. Then again, I cite the old axiom—why go out for hamburger when you have Porterhouse at home? Cry me a freakin’ river, Tiger…
ERIC WOOLFSON, 1945-2009
Alan Parsons Project lead singer/keyboardist Eric Woolfson died of cancer on Tuesday at age 64. While far from my favorite band in the world, APP certainly had their moments, and I really liked Woolfson’s vocals on “Eye In The Sky” and especially on “Don’t Answer Me”. Cool video on that one too.
BOB KEANE, 1922-2009
The man who founded Del-Fi Records and discovered singer Ritchie Valens, Bob Keane, also passed away last weekend. Keane was portrayed admirably in the biopic 1987 film La Bamba by actor Joe Pantoliano, although the real Bob Keane had a lot more hair than Joe does...
AARON SCHROEDER, 1926-2009
You probably don't know the name, but you probably know of his work. He famously wrote several big hits for Elvis, including "Good Luck Charm", "It's Now Or Never" and my personal Presley fave, "A Big Hunk O' Love". And more importantly, Schroeder composed the "Scooby-Doo" theme. Rest in peace, Aaron, you done good.
PUT THE TEAR DUCTS ON SIMMER, LADIES!
Could someone please tell me why all of Oprah Winfrey’s fans are supposedly “in mourning” ever since she announced she’ll be ending her daytime yapfest in 2011? First off, that’s two years from now, and second off, she’s starting her own cable network—all Oprah, all the time!—and will be even more omnipresent than she ever was. Even though the biggest problem will be finding home TV screens large enough to fit Oprah’s ever-expanding head into, I don’t see where this is cause to make your mascara run, girls…
SHAZBOT! INDEED
I love comedian Robin Williams to death, and I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I dearly wish he’d cease making comedy movies, especially for Disney! His latest venture—Old Dogs with John Travolta—had already been raped and pillaged by the critics, and if Williams isn’t careful, he’s going to wind up being the next Dean Jones. It’s a strange paradox that such a gifted and funny comedian consistently makes such lame comedy movies—only World According To Garp and Good Morning, Vietnam were good comedy film vehicles for him—while he’s far better-suited for dramatic roles like in Awakenings, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society and even the creepy One-Hour Photo.
FROM THE "I WISH I’D WRITTEN THAT" BUREAU:
Time to let other people have the floor in a little sampling of letters-to-the-editor that I enjoyed this week:
Regarding the Fort Hood tragedy:
“I found it interesting that your cover photo of Nidal Malik Hasan, who apparently killed in the name of God, labels him a possible terrorist. In verbatim, Scott Roeder, who also killed in the name of God, is called the 'accused shooter' What’s the difference between them, again? I am less concerned about the thousand or so radical Muslims who are highly monitored, than I am about the million or so unguarded radical 'Christians' whose hatred is fanned daily by the rhetoric of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter.”—David Berry, Raton, NM (in Time magazine)
“I don’t know what roles Muslims should play in our military, but perhaps counseling veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan should not be one of them. Fair or not, I would not have wanted to talk to an Army psychiatrist of Vietnamese descent when I came home from Vietnam in 1970.”—Bruce W. Rider, Capt., USAF (ret.), Grapevine, TX (in Time)
“The long list of red flags you listed should have alerted anyone with a modicum of common sense. Yet instead of being proactive, everybody chose political correctness.”—Raoul Carubelli, Oklahoma City (in Time)
Regarding Sarah Palin:
“The staying power of Sarah Palin mystifies me. Maybe it’s because I’m an independent voter that I don’t understand the amazing attraction to the Republican Party of a thoughtless, divisive, poorly trained public servant who abandoned her state job for the cash. Never mind, I just answered my own question…Remember, it’s party first, nation second.”—Jeff Gadt, Overland Park, KS (in the Kansas City Star)
“Thanks to the doe-in-the-headlights public, she is a multimillionaire. She is cashing in on her celebrity. She will not have to run for any public office or work a 9-to-5 job another day in her life. She knows she has no chance to be president of the United States because she isn’t qualified. Wake up, people. We are being hookwinked.”—David Howard, Raymore, MO (in the Kansas City Star)
PUT A SOCK IN IT
I saw Cindy Sheehan going at it again with some military guy on TV the other day. At the risk of sounding like Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly and their ilk, is anyone else besides me growing weary of Sheehan’s anti-war protests? While I totally agree with her sentiments, it’s so obvious she’s become addicted to the limelight and notoriety afforded her by the media, and she’s really damning her own cause by making an ass out of herself. Hate to sound so cynical, but I just don’t see how going around hollering into a bullhorn is going to stop the war anyway. It’s certainly not going to bring her dead son back, either.
GREAT MOMENTS IN SONGWRITING
“War Pigs”—BLACK SABBATH (1970) “Generals gathered in the masses/Just like witches at Black Masses…”
“All The Way”—KISS (1974) “You've got a lot to say, every night and every sunny day/It’s the same thing you’ve been sayin’ to me every day...I'm so finally glad to hear you stop for a day."
Uhhh, when creating a rhyming scheme, it goes totally against protocol to use the SAME word!
READY FREDDIE!
Last night, I re-watched the 1992 Freddie Mercury Wembley Stadium AIDS benefit concert DVD for the first time in ages. I’d almost forgotten what a truly superb show this was, featuring an all-star lineup that included Robert Plant, David Bowie, Elton John, Annie Lennox, Slash and Axl from Guns ‘N’ Roses, Roger Daltrey, Nuno Bettancourt and Gary Cherone from Extreme, Lisa Stansfield, Joe Elliott from Def Leppard, George Michael, Mott The Hoople’s Ian Hunter, Liza Minnelli, Paul Young and even Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath, all augmenting the surviving members of Queen, Brian May, Roger Taylor and John Deacon. There wasn’t a bad number in the entire set, which is astounding when you consider all the different musical stylists Queen had to adapt to in just three weeks of rehearsal time. Stansfield was a total hoot doing “I Want To Break Free”, mimicking Mercury dressing in drag with big exaggerated curlers in her hair (although dressed far more stylishly than Fred) and vacuuming as he did in the video of the same song, and I was stunned at how Pat Benatar-like Liza appeared here while singing “We Are The Champions”—I’m talking 1981-82 heyday Pat Benatar here! Elton also looked quite slim and trim during this time, which coincided with his early ‘90s career resurgence with the excellent The One album. Curiously, though, Axl Rose sported some white shorts that were way tighter than anything Mercury ever wore. Hmmmmm, you don’t suppose Axl is...—I’m just sayin’! Another facet of Queen concerts that’s fun to watch is the audience. Queen easily had the best sing-along crowds in Rock history, not to mention their uncanny ability to clap in unison during songs like “Radio Ga-Ga”. Anyway, it was a terrific concert—well worth a look (or re-look) on DVD if you get the chance. Just tell ‘em Early Cuyler sent you…
THIS IS ONLY A TEST…
I bought a new smoke alarm last weekend to replace the aging one that came with my house when I took possession of it 14 years ago. While cooking dinner later that night, I discovered it works just fine!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
December 3, 1979
Today is a sad anniversary—it was thirty years ago tonight that the Cincinnati Who concert tragedy happened. Apart from the 2003 Station Nightclub fire in Rhode Island involving the band Great White in which 100 people perished, it was probably the darkest day in Rock music history. For you younger folks who might not remember, 11 concert-goers were trampled to death and hundreds of others were injured during an unfortunate (and totally inexcusable) stampede outside Cincinnati’s Riverfront Coliseum arena. This was a “festival seating” event—i.e., sit wherever you want—and an estimated 8,000 fans had queued up in the plaza area outside the venue in this photo late in the afternoon waiting for the doors to open, and there were only about 25 policemen on hand to keep order. Around 6:30, when people heard loud music coming from inside—presumably the sound check—they incorrectly thought the show had already begun and they started to push forward. Building officials only opened two (or perhaps four) of the sixteen entry doors to the arena, and in the enormous crush of fans trying to get in, many people simply couldn’t breathe. In the ensuing melee, many fans wound up trampling others who’d fallen and were unable to regain their footing. To make matters worse, inside the building, the turnstile Gestapo insisted on seeing everyone’s ticket first before allowing entry, which only exacerbated the bottleneck outside.Per my usual, I was tuned into “Monday Night Football” that night, as the Raiders and Saints battled in the Superdome when Frank Gifford and Howard Cosell first broke the news of the nightmare to the nation during the second half. Eerily enough, a year and five nights later, ol’ Howie would again inform America of yet another Rock ’N’ Roll tragedy on December 8, 1980. My first reaction to the Who tragedy was “Why on earth did they even go on with the concert?”, but I later learned that the band themselves weren't informed of what took place until after they came off-stage from their encore. Shutting down the show actually was contemplated, but Who manager Bill Curbishley wisely cautioned the fire marshals if they pulled the plug, they would chance a riot and further chaos inside the arena, plus the show itself bought them some time to clear the outer plaza of the victims and debris left behind, so they carried on with the concert. Once the band was notified, they were obviously devastated. Roger Daltrey was beside himself and talked of ending the tour right then and there, but the tour did resume the next night at The Aud in Buffalo under very heavy security. From the stage, Roger spoke to the crowd: “You all heard what happened yesterday…there’s nothing we can do…we feel totally shattered…but life goes on. We all lost a lot of family yesterday. This show’s for them.”
In the aftermath, there was a lot of predictable over-reaction by city officials in other municipalities in the form of over-zealous security at arenas and outright bans on Rock concerts in some places. Here in K.C., we were subjected to the endless “Could it happen here?” queries by our illustrious local TV news hacks. In Cincinnati itself, festival seating was banned in the wake of the Who tragedy, and it would be several months before Riverfront Coliseum hosted another Rock concert—Z.Z. Top in the spring of ‘80, with all reserved seating—and ALL the doors to the place were open that night. But interestingly enough, when one Bruce Springsteen played the same venue 23 years later in 2002, The Boss was granted an exemption from the festival seating ban. Fortunately, that show came off without a hitch. Curiously, U2 was denied a similar request the year before. Also in the aftermath, TV’s “WKRP In Cincinnati” built an episode around the Who concert that was alternately funny and poignant. Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap were giving tickets away on the air to the concert, and later found themselves doing some soul-searching about having possibly sent some of their own listeners to their demise. As with the aforementioned city officials, the station itself over-reacted by threatening to dump Rock 'N' Roll and switch back to elevator music. Weird Al Yankovic also rather tastelessly threw in the line "I haven't been in a crowd like this since I went to see The Who" in his 1980 parody, "Another One Rides The Bus". I'm loathe to admit that I found it wickedly and perversely funny at the time. Now, not so much.
Cincinnati also had a profound effect on The Who's guilt-ridden Pete Townshend, who descended into drug and alcohol abuse even further than what he was already into before the tragedy, and nearly OD'd not quite a year later on heroin and who knows what else. Thankfully, Pete didn't join Keith Moon at that Great Who Gig in the sky and got his life back together a couple years later. Even though they were advised not to, Daltrey, Townshend and the late John Entwistle later wrote letters to the bereaved expressing their sorrow over what had happened, even though they weren’t directly at fault (I blame the boobs who ran the arena for it). And though I’m sure they’d have been welcomed back anytime, The Who haven’t set foot in Cincinnati since that terrible night—the closest they’ve ventured to the Queen City for a concert appearance since then was nearby Dayton in 1996.
I've attended 107 concerts in the last 30 years (with #108, Kiss, coming up this week), and I've never witnessed anything even remotely close to what happened at Riverfront Coliseum in terms of mass confusion, chaos or violence. I do remember an Ozzy Osbourne show in '84 at Municipal Auditorium where we were crammed into the foyer area waiting for the main arena doors to open with people chanting "1-2-3-4, open up the fucking door!" until someone else shouted out "Remember The Who!" and everyone kinda chilled out after that. Ironically, the next concert I attended after the Cincinnati debacle was (who else?) The Who, at Kemper Arena in April, 1980. Cincinnati was still in the back of everyone's minds that night, but it was a great show that came off without incident, and any time I find myself amidst a large gathering of people, I'm still reminded of Cincinnati. When I attended a Reds game at adjacent Great American Ballpark in 2005, Alice Cooper and Cheap Trick were playing at the Coliseum (now U.S. Bank Arena, or whatever it's called this week), and I made it a point to walk past those arena doors they didn't open on December 3, 1979 and think of those 11 people. Just a sad, sad night for Rock 'N' Roll. Even sadder, there's no memorial marker anywhere on the site in remembrance of those who died that night.
ADDENDUM: The Cincinnati Enquirer ran a feature on the tragedy this week and a candlelight vigil was also held tonight on the concourse by the arena to mark the anniversary.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
My Life In The Kiss Cult, Part C, Section 3
Just 10 more spots to reach the top!—-C. Kasem
10) Creatures of The Night (1982) If a band makes a triumphant comeback in the woods and no one hears it, is it truly a comeback? Not too many folks noticed at the time that Kiss had returned to their down-and-dirty heavy metal style in late 1982 after spending the better part of five years in the Rock wilderness making solo albums and lightweight Pop/Rock albums and a weird concept album. Even I had all but written the band off at this point, having turned my attention to other hard Rock acts like Ozzy Osbourne, Rush, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Scorpions, et al, so I was quite pleased to hear that Kiss had re-grown its collective scrotum. The title track charges right out of the gate to open the record with some thunder in Eric Carr’s drums that let everyone know they were done fucking around. While not a success, sales-wise, COTN was a solid return to form in spite of the inner turmoil caused by Ace Frehley’s departure and the reluctant 11th-hour inclusion of Vinnie Vincent in his place. Even though Frehley’s mug graces the final make-up era album jacket (one of the cooler ones in Kisstory, by the way, right up there with Destroyer and Love Gun), he didn’t play a note on the record, near as anyone can tell, and the lead guitar parts were performed by any number of people, including Vincent and future Kiss guitarist Bruce Kulick. Even with the lack of an actual solo during its lead break, “I Love It Loud” wound up being the album’s centerpiece and one of the first Kiss videos to break through on the fledgling MTV thing. Paul’s “Keep Me Comin’” and “Danger” were a welcome return to the old Kiss groove, and while his almost-mournful “I Still Love You” was a bit of a departure, it wound up being a surprisingly durable concert favorite over the years. The rest of Gene’s cuts were quite sturdy as well. “Rock ‘N’ Roll Hell” (co-written by Bryan Adams) is the cautionary tale of a veteran Rocker whose star is fading, while “Killer” lives up to its name and the closing track “War Machine” may well have been the best song on the record. It took about ten years for Creatures to be recognized for the true behemoth it was, and even though the make-up thing had run its course by that time, it certainly saved this band from the Rock ‘N’ Roll scrap heap.
My grade: B
9) Revenge (1992) What do comedian Bill Cosby and Kiss have in common? They both have albums entitled Revenge. And both were quite good, too. Work had already begun on the Kiss Revenge when drummer Eric Carr was stricken with a rare form of heart cancer in 1991, so the band decided to bring in Eric Singer on a temporary basis in the hope that Carr would eventually recover, but sadly, he didn’t, rest his soul. Young master Singer, the first-ever blonde member of Kiss, was every bit as capable on the skins, having previously worked with the likes of Alice Cooper, The Cult, Jake E. Lee’s Badlands and Black Sabbath (check the boy out on Eternal Idol if you get a chance), as well as Paul Stanley on his 1989 solo club tour. Also returning to the fold fully-motivated was our favorite fire-breathing Demon, Gene Simmons, who had the Riot Act read to him by Paul Stanley about all his extracurricular activities that were affecting the quality of the band’s work more or less ever since they took off the make-up in 1983. The result was an excellent in-your-face balls-to-the-wall record, and easily the heaviest Kiss album since 1982’s Creatures Of The Night. And in a “He’s baaaaaack” sort of maneuver, Simmons even sang lead on the opening track (“Unholy”) for the first time ever on a Kiss studio album, which heretofore had been strictly Paul Stanley’s realm. Gene was certifiably born-again hard on Revenge, contributing his strongest tracks in years, especially “Unholy”, “Spit”, “Domino”, and my personal favorite, “Thou Shalt Not”, a not-so-subtle middle finger up the ass of sanctimonious religious zealots everywhere: “Kindly reconsider the sins of your past/I said ‘Mister, you can kindly kiss my ass!’”. Stanley’s songs didn’t suck here, either, including titty-bar tribute “Take It Off” and his nifty piece of verbal sleight-of-hand (sleight-of mouth?), “I Just Wanna (FUH-get you!)”. A couple tracks fall flat for me like Paul’s “Heart Of Chrome” and Gene’s “Paralyzed”, as well as the remake of Argent’s “God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll To You II”, which for some reason, I’ve never much cared for, even though it was a fair-sized hit. Revenge also contains a final tribute to their fallen comrade on “Carr Jam 1981”, which features a rare studio drum solo in the middle of a track Eric co-wrote that was in the works during the time of Music From The Elder, which eventually morphed into the Frehley’s Comet tune “Breakout” in 1987. Damn good album, Revenge is, so why in blue blazes didn’t Kiss stick to this winning formula instead of lurching into the the major brain fart that was Carnival Of Souls?
My grade: B+
8) Asylum (1985) It pisses me off no end whenever Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do retrospectives on the band’s history how they sometimes try to act like the ‘80s never happened and tend to dismiss the music they made during the non-make-up era. Unlike some fans, I generally don’t favor only the original foursome over other Kiss lineups, and I would even counter that a lot of Kiss’ ‘80s output holds up better than some of their ‘70s stuff does. Asylum, one of my favorite Kiss albums and easily their most underrated, is a good example. While it only yielded one hit, “Tears Are Falling”, the rest of the album consistently rocked out and even Simmons was a little more attentive this time than he was on Animalize from the previous year. Gene was full of his usual lascivious macho bravado lyrics throughout on tracks like “Any Way You Slice It” (“You know you ain’t your mother’s little daughter anymore…”), “Secretly Cruel” (“She was all over me like a cheap suit…”) and “Love’s A Deadly Weapon” (“…and murder’s on my mind…”). Paul Stanley opens the record with the triumphant “King Of The Mountain”, which dove-tailed nicely for me as a celebratory tune when the Royals won the World Serious just weeks after Asylum came out in ’85. Stanley’s “Who Wants To Be Lonely” seemed tailor-made to be an MTV hit, but never quite made it, for whatever reason. His other two cuts (“I’m Alive” and “Radar For Love”) were fairly average, but he made up for them with “Tears” and my favorite track on (and video from) the album, the closer “UH! All Night”. I think we all know what “UH!” means! Asylum was Bruce Kulick’s first credited work with Kiss (having already played on various tracks on Animalize and Creatures Of The Night), and he made the best of what little room Gene and Paul gave him to flex his muscles, especially on “Deadly Weapon” and “Any Way You Slice It”. Asylum doesn’t even rate that highly with the band members, but I’ve always really liked it, hence its Top 10 finish here, and I’d take it any day over the (somewhat) overrated Animalize, too.
My grade: B+
7) Kiss (1974) Oh, what might’ve been! If the legendary Eddie Kramer had been available at the time to produce the first Kiss album, we might be talking about this record in the same vein as other classic debut records like Van Halen, Boston, Guns ‘N’ Roses’ Appetite For Destruction and the Jimi Hendrix Experience’s Are You Experienced?. While the material here is first-rate—seven out of the ten tracks made it to Alive! in '75, and all seven remain Kiss concert staples to this day—the piss-poor recording by producers Kenny Kerner and Richie Wise all but sucked the life right out of the songs here. Even though they’re a little ragged in places, I don’t see why Kiss didn’t just use the demos for “Strutter”, “Firehouse”, “100,000 Years”, etc., (which you can hear on the Kiss box set) instead—they sounded so much fresher and energetic than the draggy neutered recordings here. “Cold Gin” sounds particularly slow, compared with how it’s played live, and “Deuce” just doesn’t have that extra kick you hear in concert. Of those tracks, “Nothin’ To Lose” sounds fairly good in its studio incarnation, complete with piano on the backing track and Peter Criss yowling away during the choruses, and the deliberate slow-down at the end of “Black Diamond” to close out the album is kinda cool, otherwise, those “Magnificent Seven” tracks came across so much better on Alive!. Meanwhile, the other three songs all have interesting stories behind them. “Kissin’ Time” wasn’t even part of the original album upon its release, but Casablanca Records boss man, the late Neil Bogart, could never pass up a great gimmick when it stared him in the face, so he enlisted the band to cover Bobby Rydell’s 1959 hit (with re-worked lyrics to include cities that were Kiss concert strongholds at the time) to coincide with a kissing contest to draw attention to the band. If you happen to own a pressing of Kiss without “Kissin’ Time” on it, it’s worth some money—there aren’t very many copies in captivity, evidently. “Love Theme From Kiss”—the first-ever Kiss instrumental—was originally known as “Acrobat”, which was part of the pre-historic Kiss live act that morphed into another section called “Much Too Young”. Other than “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose” from Lick It Up, “Love Theme” is the only Kiss song credited to all four members who were with the band at the time. “Let Me Know” was originally called “Sunday Driver”, and it features the nifty jam section romp at the end that was later transplanted to the end of “She” and stretched out in concert to allow Ace Frehley to show off a little.
My grade: B+ for the material, D+ for the recording thereof
6) Paul Stanley (1978) As one might have expected, Paul’s solo album sounded the most like a regular Kiss album, since he does the majority of the singing and songwriting. What one might not have expected was how much the Starchild had matured as a vocalist. Even though he’s a naturally-gifted singer, it took Paul a few years to truly find his vocal range and really learn how to properly sing, and this album was proof that he’d come a long way since “Strutter” and “100,000 Years”. The album opens with Stanley’s trademark slow/soft beginning followed by loud/hard finish on “Tonight You Belong To Me” (shades of “Black Diamond” and “I Want You” before it), and keeps the groove going with “Move On”. If you want to see something funny, watch him try to do this one live on the concert video from the Dynasty tour—Paul gets so wrapped up in dancing and jumping around that he forgets to inhale and loses his breath halfway through the second verse! “Wouldn’t You Like To Know Me?” is another fine track, in spite of the asinine line that goes, “You got the key, but babe, I locked the gate.” Uhhh, dude, the fact remains that your girl STILL HAS THE KEY! Unless she’s a total airhead and can’t figure out how to work the lock—oh, never mind! Working with erstwhile Kansas producer Jeff Glixman, Paul deviated from the Kiss playbook in a couple places here, like on “Take Me Away (Together As One)”, “Ain’t Quite Right” and the Barry Manilow-esque “Hold Me, Touch Me”, but not to the album’s detriment. Other standout tracks include “It’s Alright”, “Love In Chains” and the natural closer, “Goodbye”. Overall, a sterling effort by Mistah Stanley.
My grade: B+
5) Lick It Up (1983) I personally think Kiss waited one album too long to ditch the make-up and the platform boots. They should’ve left them in the ‘70s where they belonged, but the band certainly benefitted from the bounce they got from exposing themselves (facially, anyway) on Lick It Up. If you need proof that Kiss was just as good without the war paint, after seeing the “Lick It Up” video on MTV, a guy I worked with at the time said to me, “Man, I really liked the song, but didn’t have a clue who they were until Gene stuck his tongue out!” Thanks in part to the curiosity factor, LIU outsold Creatures Of The Night by leaps and bounds, even though the quality of the two was comparable and in spite of Vinnie Vincent’s unimaginative guitar work throughout. Fortunately, Vincenzo wasn’t a total liability, as his songwriting skills were far superior to his one-dimensional guitar playing, and he contributed mightily to the excellent mix of songs here—VV co-wrote the title track and eight out of the ten tunes, overall. Even though Gene Simmons wound up like a fish out of water and eventually lost his way without his Demon persona make-up, he had some killer tunes and did some of his best singing on this album. “Fits Like A Glove” and “Young And Wasted” are two of my all-time favorite Kiss tunes ever (regardless of era) and I loved the fuck-you attitude of his “Dance All Over Your Face”. “Not For The Innocent” and “And On The 8th Day” didn’t suck either. Paul Stanley scored a slam dunk with the title track, but had a bit of an airball by trying to be Gaspasser Flash by doing a little Rappin’ on “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose”—don’t quit yer day job, there, Starchild! However, if you can get past the Rappin’, the rest of the song ain’t bad. He makes up for it, though, on “Exciter”, “A Million To One” and especially “Gimme More”. As for Lick It Up as a whole: No make-up? No problem!
My grade: A-minus
And now I'm going to be a douche like Casey Kasem and make you wait for the rest of the countdown—mostly because I haven't written the rest of it, yet!
10) Creatures of The Night (1982) If a band makes a triumphant comeback in the woods and no one hears it, is it truly a comeback? Not too many folks noticed at the time that Kiss had returned to their down-and-dirty heavy metal style in late 1982 after spending the better part of five years in the Rock wilderness making solo albums and lightweight Pop/Rock albums and a weird concept album. Even I had all but written the band off at this point, having turned my attention to other hard Rock acts like Ozzy Osbourne, Rush, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Scorpions, et al, so I was quite pleased to hear that Kiss had re-grown its collective scrotum. The title track charges right out of the gate to open the record with some thunder in Eric Carr’s drums that let everyone know they were done fucking around. While not a success, sales-wise, COTN was a solid return to form in spite of the inner turmoil caused by Ace Frehley’s departure and the reluctant 11th-hour inclusion of Vinnie Vincent in his place. Even though Frehley’s mug graces the final make-up era album jacket (one of the cooler ones in Kisstory, by the way, right up there with Destroyer and Love Gun), he didn’t play a note on the record, near as anyone can tell, and the lead guitar parts were performed by any number of people, including Vincent and future Kiss guitarist Bruce Kulick. Even with the lack of an actual solo during its lead break, “I Love It Loud” wound up being the album’s centerpiece and one of the first Kiss videos to break through on the fledgling MTV thing. Paul’s “Keep Me Comin’” and “Danger” were a welcome return to the old Kiss groove, and while his almost-mournful “I Still Love You” was a bit of a departure, it wound up being a surprisingly durable concert favorite over the years. The rest of Gene’s cuts were quite sturdy as well. “Rock ‘N’ Roll Hell” (co-written by Bryan Adams) is the cautionary tale of a veteran Rocker whose star is fading, while “Killer” lives up to its name and the closing track “War Machine” may well have been the best song on the record. It took about ten years for Creatures to be recognized for the true behemoth it was, and even though the make-up thing had run its course by that time, it certainly saved this band from the Rock ‘N’ Roll scrap heap.
My grade: B
9) Revenge (1992) What do comedian Bill Cosby and Kiss have in common? They both have albums entitled Revenge. And both were quite good, too. Work had already begun on the Kiss Revenge when drummer Eric Carr was stricken with a rare form of heart cancer in 1991, so the band decided to bring in Eric Singer on a temporary basis in the hope that Carr would eventually recover, but sadly, he didn’t, rest his soul. Young master Singer, the first-ever blonde member of Kiss, was every bit as capable on the skins, having previously worked with the likes of Alice Cooper, The Cult, Jake E. Lee’s Badlands and Black Sabbath (check the boy out on Eternal Idol if you get a chance), as well as Paul Stanley on his 1989 solo club tour. Also returning to the fold fully-motivated was our favorite fire-breathing Demon, Gene Simmons, who had the Riot Act read to him by Paul Stanley about all his extracurricular activities that were affecting the quality of the band’s work more or less ever since they took off the make-up in 1983. The result was an excellent in-your-face balls-to-the-wall record, and easily the heaviest Kiss album since 1982’s Creatures Of The Night. And in a “He’s baaaaaack” sort of maneuver, Simmons even sang lead on the opening track (“Unholy”) for the first time ever on a Kiss studio album, which heretofore had been strictly Paul Stanley’s realm. Gene was certifiably born-again hard on Revenge, contributing his strongest tracks in years, especially “Unholy”, “Spit”, “Domino”, and my personal favorite, “Thou Shalt Not”, a not-so-subtle middle finger up the ass of sanctimonious religious zealots everywhere: “Kindly reconsider the sins of your past/I said ‘Mister, you can kindly kiss my ass!’”. Stanley’s songs didn’t suck here, either, including titty-bar tribute “Take It Off” and his nifty piece of verbal sleight-of-hand (sleight-of mouth?), “I Just Wanna (FUH-get you!)”. A couple tracks fall flat for me like Paul’s “Heart Of Chrome” and Gene’s “Paralyzed”, as well as the remake of Argent’s “God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll To You II”, which for some reason, I’ve never much cared for, even though it was a fair-sized hit. Revenge also contains a final tribute to their fallen comrade on “Carr Jam 1981”, which features a rare studio drum solo in the middle of a track Eric co-wrote that was in the works during the time of Music From The Elder, which eventually morphed into the Frehley’s Comet tune “Breakout” in 1987. Damn good album, Revenge is, so why in blue blazes didn’t Kiss stick to this winning formula instead of lurching into the the major brain fart that was Carnival Of Souls?
My grade: B+
8) Asylum (1985) It pisses me off no end whenever Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do retrospectives on the band’s history how they sometimes try to act like the ‘80s never happened and tend to dismiss the music they made during the non-make-up era. Unlike some fans, I generally don’t favor only the original foursome over other Kiss lineups, and I would even counter that a lot of Kiss’ ‘80s output holds up better than some of their ‘70s stuff does. Asylum, one of my favorite Kiss albums and easily their most underrated, is a good example. While it only yielded one hit, “Tears Are Falling”, the rest of the album consistently rocked out and even Simmons was a little more attentive this time than he was on Animalize from the previous year. Gene was full of his usual lascivious macho bravado lyrics throughout on tracks like “Any Way You Slice It” (“You know you ain’t your mother’s little daughter anymore…”), “Secretly Cruel” (“She was all over me like a cheap suit…”) and “Love’s A Deadly Weapon” (“…and murder’s on my mind…”). Paul Stanley opens the record with the triumphant “King Of The Mountain”, which dove-tailed nicely for me as a celebratory tune when the Royals won the World Serious just weeks after Asylum came out in ’85. Stanley’s “Who Wants To Be Lonely” seemed tailor-made to be an MTV hit, but never quite made it, for whatever reason. His other two cuts (“I’m Alive” and “Radar For Love”) were fairly average, but he made up for them with “Tears” and my favorite track on (and video from) the album, the closer “UH! All Night”. I think we all know what “UH!” means! Asylum was Bruce Kulick’s first credited work with Kiss (having already played on various tracks on Animalize and Creatures Of The Night), and he made the best of what little room Gene and Paul gave him to flex his muscles, especially on “Deadly Weapon” and “Any Way You Slice It”. Asylum doesn’t even rate that highly with the band members, but I’ve always really liked it, hence its Top 10 finish here, and I’d take it any day over the (somewhat) overrated Animalize, too.
My grade: B+
7) Kiss (1974) Oh, what might’ve been! If the legendary Eddie Kramer had been available at the time to produce the first Kiss album, we might be talking about this record in the same vein as other classic debut records like Van Halen, Boston, Guns ‘N’ Roses’ Appetite For Destruction and the Jimi Hendrix Experience’s Are You Experienced?. While the material here is first-rate—seven out of the ten tracks made it to Alive! in '75, and all seven remain Kiss concert staples to this day—the piss-poor recording by producers Kenny Kerner and Richie Wise all but sucked the life right out of the songs here. Even though they’re a little ragged in places, I don’t see why Kiss didn’t just use the demos for “Strutter”, “Firehouse”, “100,000 Years”, etc., (which you can hear on the Kiss box set) instead—they sounded so much fresher and energetic than the draggy neutered recordings here. “Cold Gin” sounds particularly slow, compared with how it’s played live, and “Deuce” just doesn’t have that extra kick you hear in concert. Of those tracks, “Nothin’ To Lose” sounds fairly good in its studio incarnation, complete with piano on the backing track and Peter Criss yowling away during the choruses, and the deliberate slow-down at the end of “Black Diamond” to close out the album is kinda cool, otherwise, those “Magnificent Seven” tracks came across so much better on Alive!. Meanwhile, the other three songs all have interesting stories behind them. “Kissin’ Time” wasn’t even part of the original album upon its release, but Casablanca Records boss man, the late Neil Bogart, could never pass up a great gimmick when it stared him in the face, so he enlisted the band to cover Bobby Rydell’s 1959 hit (with re-worked lyrics to include cities that were Kiss concert strongholds at the time) to coincide with a kissing contest to draw attention to the band. If you happen to own a pressing of Kiss without “Kissin’ Time” on it, it’s worth some money—there aren’t very many copies in captivity, evidently. “Love Theme From Kiss”—the first-ever Kiss instrumental—was originally known as “Acrobat”, which was part of the pre-historic Kiss live act that morphed into another section called “Much Too Young”. Other than “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose” from Lick It Up, “Love Theme” is the only Kiss song credited to all four members who were with the band at the time. “Let Me Know” was originally called “Sunday Driver”, and it features the nifty jam section romp at the end that was later transplanted to the end of “She” and stretched out in concert to allow Ace Frehley to show off a little.
My grade: B+ for the material, D+ for the recording thereof
6) Paul Stanley (1978) As one might have expected, Paul’s solo album sounded the most like a regular Kiss album, since he does the majority of the singing and songwriting. What one might not have expected was how much the Starchild had matured as a vocalist. Even though he’s a naturally-gifted singer, it took Paul a few years to truly find his vocal range and really learn how to properly sing, and this album was proof that he’d come a long way since “Strutter” and “100,000 Years”. The album opens with Stanley’s trademark slow/soft beginning followed by loud/hard finish on “Tonight You Belong To Me” (shades of “Black Diamond” and “I Want You” before it), and keeps the groove going with “Move On”. If you want to see something funny, watch him try to do this one live on the concert video from the Dynasty tour—Paul gets so wrapped up in dancing and jumping around that he forgets to inhale and loses his breath halfway through the second verse! “Wouldn’t You Like To Know Me?” is another fine track, in spite of the asinine line that goes, “You got the key, but babe, I locked the gate.” Uhhh, dude, the fact remains that your girl STILL HAS THE KEY! Unless she’s a total airhead and can’t figure out how to work the lock—oh, never mind! Working with erstwhile Kansas producer Jeff Glixman, Paul deviated from the Kiss playbook in a couple places here, like on “Take Me Away (Together As One)”, “Ain’t Quite Right” and the Barry Manilow-esque “Hold Me, Touch Me”, but not to the album’s detriment. Other standout tracks include “It’s Alright”, “Love In Chains” and the natural closer, “Goodbye”. Overall, a sterling effort by Mistah Stanley.
My grade: B+
5) Lick It Up (1983) I personally think Kiss waited one album too long to ditch the make-up and the platform boots. They should’ve left them in the ‘70s where they belonged, but the band certainly benefitted from the bounce they got from exposing themselves (facially, anyway) on Lick It Up. If you need proof that Kiss was just as good without the war paint, after seeing the “Lick It Up” video on MTV, a guy I worked with at the time said to me, “Man, I really liked the song, but didn’t have a clue who they were until Gene stuck his tongue out!” Thanks in part to the curiosity factor, LIU outsold Creatures Of The Night by leaps and bounds, even though the quality of the two was comparable and in spite of Vinnie Vincent’s unimaginative guitar work throughout. Fortunately, Vincenzo wasn’t a total liability, as his songwriting skills were far superior to his one-dimensional guitar playing, and he contributed mightily to the excellent mix of songs here—VV co-wrote the title track and eight out of the ten tunes, overall. Even though Gene Simmons wound up like a fish out of water and eventually lost his way without his Demon persona make-up, he had some killer tunes and did some of his best singing on this album. “Fits Like A Glove” and “Young And Wasted” are two of my all-time favorite Kiss tunes ever (regardless of era) and I loved the fuck-you attitude of his “Dance All Over Your Face”. “Not For The Innocent” and “And On The 8th Day” didn’t suck either. Paul Stanley scored a slam dunk with the title track, but had a bit of an airball by trying to be Gaspasser Flash by doing a little Rappin’ on “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose”—don’t quit yer day job, there, Starchild! However, if you can get past the Rappin’, the rest of the song ain’t bad. He makes up for it, though, on “Exciter”, “A Million To One” and especially “Gimme More”. As for Lick It Up as a whole: No make-up? No problem!
My grade: A-minus
And now I'm going to be a douche like Casey Kasem and make you wait for the rest of the countdown—mostly because I haven't written the rest of it, yet!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
My Life In The Kiss Cult, Part C, Section 2
On with the countdown...
20) Hot In The Shade (1989) I really liked this album when it first came out, but it hasn’t aged very well over the last 20 years as I’ve noted the throw-away quality of some tracks, particularly Gene’s offerings. This coincides with the continuation of Simmons’ late ‘80s “Gone Hollywood” period, when he was off acting in movies and TV shows (to varying degrees of success), managing/producing other bands (Giuffria, EZO, Keel, et al) and schmoozing with all type of celebrity vermin, with his participation in the band he co-founded being more of a hobby to the Demon rather than a serious pursuit. Thus, Paul Stanley was carrying the band on his back, and he was understandably pissed at Gene, and finally let him know it not long after the Hot In The Shade tour ended in 1990. Accordingly, the Demon gave us several forgettable tracks like “Prisoner Of Love”, “Boomerang”, "Love's A Slap In The Face", “Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell” and “The Street Giveth And The Street Taketh Away”, with only “Betrayed” and maybe “Cadillac Dreams” being truly worth writing home about. Stanley’s tunes were the strongest, as usual, especially “Rise To It”, “Read My Body” and “Silver Spoon”, along with the album’s two big hits, “Forever” (co-written by that Michael Bolton scalawag) and “Hide Your Heart”. The latter tune, co- written by Stanley, Desmond Child and Holly Knight, was a cautionary tale about the emerging street gang culture, featuring Dino, who was “king of the streets”. Funny, I always thought Dino was Fred Flintstone’s pet, but I digress. Anyway, 1989 was a banner year for “Hide Your Heart”, as no less than three versions of the song came out that summer/fall—one by Kiss, one by Southern Rockers Molly Hatchet (on the last really good album they ever made), and another by some dude named Ace Frehley. Of the three, the Kiss version was probably the best. HITS was also noteworthy for being drummer Eric Carr’s unexpected swan song. Thankfully, before he left us, he was finally able to sing one of his own compositions on a Kiss record, “Little Caesar”, which was re-worked from a tune originally called “Ain’t That Peculiar” and re-titled as Eric’s nickname. Would love to have heard this little dude sing some more—he sounded great doing Gene’s “Young And Wasted” and singing Peter Criss’ part from “Black Diamond” in concert, as well. This was also the longest Kiss studio album, to date—15 tracks and nearly an hour’s worth of music—but as I often declare, bigger ain’t necessarily better.
My grade: C
19) MTV Unplugged (1996) I’m on record as hating the whole “Unplugged” phenomenon on MTV. I thought it was gimmicky then, and I still feel that way. To me, acoustic guitar is the equivalent of black-and-white TV, whereas electric guitar equals color TV to me. True, there are some classic moments in Rock when acoustic guitar never sounded sweeter—the intro to George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord”, The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” and the Moody Blues’ “Question”, just to name three—but in general, as John Hiatt once sang, “…I wanna hear a Telecaster through a Vibrolux turned up to ten.” All that being said, I actually did rather enjoy the Kiss installment of MTV Unplugged for two reasons: 1) it was kinda fun to hear how some of the old classics evolved from their acoustic beginnings, and most importantly, 2) it led to the Kiss reunion that put a screeching halt to the nightmarish grunge detour Kiss took on Carnival Of Souls. The highlights for me on Unplugged weren’t so much the big hits like “Rock And Roll All Nite” as were the more obscure classics they dusted off and played like “Comin’ Home” from Hotter Than Hell and "Plaster Caster" from Love Gun and even more recent stuff like “Domino” from Revenge. I do have issues with them changing the line “She’s got me by the balls” from the latter to “She’s got to have it all” just to protect the virgin ears of any precocious MTV viewers who might have tuned in. Then again, MTV are the same people who banned Van Halen’s “Pretty Woman” video because it featured a guy in drag, yet it was perfectly okey-dokey to air Boy George/ Culture Club videos ad nauseam, but I digress. Anyway, it was also refreshing to finally hear Peter Criss sing “Beth” with live musical accompaniment instead of a taped backing track, and the combined forces of Criss/Frehley/Stanley/Simmons with Eric Singer and Bruce Kulick performing “Nothin’ To Lose” and “Rock And Roll All Nite” made for a nice finale. Not unlike Kiss Symphony, Unplugged isn't something I’d want to listen to all the time, but it’s fun to give it an occasional spin.
My grade: C
18) Alive II (1977) Since Alive! was such a monumental live recording, when I learned that Kiss was making a sequel late in the summer of ’77, I couldn’t wait for Alive II to come out, to the point where it was the first Kiss album I bought the day it hit store shelves. Make that the nanosecond it hit those shelves. I anxiously camped out after school in front of the old No Records store in Raytown on a cold and grey November afternoon (in the ghetto?) until the hippie chick clerk arrived with their shipment of new records. Not sure why I was that antsy about getting it—I’d already listened to Alive II in its entirety a few days before when I stayed up late (on a school night) to hear it on the “Midnight Album Hour” on the old KY-102, back in the days when spinning albums from start-to-finish on Album Rock stations was routine instead of heresy like it is today. Oh well, by this time, I was well within the clutches of KissMania and I just HAD to have Alive II ASAP. And it sure hit the spot—for a while anyway. I loved it as much as Alive! at first, but as time wore on, I began to realize it wasn’t nearly as good as its predecessor. When I listened to it more objectively over time, I noticed how Alive II didn’t really “take you there” the same way the first live record did (regardless of how much it was touched-up). The crowd noise was way over-amped and sounded really fake in places, too—Kiss audiences are loud, yes, but not shrieky like BeatleMania crowds. And the musicianship is pretty mediocre throughout, as well. Knowing now what I didn’t know then, I personally think Kiss should’ve used the audio from the April 2, 1977 Tokyo Budokan concert that’s featured on the Kissology DVDs instead—the band was much tighter and the sound was far superior than the L.A. Forum shows from which Alive II was culled. However, Alive II did have a major saving grace—Side 4—comprised of five all-new studio cuts, all of which were quite good, especially Paul Stanley’s “All-American Man”, Gene Simmons’ “Larger Than Life” and Ace Frehley’s “Rocket Ride”, and their remake of the Dave Clark 5’s “Any Way You Want It” was a hoot. In some more revisionist hindsight, I still opine that Kiss might’ve been better served to add another live side to Alive II with tracks that didn’t make the original cut (like “Take Me” and “Do You Love Me”) and even re-visit a few songs from Alive! (like “Strutter” or “Firehouse”), then record another four or five new songs to combine with the five from Side 4 and put out a full-fledged Kiss studio album that would have nicely filled the interim between Alive II and the solo albums in ’78.
My grade: C overall, with a straight B for Side 4
17) Alive III (1993) In spite of the passing of drummer Eric Carr in 1991, Kiss rebounded nicely with their strongest album in years in 1992 with Revenge, and the ensuing tour in support of it with Eric Singer on the skins was shaping up to be a great one until it was truncated about halfway through by poor ticket sales. Alive III decently documents where the band was at during this time, as their set list included a nice mix of old (“Deuce”, “Detroit Rock City”), newer (“Creatures Of The Night”, “I Still Love You”, “Lick It Up”) and newest (“I Just Wanna”, “Domino”, “Unholy”). It was also fun to hear 1992 Kiss doing 1974’s “Watchin’ You” and sounding great on it. In fact, if you can find a copy of the bootleg Unchained & Unmasked with the entire Jersey Meadowlands concert from September of ’92, although the sound’s a bit muddy in places, it’s well worth a listen for other old classics like “Parasite”, “I Want You” and “Hotter Than Hell”. Getting back to Alive III, on this tour, Kiss (for some strange reason) chose to perform the Rock ‘N’ Roll national anthem, “Rock And Roll All Nite” in the middle of the show rather than in its customary closer spot, but in its place, they played a brief rendition of the real national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner”, instead. Not the greatest live album in the world, but not a bad one, and an upgrade over the second one.
My grade: C+
16) Dressed To Kill (1975) Dressed To Kill was a bit of a rush-job, since the only way Kiss could make any money during this period was by playing the concerts which they were now headlining, so they ducked into the studio briefly to whip this one out between gigs in the winter of ’75. Casablanca Records president Neil Bogart produced this one himself, which may partly explain why DTK had far better sound than the first two Kiss albums. Of the original three LPs, it probably had the weakest material, overall, as the band had exhausted their stash of good songs on the first two albums and didn’t have proper time to come up with new stuff before heading into the studio. There were still a few gems, though, namely “Room Service”, “C’Mon And Love Me” (which was a minor radio hit), “She” and “Love Her All I Can”, the latter two of which Gene and Paul resurrected from their pre-Kiss Wicked Lester days. One of Kiss’ more underrated cuts and a big favorite of mine, the original “Love Her All I Can” sounded almost Jethro Tull-like with a flute solo (perish the thought of Ian Anderson in Kiss makeup!), while the Kiss version is stronger and punchier. Dressed also included “Rock Bottom”, featuring Ace’s 12-string acoustic intro, which is one of the prettier pieces of music you’ll hear on a Kiss record—too bad the rest of the song doesn’t really go anywhere. And of course, DTK contains the original studio version of Rock’s national anthem, “Rock And Roll All Nite”. A landmark song, and a defining moment in Kisstory, to be sure, but to be honest, I much prefer its infinitely superior live version on Alive!. Overall, Dressed To Kill most certainly would’ve been better if they’d had more time to put it together, but under the circumstances, they did the best they could.
My grade: C+
15) Animalize (1984) Animalize was certainly one of Kiss’ most successful LPs during the non-make-up years, but I disagree with the popular view amongst Kiss fans who regard it as one of the best things they put out in the ‘80s. I’ve always thought that album was overrated because it’s only half-good—Paul Stanley’s half, that is. Gene Simmons basically phoned in his half while he was off in La-La Land terrorizing Tom Selleck and knifing Kirstie Alley in the back while playing the bad guy in the film Runaway. In fact, Animalize could almost pass for a Paul Stanley solo album sprinkled with a few guest appearances by Simmons, as the Starchild pretty much ran the whole show himself by producing the album and even playing bass on some tracks in Gene’s place (as did Jean Beauvoir, the black dude with the mohawk from the band King’s X). Nonetheless, PS had some killer cuts on this record, namely the sizzling “I’ve Had Enough (Into The Fire)”, “Under The Gun” and “Get All You Can Take”, along with the two MTV hits, “Heaven’s On Fire” and the Bon Jovi-ish “Thrills In The Night”. Gene’s tracks, on the other hand, were all pretty much forgettable, especially “Lonely Is The Hunter”, “Murder In High Heels” and “While The City Sleeps”. Only “Burn Bitch Burn” was halfway decent, (saved only by its strong riff) with silly lyrics that sure didn’t cut the cheese—lame lines like “the heels are stacked against you” and “I’m gonna put my log in your fireplace”, etc. The Demon’s ship had clearly run aground by this time—it was clear that his competing agendas were a major detriment to Kiss—and since he was so distracted, this would’ve been a golden opportunity to let “Little Caesar” (Eric Carr) sing on a track or two, but noooooooo! Animalize was also late guitarist Mark St. John’s proverbial “cup of coffee” with the band, and even though he was sidelined later by his bout with Reiter’s Syndrome, he may not have lasted long with Kiss anyway. He clashed musically with Stanley and Simmons almost from the get-go, and was even supplanted by his eventual permanent replacement, Bruce Kulick, on two of the tracks here. Lame cover jacket too (both front and back), but thankfully, Paul Stanley came through and saved this album from being a total reversal of the momentum created by Creatures Of The Night and Lick It Up.
My grade: C+
14) Sonic Boom (2009) Following the band’s longest stretch between studio albums ever (11 years), I was quite skeptical that Kiss could still bring it in 2009, but damned if they didn’t on Sonic Boom. The jury’s still out as to the overall impact of Sonic Boom on the Kiss catalogue, but I was pleasantly surprised at how rejuvenated the band sounds and quite pleased with the quality of songwriting here, which was a major upgrade over 1998’s Psycho Circus. I also like how Simmons and Stanley are collaborating on some songs again, and how this album sounds a lot more like a cohesive group effort, the likes of which we haven’t heard from Kiss since 1992’s Revenge. The best tracks include “Never Enough”, “Hot And Cold”, “Stand” and “All For The Glory”, the latter of which features drummer Eric Singer on lead vocals. Democracy reigns on Sonic Boom, as even guitarist Tommy Thayer gets to sing lead on “When Lightning Strikes”. All that’s really lacking are really good opening and closing tracks, as “Modern Day Delilah” and “Say Yeah” are rather mediocre, respectively, in those roles. But, what’s in between is pretty good stuff—let’s hope we don’t have to wait 11 more years for the next one…
My grade: B-minus
13) Crazy Nights (1987) In spite of the title, a lot of Kiss fans weren’t crazy about Crazy Nights and even I didn’t much care for it—at first. But as time wore on, this record really grew on me, and there’s some pretty good stuff here, if you can get past the somewhat watered-down ’80s sheen applied to it by producer Ron Nevison. In fact, I rather liked the slickness and bigness of Crazy Nights, which sounded similar to Nevison’s previous high-profile projects, like Jefferson Starship's early '80s output, Ozzy Osbourne’s The Ultimate Sin in ‘86 and the self-titled major comeback album by Heart in ‘85. Oddly enough, some of Paul Stanley’s tunes fell flat this time, like “Crazy Crazy Nights”, “Bang Bang You” and “When Your Walls Come Down”, but he made up for those with some outstanding vocals on “I’ll Fight Hell To Hold You”, “Turn On The Night”, “Reason To Live” and “My Way” (no, not the Sinatra/Elvis song). Da boy musta been wearing tight pants in the studio, because I’d never heard him sing that high before—or since! Gene Simmons contributed a couple of underrated tracks as well, “Hell Or High Water”, “Good Girl Gone Bad” and the musical romp, “No, No, No”, the latter of which finally gave Bruce Kulick a chance to show off a little on lead guitar. Unfortunately, as good as the album was, the accompanying tour was quite possibly the worst in Kisstory, with the band playing short 75-minute sets as if they were double-parked outside the arena every night. Still, I like Crazy Nights, and every time I hear this album, it takes me back to the late ‘80s when I was 23 and working in radio and life was good—“for a limited time” (as the Rush song goes)…
My grade: B-minus
12) Hotter Than Hell (1974) It’s just a cryin’ shame that the first two Kiss albums sounded so amateurish because the hacks producing them (Kenny Kerner and Richie Wise) wouldn’t know good sound if it bit them in the ass. Like the first album, HTH had great songs on it, but I would like this album so much better if it didn’t sound like it was recorded in a mop bucket! Some people even go as far to say that HTH was the world’s first Grunge album, but I think they’re reaching a little. True, it did have a heavier sound than the first record, but that had more to do with the way Kerner and Wise slowed the pitch down on some songs (like the title track and “Parasite”) to the point where they just plod along instead of sounding bright and snappy like they do on Alive!. And I’d really like to know whose bright idea it was to chop “Let Me Go, Rock ‘N’ Roll” in half! The original demo for the song (found on the Kiss box set) contains the sloppy, yet spirited extended jam (which is the best part of the song, IMHO) just as they play it live in concert, but the Hotter Than Hell version got castrated into a two-minute single instead before the jam even starts—Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! A couple of songs on Hotter never really have registered with me—namely “Got To Choose” and “Goin’ Blind”—but Ace’s “Parasite” is one of my all-time Kiss faves, as is the title track, and I also really liked the under-the-radar stuff like “Comin’ Home”, “All The Way” and “Watchin’ You”. Good album that might have been a classic if it only had been recorded properly. It coulda been a contender...
My grade: B-minus for the material, D+ for the sound quality
11) Love Gun (1977) This one kinda snuck up on me—I wasn’t even aware it was due out when I saw it on display at the mall during the Major League Baseball All-Star Break in ’77. Love Gun basically was extra innings from where Rock And Roll Over left off in late ’76, and almost sounds in places like it might’ve been recorded during the same sessions. Sticking with the baseball motif, Paul Stanley—easily the finest lead-off hitter in the Kiss line-up—opened Side 1 with a solid line drive triple into the gap with “I Stole Your Love” and Side 2 with a grand slam on the title track. Meanwhile, first baseman Gene Simmons batted clean-up and drove in a few runs with a couple underrated classics of his own, namely “Got Love For Sale” (which even features the line “'cross your home plate”) and “Plaster Caster”, and he even scored a bloop-hit Top 40 single with “Christine Sixteen”. Designated hitter Ace Frehley nailed his third home run as a member of Kiss—“Parasite” and “Cold Gin” being the first two—by singing lead for the first time on “Shock Me”, while Catman shortstop Peter Criss tripped over his own tail rounding first base and got picked off on the rather lame “Hooligan”. “I got a ’35 Chevy on a ’55 frame…”—what the hell does that mean? Definitely not a vehicle I’d care to ride in! For those of you scoring at home, the rest of Love Gun included an infield single (“Almost Human”), one error (“Tomorrow And Tonight”) and only one strikeout (“Then She Kissed Me”) en route to the Kiss victory. Little did we know then that this would be the last time the original foursome were cooperating in the dugout/recording studio. Too bad Kiss never covered “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”, huh?
My grade: B
20) Hot In The Shade (1989) I really liked this album when it first came out, but it hasn’t aged very well over the last 20 years as I’ve noted the throw-away quality of some tracks, particularly Gene’s offerings. This coincides with the continuation of Simmons’ late ‘80s “Gone Hollywood” period, when he was off acting in movies and TV shows (to varying degrees of success), managing/producing other bands (Giuffria, EZO, Keel, et al) and schmoozing with all type of celebrity vermin, with his participation in the band he co-founded being more of a hobby to the Demon rather than a serious pursuit. Thus, Paul Stanley was carrying the band on his back, and he was understandably pissed at Gene, and finally let him know it not long after the Hot In The Shade tour ended in 1990. Accordingly, the Demon gave us several forgettable tracks like “Prisoner Of Love”, “Boomerang”, "Love's A Slap In The Face", “Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell” and “The Street Giveth And The Street Taketh Away”, with only “Betrayed” and maybe “Cadillac Dreams” being truly worth writing home about. Stanley’s tunes were the strongest, as usual, especially “Rise To It”, “Read My Body” and “Silver Spoon”, along with the album’s two big hits, “Forever” (co-written by that Michael Bolton scalawag) and “Hide Your Heart”. The latter tune, co- written by Stanley, Desmond Child and Holly Knight, was a cautionary tale about the emerging street gang culture, featuring Dino, who was “king of the streets”. Funny, I always thought Dino was Fred Flintstone’s pet, but I digress. Anyway, 1989 was a banner year for “Hide Your Heart”, as no less than three versions of the song came out that summer/fall—one by Kiss, one by Southern Rockers Molly Hatchet (on the last really good album they ever made), and another by some dude named Ace Frehley. Of the three, the Kiss version was probably the best. HITS was also noteworthy for being drummer Eric Carr’s unexpected swan song. Thankfully, before he left us, he was finally able to sing one of his own compositions on a Kiss record, “Little Caesar”, which was re-worked from a tune originally called “Ain’t That Peculiar” and re-titled as Eric’s nickname. Would love to have heard this little dude sing some more—he sounded great doing Gene’s “Young And Wasted” and singing Peter Criss’ part from “Black Diamond” in concert, as well. This was also the longest Kiss studio album, to date—15 tracks and nearly an hour’s worth of music—but as I often declare, bigger ain’t necessarily better.
My grade: C
19) MTV Unplugged (1996) I’m on record as hating the whole “Unplugged” phenomenon on MTV. I thought it was gimmicky then, and I still feel that way. To me, acoustic guitar is the equivalent of black-and-white TV, whereas electric guitar equals color TV to me. True, there are some classic moments in Rock when acoustic guitar never sounded sweeter—the intro to George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord”, The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” and the Moody Blues’ “Question”, just to name three—but in general, as John Hiatt once sang, “…I wanna hear a Telecaster through a Vibrolux turned up to ten.” All that being said, I actually did rather enjoy the Kiss installment of MTV Unplugged for two reasons: 1) it was kinda fun to hear how some of the old classics evolved from their acoustic beginnings, and most importantly, 2) it led to the Kiss reunion that put a screeching halt to the nightmarish grunge detour Kiss took on Carnival Of Souls. The highlights for me on Unplugged weren’t so much the big hits like “Rock And Roll All Nite” as were the more obscure classics they dusted off and played like “Comin’ Home” from Hotter Than Hell and "Plaster Caster" from Love Gun and even more recent stuff like “Domino” from Revenge. I do have issues with them changing the line “She’s got me by the balls” from the latter to “She’s got to have it all” just to protect the virgin ears of any precocious MTV viewers who might have tuned in. Then again, MTV are the same people who banned Van Halen’s “Pretty Woman” video because it featured a guy in drag, yet it was perfectly okey-dokey to air Boy George/ Culture Club videos ad nauseam, but I digress. Anyway, it was also refreshing to finally hear Peter Criss sing “Beth” with live musical accompaniment instead of a taped backing track, and the combined forces of Criss/Frehley/Stanley/Simmons with Eric Singer and Bruce Kulick performing “Nothin’ To Lose” and “Rock And Roll All Nite” made for a nice finale. Not unlike Kiss Symphony, Unplugged isn't something I’d want to listen to all the time, but it’s fun to give it an occasional spin.
My grade: C
18) Alive II (1977) Since Alive! was such a monumental live recording, when I learned that Kiss was making a sequel late in the summer of ’77, I couldn’t wait for Alive II to come out, to the point where it was the first Kiss album I bought the day it hit store shelves. Make that the nanosecond it hit those shelves. I anxiously camped out after school in front of the old No Records store in Raytown on a cold and grey November afternoon (in the ghetto?) until the hippie chick clerk arrived with their shipment of new records. Not sure why I was that antsy about getting it—I’d already listened to Alive II in its entirety a few days before when I stayed up late (on a school night) to hear it on the “Midnight Album Hour” on the old KY-102, back in the days when spinning albums from start-to-finish on Album Rock stations was routine instead of heresy like it is today. Oh well, by this time, I was well within the clutches of KissMania and I just HAD to have Alive II ASAP. And it sure hit the spot—for a while anyway. I loved it as much as Alive! at first, but as time wore on, I began to realize it wasn’t nearly as good as its predecessor. When I listened to it more objectively over time, I noticed how Alive II didn’t really “take you there” the same way the first live record did (regardless of how much it was touched-up). The crowd noise was way over-amped and sounded really fake in places, too—Kiss audiences are loud, yes, but not shrieky like BeatleMania crowds. And the musicianship is pretty mediocre throughout, as well. Knowing now what I didn’t know then, I personally think Kiss should’ve used the audio from the April 2, 1977 Tokyo Budokan concert that’s featured on the Kissology DVDs instead—the band was much tighter and the sound was far superior than the L.A. Forum shows from which Alive II was culled. However, Alive II did have a major saving grace—Side 4—comprised of five all-new studio cuts, all of which were quite good, especially Paul Stanley’s “All-American Man”, Gene Simmons’ “Larger Than Life” and Ace Frehley’s “Rocket Ride”, and their remake of the Dave Clark 5’s “Any Way You Want It” was a hoot. In some more revisionist hindsight, I still opine that Kiss might’ve been better served to add another live side to Alive II with tracks that didn’t make the original cut (like “Take Me” and “Do You Love Me”) and even re-visit a few songs from Alive! (like “Strutter” or “Firehouse”), then record another four or five new songs to combine with the five from Side 4 and put out a full-fledged Kiss studio album that would have nicely filled the interim between Alive II and the solo albums in ’78.
My grade: C overall, with a straight B for Side 4
17) Alive III (1993) In spite of the passing of drummer Eric Carr in 1991, Kiss rebounded nicely with their strongest album in years in 1992 with Revenge, and the ensuing tour in support of it with Eric Singer on the skins was shaping up to be a great one until it was truncated about halfway through by poor ticket sales. Alive III decently documents where the band was at during this time, as their set list included a nice mix of old (“Deuce”, “Detroit Rock City”), newer (“Creatures Of The Night”, “I Still Love You”, “Lick It Up”) and newest (“I Just Wanna”, “Domino”, “Unholy”). It was also fun to hear 1992 Kiss doing 1974’s “Watchin’ You” and sounding great on it. In fact, if you can find a copy of the bootleg Unchained & Unmasked with the entire Jersey Meadowlands concert from September of ’92, although the sound’s a bit muddy in places, it’s well worth a listen for other old classics like “Parasite”, “I Want You” and “Hotter Than Hell”. Getting back to Alive III, on this tour, Kiss (for some strange reason) chose to perform the Rock ‘N’ Roll national anthem, “Rock And Roll All Nite” in the middle of the show rather than in its customary closer spot, but in its place, they played a brief rendition of the real national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner”, instead. Not the greatest live album in the world, but not a bad one, and an upgrade over the second one.
My grade: C+
16) Dressed To Kill (1975) Dressed To Kill was a bit of a rush-job, since the only way Kiss could make any money during this period was by playing the concerts which they were now headlining, so they ducked into the studio briefly to whip this one out between gigs in the winter of ’75. Casablanca Records president Neil Bogart produced this one himself, which may partly explain why DTK had far better sound than the first two Kiss albums. Of the original three LPs, it probably had the weakest material, overall, as the band had exhausted their stash of good songs on the first two albums and didn’t have proper time to come up with new stuff before heading into the studio. There were still a few gems, though, namely “Room Service”, “C’Mon And Love Me” (which was a minor radio hit), “She” and “Love Her All I Can”, the latter two of which Gene and Paul resurrected from their pre-Kiss Wicked Lester days. One of Kiss’ more underrated cuts and a big favorite of mine, the original “Love Her All I Can” sounded almost Jethro Tull-like with a flute solo (perish the thought of Ian Anderson in Kiss makeup!), while the Kiss version is stronger and punchier. Dressed also included “Rock Bottom”, featuring Ace’s 12-string acoustic intro, which is one of the prettier pieces of music you’ll hear on a Kiss record—too bad the rest of the song doesn’t really go anywhere. And of course, DTK contains the original studio version of Rock’s national anthem, “Rock And Roll All Nite”. A landmark song, and a defining moment in Kisstory, to be sure, but to be honest, I much prefer its infinitely superior live version on Alive!. Overall, Dressed To Kill most certainly would’ve been better if they’d had more time to put it together, but under the circumstances, they did the best they could.
My grade: C+
15) Animalize (1984) Animalize was certainly one of Kiss’ most successful LPs during the non-make-up years, but I disagree with the popular view amongst Kiss fans who regard it as one of the best things they put out in the ‘80s. I’ve always thought that album was overrated because it’s only half-good—Paul Stanley’s half, that is. Gene Simmons basically phoned in his half while he was off in La-La Land terrorizing Tom Selleck and knifing Kirstie Alley in the back while playing the bad guy in the film Runaway. In fact, Animalize could almost pass for a Paul Stanley solo album sprinkled with a few guest appearances by Simmons, as the Starchild pretty much ran the whole show himself by producing the album and even playing bass on some tracks in Gene’s place (as did Jean Beauvoir, the black dude with the mohawk from the band King’s X). Nonetheless, PS had some killer cuts on this record, namely the sizzling “I’ve Had Enough (Into The Fire)”, “Under The Gun” and “Get All You Can Take”, along with the two MTV hits, “Heaven’s On Fire” and the Bon Jovi-ish “Thrills In The Night”. Gene’s tracks, on the other hand, were all pretty much forgettable, especially “Lonely Is The Hunter”, “Murder In High Heels” and “While The City Sleeps”. Only “Burn Bitch Burn” was halfway decent, (saved only by its strong riff) with silly lyrics that sure didn’t cut the cheese—lame lines like “the heels are stacked against you” and “I’m gonna put my log in your fireplace”, etc. The Demon’s ship had clearly run aground by this time—it was clear that his competing agendas were a major detriment to Kiss—and since he was so distracted, this would’ve been a golden opportunity to let “Little Caesar” (Eric Carr) sing on a track or two, but noooooooo! Animalize was also late guitarist Mark St. John’s proverbial “cup of coffee” with the band, and even though he was sidelined later by his bout with Reiter’s Syndrome, he may not have lasted long with Kiss anyway. He clashed musically with Stanley and Simmons almost from the get-go, and was even supplanted by his eventual permanent replacement, Bruce Kulick, on two of the tracks here. Lame cover jacket too (both front and back), but thankfully, Paul Stanley came through and saved this album from being a total reversal of the momentum created by Creatures Of The Night and Lick It Up.
My grade: C+
14) Sonic Boom (2009) Following the band’s longest stretch between studio albums ever (11 years), I was quite skeptical that Kiss could still bring it in 2009, but damned if they didn’t on Sonic Boom. The jury’s still out as to the overall impact of Sonic Boom on the Kiss catalogue, but I was pleasantly surprised at how rejuvenated the band sounds and quite pleased with the quality of songwriting here, which was a major upgrade over 1998’s Psycho Circus. I also like how Simmons and Stanley are collaborating on some songs again, and how this album sounds a lot more like a cohesive group effort, the likes of which we haven’t heard from Kiss since 1992’s Revenge. The best tracks include “Never Enough”, “Hot And Cold”, “Stand” and “All For The Glory”, the latter of which features drummer Eric Singer on lead vocals. Democracy reigns on Sonic Boom, as even guitarist Tommy Thayer gets to sing lead on “When Lightning Strikes”. All that’s really lacking are really good opening and closing tracks, as “Modern Day Delilah” and “Say Yeah” are rather mediocre, respectively, in those roles. But, what’s in between is pretty good stuff—let’s hope we don’t have to wait 11 more years for the next one…
My grade: B-minus
13) Crazy Nights (1987) In spite of the title, a lot of Kiss fans weren’t crazy about Crazy Nights and even I didn’t much care for it—at first. But as time wore on, this record really grew on me, and there’s some pretty good stuff here, if you can get past the somewhat watered-down ’80s sheen applied to it by producer Ron Nevison. In fact, I rather liked the slickness and bigness of Crazy Nights, which sounded similar to Nevison’s previous high-profile projects, like Jefferson Starship's early '80s output, Ozzy Osbourne’s The Ultimate Sin in ‘86 and the self-titled major comeback album by Heart in ‘85. Oddly enough, some of Paul Stanley’s tunes fell flat this time, like “Crazy Crazy Nights”, “Bang Bang You” and “When Your Walls Come Down”, but he made up for those with some outstanding vocals on “I’ll Fight Hell To Hold You”, “Turn On The Night”, “Reason To Live” and “My Way” (no, not the Sinatra/Elvis song). Da boy musta been wearing tight pants in the studio, because I’d never heard him sing that high before—or since! Gene Simmons contributed a couple of underrated tracks as well, “Hell Or High Water”, “Good Girl Gone Bad” and the musical romp, “No, No, No”, the latter of which finally gave Bruce Kulick a chance to show off a little on lead guitar. Unfortunately, as good as the album was, the accompanying tour was quite possibly the worst in Kisstory, with the band playing short 75-minute sets as if they were double-parked outside the arena every night. Still, I like Crazy Nights, and every time I hear this album, it takes me back to the late ‘80s when I was 23 and working in radio and life was good—“for a limited time” (as the Rush song goes)…
My grade: B-minus
12) Hotter Than Hell (1974) It’s just a cryin’ shame that the first two Kiss albums sounded so amateurish because the hacks producing them (Kenny Kerner and Richie Wise) wouldn’t know good sound if it bit them in the ass. Like the first album, HTH had great songs on it, but I would like this album so much better if it didn’t sound like it was recorded in a mop bucket! Some people even go as far to say that HTH was the world’s first Grunge album, but I think they’re reaching a little. True, it did have a heavier sound than the first record, but that had more to do with the way Kerner and Wise slowed the pitch down on some songs (like the title track and “Parasite”) to the point where they just plod along instead of sounding bright and snappy like they do on Alive!. And I’d really like to know whose bright idea it was to chop “Let Me Go, Rock ‘N’ Roll” in half! The original demo for the song (found on the Kiss box set) contains the sloppy, yet spirited extended jam (which is the best part of the song, IMHO) just as they play it live in concert, but the Hotter Than Hell version got castrated into a two-minute single instead before the jam even starts—Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! A couple of songs on Hotter never really have registered with me—namely “Got To Choose” and “Goin’ Blind”—but Ace’s “Parasite” is one of my all-time Kiss faves, as is the title track, and I also really liked the under-the-radar stuff like “Comin’ Home”, “All The Way” and “Watchin’ You”. Good album that might have been a classic if it only had been recorded properly. It coulda been a contender...
My grade: B-minus for the material, D+ for the sound quality
11) Love Gun (1977) This one kinda snuck up on me—I wasn’t even aware it was due out when I saw it on display at the mall during the Major League Baseball All-Star Break in ’77. Love Gun basically was extra innings from where Rock And Roll Over left off in late ’76, and almost sounds in places like it might’ve been recorded during the same sessions. Sticking with the baseball motif, Paul Stanley—easily the finest lead-off hitter in the Kiss line-up—opened Side 1 with a solid line drive triple into the gap with “I Stole Your Love” and Side 2 with a grand slam on the title track. Meanwhile, first baseman Gene Simmons batted clean-up and drove in a few runs with a couple underrated classics of his own, namely “Got Love For Sale” (which even features the line “'cross your home plate”) and “Plaster Caster”, and he even scored a bloop-hit Top 40 single with “Christine Sixteen”. Designated hitter Ace Frehley nailed his third home run as a member of Kiss—“Parasite” and “Cold Gin” being the first two—by singing lead for the first time on “Shock Me”, while Catman shortstop Peter Criss tripped over his own tail rounding first base and got picked off on the rather lame “Hooligan”. “I got a ’35 Chevy on a ’55 frame…”—what the hell does that mean? Definitely not a vehicle I’d care to ride in! For those of you scoring at home, the rest of Love Gun included an infield single (“Almost Human”), one error (“Tomorrow And Tonight”) and only one strikeout (“Then She Kissed Me”) en route to the Kiss victory. Little did we know then that this would be the last time the original foursome were cooperating in the dugout/recording studio. Too bad Kiss never covered “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”, huh?
My grade: B
Saturday, November 21, 2009
My Life In The Kiss Cult, Part C, Section 1
PART C: THE ALBUMS
A couple years ago, I ranked my 20 favorite Kiss songs of all-time, and now it’s high time I rank their albums. For the purposes of this countdown, I am ranking all Kiss studio albums (including the four solo albums from 1978), live albums and compilations that featured new material. Technically, 1978’s Double Platinum included new recordings like “Strutter ‘78”, but I discount it because the new recordings were just remakes of their older songs. And I should point out with the exception of #31, I don’t totally dislike any of the albums on this list—other than #31, they all have something to offer, even if it’s only one or two good tracks.
Cue Casey Kasem: “On with the countdown…”
31) Carnival of Souls (1997) In the words of the Wayans Bros.' “Men on Film”: “HATED it!” Of everything Kiss has ever released, Carnival of Souls is far and away the one album I had the most negative reaction to, and is the only one I have ever truly wanted my money back for. I heard the taster track “Jungle” on the radio in advance, and was hardly impressed with it, but I gave my favorite band of all-time the benefit of the doubt and later bought COS anyway. Alarm bells should’ve gone off in my head when the gnarly dude at Streetside Records proclaimed to me, “Oh, dude, they sound like Soundgarden now!” COS was basically Gene Simmons’ brainchild, and Paul Stanley was actually opposed to doing this type of album to begin with, later admitting in retrospect, “It was a labored attempt at something that I think was a big misstep,” giving it “Two stars.” I wouldn’t even give Souls a two-bit moon rock! You’d think Simmons and Stanley would’ve learned from the folly that was Music From The Elder 13 years before that trying to impress the critics is always an exercise in futility, and as with Elder, they had no business making this record. Kiss is a good-time Rock ‘N’ Roll band, not some dark, depressing, aimless moody group of disenfranchised slackers bedecked in flannel shirts and tuques. If this was the permanent direction this band was headed in during the mid-‘90s, then the reunion with Peter Criss and Ace Frehley didn’t come a minute too soon. Worst…Kiss…album…ever!
My grade: F-minus. Hell, I give this pile of iguana excrement a G!
30) Smashes Thrashes And Hits (1988) With a lame title like that, this thing was doomed from the start. I have never understood how if Kiss (or any other band, for that matter) is so proud of their previous musical output, then why do they feel the need to re-record/re-mix/re-dub some of their songs on a greatest hits package. I hated the way they butchered up “Love Gun” on here (the original track is a killer, so why screw with it?), not to mention the way they stabbed Peter Criss in the back by having the late Eric Carr lay down his own vocal on PC’s signature song, “Beth”. I don’t fault young master Carr here at all—he was desperate to get a lead vocal on a Kiss record, and even he had misgivings about doing “Beth”—but Gene and Paul totally crossed the line on this one and this is when I finally took notice of how petty these two can sometimes be. Of the two new tracks on Smashes, “Let’s Put The X In Sex” was pretty weak, although it got a lot of spins on MTV, but I did kinda like “(You Make Me) Rock Hard”. Unless you just have to have everything Kiss ever made, STAH is expendable.
My grade: D-minus, both for the content and the title.
29) You Wanted The Best, You've Got The Best!! (1996) I hesitated on whether to include this one or not, because it’s kind of a rip-off in a way, released as a stop-gap to capitalize on the momentum brought on by the 1996 Reunion Tour, since Kiss had no new material to put out. Comprised of actual cuts from and unreleased tracks that were recorded for Alive! and Alive II, YWTBYGTB holds my interest if only for the tracks that failed to make the cut on the first two live albums, namely “Let Me Know”, “Two Timer”, “Take Me” and “Room Service”, even though it’s pretty obvious the vocals were re-dubbed on those songs and the crowd noise was excessively amped-up. There’s also a ten-minute band interview with Jay Leno that almost sounded sincere at the time, but given all the rancor that’s occurred in Kiss the camp since then, it sounds like a load of spin-doctor hooey today.
My grade: D-minus
28) Peter Criss (1978) It’s no big secret that George Peter John Criscoula was never totally into the style of music that Kiss played. You might say the Catman sold out musically by joining the band (in exchange for fame and fortune), as he was more into soul and R&B and Sinatra and such. Pete also saw himself as more a crooner instead of a Rock singer on his solo album, which lagged way behind all three of his bandmates in terms of records sales and wasn’t well-received by Kiss fans in general. I think the biggest reason for this is pretty simple—it didn’t rock out enough! The material on it wasn’t all that wretched, but Peter kept trying to duplicate the phenomenal yet fluky success of “Beth” with way too many ballads. What few upbeat songs he did on here came across sounding like a poor man’s Eddie Money record, with the best tracks being “Hooked On Rock ‘N’ Roll” and a remake of Bobby Lewis “Tossin’ And Turnin”. Criss staunchly defends his Kiss solo album to this day, but I only found it mildly entertaining, at best. I get the impression that once he got that album out, he thought he’d morph into Rod Stewart and have a great solo career. Didn’t quite work that way...
My grade: D-minus.
27) Killers (1982) The early ‘80s were a confusing time for Kiss and their fans. Criss was replaced by Carr, then Ace Frehley left, but didn’t really leave right away, as he still appeared in videos and on album covers, and any number of lead guitarists made ghost appearances in his place on early ‘80s Kiss releases. Following the Elder debacle, Gene and Paul wisely decided that Kiss needed to return to what they do best—straight-ahead hard Rock—even though the group was in a state of flux at the time. Instead of a full-fledged new album, they took baby steps and recorded four new songs with Bob Kulick (Bruce’s bro) on lead guitar (even though Frehley appears on the cover again) as part of another best-of record, which initially was only available in Europe. My CD copy even has the German Kiss logo on it with the “SS” altered so as not to remind folks of the Holocaust. While the new tunes (“I’m A Legend Tonight”, “Down On Your Knees”, “Nowhere To Run” and “Partners In Crime”)—all sung by Stanley—were hardly earth-shattering, they were certainly a step in the right direction. Of the four, only “Partners” truly fell flat with me here. The best-of portion of the album was fairly predictable and not terribly concise.
My grade: D for the overall album, C-minus for the new songs.
26) Dynasty (1979) Dynasty was a victim of high-expectations, coming two years after the last full-length Kiss longplayer (when was the last time you heard or used that term?), Love Gun. Though not outwardly-apparent to fans, the band was coming apart at the seams by then, to the point where Peter Criss had to be replaced by future David Letterman band drummer Anton Fig for the sessions. Ace Frehley, whose confidence and stature were greatly bolstered by the unexpected success of his solo record, also felt like he was on a leash during this time, and was no doubt frustrated that he couldn’t flex his muscles more. Even though some of the material on Dynasty was quite good, this album just didn’t feel like a group effort to me. In a similar dynamic to the Beatles’ White Album, it was more like each band member acted as a session player for the others. Ace turned in a nice cover of the Rolling Stones’ “2000 Man” and his closing track, “Save Your Love” was probably the edgiest tune here, while Paul’s “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” and “Sure Know Something” have both aged remarkably well in the last 30 years. Simmons was strangely subdued on Dynasty and didn’t even sing on Side 1 (back when albums had sides, remember kids?) and only contributed two fairly average songs overall (“Charisma” and “X-Ray Eyes”). They also threw the Cat a bone by doing Peter’s “Dirty Livin’”, which might well be the lamest song Criss ever recorded on a Kiss album. It also didn’t help that they brought in Vini Poncia to produce. Vincenzo did a nice job working with Ringo Starr, et al, and managed to somehow salvage Peter’s solo album, but his Pop music leanings didn’t serve Kiss all that well. Even the cover photo seemed unimaginative, considering the killer album jackets that preceded it, namely Destroyer, Love Gun and Rock And Roll Over, et al.
My grade: D-plus.
25) Gene Simmons (1978) Our favorite Demon will never get it through his thick skull that bigger isn’t necessarily better, and he proved that on his solo record, which was easily the most unfocused of the four. Gene decided to show off his star power by bringing in as many guest musicians as he could—Bob Seger, Joe Perry of Aerosmith, Janis Ian (?!?), Skunk Baxter from the Doobie Bros., Donna Summer (?!?), Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick, among others, and of course Cher (?!?), whom he was dating at the time. Hell, for all we know, Simmons might’ve brought in the Kingston Trio, Liberace and Dr. Johnny Fever’s fictitious Hallelujah Tabernacle Choir, if he had the chance! The result was a strange, inconsistent mish-mash of an album that left most Kiss fans scratching their heads, especially over the closing track where Gene warbles Jiminy Cricket’s “When You Wish Upon A Star”. My initial reaction was something like, “This was the same guy who wrote ‘I’m 93, you’re 16’ and ‘Get up, and get your grandma outta here!’?!?” To be fair, Simmons actually wrote some pretty decent songs here, like “Man of 1,000 Faces”, “See You Tonite” and “Radioactive”, and he even showed us an impressive vocal range we’d not heard from him before. However, as with Peter’s album, the big stumbling block was that Gene didn’t rock out enough and I think if he’d just added a bit more edge to those three songs and the rest of the record, it would’ve been better received. Instead he waited until the next-to-last track, “See You In Your Dreams” (with Nielsen on lead guitar) to finally put the hammer down, and even that was a remake of a two-year-old Kiss song, the original of which I much prefer over Gene's version.
My grade: D-plus.
24) Unmasked (1980) Considered by many to be the wimpiest Kiss album of all-time, I hold Unmasked in slightly higher regard than that. The songs herein aren’t bad at all, in reality—it was just the execution of them that was lacking. Even though he appears on the album jacket, Peter Criss was all but out of the band by this time, replaced again by Anton Fig in the studio. And once again, Vini Poncia produced, and given his Pop tendencies that I mentioned earlier, he rendered Kiss to be very watered-down on Unmasked, to the point where they sounded more like Toto or an edgy Pablo Cruise. Paul’s ballad “Shandi” wound up being the Starchild’s “Beth”, so to speak, yielding a huge fluke hit (overseas, anyway), and “What Makes The World Go ‘Round” had single written all over it too. Ace Frehley contributed three decent (if not spectacular) tracks, “Two Sides Of The Coin”, “Talk To Me” and the goofy “Torpedo Girl”, but they paled in comparison to the material on his solo album. And like on Dynasty, Simmons was fairly subdued again, sounding almost Billy Joel-like on “She’s So European”, but I rather liked “Naked City” and his closing track “You’re All That I Want”. All in all, Unmasked was a really good album. It just wasn’t a really good Kiss album…
My grade: C-minus.
23) Psycho Circus (1998) As was the case with Dynasty, this was hardly a group effort at all, contrary to what we were led to believe at the time. This was an original-foursome Kiss album in name only, and what could’ve been one of the greatest comeback albums of all-time wound up being a disappointing and (at times) half-baked effort from what used to be the Hottest Band In The World. Apart from Frehley’s “Into The Void”, Paul Stanley’s tunes were the only ones worthy of mention, especially the title track, “Raise Your Glasses” and “I Pledge Allegiance To The State Of Rock ‘N’ Roll.” In a half-hearted attempt to create a “group” feel, the song “You Wanted The Best” featured all four band members trading vocal lines, but it came off seeming hollow and contrived. Gene Simmons’ cuts on Psycho Circus were the most disappointing of all, with a couple of them seeming like they weren’t totally fleshed-out, especially the closing track, “Journey of 1,000 Years” that intoned “Can you feel it coming?” and sounded like it was building up to something climactic, only to peter out in midstream. Overall, Circus was truly a case of what might have been…
My grade: C-minus
22) Music From The Elder (1981) Late 1981 was certainly a different world from the days of “Parasite”, “Black Diamond” and “C’Mon And Love Me”, as Kiss set about to win music critics over with a concept album whose concept even the band themselves didn’t fully understand—shades of Pete Townshend’s ever-elusive Lifehouse project with The Who. Originally conceived by Simmons and further proliferated by producer Bob Ezrin, The Elder was ostensibly going to be the soundtrack to a Lord Of The Rings/Harry Potter-ish movie that was never made. Newly-initiated drummer Eric Carr (rest his soul) must’ve wondered what on earth he’d gotten himself into what with this weird album in the works and Ace Frehley quickly fading to the background in Kiss. Space Ace was so disenchanted with the project that he pretty much phoned his parts in, and only contributed one song to the album, the so-so “Dark Light”. Even Carr was excused for one track, “I”, in favor of a session drummer because he struggled with the time signature on it, yet Eric was able to play it perfectly fine live on ABC’s “Fridays” show some months later. They did the same thing with Peter Criss on Dynasty—he was deemed unfit to play on the record, yet he could tour and play the same songs live with no problem—I’ve never understood all that. Anyway, in spite of Paul Stanley singing about a “child in a sun dress” and other fantasy-world frou-frou, I have a soft spot in my heart for Elder because Kiss was showing signs of breaking out of their wimpy malaise with harder-hitting tracks like “The Oath”, “Escape From The Island” and “I”, and at the end of the latter song, Gene even proclaims “I wanna Rock and Roll all night…”—a good omen for the future. Music From The Elder nearly killed this band and was probably its worst failure, but it was a brilliant failure, all the same. And naturally, the critics liked it. Of course they would…
My grade: C-minus
21) Kiss Symphony-Alive IV (2003) Kiss took an odd little side trip (both musically and geographically) in early ’03 when they headed to the Land of Foster’s, and rounded up the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra for a night of high-brow Kiss music. Alive IV marked the recorded debut of Tommy Thayer in place of the Space Ace, and the ever-so-brief return and (as it turned out) the final appearance of Peter Criss as a member of Kiss. The first segment of the show was just the band itself rocking out, followed by an “unplugged” set, of sorts, augmented by the Melbourne Symphony Ensemble, during which Criss crooned “Beth” with real string accompaniment instead of the usual studio backing track. Paul Stanley performed “Sure Know Something” and “Shandi”, the latter of which was a huge hit in Oz back in 1980, and Gene even dug up “Goin’ Blind” for the brief middle set. Then they finished off the show with the full-blown Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (all wearing Kiss make-up) and while I usually prefer my Kiss music straight, it was a nifty little diversion to hear horns and strings and such backing up tunes like “Detroit Rock City” and “I Was Made For Lovin’ You”. The DVD is even more fun because you can watch these Classically-trained musicians having fun playing Rock ‘N’ Roll, all the while sporting Kiss make-up. I was personally rather smitten by the Concertmaster violinist chick just to Peter Criss’ right who actually managed to look cute in Gene’s make-up! As is the case with Halloween, though, Symphony was great fun for one night, but I’m glad Kiss didn’t try to do like the Moody Blues and tote an entire philharmonic around on tour with them.
My grade: C
Twenty more Kiss LPs still to come—keep your feet on the ground and keep reachin' for cigars...
A couple years ago, I ranked my 20 favorite Kiss songs of all-time, and now it’s high time I rank their albums. For the purposes of this countdown, I am ranking all Kiss studio albums (including the four solo albums from 1978), live albums and compilations that featured new material. Technically, 1978’s Double Platinum included new recordings like “Strutter ‘78”, but I discount it because the new recordings were just remakes of their older songs. And I should point out with the exception of #31, I don’t totally dislike any of the albums on this list—other than #31, they all have something to offer, even if it’s only one or two good tracks.
Cue Casey Kasem: “On with the countdown…”
31) Carnival of Souls (1997) In the words of the Wayans Bros.' “Men on Film”: “HATED it!” Of everything Kiss has ever released, Carnival of Souls is far and away the one album I had the most negative reaction to, and is the only one I have ever truly wanted my money back for. I heard the taster track “Jungle” on the radio in advance, and was hardly impressed with it, but I gave my favorite band of all-time the benefit of the doubt and later bought COS anyway. Alarm bells should’ve gone off in my head when the gnarly dude at Streetside Records proclaimed to me, “Oh, dude, they sound like Soundgarden now!” COS was basically Gene Simmons’ brainchild, and Paul Stanley was actually opposed to doing this type of album to begin with, later admitting in retrospect, “It was a labored attempt at something that I think was a big misstep,” giving it “Two stars.” I wouldn’t even give Souls a two-bit moon rock! You’d think Simmons and Stanley would’ve learned from the folly that was Music From The Elder 13 years before that trying to impress the critics is always an exercise in futility, and as with Elder, they had no business making this record. Kiss is a good-time Rock ‘N’ Roll band, not some dark, depressing, aimless moody group of disenfranchised slackers bedecked in flannel shirts and tuques. If this was the permanent direction this band was headed in during the mid-‘90s, then the reunion with Peter Criss and Ace Frehley didn’t come a minute too soon. Worst…Kiss…album…ever!
My grade: F-minus. Hell, I give this pile of iguana excrement a G!
30) Smashes Thrashes And Hits (1988) With a lame title like that, this thing was doomed from the start. I have never understood how if Kiss (or any other band, for that matter) is so proud of their previous musical output, then why do they feel the need to re-record/re-mix/re-dub some of their songs on a greatest hits package. I hated the way they butchered up “Love Gun” on here (the original track is a killer, so why screw with it?), not to mention the way they stabbed Peter Criss in the back by having the late Eric Carr lay down his own vocal on PC’s signature song, “Beth”. I don’t fault young master Carr here at all—he was desperate to get a lead vocal on a Kiss record, and even he had misgivings about doing “Beth”—but Gene and Paul totally crossed the line on this one and this is when I finally took notice of how petty these two can sometimes be. Of the two new tracks on Smashes, “Let’s Put The X In Sex” was pretty weak, although it got a lot of spins on MTV, but I did kinda like “(You Make Me) Rock Hard”. Unless you just have to have everything Kiss ever made, STAH is expendable.
My grade: D-minus, both for the content and the title.
29) You Wanted The Best, You've Got The Best!! (1996) I hesitated on whether to include this one or not, because it’s kind of a rip-off in a way, released as a stop-gap to capitalize on the momentum brought on by the 1996 Reunion Tour, since Kiss had no new material to put out. Comprised of actual cuts from and unreleased tracks that were recorded for Alive! and Alive II, YWTBYGTB holds my interest if only for the tracks that failed to make the cut on the first two live albums, namely “Let Me Know”, “Two Timer”, “Take Me” and “Room Service”, even though it’s pretty obvious the vocals were re-dubbed on those songs and the crowd noise was excessively amped-up. There’s also a ten-minute band interview with Jay Leno that almost sounded sincere at the time, but given all the rancor that’s occurred in Kiss the camp since then, it sounds like a load of spin-doctor hooey today.
My grade: D-minus
28) Peter Criss (1978) It’s no big secret that George Peter John Criscoula was never totally into the style of music that Kiss played. You might say the Catman sold out musically by joining the band (in exchange for fame and fortune), as he was more into soul and R&B and Sinatra and such. Pete also saw himself as more a crooner instead of a Rock singer on his solo album, which lagged way behind all three of his bandmates in terms of records sales and wasn’t well-received by Kiss fans in general. I think the biggest reason for this is pretty simple—it didn’t rock out enough! The material on it wasn’t all that wretched, but Peter kept trying to duplicate the phenomenal yet fluky success of “Beth” with way too many ballads. What few upbeat songs he did on here came across sounding like a poor man’s Eddie Money record, with the best tracks being “Hooked On Rock ‘N’ Roll” and a remake of Bobby Lewis “Tossin’ And Turnin”. Criss staunchly defends his Kiss solo album to this day, but I only found it mildly entertaining, at best. I get the impression that once he got that album out, he thought he’d morph into Rod Stewart and have a great solo career. Didn’t quite work that way...
My grade: D-minus.
27) Killers (1982) The early ‘80s were a confusing time for Kiss and their fans. Criss was replaced by Carr, then Ace Frehley left, but didn’t really leave right away, as he still appeared in videos and on album covers, and any number of lead guitarists made ghost appearances in his place on early ‘80s Kiss releases. Following the Elder debacle, Gene and Paul wisely decided that Kiss needed to return to what they do best—straight-ahead hard Rock—even though the group was in a state of flux at the time. Instead of a full-fledged new album, they took baby steps and recorded four new songs with Bob Kulick (Bruce’s bro) on lead guitar (even though Frehley appears on the cover again) as part of another best-of record, which initially was only available in Europe. My CD copy even has the German Kiss logo on it with the “SS” altered so as not to remind folks of the Holocaust. While the new tunes (“I’m A Legend Tonight”, “Down On Your Knees”, “Nowhere To Run” and “Partners In Crime”)—all sung by Stanley—were hardly earth-shattering, they were certainly a step in the right direction. Of the four, only “Partners” truly fell flat with me here. The best-of portion of the album was fairly predictable and not terribly concise.
My grade: D for the overall album, C-minus for the new songs.
26) Dynasty (1979) Dynasty was a victim of high-expectations, coming two years after the last full-length Kiss longplayer (when was the last time you heard or used that term?), Love Gun. Though not outwardly-apparent to fans, the band was coming apart at the seams by then, to the point where Peter Criss had to be replaced by future David Letterman band drummer Anton Fig for the sessions. Ace Frehley, whose confidence and stature were greatly bolstered by the unexpected success of his solo record, also felt like he was on a leash during this time, and was no doubt frustrated that he couldn’t flex his muscles more. Even though some of the material on Dynasty was quite good, this album just didn’t feel like a group effort to me. In a similar dynamic to the Beatles’ White Album, it was more like each band member acted as a session player for the others. Ace turned in a nice cover of the Rolling Stones’ “2000 Man” and his closing track, “Save Your Love” was probably the edgiest tune here, while Paul’s “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” and “Sure Know Something” have both aged remarkably well in the last 30 years. Simmons was strangely subdued on Dynasty and didn’t even sing on Side 1 (back when albums had sides, remember kids?) and only contributed two fairly average songs overall (“Charisma” and “X-Ray Eyes”). They also threw the Cat a bone by doing Peter’s “Dirty Livin’”, which might well be the lamest song Criss ever recorded on a Kiss album. It also didn’t help that they brought in Vini Poncia to produce. Vincenzo did a nice job working with Ringo Starr, et al, and managed to somehow salvage Peter’s solo album, but his Pop music leanings didn’t serve Kiss all that well. Even the cover photo seemed unimaginative, considering the killer album jackets that preceded it, namely Destroyer, Love Gun and Rock And Roll Over, et al.
My grade: D-plus.
25) Gene Simmons (1978) Our favorite Demon will never get it through his thick skull that bigger isn’t necessarily better, and he proved that on his solo record, which was easily the most unfocused of the four. Gene decided to show off his star power by bringing in as many guest musicians as he could—Bob Seger, Joe Perry of Aerosmith, Janis Ian (?!?), Skunk Baxter from the Doobie Bros., Donna Summer (?!?), Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick, among others, and of course Cher (?!?), whom he was dating at the time. Hell, for all we know, Simmons might’ve brought in the Kingston Trio, Liberace and Dr. Johnny Fever’s fictitious Hallelujah Tabernacle Choir, if he had the chance! The result was a strange, inconsistent mish-mash of an album that left most Kiss fans scratching their heads, especially over the closing track where Gene warbles Jiminy Cricket’s “When You Wish Upon A Star”. My initial reaction was something like, “This was the same guy who wrote ‘I’m 93, you’re 16’ and ‘Get up, and get your grandma outta here!’?!?” To be fair, Simmons actually wrote some pretty decent songs here, like “Man of 1,000 Faces”, “See You Tonite” and “Radioactive”, and he even showed us an impressive vocal range we’d not heard from him before. However, as with Peter’s album, the big stumbling block was that Gene didn’t rock out enough and I think if he’d just added a bit more edge to those three songs and the rest of the record, it would’ve been better received. Instead he waited until the next-to-last track, “See You In Your Dreams” (with Nielsen on lead guitar) to finally put the hammer down, and even that was a remake of a two-year-old Kiss song, the original of which I much prefer over Gene's version.
My grade: D-plus.
24) Unmasked (1980) Considered by many to be the wimpiest Kiss album of all-time, I hold Unmasked in slightly higher regard than that. The songs herein aren’t bad at all, in reality—it was just the execution of them that was lacking. Even though he appears on the album jacket, Peter Criss was all but out of the band by this time, replaced again by Anton Fig in the studio. And once again, Vini Poncia produced, and given his Pop tendencies that I mentioned earlier, he rendered Kiss to be very watered-down on Unmasked, to the point where they sounded more like Toto or an edgy Pablo Cruise. Paul’s ballad “Shandi” wound up being the Starchild’s “Beth”, so to speak, yielding a huge fluke hit (overseas, anyway), and “What Makes The World Go ‘Round” had single written all over it too. Ace Frehley contributed three decent (if not spectacular) tracks, “Two Sides Of The Coin”, “Talk To Me” and the goofy “Torpedo Girl”, but they paled in comparison to the material on his solo album. And like on Dynasty, Simmons was fairly subdued again, sounding almost Billy Joel-like on “She’s So European”, but I rather liked “Naked City” and his closing track “You’re All That I Want”. All in all, Unmasked was a really good album. It just wasn’t a really good Kiss album…
My grade: C-minus.
23) Psycho Circus (1998) As was the case with Dynasty, this was hardly a group effort at all, contrary to what we were led to believe at the time. This was an original-foursome Kiss album in name only, and what could’ve been one of the greatest comeback albums of all-time wound up being a disappointing and (at times) half-baked effort from what used to be the Hottest Band In The World. Apart from Frehley’s “Into The Void”, Paul Stanley’s tunes were the only ones worthy of mention, especially the title track, “Raise Your Glasses” and “I Pledge Allegiance To The State Of Rock ‘N’ Roll.” In a half-hearted attempt to create a “group” feel, the song “You Wanted The Best” featured all four band members trading vocal lines, but it came off seeming hollow and contrived. Gene Simmons’ cuts on Psycho Circus were the most disappointing of all, with a couple of them seeming like they weren’t totally fleshed-out, especially the closing track, “Journey of 1,000 Years” that intoned “Can you feel it coming?” and sounded like it was building up to something climactic, only to peter out in midstream. Overall, Circus was truly a case of what might have been…
My grade: C-minus
22) Music From The Elder (1981) Late 1981 was certainly a different world from the days of “Parasite”, “Black Diamond” and “C’Mon And Love Me”, as Kiss set about to win music critics over with a concept album whose concept even the band themselves didn’t fully understand—shades of Pete Townshend’s ever-elusive Lifehouse project with The Who. Originally conceived by Simmons and further proliferated by producer Bob Ezrin, The Elder was ostensibly going to be the soundtrack to a Lord Of The Rings/Harry Potter-ish movie that was never made. Newly-initiated drummer Eric Carr (rest his soul) must’ve wondered what on earth he’d gotten himself into what with this weird album in the works and Ace Frehley quickly fading to the background in Kiss. Space Ace was so disenchanted with the project that he pretty much phoned his parts in, and only contributed one song to the album, the so-so “Dark Light”. Even Carr was excused for one track, “I”, in favor of a session drummer because he struggled with the time signature on it, yet Eric was able to play it perfectly fine live on ABC’s “Fridays” show some months later. They did the same thing with Peter Criss on Dynasty—he was deemed unfit to play on the record, yet he could tour and play the same songs live with no problem—I’ve never understood all that. Anyway, in spite of Paul Stanley singing about a “child in a sun dress” and other fantasy-world frou-frou, I have a soft spot in my heart for Elder because Kiss was showing signs of breaking out of their wimpy malaise with harder-hitting tracks like “The Oath”, “Escape From The Island” and “I”, and at the end of the latter song, Gene even proclaims “I wanna Rock and Roll all night…”—a good omen for the future. Music From The Elder nearly killed this band and was probably its worst failure, but it was a brilliant failure, all the same. And naturally, the critics liked it. Of course they would…
My grade: C-minus
21) Kiss Symphony-Alive IV (2003) Kiss took an odd little side trip (both musically and geographically) in early ’03 when they headed to the Land of Foster’s, and rounded up the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra for a night of high-brow Kiss music. Alive IV marked the recorded debut of Tommy Thayer in place of the Space Ace, and the ever-so-brief return and (as it turned out) the final appearance of Peter Criss as a member of Kiss. The first segment of the show was just the band itself rocking out, followed by an “unplugged” set, of sorts, augmented by the Melbourne Symphony Ensemble, during which Criss crooned “Beth” with real string accompaniment instead of the usual studio backing track. Paul Stanley performed “Sure Know Something” and “Shandi”, the latter of which was a huge hit in Oz back in 1980, and Gene even dug up “Goin’ Blind” for the brief middle set. Then they finished off the show with the full-blown Melbourne Symphony Orchestra (all wearing Kiss make-up) and while I usually prefer my Kiss music straight, it was a nifty little diversion to hear horns and strings and such backing up tunes like “Detroit Rock City” and “I Was Made For Lovin’ You”. The DVD is even more fun because you can watch these Classically-trained musicians having fun playing Rock ‘N’ Roll, all the while sporting Kiss make-up. I was personally rather smitten by the Concertmaster violinist chick just to Peter Criss’ right who actually managed to look cute in Gene’s make-up! As is the case with Halloween, though, Symphony was great fun for one night, but I’m glad Kiss didn’t try to do like the Moody Blues and tote an entire philharmonic around on tour with them.
My grade: C
Twenty more Kiss LPs still to come—keep your feet on the ground and keep reachin' for cigars...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Meaty, Beaty, Big & Bloggy
IT’S HER PITY-PARTY, AND SHE’LL WHINE IF SHE WANTS TO…
In one of her more underrated songs, Pat Benatar once sang “You’ve got a burning desire to be the victim…” and that pretty much sums up Sarah Palin these days, because she’s milking her woe-is-me card for all it’s worth as she makes the rounds on the talk-show circuit plugging her new book. In it, Miss Winky-Dink predictably pisses and moans that Katie Couric was a big meanie to her in that infamous interview last fall, and that the so-called “liberal media” in general is out to get her. And now she’s bitching that the cover featuring her on the current issue of Newsweek is “sexist”—as if someone forced her at gunpoint to pose in those running shorts smiling from ear-to-ear. Sweetheart, if you really wanna be President, you need to knock off the drama queen histrionics and develop a thicker skin than this. She’s a politician, and by definition, a politician has critics, enemies and others looking to tear him/her down—it comes with the territory. What kind of a leader can she be when all she’s worried about is how the media treats her? In the eloquent words of Stewie Griffin, “Go suck on a railroad spike!”
DROWNING IN THE PREJEAN POOL
Anyone else out there as tired as I am already of this prissy Carrie Prejean Miss California prima donna? She got all huffy at Larry King last week as he hurled his usual softball questions at her, which she deemed “inappropriate” and walked off the set in mid-show. Meanwhile, it seems that not one, but eight some-odd videos have surfaced from her past of Prejean masturbating on camera, which naturally prompts little ol’ me to ask who the hell is Miss Homophobe to judge anyone’s else’s sexuality? And like Sarah Palin, she just loves to play the victim card too, saying the media has screwed her over. Uhhh, sounds to me more like she pretty much screwed herself, just like in her videos! Don’t go away mad, Carrie, just go away…
CIVILITY, THE LOST ART
I wish I’d written the following letter I read in the Op-Ed page of the K.C. Star this week authored by one Phil Kline of Gladstone, MO about the decline of constructive debate in our society:
“I decided to try an experiment. My idea was to watch CNN, MSNBC, and Fox between the hours of 5PM and 8PM. I would change channels when any of our highly revered public servants or the analysts who try to help us make sense of governance, got to shouting in brazen interruption of each other. Result: The battery for my remote is now dead, the logo is rubbed off the channel button, and I’ve made an appointment for my carpel tunnel surgery…Honestly, my pit bull displays more civility and social grace than do our leaders. Once Americans could listen, consider and converse. It appears now that we have descended into the pit of automatic contentiousness and programmed vilification.”
Nicely put, Mr. Kline. Unfortunately, all the rancor, shouting and bitch-slapping on political talk shows makes for great theater (albeit of the absurd), thus translating into high Nielsen ratings, hence why the networks encourage it and why it ain’t going away any time soon.
MR. POT, MEET MR. KETTLE (AGAIN!)
The ever-Flatulent One, K.C. Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock, has struck once again. In today’s column, he claims the reason why the Kansas University football team is having a bad season (they’ve dropped five straight games after starting 5-0) is because their head coach, Mark Mangino, is too fat. This coming from a guy who would need to remove all the padding to (barely) fit into the McDonald’s Grimace costume! While it’s true that Mangino is a massive myocardial infarction just waiting to happen—he easily weighs 400 pounds—and I do agree that he needs to take a little better care of himself (like I’m one to talk), this may well be Whitlock’s most bizarre claim in his 15 years at the paper.
According to Whitlock: “The weight and the stress (of coaching) form a perfect recipe for depression. They can put your mind in a very negative place. They can make you moody and volatile…Mangino coaches from an angry place.” Hmmm, that didn’t seem to be a problem for anyone a couple years back when KU won the Orange Bowl over Virginia Tech, or when they hammered Nebraska for the first time since I was a small child. Whitlock went on to add, “If he spent two years away from football addressing his weight problem, applied for a job at 270 pounds, he would be a can’t miss BCS candidate. Heck, he would be a terrific choice to coach in the NFL. Every problem he experienced at Kansas could be blamed on his weight.” So, based on Jason’s twisted logic, if he himself would drop about 125 pounds, then his daily columns might be infinitely more insightful and thought-provoking than this heaping pile of yak droppings.
DUMB QUESTION, BUT…
… why does the media constantly report what Oprah Tweets, and why does Oprah even need to be on Twitter in the first place? She’s already the most powerful woman in America with a media empire that includes the most-watched daily talk show in the free world and a magazine named after herself—it ain’t as if she doesn’t already have a big enough forum/platform/outlet to make herself be heard…
KEN OBER, 1957-2009
Ken Ober, the host of MTV’s game show parody “Remote Control”, was an unexpected casualty this week from undisclosed causes. RC was one of the first non-music video programs that MTV ran in the late ‘80s, and it was pretty funny for the first year or so, but as usual with MTV from the late ‘80s onward, everything they touched turned to shit, and “Remote” was eventually neutered and rendered unwatchable by the end of its run. Rest in peace, Ken.
MOVIE REVIEW: MY SISTER’S KEEPER
I watched this one last night and found it mildly interesting. It’s the story of a young girl whom her parents gave birth to in order to have potential bone marrow donor for her older sister who was stricken with leukemia. When the younger girl gets old enough to realize she’s being used as a human pin cushion to save her sister, she rebels and attempts to emancipate herself from further invasive procedures on her own body by taking legal action against her parents, in particular, her obsessive be-yotch mother, played by the grossly-overrated Cameron Diaz. A rather convoluted, but apparently true, story—the movie had some good plot twists here and there, but the negative undertone throughout really bogged it down for me, as did how the film kept skipping back-and-forth in time with too many confusing flashbacks.
I do especially give kudos to young actress Sofia Vassilieva (from NBC's “Medium”) for daring to have her head (and eyebrows) shaved for the role of the cancer girl. Dakota Fanning was originally slated for the part, but bailed when they wouldn’t let her fake it with a bald-cap. Just as well—Fanning can’t act her way out of a paper bag anyway, as her only discernable talent is screaming hysterically, but I digress. Miss Sofia, who resembles a young Molly Ringwald with no hair in the movie, stepped up to the plate and made a brave sacrifice—pretty gutsy for a teenage girl. On the other hand, Diaz—a highly-paid grown woman—apparently didn’t have the balls to do the same, so she took the wussy way out by wearing a bald-cap when her character shaved her own head out of sympathy for her daughter. Unlike Sofia, Diaz’s “baldness” looked so phony—the bald cap made her head look twice as big, sorta like the humanoids on that “Alien Nation” show, minus the leopard spots. And even then, Diaz only appears “bald” in one brief scene as apparently her hair miraculously grew back overnight—so much for continuity—while young Sofia bares her head throughout practically the entire film. You go, girl!
As for the film itself, I give it about a 5.
GLAD I DIDN’T BET THE FARM…
…that they’d give the AL Cy Young Award to C.C. Sabathia, like I thought they would instead of the Royals’ Zack Greinke. It’s refreshing to see the East Coast Bias take a holiday for a change…
ANY PORT IN THE STORM?
It didn’t take long for former Chef Larry Johnson to get snapped up this week by the Cincinnati Bungholes, aka Rap Sheets ‘R Us, a team LJ should fit right in with. Since his last name is Johnson, #27 will no doubt go the Chad Ocho-Stinko route and legally change his name to Dos-Siete.
WORLD’S DUMBEST SONG LYRICS
“I Knew You Were Waiting For Me”—ARETHA FRANKLIN/GEORGE MICHAEL (1987) Haven’t done one of these in a while, but I heard this one again the other day: “Like a warrior that fights…” As opposed to a warrior that doesn’t fight? I believe that’s what they call a pacifist…
In one of her more underrated songs, Pat Benatar once sang “You’ve got a burning desire to be the victim…” and that pretty much sums up Sarah Palin these days, because she’s milking her woe-is-me card for all it’s worth as she makes the rounds on the talk-show circuit plugging her new book. In it, Miss Winky-Dink predictably pisses and moans that Katie Couric was a big meanie to her in that infamous interview last fall, and that the so-called “liberal media” in general is out to get her. And now she’s bitching that the cover featuring her on the current issue of Newsweek is “sexist”—as if someone forced her at gunpoint to pose in those running shorts smiling from ear-to-ear. Sweetheart, if you really wanna be President, you need to knock off the drama queen histrionics and develop a thicker skin than this. She’s a politician, and by definition, a politician has critics, enemies and others looking to tear him/her down—it comes with the territory. What kind of a leader can she be when all she’s worried about is how the media treats her? In the eloquent words of Stewie Griffin, “Go suck on a railroad spike!”
DROWNING IN THE PREJEAN POOL
Anyone else out there as tired as I am already of this prissy Carrie Prejean Miss California prima donna? She got all huffy at Larry King last week as he hurled his usual softball questions at her, which she deemed “inappropriate” and walked off the set in mid-show. Meanwhile, it seems that not one, but eight some-odd videos have surfaced from her past of Prejean masturbating on camera, which naturally prompts little ol’ me to ask who the hell is Miss Homophobe to judge anyone’s else’s sexuality? And like Sarah Palin, she just loves to play the victim card too, saying the media has screwed her over. Uhhh, sounds to me more like she pretty much screwed herself, just like in her videos! Don’t go away mad, Carrie, just go away…
CIVILITY, THE LOST ART
I wish I’d written the following letter I read in the Op-Ed page of the K.C. Star this week authored by one Phil Kline of Gladstone, MO about the decline of constructive debate in our society:
“I decided to try an experiment. My idea was to watch CNN, MSNBC, and Fox between the hours of 5PM and 8PM. I would change channels when any of our highly revered public servants or the analysts who try to help us make sense of governance, got to shouting in brazen interruption of each other. Result: The battery for my remote is now dead, the logo is rubbed off the channel button, and I’ve made an appointment for my carpel tunnel surgery…Honestly, my pit bull displays more civility and social grace than do our leaders. Once Americans could listen, consider and converse. It appears now that we have descended into the pit of automatic contentiousness and programmed vilification.”
Nicely put, Mr. Kline. Unfortunately, all the rancor, shouting and bitch-slapping on political talk shows makes for great theater (albeit of the absurd), thus translating into high Nielsen ratings, hence why the networks encourage it and why it ain’t going away any time soon.
MR. POT, MEET MR. KETTLE (AGAIN!)
The ever-Flatulent One, K.C. Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock, has struck once again. In today’s column, he claims the reason why the Kansas University football team is having a bad season (they’ve dropped five straight games after starting 5-0) is because their head coach, Mark Mangino, is too fat. This coming from a guy who would need to remove all the padding to (barely) fit into the McDonald’s Grimace costume! While it’s true that Mangino is a massive myocardial infarction just waiting to happen—he easily weighs 400 pounds—and I do agree that he needs to take a little better care of himself (like I’m one to talk), this may well be Whitlock’s most bizarre claim in his 15 years at the paper.According to Whitlock: “The weight and the stress (of coaching) form a perfect recipe for depression. They can put your mind in a very negative place. They can make you moody and volatile…Mangino coaches from an angry place.” Hmmm, that didn’t seem to be a problem for anyone a couple years back when KU won the Orange Bowl over Virginia Tech, or when they hammered Nebraska for the first time since I was a small child. Whitlock went on to add, “If he spent two years away from football addressing his weight problem, applied for a job at 270 pounds, he would be a can’t miss BCS candidate. Heck, he would be a terrific choice to coach in the NFL. Every problem he experienced at Kansas could be blamed on his weight.” So, based on Jason’s twisted logic, if he himself would drop about 125 pounds, then his daily columns might be infinitely more insightful and thought-provoking than this heaping pile of yak droppings.
DUMB QUESTION, BUT…
… why does the media constantly report what Oprah Tweets, and why does Oprah even need to be on Twitter in the first place? She’s already the most powerful woman in America with a media empire that includes the most-watched daily talk show in the free world and a magazine named after herself—it ain’t as if she doesn’t already have a big enough forum/platform/outlet to make herself be heard…
KEN OBER, 1957-2009
Ken Ober, the host of MTV’s game show parody “Remote Control”, was an unexpected casualty this week from undisclosed causes. RC was one of the first non-music video programs that MTV ran in the late ‘80s, and it was pretty funny for the first year or so, but as usual with MTV from the late ‘80s onward, everything they touched turned to shit, and “Remote” was eventually neutered and rendered unwatchable by the end of its run. Rest in peace, Ken.
MOVIE REVIEW: MY SISTER’S KEEPER
I watched this one last night and found it mildly interesting. It’s the story of a young girl whom her parents gave birth to in order to have potential bone marrow donor for her older sister who was stricken with leukemia. When the younger girl gets old enough to realize she’s being used as a human pin cushion to save her sister, she rebels and attempts to emancipate herself from further invasive procedures on her own body by taking legal action against her parents, in particular, her obsessive be-yotch mother, played by the grossly-overrated Cameron Diaz. A rather convoluted, but apparently true, story—the movie had some good plot twists here and there, but the negative undertone throughout really bogged it down for me, as did how the film kept skipping back-and-forth in time with too many confusing flashbacks.
I do especially give kudos to young actress Sofia Vassilieva (from NBC's “Medium”) for daring to have her head (and eyebrows) shaved for the role of the cancer girl. Dakota Fanning was originally slated for the part, but bailed when they wouldn’t let her fake it with a bald-cap. Just as well—Fanning can’t act her way out of a paper bag anyway, as her only discernable talent is screaming hysterically, but I digress. Miss Sofia, who resembles a young Molly Ringwald with no hair in the movie, stepped up to the plate and made a brave sacrifice—pretty gutsy for a teenage girl. On the other hand, Diaz—a highly-paid grown woman—apparently didn’t have the balls to do the same, so she took the wussy way out by wearing a bald-cap when her character shaved her own head out of sympathy for her daughter. Unlike Sofia, Diaz’s “baldness” looked so phony—the bald cap made her head look twice as big, sorta like the humanoids on that “Alien Nation” show, minus the leopard spots. And even then, Diaz only appears “bald” in one brief scene as apparently her hair miraculously grew back overnight—so much for continuity—while young Sofia bares her head throughout practically the entire film. You go, girl!
As for the film itself, I give it about a 5.
GLAD I DIDN’T BET THE FARM…
…that they’d give the AL Cy Young Award to C.C. Sabathia, like I thought they would instead of the Royals’ Zack Greinke. It’s refreshing to see the East Coast Bias take a holiday for a change…
ANY PORT IN THE STORM?
It didn’t take long for former Chef Larry Johnson to get snapped up this week by the Cincinnati Bungholes, aka Rap Sheets ‘R Us, a team LJ should fit right in with. Since his last name is Johnson, #27 will no doubt go the Chad Ocho-Stinko route and legally change his name to Dos-Siete.
WORLD’S DUMBEST SONG LYRICS
“I Knew You Were Waiting For Me”—ARETHA FRANKLIN/GEORGE MICHAEL (1987) Haven’t done one of these in a while, but I heard this one again the other day: “Like a warrior that fights…” As opposed to a warrior that doesn’t fight? I believe that’s what they call a pacifist…
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Welcome back, my friends, to the blog that never ends...
…come inside, come inside!
SLEEPING AT THE WHEEL?
Let me get this straight: the FBI and CIA have been watching this Fort Hood shooter tick-turd for quite some time now, and were well aware he’d been reaching out to Al-Queda? Then what the fuck was he still doing in the U.S. Army?!? Come on, folks, we need to mind our store a little better than this…
DING DONG—THE ASSHOLE’S GONE!—PART 1
It took them long enough, but the Chefs finally released impudent running back Larry Johnson on Monday. And predictably, Larry proceeded to blame the mean ol’ K.C. media for all his transgressions and fuck-ups. Sadly, L.J. will go down as a classic case of "what might have been"—he had all the talent in the world on the field, but pissed most of it away, alienated Kansas City fans and ultimately wore out his welcome here. Guess he’ll be throwing his drinks at his "bitches" in another NFL city real soon. This move also preserves the team’s all-time rushing record held by a much better citizen, "The Beast That Is The" Priest Holmes. It’s also given numerous K.C. retailers cause to offer Larry Johnson jerseys at 50% off. I have a better suggestion—I say we take those jerseys and convert them into diapers and donate them to a good charity in Dick Vermeil’s name. Good riddance to a bonehead…
DING DONG—THE ASSHOLE’S GONE!—PART 2
Nice to see them finally execute that D.C. sniper douche-bag last night. Don’t rest in peace, butt-munch—hope you were gravely disappointed when you realized there ain't no Allah after all. Good riddance to a mega-asshole…
REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE?
There was much hoop-de-doo in the media this week about tennis player Andre Agassi’s forthcoming autobiography where he says he actually hated tennis, but was forced to play against his will by his allegedly domineering father while growing up. And this is the guy that Canon cameras positioned as a "Rebel" in their TV ads back in the day? Doesn’t strike me as being terribly rebellious if he couldn’t even stand up to his old man. And cry me a freakin’ river for all those millions you made playing that game you so hated, Andre…
"MAKE SURE THEY GET YOUR GOOD SIDE, GOOD SIDE"—A. ANT
To all the conservatives who pissed and moaned last fall when Newsweek had the unmitigated temerity to put Sarah Palin’s un-retouched extreme close-up that revealed all her supposed "flaws" on their cover, I direct your attention to the latest issue of Time. There you’ll find more wrinkles on Hillary Clinton’s face than in an un-made bed—and this ain’t even a close-up! Miss Winky-Dink should be deliriously grateful to look as good as she does at her age anyway ($150,000 clothing and make-up budget notwithstanding), because the years haven’t been kind to our current Secretary of State, it appears…
‘TIS THE SEASON? I THINK NOT…
I think I already mentioned on here that Lowe’s hardware store had their outdoor Xmas decorations for sale back on September 18th. This past weekend, the bloody Salivatin’ Army bell ringers—a major bane of my existence—were already out in force at the new Walmart in Raytown, and when the clock struck midnight on Halloween, one of our local FM stations started playing wall-to-wall holiday music. At the risk of sounding like E. Scrooge, I think Ozzy Osbourne nailed it when he said, "I hate fucking Christmas!" Every year, this yuletide thing seems to start earlier and earlier, and it sucks the life right out of me. Whatever happened to waiting until Thanksgiving to start the holiday season? Before long, the damn stores will be putting out the inflatable snowmen and Santas on the 4th of July! I miss the days when Christmas was something fun to look forward to, rather than the obligation that it’s morphed into in recent years. It also doesn’t help that I’m not religious, so that aspect of the Christmas season doesn’t register with me, either. Cancel Christmas? Sounds ducky to me…
JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!
Speaking of our new Walmart—which is a mere half-mile from Holland’s Comet headquarters—in its first three weeks of operation, I’ve witnessed no less than three individual acts of vehicular stupidity in and around our great new shopping Mecca. First, there was the Walmart shopper who thought the red light leading out of their parking lot was merely a "suggestion" and he proceeded to pull right out and cut me off as I barreled towards him on the highway at 45 mph. This new store actually straddles our widely-divided 350 highway in Raytown, and a few days later, I witnessed another Wallyworld shopper turn right into the eastbound lanes of 350—going westbound! And just this past Saturday, some Amazon woman managed to ram her vehicle into one of those yellow posts in the parking lot in a single-car incident. To make matters worse, the new Walmart’s location only serves to exacerbate what is already a fairly major clusterfuck during evening rush hour, so I’m kinda hoping they hurry up and invent that flying vehicle that George Jetson folds up into a briefcase to get home in.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #121
"Rock ‘N’ Roll Fantasy"—BAD COMPANY (1979) "Reachin’ for the sky, and tearin’ up the ground…" Don’t it sound kinda like Paul Rodgers sings "Chairman of the ground" there?
TENTH AVENUE THIEF-OUT?!?
I was listening to the latest Springsteen CD the other day, Working On A Dream, and found the melody on the Dylan-esque opening track, "Outlaw Pete" to be awfully familiar. It took a few minutes to register with me that it sounded mighty close to the "doo-doo-doo-do-doo-doo-doo" intro to "I Was Made For Lovin’ You" by Kiss! Better watch out, Brucie—Gene and Paul might sue yer ass…
GUARANTEED TO BLOW YOUR HEAD APART?!? MEH...
I borrowed some Emerson Lake & Palmer CDs from the library recently (hence the above title references) and have really tried to warm up to the body of their work, but I’m finding it most difficult. My older sister used to think these guys were the cat’s ass back in the ‘70s, and there’s no question that Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are all top-flight musicians, but I find most of their music to be cold as a dead fish. ‘70s Prog Rock is like that to me in general, anyway, so I guess I’m a bit biased. While I do like some of the big radio hits like "Lucky Man", "Karn Evil 9" and "Fanfare For The Common Man", and even how ELP would occasionally loosen up and do something off-the-wall like "Hoedown" or B. Bumble & the Stingers’ "Nutrocker", the majority of their stuff comes across to me as pompous, overblown and boring with very little warmth in their music at all. I think they might’ve benefitted greatly from adding some guitar to their stuff, too—organ, bass and drums makes for a weird combo in Rock. Like the April Wine song "Wanna Rock" states, "If it don’t Rock me, then it ain’t gonna please me…"
FEELING THE NOIZE
Another band I’ve been checking out via the library is Slade, who were sort of the British version of Cheap Trick. Lead singer Noddy Holder sounded a bit like CT’s Robin Zander at times, and they were kinda goofy-looking for a Rock band, not unlike the Tricksters. I’m discovering there was a lot more to this band than just the songs Quiet Riot covered in the ‘80s, "Cum On Feel The Noize" and "Mama, Weer All Crazee Now". Slade could alternately rock out with songs like "We’ll Bring The House Down" or bring a crowd together with a touching sing-along like "My Oh My", and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley both cite Slade as an early influence for the Kiss sound and live act. Slade was huge over across the big pond back in the ‘70s, but for reasons unknown, they just never really caught on over here, even though their sound surely appeals to American Rock audiences. When I first got my MTV in 1984, I remember "Run Runaway" getting pretty heavy rotation and between that and the QR covers, Slade enjoyed a nice resurgence in popularity during that time. Pity it didn’t last—they’re a very underappreciated band.
"LET’S GIVE IT TO ‘EM RIGHT NOW!"
Here’s my all-time best version of "Louie, Louie" countdown:
5) Paul Revere & The Raiders (original studio version-1963)
4) The Kingsmen (1963)
3) John Belushi/Cast of Animal House (1978)
2) Motorhead (1980)
1) Paul Revere & The Raiders (live version on Here They Come! album-1965)
Ironically, the only version on which you can clearly understand the lyrics is Motorhead’s, believe it or not! And a little trivia for you—both the Kingsmen and Raiders versions were recorded in the same studio in the Great Northwest. Much to Da Raidas’ chagrin at the time, the Kingsmen aced them out with it on the charts, but PR&TR went on to have the far more successful career, thankfully.
"MEMORIES, LIGHT THE CORNERS OF MY MIND…"
While watching my favorite new TV show, "Squidbillies" last night, my man Early Cuyler (pictured here) reminded me of a blast from the past. When was the last time you were concerned with a piece of car audio equipment that featured "auto-reverse" and/or a "detachable face"? For me, it’s easily a decade, at least…
A NEW PLAYPEN
Last Saturday, I paid a visit to the new Independence Events Center, home of our new minor-league hockey team, the Missouri Mavericks, during its open house. Nice little building that holds about 5,000 puckheads, and considering how low-slung as the place is, it appears that the seats higher-up actually provide the better views. I thought the video boards and scoreboards seemed rather cheesy for this modern era, but overall, for a small suburban sports venue, it should serve us well. The IEC’s shakedown cruise is Friday night when the Mavs take on the Wichita Blunder, er uh, Thunder.
SLEEPING AT THE WHEEL?
Let me get this straight: the FBI and CIA have been watching this Fort Hood shooter tick-turd for quite some time now, and were well aware he’d been reaching out to Al-Queda? Then what the fuck was he still doing in the U.S. Army?!? Come on, folks, we need to mind our store a little better than this…
DING DONG—THE ASSHOLE’S GONE!—PART 1
It took them long enough, but the Chefs finally released impudent running back Larry Johnson on Monday. And predictably, Larry proceeded to blame the mean ol’ K.C. media for all his transgressions and fuck-ups. Sadly, L.J. will go down as a classic case of "what might have been"—he had all the talent in the world on the field, but pissed most of it away, alienated Kansas City fans and ultimately wore out his welcome here. Guess he’ll be throwing his drinks at his "bitches" in another NFL city real soon. This move also preserves the team’s all-time rushing record held by a much better citizen, "The Beast That Is The" Priest Holmes. It’s also given numerous K.C. retailers cause to offer Larry Johnson jerseys at 50% off. I have a better suggestion—I say we take those jerseys and convert them into diapers and donate them to a good charity in Dick Vermeil’s name. Good riddance to a bonehead…
DING DONG—THE ASSHOLE’S GONE!—PART 2
Nice to see them finally execute that D.C. sniper douche-bag last night. Don’t rest in peace, butt-munch—hope you were gravely disappointed when you realized there ain't no Allah after all. Good riddance to a mega-asshole…
REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE?
There was much hoop-de-doo in the media this week about tennis player Andre Agassi’s forthcoming autobiography where he says he actually hated tennis, but was forced to play against his will by his allegedly domineering father while growing up. And this is the guy that Canon cameras positioned as a "Rebel" in their TV ads back in the day? Doesn’t strike me as being terribly rebellious if he couldn’t even stand up to his old man. And cry me a freakin’ river for all those millions you made playing that game you so hated, Andre…
"MAKE SURE THEY GET YOUR GOOD SIDE, GOOD SIDE"—A. ANT
To all the conservatives who pissed and moaned last fall when Newsweek had the unmitigated temerity to put Sarah Palin’s un-retouched extreme close-up that revealed all her supposed "flaws" on their cover, I direct your attention to the latest issue of Time. There you’ll find more wrinkles on Hillary Clinton’s face than in an un-made bed—and this ain’t even a close-up! Miss Winky-Dink should be deliriously grateful to look as good as she does at her age anyway ($150,000 clothing and make-up budget notwithstanding), because the years haven’t been kind to our current Secretary of State, it appears…
‘TIS THE SEASON? I THINK NOT…
I think I already mentioned on here that Lowe’s hardware store had their outdoor Xmas decorations for sale back on September 18th. This past weekend, the bloody Salivatin’ Army bell ringers—a major bane of my existence—were already out in force at the new Walmart in Raytown, and when the clock struck midnight on Halloween, one of our local FM stations started playing wall-to-wall holiday music. At the risk of sounding like E. Scrooge, I think Ozzy Osbourne nailed it when he said, "I hate fucking Christmas!" Every year, this yuletide thing seems to start earlier and earlier, and it sucks the life right out of me. Whatever happened to waiting until Thanksgiving to start the holiday season? Before long, the damn stores will be putting out the inflatable snowmen and Santas on the 4th of July! I miss the days when Christmas was something fun to look forward to, rather than the obligation that it’s morphed into in recent years. It also doesn’t help that I’m not religious, so that aspect of the Christmas season doesn’t register with me, either. Cancel Christmas? Sounds ducky to me…
JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!
Speaking of our new Walmart—which is a mere half-mile from Holland’s Comet headquarters—in its first three weeks of operation, I’ve witnessed no less than three individual acts of vehicular stupidity in and around our great new shopping Mecca. First, there was the Walmart shopper who thought the red light leading out of their parking lot was merely a "suggestion" and he proceeded to pull right out and cut me off as I barreled towards him on the highway at 45 mph. This new store actually straddles our widely-divided 350 highway in Raytown, and a few days later, I witnessed another Wallyworld shopper turn right into the eastbound lanes of 350—going westbound! And just this past Saturday, some Amazon woman managed to ram her vehicle into one of those yellow posts in the parking lot in a single-car incident. To make matters worse, the new Walmart’s location only serves to exacerbate what is already a fairly major clusterfuck during evening rush hour, so I’m kinda hoping they hurry up and invent that flying vehicle that George Jetson folds up into a briefcase to get home in.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #121
"Rock ‘N’ Roll Fantasy"—BAD COMPANY (1979) "Reachin’ for the sky, and tearin’ up the ground…" Don’t it sound kinda like Paul Rodgers sings "Chairman of the ground" there?
TENTH AVENUE THIEF-OUT?!?
I was listening to the latest Springsteen CD the other day, Working On A Dream, and found the melody on the Dylan-esque opening track, "Outlaw Pete" to be awfully familiar. It took a few minutes to register with me that it sounded mighty close to the "doo-doo-doo-do-doo-doo-doo" intro to "I Was Made For Lovin’ You" by Kiss! Better watch out, Brucie—Gene and Paul might sue yer ass…
GUARANTEED TO BLOW YOUR HEAD APART?!? MEH...
I borrowed some Emerson Lake & Palmer CDs from the library recently (hence the above title references) and have really tried to warm up to the body of their work, but I’m finding it most difficult. My older sister used to think these guys were the cat’s ass back in the ‘70s, and there’s no question that Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are all top-flight musicians, but I find most of their music to be cold as a dead fish. ‘70s Prog Rock is like that to me in general, anyway, so I guess I’m a bit biased. While I do like some of the big radio hits like "Lucky Man", "Karn Evil 9" and "Fanfare For The Common Man", and even how ELP would occasionally loosen up and do something off-the-wall like "Hoedown" or B. Bumble & the Stingers’ "Nutrocker", the majority of their stuff comes across to me as pompous, overblown and boring with very little warmth in their music at all. I think they might’ve benefitted greatly from adding some guitar to their stuff, too—organ, bass and drums makes for a weird combo in Rock. Like the April Wine song "Wanna Rock" states, "If it don’t Rock me, then it ain’t gonna please me…"
FEELING THE NOIZE
Another band I’ve been checking out via the library is Slade, who were sort of the British version of Cheap Trick. Lead singer Noddy Holder sounded a bit like CT’s Robin Zander at times, and they were kinda goofy-looking for a Rock band, not unlike the Tricksters. I’m discovering there was a lot more to this band than just the songs Quiet Riot covered in the ‘80s, "Cum On Feel The Noize" and "Mama, Weer All Crazee Now". Slade could alternately rock out with songs like "We’ll Bring The House Down" or bring a crowd together with a touching sing-along like "My Oh My", and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley both cite Slade as an early influence for the Kiss sound and live act. Slade was huge over across the big pond back in the ‘70s, but for reasons unknown, they just never really caught on over here, even though their sound surely appeals to American Rock audiences. When I first got my MTV in 1984, I remember "Run Runaway" getting pretty heavy rotation and between that and the QR covers, Slade enjoyed a nice resurgence in popularity during that time. Pity it didn’t last—they’re a very underappreciated band.
"LET’S GIVE IT TO ‘EM RIGHT NOW!"
Here’s my all-time best version of "Louie, Louie" countdown:
5) Paul Revere & The Raiders (original studio version-1963)
4) The Kingsmen (1963)
3) John Belushi/Cast of Animal House (1978)
2) Motorhead (1980)
1) Paul Revere & The Raiders (live version on Here They Come! album-1965)
Ironically, the only version on which you can clearly understand the lyrics is Motorhead’s, believe it or not! And a little trivia for you—both the Kingsmen and Raiders versions were recorded in the same studio in the Great Northwest. Much to Da Raidas’ chagrin at the time, the Kingsmen aced them out with it on the charts, but PR&TR went on to have the far more successful career, thankfully.
"MEMORIES, LIGHT THE CORNERS OF MY MIND…"
While watching my favorite new TV show, "Squidbillies" last night, my man Early Cuyler (pictured here) reminded me of a blast from the past. When was the last time you were concerned with a piece of car audio equipment that featured "auto-reverse" and/or a "detachable face"? For me, it’s easily a decade, at least…A NEW PLAYPEN
Last Saturday, I paid a visit to the new Independence Events Center, home of our new minor-league hockey team, the Missouri Mavericks, during its open house. Nice little building that holds about 5,000 puckheads, and considering how low-slung as the place is, it appears that the seats higher-up actually provide the better views. I thought the video boards and scoreboards seemed rather cheesy for this modern era, but overall, for a small suburban sports venue, it should serve us well. The IEC’s shakedown cruise is Friday night when the Mavs take on the Wichita Blunder, er uh, Thunder.
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