"Hot Winter Nights" - Chapter 2B--The Players, Part 2

Time now to finish my profile of selected greats in Kansas City Comets history.  Again, I will make reference to this highlight video several times throughout to give you a little taste of what this whole thing was about.  Cue the "Midnight Express" theme again...

Dale Mitchell  When this dude played for the Tacoma Stars from 1983-86, Mitchell just killed the Comets and they couldn’t keep him off the scoreboard to save their souls, to the point where my tag-team partner Tom would often proclaim, “I HATE that guy!”  Unaware of the trade that brought Dale here until pre-game introductions before a Friday night game at Kemper in early ‘86, imagine my surprise when P.A. man Mark Fitzpatrick said, “Please warmly welcome to Kansas City, #15, Daaaaaale Miiiiitchelllllll!”--I was dumfounded.  DM didn’t screw around, though—he scored his first goal as a Comet that night and went on to be named Comets Offensive Player of the Year with 20 goals and 17 assists in the last third of an otherwise down season for the team when they missed the postseason for the first time since the dismal 1981-82 inaugural campaign.  Mitchell wound up being the Comets’ Most Valuable Player in 1987-88 and 1988-89, and he holds the Comet record (along with Jan Goossens) for most goals in a season with 51 in 1986-87.  Dale ultimately was the MISL’s 3rd all-time leading goal scorer (tied with legendary shirt-thrower Tatu).  Check out Dale's OT game-winner vs. San Diego in the 1988 playoffs at the 2:49 mark on the video.

For reasons I’ve never fully understood, Mitchell was inexplicably traded to the Baltimore Blast in 1990 for midfielder Carl Valentine.  Valentine was a fine player, but the move baffled just about everyone around here, and I can only surmise that Dale had some sort of conflict with head coach Dave Clements.  It figures—we couldn’t stand the guy when he was our enemy, then we finally embraced him as one our own, and then they let him go.  Made no sense...

Jan Goossens  “The Goose” rounded out the Goossens/ Roentved/Mitchell leadership triumvirate for the late ‘80s/early ‘90s Comets squads, and he was every bit the prolific scorer Mitchell was, except for when his fragile knees and/or Achilles heel kept him out of the lineup, which always seemed to happen at the most inopportune times, like during the playoffs.  A native of Velp, Holland, Goossens was previously an All-Star with the Golden Bay (Oakland) Earthquakes and Minnesota Strikers before joining the Comets not long after Mitchell did.  Jan was the Comets’ all-time leading goal scorer and had one of the greatest individual single-game performances in Comets history in 1991 against Wichita, scoring five goals and one assist on a night when it initially didn’t look like he would even play because of a knee injury.  Goossens had a hat trick in his next game too—guess he healed real fast!  However, my favorite Goose memory was his double-OT game-winner (at 2:37 of the video) against Dallas at Kemper in 1987, after which he ripped off his jersey (in a little dig at Sidekicks star player Tatu’s trademark goal celebration shtick) and ran around the field flailing his arms hysterically while being chased by his teammates.  Goose later deemed this “a moment of mental illness,” but it led radio announcer Kevin Wall to proclaim on-air, “The MAGIC IS BACK at Kemper Arena!” following a bit of a down period for the team.  Ironically, Goossens and Tatu were later teammates for one season in Dallas after the demise of the Comets in 1991, then Goose retired as a player when the MISL folded in 1992 and got into coaching in his native homeland.

Barry Wallace  “The Boomer” had not one, not two, but THREE tours of duty with the Comets, near the end of the team’s tenure which were sandwiched around stints playing outdoors in Tulsa.  You might say Barry was the Michael Corelone of the franchise—just when you thought he was out, they pulled him back in!  A midfielder from merry ole’ England and teammate of Kim Roentved in Wichita for several years prior to coming to K.C., Wallace was best known for his footwork and ball control skills in the midfield.  He garnered his nickname from his penchant for scoring goals off restarts with his booming hard shots.  Sadly, Barry died of cancer at age 47 in October, 2006, the first (to my knowledge) former Comets player to pass on.  He was followed just a couple months later by former Comets forward and fan-favorite Carlos Salguero, another victim of cancer.  And like so many other former Comets—Wallace was still living here in the area at the time of his passing, coaching youth soccer.

Clive Griffiths  Clive was another Comet whose life was interrupted by cancer but unlike Barry Wallace, Mr. Griffiths is happily still alive to tell about it.  A fellow Brit from Wales, Griffiths played on the inaugural ’81-’82 squad and teamed up with Gino Schiraldi on the defense and also quickly became another fan favorite and was very active in the community before being stricken with testicular cancer in 1983.  After undergoing successful chemo treatments, Clive returned briefly before retiring to the Comets’ front office and to the broadcast booth.  Clive also served as head coach for the men’s soccer team at my alma mater, UMKC, in the late ‘80s.

Mike Dowler  Another guy who was one of our villains for so many years when he was with Wichita and Tacoma, “Iron Mike” platooned with an even bigger villain, former San Diego Sucker (Socker) Jim Gorsek, during the final two seasons in Comets history to form a solid veteran goalkeeping tandem.  Dowler got his nickname for doing his best Lou Gehrig/Cal Ripken impression with Wichita back in the day when he started practically every game in goal.  During those last two Comets seasons when Mike was out injured, he would join announcer Kevin Wall in the radio booth to do color commentary and did a really nice job, sounding very charismatic with his eloquent British accent, a bit reminiscent of Beatle George Harrison at times.

Gordon Hill  Sticking with the Brits here, Gordie had a magical season for the Comets in 1983-84, racking up 46 goals and 24 assists—one of them appears at the 2:05 mark of the video.  That was the night Hill went bonkers at Kemper and scored six goals (all in a row!) against the Steamers, setting the team record for most goals in a game, and they needed every last one of them that night to beat St. Louie 8-7.  Hill's first goal in a Comets uniform that season was pretty memorable too, yet few people actually witnessed it.  One night in front of a paltry crowd in Phoenix, GH took a feed near the top of the penalty area and executed a perfect “bicycle kick” and rammed it home, but no video exists of said goal, that I’m aware of.  Gord only played for one season and change with the Comets before wearing out his welcome with head coach Pat McBride, who accused Hill of not being a team player and released him.  McBride himself was gone by Christmas of '84 as well.

David Doyle  No, not Bosley from “Charlie’s Angels”, this David Doyle was known as “The Legend” in his native Dublin, Ireland, where he lived up to his nickname in the outdoor futbol realm.  I’ll never forget the time I was out drinking one night circa. 1995 down in Westport when this Irish bartender and I were discussing soccer and as soon as I uttered the name David Doyle, his eyes lit up and he said, “You mean The Legend?!?”  Doyle, who was voted MISL Rookie Of The Year in 1987-88, was a speedy forward who was a major cog in the Comets offense from 1987 until the bitter end in ’91, and he executed two of those Jack Buck “I don’t believe what I just saw!” kind of moments you just can’t forget.  The first was a goal in 1990 against the St. Louis Storm (who replaced the Steamers) when after the Comets’ defense wrested control of the ball, Doyle brought it up from his own defensive zone, having to dodge at least five tackle attempts by the opponents—getting knocked down at least twice—as he bobbed and weaved his way into their end of the field, never once losing control of the freakin’ ball. Just when you thought he was going to collapse from exhaustion, he fired a shot that the goalie completely whiffed at!  I’m hoping that particular play is still on video somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.  The other classic happened a few games later when Doylie launched a shot from his own defensive third of the field as the quarter was about to expire and caught opposing goalkeeper David Brcic (a former Comet) way out of position (in the next county almost).  Brcic looked as if he was watching a 747 soaring overhead as the ball sailed past him into the goal as the horn went off.

Doyle was involved in an unfortunate (and controversial) incident in a 1990 playoff series against Wichita, breaking his right tibia in a collision with Wings defender Victor Moreland.  Many Comets fans accused Moreland—who had a reputation as a bit of a goon—of “over-topping” the ball and deliberately trying to injure Doyle (who was lost for the rest of the playoffs, obviously) but when I saw the replays, I never really thought it was a dirty play at all.  Fortunately, David recovered and was fully-functional again by early ’91 for the final Comets season stretch run, and went on to star well into the ‘90s with the Dallas Sidekicks of the CISL and briefly as a teammate of Kim Roentved with the Wichita Wings in the NPSL in 1997-98, ultimately retiring in 2004.

Other Comets players of note:

Kia  No, not the crappy little import car line, but native Iranian Kia Zolgharnain, who simply went by his first name and was a fan-favorite beginning in 1987.  He was a little dude, all 5’5” of him, and had previously starred with the Canton Invaders of the American Indoor Soccer Association.  He brought some added punch to the Comets offense for three seasons, but early in his fourth season with the team, he got off to a poor start and perceived himself to be in Coach Dave Clements' doghouse, so he requested the controversial trade that sent him and Gerry Gray to Tacoma for Barry Wallace.  Kia subsequently wound up back in Canton.

Charley Greene  Greene’s arrival in K.C. in 1986 raised a few eyebrows, mostly because of his infamous head-butting (at 3:10 of the video) of Gino Schiraldi at Kemper in 1982 when Greene played for Cleveland.  Greene accused Schiraldi of kicking him in his "manhood", but Gino claimed he did no such thing.  Gino forgave and forgot, as did Comets fans, and Greene had a nice run as a defender here for two seasons before heading back to Cleveland.


Ty Keough  Ty only played one season for the Comets after several years with those evil Steamers in his native St. Louis.  You might recognize him from his color commentary work on ESPN’s MLS and World Cup coverage.  Ty is the son of late St. Louis soccer legend Harry Keough, a member of the U.S. National Team who played England in the 1950 World Cup final.

Charlie Fajkus  Fajkus (pronounced FY-cus, like the plant) was a midfielder who had a steady run for three seasons here in the mid-‘80s, sandwiched between stints with the Chicago Sting.  He was also a dead ringer for actor William Watson, who played the soldier on "MASH" who held the 4077th hostage while his wounded lieutenant was in surgery.


Tim Twellman  MLS star Taylor Twellman’s pappy played for the Comets from 1983-86.

Dave Boncek  MISL Rookie Of The Year in 1985-86, #19 was a solid defender for five seasons with the Comets.  Nothing flashy here—just a quiet hard-working blue-collar kind of player.


Paul Peschisolido  Another little dude who came along late in the team’s tenure, his surname (pronounced ‘pesky-SO-lee-doh’) translated to “solid fisherman”.  He more or less took Kia’s spot on the roster, as both an offensive weapon and heartthrob for female Comets fans.  At 19 years of age, Paul was the youngest player in the league at that time.

Iain Fraser  Another defender, Iain was almost a carbon copy of Dave Boncek—they even kinda looked alike.  Not to be confused with the journeyman NHL center of the same name, Iain “Fuckin'” Fraser (as I affectionately liked to call him) was born in Scotland and raised in Ontario, and was the Comets Rookie Of The Year in 1986-87. He was one of the team’s best shot blockers from ’86-’91 and later returned to K.C. for two seasons with the Attack and also played in the inaugural season of Major League Soccer with the New England Revolution in 1996.

Ted Eck  Ted came along near the end of the Comets’ road in 1988 and gradually worked his way into the Comets offensive arsenal, which was tough to do with the likes of Haramina, Goossens, Doyle and Mitchell ahead of him on the depth chart.  Eck later played sparingly for the Dallas Burn in MLS in the late ‘90s.  After each Comets goal during home games at Kemper, the player who scored it would kick out a genuine regulation “Wilson Keeper” soccer ball into the stands, and Mr. Eck launched one skyward in my direction in a game in 1990 and I caught it.  My friend Tom always accuses me of knocking some little kid in the aisle out of the way to get it, but I did no such thing, and I still proudly own said ball to this day.  Thanks, Ted!


Zoran Savic  A name like Savic makes you think of Star Trek movies, but the Z-man was one of the top scorers during the Comets’ early years.  He later returned here as a member of the Kansas City Attack and subsequently became their head coach, leading the team to its first NPSL championship in 1992-93 in his first season at the helm.  Zoran is currently an assistant coach for the artists formerly known as the Kansas City Wizards in MLS.

Doug Neely  The Comets snagged Neely (aka "Gnarly") in the dispersal draft after the 1989 demise of the L.A. Lazers.  This surfer boy from California looked like a hippie with his long blonde hair, but he played hard as a defender, working well with messers. Schiraldi and Fraser.

Dave Clements  “Clemo” replaced head coach Rick Benben after a poor start to the ’86-’87 season and righted the Comets’ ship, leading them to a playoff berth.  He remained with the team until the bitter end and was the all-time winningest coach in team history.  Ironically, the guy he replaced (Benben) replaced the guy who Clemo replaced in St. Louis (Pat McBride) when McBride took over the Comets in ‘82, and Dave was head coach of those evil St. Louis Steamers during the intense rivalry years from ’82-’85.  Clemo was a tough old Irishman, but very fair, and most players seemed to enjoy playing for him.  Off the field, he was quite friendly and affable, and it was fun to be able to walk up to him and shake his hand during pre-game warm-ups prior to the playoff game in Cleveland in ’91 and say, “Hi Coach, you know me as ‘Brian from Raytown’ on your radio show—nice to finally meet!”  He also encouraged me and the other Comets fans who’d made the road trip to remember that we were representing our city and we should do K.C. proud, and I thought it was really cool that he would take the time to talk to us before such an important contest.  Last I heard, Clemo had retired to the mountains in Colorado.  A good soccer man, indeed.

"Hot Winter Nights" - Chapter 2A--The Players, Part 1

In my second installment of my Kansas City Comets tribute, I salute some of the players who made this whole thing happen in the first place.  Throughout the course of this post (and the next one), I will make mention of this YouTube video a few times, which I think you'll find highly enjoyable and for those of you not familiar with the K.C Comets phenomenon, highly educational.  Without further ado, please allow me to introduce YOUR Kansas City Comets!!!

Gino Schiraldi  Gino’s surname was misspelled in the inaugural 1981-82 Comets media guide (‘SCHIRLADI’), but little did anyone know then that he’d go on to become the man most associated with indoor soccer in Kansas City, and the only man to play for the original MISL Comets franchise throughout its entire existence from 1981-91.  Short and stocky with the funniest-looking knees you’ll ever see, Gino was a tenacious bulldog of a defender and the captain of the Comets for most of his tenure in K.C., and very active in the community off the field.  I met Gino several times over the years and he’s real nice guy, and I dearly miss his pizza establishment that he opened downtown back in the late ‘80s—Gino’s pizzas had the best-tasting bread crust I’ve ever had, as well as some tangy Italian sausage that had just the right amount of kick to it without being too spicy.  When the Comets folded in 1991, Gino received offers from some of the remaining then-MSL clubs, but to his credit, he did not want to leave K.C., and eventually signed on with the Kansas City Attack of the NPSL for their inaugural season in ’91-’92 before calling it a career, and his #2 was retired by the team.  I’m willing to bet there’s a pretty fair chance that Schiraldi will be involved with the new Missouri Comets franchise in some capacity as well.

Alan Mayer  One of the all-time great goalkeepers in indoor soccer history, and the only one with sense enough to wear rubberized headgear to protect his noggin from all the abuse goalies are known to take.  Alan’s nickname was “Kamikaze” because of his all-out reckless style of play, hence the need for the headgear.  Mayer had previously played on the evil 1982-83 championship San Diego Sockers team, going 30-10 in goal in the regular season and also served as the player/head coach of the short-lived Las Vegas Americans before arriving in Kansas City in 1985, becoming one of the most popular players on the squad.  Like so many other Comets players, Alan liked our area so much that once he got here, he decided to stay put, thus he relocated his family here permanently.  Mayer served as an assistant coach for the Kansas City Wizards for a while in the '90s, and he still works around town in the insurance business milieu.


Damir Haramina  My personal all-time favorite Comet, in part because his story just fascinated me, and partly because he kinda sorta looked like me back in the day in the face.  He came to America in the spring of ’85 at age 23 from Yugoslavia knowing only two words of English:  “Hello” and “Damir”.  He was also totally unfamiliar with the indoor game, having been raised on outdoor soccer back home, but by some fluky luck, he landed a spot on the Comets roster at the tail end of the ’84-’85 regular season.  Damir assimilated quite rapidly, and ended up scoring four goals in five games during the ’85 playoffs, including a game-winning OT goal against the arch-rival St. Louis Steamers (at the 2:16 mark of the video I mentioned above) and a game-tying goal that forced OT in the following series vs. San Diego.  Damir took English classes in his spare time in the off-season at one of our local community colleges and he lived in the Strawberry Hill neighborhood in Kansas City, Kansas, which is home to many Serbian/Slavic people, including teammate Boris Bandov, who became his mentor.  By the ’85-’86, da boy was one of the mainstays of the Comets offense, racking up 108 goals through the ’87-’88 season.

When I purchased my first Comets replica jersey in ‘86, I had it customized with “HARAMINA” and his #11 on the back—the first and only time I’ve done so with a jersey.  Said shirt also gained me the first nickname I ever had that actually stuck—“Haramina”—during my first radio gig at the “Mighty 1030”, KKJC in Blue Springs, MO.  We were a Comets radio affiliate and I proudly wore my uni constantly to work.  And because of my beloved jersey, I adopted 11 as my lucky number, which makes sense anyway since I was born on the 11th of June and 11 totally resembles my zodiac sign Gemini.  On the night of December 12, 1987 at a Comets game, my good friend Tom and I were sitting in the lower level stands at Kemper when some guy taps me on the shoulder and says, “I like your shirt.”  I turned around and was astounded to see the man himself, Damir Haramina, seated behind us!  He was sitting out that game with an injury and was taking in the game from the stands, which was not uncommon for Comets players to do when they were injured—unlike these pampered, overpaid yutzes in the NFL and NBA, et al, MISL players weren’t too good to mix with the peeples, and didn’t mind rubbing elbows with us peons at all.  Tom and I both shook hands with him and he seemed like a cool guy.

My favorite Damir moment was a Saturday night game on March 1, 1986 at Kemper vs. Tacoma that happened to be on ESPN in which he was suited-up but remained on the bench almost the entire game because of a nagging stomach muscle injury.  The game went into overtime and the Comets drew a foul that resulted in a restart at the top of the arc in front of the penalty area.  In a brilliant maneuver not quite two minutes into OT, head coach Rick Benben trotted Haramina out for the restart, and before you knew it, he scored on a nice feed from veteran Charlie Fajkus.  Essentially, the man played all of four seconds of the entire game, yet he scored the freakin’ game-winning goal!  After an injury-plagued 1988-89 season that limited Damir to three goals in 13 games, he had a falling-out with coach Dave Clements before ’89-’90 commenced.  Haramina had come to training camp out-of-shape, and evidently his work ethic wasn’t what it should have been at the time, so he was released and landed in San Diego for a season or two.  He also played for the Las Vegas team in the now-defunct Continental Indoor Soccer League before returning to Croatia in the ‘90s.
 

Pato Margetic  He only spent a season and a half here (sandwiched between two stints with the Chicago Sting), but “The Magic Man” was a favorite with the ladies because of his long blonde hair, and Pato could’ve passed for the late Randy Rhoads’ older brother, if he had one.  Pato was a native of Argentina and was oft-injured, and how he got around so well on those spindly legs of his is a mystery to me, but when Margetic (pronounced mar-HET-ic) was healthy, he was a prolific scorer.  My favorite Pato memory is the time during our front-row season ticket era when referee Gino DiPollito called a foul on him right in front of us and as Margetic started to protest, all of a sudden this big ol’ wad of drool comes out of his mouth.  DiPollito had already turned his back to him, so Pato quickly reached up and grabbed the wad of slobber and wiped it on DiPollito’s shirt tail without him ever realizing it!  "Dippo" was pretty clueless about most everything anyway, as I’ll detail later.  Pato later became player-coach of the Chicago Power of the NPSL and led them to a championship in 1990-91.

Kim Roentved  Now here’s a dude I want in my foxhole if I'm ever a soldier in a war.  Not only is he a natural-born leader, but he would fight and kick and scratch and grab to steal the ball away from his opponent and is one of those scrappy players who wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing his body to make a play.  Roentved (pronounced RUNT-ved) played in more games than anyone else in MISL history, and was the Bobby Orr of indoor soccer.  Not only was he an excellent defender, but Kim often played a major role in the offense as well—defenders aren’t supposed to average 24 goals a season!  He was the only defender in league history to amass more than 500 points (goals and assists combined).  A native of Denmark, “The Rocket” was a fan-favorite during his seven years with the Wichita Wings, playing alongside his older brother Per Roentved.  Sadly, Per suffered a cerebral hemorrhage that left him temporarily paralyzed on the left side of his body and was forced to retire early (he made a full recovery eventually).  When the Wings could no longer afford Kim’s salary, he moved up I-35 and joined the Comets in ’87 and was a stalwart of the franchise until the bitter end in ’91.  I’ll never forget when I attended the Comets’ final playoff game (and final game ever, period) in Cleveland in ’91, I was sitting in the front row at Richfield Coliseum toying with my camera during pre-game warmups, and Roentved spotted me in my Comets jersey and he came over and knocked on the Plexiglas and waved at me.  You think Manny Ramirez or A-Roid would do such a thing?  I think not...

My other favorite Rocket moment was when (at 7:31 of the video) he knocked Wichita badass defender Brad Smith right on his arse.  After the demise of the Comets, Roentved returned to play and coach for the Wings during their NPSL days in the ‘90s (with Smith as a teammate, oddly enough), then returned to play one season with the Kansas City Attack in 1998-99 (which I’d totally forgotten about until I revisited all this) before retiring as a player.  He has since remained in the K.C. area and opened a chain of import high-end Danish furniture stores in the Overland Park area, but I think they’ve since closed.  His son Cole—a spitting image of his old man—plays soccer at my alma mater, UMKC, and Kim was inducted into the Wichita Sports Hall of Fame in 2008.  Which begs the question, if Wichita has a Sports Hall of Fame, why the filth-flarn-filth doesn’t Kansas City have one yet?!?  But I digress.  I’m quite pleased to report that “The Rocket” will be head coach of the new Comets franchise that begins play this fall in nearby Independence.  Excellent choice, indeed.

Tasso Koutsoukos  One of the stars of the Comets’ early seasons and a fan favorite, Tasso was a native of Montreal, not Athens, thus making him sort of a Greek/French Canuck, and he manned the midfield for the Comets for a couple years in the mid-‘80s before being traded to Minnesota in 1985, then he returned to K.C. for another tour of duty in 1987.  Tasso scored the cataclysmic game-winning goal 1:22 into overtime in Game 3 of the 1985 playoffs vs. St. Louis, clinching the Comets’ first playoff series win in team history and finally getting them over the Steamer hump, after having struggled mightily against Team Steam in both the regular season and playoffs during their first three years of existence.  He also helped mentor young master Haramina upon his arrival here, and they often assisted on each other’s goals.



Enzo DiPede  K.C.’s first star goalkeeper and another fan favorite from the early days, Enzo was an original Comet who had played previously as back-up to the legendary Shep Messing on those champion New York Arrows teams from ’78-’80.  Born in Italy and raised in Toronto, DiPede (pronounced de-PAY-day) survived original Comets head coach Luis Dabo’s revolving personnel door in that first season where he seemingly fielded a different roster of players for every game, hence Dabo’s dismissal after the team stumbled out of the gate 2-9.  Enzo and fellow original Comet Gino Schiraldi became the best of friends and like Gino, Enzo went into the restaurant biz here in town and opened up Bagel Works in the heart of Westport.  And like so many other Comets, he still lives here in K.C.

Just as an aside, Dabo pretty much cooked his own goose before the Comets ever played a game, as he was busted for soliciting an undercover K.C. Police woman for prostitution on October 30, 1981—two weeks before the Comets' debut.  His excuse was he was merely "complimenting" the woman on her appearance.  Riiiiight...

Yilmaz Orhan  A native of Cyprus and an offensive force in the first two seasons of Comets history, Orhan scored 63 goals in basically a season-and-a-half.  "Yo” was a favorite of the ladies with his thick, wavy Gino Vanelli-ish hair and European good looks—that's him scoring at the 1:15 mark of the video.  Unfortunately, Orhan fell out of favor with a DUI arrest following the 1983 season and was released outright before joining the Memphis Americans, for whom he scored 49 goals in ’83-’84.  He then bounced around with other teams for a couple years, returning here for a cup of coffee in 1986, playing in five games with the Comets without scoring a point.  By that time, he was a mere shadow of the player he was in 1982-83, and never played in the MISL again after that.  Sad case of what might’ve been…



Plenty more to come in Chapter 2B, coming soon...

"Hot Winter Nights" - Chapter 1--A Night At The (Comet) Opera

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—I am finally delivering on my long-promised blog tribute series about my favorite sports franchise of all-time, the Kansas City Comets of the original Major Indoor Soccer League.  After all, this here blog is partially named for said sports entity, so it's only natural that I pay tribute to this fine body of men.  This thing took far longer than I imagined it would to compile and write, but there were so many memories and facets to this wonderful team, which existed from 1981-91, and a mere single post simply won't do justice to them.  I'll delve into the history and minutiae of the team in later installments, but first, I want to give you a little taste of a typical "Hot Winter Night" (as the team's original slogan went) with this amalgam of my favorite in-person game memories, all merged into a single fictional game...

6:30PM—Down in the stockyards of Kansas City, the natives begin gathering at 1800 Genessee (aka Kemper Arena) for another Major Indoor Soccer League match.

6:55PM—My longtime friend and tag-team partner (in the loosest sense) Tom and I arrive at Kemper and take our seats.  If it's 1986-87, we're in our season ticket seats right in the front rowwwww in Section 119, Row A, Seats 5 (me) and 6 (Tom) right by the Plexiglas.

7:00PM—The visiting St. Louis Steamers emerge from the bench area and trot out to midfield and half-heartedly wave to the halfway-assembled multitude, receiving a smattering of applause (from those who made their way up I-70 to see their heroes), but mostly boos and hisses from the crowd before they disperse to the south end of the field to do their pre-game warm-ups.  About 30 seconds later, the crowd erupts into applause as the Kansas City Comets charge out of their bench area and acknowledge their loyal legion of fans before taking the north end of the field to warm up.  For the next 20 minutes, both teams perform various stretching and exercise drills, and practice passing and shooting while using the goalkeepers for target practice.

7:05 PM—An errant practice shot soars over the Plexiglas behind the south goal and lands in some unsuspecting fan's lap, crushing the poor sucker's newly-bought nachos.  Said fan sheepishly tosses the cheese-coated sphere back to the field and checks for collateral damage, plucking jalapenos off his Levi's Dockers.  Meanwhile, senior referees Gino DiPollito and Bill Maxwell enter the field at some point and try to look authoritative while they monitor the proceedings.  The building continues to fill with fans while the latest hits from Madonna, Tears For Fears, Mr. Mister and Starship play on the P.A. overhead.

7:10PM—Randi Schoenstadt, lovely daughter of team owner Dr. David Schoenstadt, emerges from the bench area and makes her way across the field toward the penalty box area to deliver the Comets lineup card to the refs.  Picture singer Ronnie Spector (only about 20 years younger) struttin' her stuff in that Eddie Money video and you get the picture—Miss Randi had Tina Turner-esque legs and often sported very short skirts, five-inch stilettos and various manner of sexy hosiery, including fishnets.  My heart races, I drool profusely, and I lust mightily after her until she disappears into the bench area again.

7:15PM—Ceremonial drooling now completed, I turn my attention back to the matter at hand, perusing and preparing my homemade Comets scoresheet, which I modeled after a baseball scorecard, all the while trying to ignore the annoying Johnson County family that always sits to our left with the squirmy little kids who never really give a rip about the game itself.  I'm sure I was the only fan in the building who ever kept score at Comets games, and I'm soooo glad I did—it was a huge help in compiling this series.

7:20PM—The horn sounds signaling the end of pre-game warm-ups, and the teams file back to their respective locker rooms as the lights dim partially while arena workers set up the various pyrotechnic and lighting apparatus (apparati?) for the upcoming player introductions.  Meanwhile, several pre-taped commercials play on the P.A. (and on the video board if it's 1988 onward), including a message from KCTV-5 Sports Director Jack Harry extolling the virtues of Channel 5's "special coverage" of Comets game broadcasts. Yeah right, sure, Jack—whatever you say, buddy.  [I'll deal with that "special coverage" in a future installment of "Hot Winter Nights".]  Interspersed with the pre-recorded ads are messages from Public Address Announcer Mark Fitzpatrick (before 1988) and Ed Bishop (1988-91).  Mr. Fitzpatrick was a bank president by day who moonlighted (moonlit?) as the voice of Comets inside Kemper Arena.  Mr. Bishop, who succeeded Mark when bank duties took up too much of his time, was a Communications major and classmate of yours truly at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, and is back today as PA man for the new Missouri Comets MISL franchise, too.  Both gentlemen served the dual roles as master of ceremonies and head cheerleader for the Comets, and served it well.

7:28PM—The remaining arena lights go dim and the building is plunged into total darkness until spotlights shine on the visitors' bench, where the St. Louis players have reconvened.  Using Emerson Lake & Palmer's "Fanfare For The Common Man" as a music bed, Fitzpatrick/Bishop introduces each player on the squad as they enter the field one-by-one in numerical uniform order as they run around north end of the field in the dark and he concludes the intro with "Ladies and gentlemen, the visiting St. Louis Steamers..."

7:30 PM—The spotlights now train themselves on the huge disco mirror ball hovering over the south end of Kemper Arena, sending a few thousand points of light circulating around the seating area.  Giorgio Moroder's "Midnight Express Theme"—the Comets' "call of the wild", if you will—pulsates over the P.A. while the neon Comets logo sign you see in this photo illuminates and flashes.  On a special night, a bright green light beam might shoot out from behind the south goal and signal the start of the legendary Comets lazer show.  Come 1988 or later, a nifty video appears on the scoreboard showing an animated comet passing 'round the Borealis (space truckin' 'round the stars?) then orbiting Earth before zeroing in on North America and taking dead aim on the Kemper Arena roof (yes, the same roof that collapsed in 1979).  A loud explosion jolts the crowd and sparks fly from the arena rafters as a fiery red ball (later changed to a light-up Comets logo) illuminates and begins descending on a cable aimed in the general direction of the neon Comets sign.  When the ball/logo reaches the Astroturf "earth", another KA-BOOOOM! goes off and two bright flash pots spout flames in front of the goal—if you didn't know any better, you'd think you were at a Kiss concert (not that that's a problem with yours truly or anything).  After fever pitch is achieved, Fitzpatrick/Bishop goes to work:  "Ladies and gentlemen, would you welcome YOUR KANSAS CITY COMETS!!  At goalkeeper, number double-zero ENZOOOOOO DiPEDE!  At defender, the captain of the Comets, number #2, GINOOOOOOO SCHIRAAAAALDIIIII!" and so on, through all 16 players suited up as they make their way through the door and charge on to the field through the neon-lighted "runway" laid out on the turf near the goal.

7:33PM—Following the intros, the players line up along their respective red lines, the refs stand at attention in front of the penalty box, the music dies down, the spotlight hits Old Glory up in the rafters and Fitzpatrick/Bishop introduces singer Ida McBeth to perform the national anthem.  Ida is a legendary local K.C. jazz/R&B artist who was the Comets' equivalent to what the late Kate Smith was to the Philadelphia Flyers in the '70s—a secret weapon/good luck charm, so to speak.  The woman has a voice so deep, I thought she was actually a guy in drag the first time I heard her sing!  But man, when she'd reach down and belt out her stirring a capella rendition of the "Star-Spangled Banner" (or even better, "God Bless America"), if that didn't get you fired-up for the game, nothing would!  All other Comets anthem singers paled in comparison to Ida.  When she first started singing for the Comets, McBeth was bigger (literally) than Heart's Ann Wilson at her heaviest—easily 300 pounds—but when her health started to suffer, she lost an impressive amount of weight and slimmed down to the svelte, Patti LaBelle-like figure you see in the photo above.  Ida still performs regularly and has quite a following around town.  Okay, back to the game...

7:35PM—Let's get ready to rumble!  The Steamers kick off to begin the match, and we are underway.  The Comets gain control of the ball and "Midnight Express" kicks in again on the P.A.—unlike in other sports, it's okay for music to blare overhead while the game is going in the MISL.  Fitzpatrick/Bishop urges the crowd to get into things by intoning, "C'mon everybody!" or "Here come the Comets!" and the crowd begins cheering and clapping rhythmically.  The game continues from one end of the field with several shots by both teams narrowly missing the goals.

7:40PM—My all-time favorite Comet, Yugoslavian forward Damir Haramina, takes a beautiful feed from midfielder Tasso Koutsoukos and rams home a one-timer from the top of the arc past sprawling goalkeeper Slobo Ilijevski of the Steamers for the first goal of the night.  The red light behind the goal illuminates and Fitzpatrick/Bishop orgasmically screams "GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!" as the crowd goes berserk.  After a brief pause, Mark/Ed resumes: "KAN-za City GOOOOOOALLLL!!!...His 15th of the season for number 11, DAMEEEEER HARAMEEEEEENAAAAAA!!!!...And with the assist, number ten, TASSOOOOO KOUTSOOOOOOUKOS!!"  After just a few games, I got the routine down pat and loved to chant right along with Fitzpatrick/Bishop after every goal—it was just like singing along to a favorite song.



7:45PM—Mad Mike, an annoying self-appointed "Super Fan" with a snare drum makes his first appearance of the night, charging up to the Plexiglas in the aisle to our left adjacent to the Steamers' bench.  I roll my eyes as he bangs his drum and hollers toward the field, "Let's go Comets" (thump, thump), "Rip their lips off, Comets!" (thump, thump), etc.  Then, being the inconsiderate rube that he is, rather than walk up to the concourse and go around to reach the aisle to our right, Mike decides to cut through our row, and in the process, he bonks some little kid in the head with his drum, causing the child to burst into tears.  Mad Mike, meet Mad Parent—he's about to show you a new place to put that drumstick...

7:52PM—During an official's timeout, Fitzpatrick/ Bishop says, "There's an official's timeout on the field," to which Tom would alternately respond, "Well, get it off the field!" or "Yeah? They need one!"  Fitzpatrick/Bishop then introduces the night's very special guest, the Famous Chicken, who immediately bolts across the field to the Steamers' bench area and puts his special "whammy" on Team Steam, then proceeds to lay soccer "eggs" at midfield, and does his usual humorous shtick.

7:58PM—Now in the stands next to the Plexiglas, the Chicken attempts to "distract" the St. Louis players by holding up pin-up posters of Madonna and Loni Anderson, et al.  This doesn't work, so he then holds up a cheesecake poster of a morbidly-obese woman in a bathing suit.  Still, no dice.  As a final resort, the Chicken whips out a poster of Richard Gere!  Later on, the Chicken attaches the obese woman poster to the Plexiglas, then takes a bottle of windex foam and draws an arrow on the glass pointing to the poster and spells out "MISS ST. LOUIS".  This Chicken cat was/is friggin' brilliant.

8:02PM—Referee Gino DiPollito calls a phantom foul on the Comets when St. Louis' Ricky "Captain America" Davis trips and falls on his own in front of K.C.'s Dave Boncek right in front of us.  I jump up and scream "WHAT?!?"  Davis, by the way, was the Comets' whipping-boy, as it seemed like we were always knocking him on his keister, yet the little weasel kept getting right back up and playing.  Tough little goomer, this Davis was...

8:04 PM—Referee Bill Maxwell makes a phantom call on the Steamers when the Comets' Pato Margetic stumbles over Carl Rose of the Steamers on his own.  I remain seated and chuckle.  Dippo and Maxwell are laying almost as many "eggs" as the Chicken on this night.  To this day, I honestly believe that Ray Charles, Ronnie Milsap and Stevie Wonder could've called better games than these two.  But I digress...

8:15PM—Comets midfielder Barry "Boomer" Wallace lives up to his nickname and launches a line drive shot that sails out of play and goes hurtling toward the auxiliary scoreboard on the upper deck façade and crashes right into the backlit Diet Coke sign flanking it.  The crowd erupts in applause as if to say, "Take that, corporate America!"  Meanwhile, the hole that Wallace's shot gouged into the signage inadvertently forms the forms the word 'DIKE'.  Oops.  The damage is probably later taken out of Barry's paycheck.  By the way, rest in peace, Boomer—you left us way too soon.

8:17PM—During the stoppage triggered by Wallace's moon shot, the Chicken pulls out a gym bag with a Steamers logo on it and starts rummaging through it, pulling out all matter of shorts, shoes, jock straps, and finally a lacy bra, which he holds on high while the crowd hoots and hollers.

8:45PM—It's halftime, with the Comets leading St. Louis 3-1.  For the next 15 minutes, there's no telling what you'll see on the pitch—Comet halftimes could be a mixed bag.  It could be anything from local youth soccer teams playing a mini-game (with the Chicken "officiating" when he was there) to a Folf (Frisbee Golf) demonstration to some promotional contest emceed by local radio DJs like Dick Wilson, Randy Raley or Dan Donovan, to 400 off-key little kids from some local school singing (after taking ten minutes to get lined-up and organized on the field) to the semi-legendary 23rd Street Marching Cobras, an inner-city drum-and-dance corps who were/are very talented, yet rather headache-inducing.

Two rather infamous halftimes leap to my mind.  One was called Lazer Tag, and the Comets hyped the hell out of it for several weeks prior, claiming it was something not to be missed.  What actually unfolded was a bunch of people chasing each other around on the field in the dark waving flashlights, with no apparent point to the proceedings.  "Lazer Tag" immediately became Tom's and my catchphrase for anything lame or inept.  Another time, the Comets were honoring the folks at Ringling Bros., who were coming to Kemper following the Comets game, and halftime featured a tug-of-war between two sets of kids, and a baby elephant was brought in to "anchor" one end of the rope with his trunk.  Much to the chagrin of all involved, the little pachyderm reared up his hind leg and proceeded to take a wiz on the carpet.  And we ain't talkin' some piddly doggie stream—this critter had more water pressure than some fire hoses do!  The subsequent puddle—no, pool—Mr. Elephant left in his wake took nearly ten minutes to clean up with a Shop-Vac, and I imagine that hunk of the rug smelled pretty rancid the rest of the night...

Another popular halftime "tradition" was the annual paper airplane toss.  Fans could buy sheets of paper to fold into paper projectiles with their name and address on them and attempt to win a car by tossing the planes into its sunroof or onto other targets on the field to win free trips from the sponsoring airline or TVs and stereos, etc.  This of course, left the field littered with paper, and the jaundiced looks on the faces of the visiting team returning to the field were priceless, as if they were saying, "What the f---?..."  I could never fold an aerodynamic paper airplane to save my soul, and even from our front row seats with a target five yards away from us, I still never came close to hitting it!

The most popular Comet halftime shows were undoubtedly the annual "Food Characters" games, sponsored by local grocery store chains.  Where else could you see the Pillsbury Doughboy tending goal, not to mention seeing Fred Flintstone lose his hair (the man wore a rug—who knew?) and even worse, seeing Hostess' Twinkie the Kid literally lose his head?!?  The carnage got pretty ugly at times, but it was always a hoot watching these poor schlubs trying to navigate around the field with their vision impaired by the costumes.  I remember Dino from "The Flintstones" always ran kinda funny—like one of those old Chevy Novas that was always out of alignment.  Chester Cheetah was a prolific goal scorer, if memory serves.

9:06PM—As he's known to do from time to time, the legendary Slobo Ilijevski gets a little too adventurous and wanders way too far out of his goal, wanting so desperately to be part of the Steamers' offense, and finds himself in no man's land when there's a steal in the midfield and the Comets' Dale Mitchell lofts a long one and burns Slobo like the midday sun and scores.  As great as Ilijevski was, he was good for a least one of these brain farts in nearly every game he played against the Comets.  Sorry to pick on you here, Slobo, but I just couldn't resist.  And believe it or not, I actually do miss you—you were a worthy opponent and great warrior.  Rest in peace, Slobo.

9:20PM—Comets defender Kim Roentved gets tangled up with Steamers forward Don Ebert near the boards in the corner and next thing you know, we're playin' The Feud.  "The Rocket" don't back down from nobody, and a brief melee ensues, resulting in packed quarters in the penalty boxes.

9:25PM—During the intermission between the 3rd and 4th quarter, Fitzpatrick/Bishop says, "Tonight's attendance, 15,192—the Comets players, coaches and front office staff thank all of you for your continued support."  The Comets players interrupt their bench huddle with head coach Dave Clements to acknowledge the fans by applauding the people who help pay their salaries.  If it's the final home game of the season, the entire team walks around the pitch with a large banner that reads, "Thanks, Kansas City, for another great season!"  Ever see this happen in the NFL, NBA, MLB or NHL?  Didn't think so...

9:50PM—With the Comets ahead 6-4 and less than 4:00 remaining, the Steamers pull goalkeeper Ilijevski in favor of 6th attacker Ricky Davis.  This gambit has a 50-50 success rate and on this night, it backfires as forward Jan Goossens gains possession near the penalty box and rolls the ball goalward with Davis chasing the ball in vain as I go into my Harry Caray "It might be, it could be, it is!" chant, as the ball crosses the goal line.

9:56PM—As the crowd counts down the game's final seconds, Fitzpatrick/Bishop proclaims "We got a winner!" as the Comets defeat St. Louis 7-4.  The teams shake hands and mill about briefly at midfield as the intro to Bob Seger's "Old-Time Rock 'N' Roll" (the live version off Nine Tonight) kicks in on the P.A., and as soon as Bob sings "Just take those old records off the shelf..." the Comets form a line and trot around the perimeter of the field and high-five the fans (Tom and me included) hanging over the Plexiglas.  Once the circuit is complete, the team reconvenes at midfield and applauds the fans one more time before heading off to the locker room and a good time was had by all.

I'd give almost anything to be able to turn back time and do just one more Comets game all over again...

"Reelin' In The Years" - Vol. 3

For those of you just joining, this is another collection of journal notes from the early '90s that I kept, along with current commentary on them to add the perspective that hindsight provides.  Or something like that...

Fri. November 8, 1991:  “You want to know how popular Magic Johnson is—his disclosure [that he was HIV-positive] on Thursday was front-page news in Israel, Japan and Australia. It even netted a 15-minute NBC special following the 10:00 news.”

Would any of us have believed then that Magic Johnson would still be alive—let alone active and healthy—19 years later?  Easy to forget that this story dominated the headlines for weeks just like the Tiger Woods scandal last winter did.

Thu. November 14, 1991:  [Here I was describing the debut of Michael Jackson’s “Black Or White” video:] “…the music stops and Michael morphs from a panther into himself and starts dancing with no music, grabs his crotch several times, jacks off on camera (Pee-Wee Herman was busted for less than this), and then vandalizes an abandoned car.  What does it all mean, Michael?  By the way, he’s looking whiter and whiter every day.  At one point in the video, he looks like Diana Ross, too.”

Sat. November 16, 1991:  “Michael Jackson issued a statement regarding his crotch-grabbing and car-smashing in his video.  He announced that said scenes would be deleted from the video, and that he was surprised and sorry that some viewers were offended by them.  Come on, Michael, you’re not that stupid!  You knew what you were doing when you filmed the damn thing.  Get real!”
It was at this point that Jacko started losing me.  Then a couple years later, of course, the shit really hit the fan when allegations started flying like chairs at the “Geraldo” show about things MJ did with young boys.  The long steady decline was well underway in 1991…

Wed. December 4, 1991:  “The alleged rape victim in the William Kennedy Smith thing took the stand today.  They showed her testimony on CNN, with her face blotted out by a big grey dot.”

Remember what a big hoop-de-doo that circus was?  Plenty of talk about it around the water cooler at work, that’s for sure.

Thu. December 19, 1991:  “Her name is Patricia Bowman.  She was the “alleged victim” in the William Kennedy Smith rape trial.  She went public with her name and her face during an interview on ABC’s "Prime-Time Live" with Diane Sawyer.  "I am not a blue blob," she said.

No, darlin’ you weren’t—you were a grey dot!

Fri. December 27, 1991:  “CBS relieved Jack Buck from his duties as baseball play-by-play announcer, and they’re replacing him with Sean McDonough, son of NBC NFL analyst Will McDonough.  Ted Shaker, CBS executive producer said McDonough had a better TV background than Buck.”
Whatchutalkin’ ‘bout, Ted?  Jack Buck had probably been doing television as long as Sean McDonough had been alive by then (he was 29 at the time).  Jack deserved better anyway—CBS’s baseball coverage sucked.  As for McDonough, his bland, sleep-inducing milquetoast announcing style has never impressed me all these years.

Sat. December 28, 1991:  “Alabama beat Colorado 30-25 in the second annual Blockbuster Bowl in Miami.  During the post-game interviews, a Denver TV crew apparently caught one of the Buffs in the buff.  KMGH, Channel 7, the Denver CBS affiliate, was conducting player interviews in the locker room, and one of the Colorado players wandered into view with his manhood exposed.  Maybe they should’ve retitled the newscast "The Dong Show"!”
I remember driving around in my car that night and pulling in KOA-AM from Denver, and the sports-talk yakker on there was ranting about what a terrible thing this was and it was disgraceful of the TV crew to be in the locker room, etc.  Dude, it was an accident—let it go, already!  Of course, nowadays they stage those formal post-game press conferences (with all the corporate logo backdrops) to avoid such occurrences.

Fri. January 10, 1992:  “Singer Andy Williams has apparently irked the theater operators and entertainers in the Branson area with his comments about the shows that are put on there, saying ‘…a lot of them are just crap.’  Considering that all they do is backward-ass country music shows, I imagine he’s right.  Williams is opening his own $8 million Moon River Theater in Branson in May, and many of the townfolk are pissed about his remarks. Shit happens.”
Ah yes, Branson—where careers go to die.  I’ve passed through Branson twice in my travels, but have yet to get the urge to actually get out of the car and visit any of the “attractions” there.  Somehow, hearing that vaunted entertainer Yakov utter “Vut a country!” 80 times a night just isn’t a big draw to me.  And what’s the point of having an entertainment district that doesn’t serve alcoholic beverages?

Sun. January 12, 1992:  “Bret Saberhagen is making a “farewell” appearance next weekend at the Winter Card Show at the Merchandise Mart. [He’d been traded by the Royals that offseason.] Ol’ Bret will sign his autograph for you for ten bucks.  Fuck you, Bret.”
Kansas City Comets autographs were always free, and they often came with a handshake and maybe a nice chat, as well.  I’ve never been much of an autograph hound, anyway.  They just don’t mean that much to me, and besides, anyone can scribble their name.

Fri. January 17, 1992:  “Sad news:  Former Elton John bassist Dee Murray died at age 45 Nashville.  He’d battled with skin cancer for the past 8 years.  He was one of the most underrated bassists of all-time.  For that matter, the whole Elton John band was underrated.”
I’ve discussed this subject before on the blog, but it bears repeating—without Dee Murray, Nigel Olsson and Davey Johnstone, Elton John’s ‘70s juggernaut wouldn’t have been nearly as prolific.  Murray was kind of a stealth bassist—i.e., you didn’t always notice him—but check him out on tracks like “The Ballad of Danny Bailey” and Elton’s remake of “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”, where he does some standout work.  Excellent backing vocalist, too.  In a most classy move, his bandmate Olsson made sure to acknowledge Murray at Elton's 60th birthday concert at Madison Square Garden in 2007 by writing "Dee Murray 1946-1992" on his hi-hat drums.  Rest in peace, Dee.

Wed. January 22, 1992:  “The Star displayed Mr. (Hal) McRae wearing the Royals’ new road jersey.  Not too bad.  A definite improvement over those faggy baby blue things."
This was when the Royals switched back to grey road uni’s and 86’ed the powder blues that everyone clamors for now.  I’ve never cared for that look in a baseball uniform myself—too wussy-looking for me…

Thu. January 23, 1992:  “Howard Cosell says he is retiring from sports broadcasting at the end of this month.  I thought he already did…”
When I worked at KKJO/KSFT in St. Joseph in 1988-89, a couple times I wound up doing the Sunday morning shift, which entailed running several religious and public affairs programs, including ol’ Howie’s weekly ABC show on which he discussed political and social issues with various talking heads, and it was the most interminable 30 minutes this side of a TV fishing and/or hunting show.  He was such a bitter old fuck at that point had pretty much ceased doing sports by then anyway, and he sounded so bored on this particular show—I kept praying that Dandy Don would drop in and sing “Turn Out The Lights”!  Cosell didn’t last long after he retired—he died in early 1995.

Mon. January 27, 1992:  The nominees for Best Pop/Rock Album at the 1992 American Music Awards: Michael Bolton, C&C Music Factory, Natalie Cole and R.E.M.
Houston, we have a problem!  I have never understood why Pop and Rock are always lumped together in the same category at award shows—they’re two different genres to me.

Tue. January 28, 1992:  “Hard times will not stand,”—Pres. George Herbert Walker Bush
Gotta give credit where credit is due—Bush Sr. was absolutely right.  Hard times most certainly did not stand—they got worse, thanks to his idiot son…

Thu. January 30, 1992:  “Magic Johnson now says he may return to play for the Lakers after all.  ‘I’m all right (sic) to play right now, if I want to play,’ he said.  Why wasn’t he alright three months ago?  Frankly, I’m sick of hearing about it, now that he’s become a publicity hound like Bo Jackson.  This stinks to high heaven.”
As I mentioned before, it was easy to forget what a big deal it was when Magic announced he was HIV-positive.  It’s also easy to forget how much he wore out his welcome, so to speak, when he turned into a limelight junkie while all that was going on, and frankly, his sudden omnipresence in the media got old really fast, just like Tiger Woods, LeBron James and Brett Favre today.

Thu. February 20, 1992:  “A Kansas City man, Bonar Menninger, has proposed a new theory in the JFK controversy—an accident!  In his book, Mortal Error:  The Shot That Killed JFK, Menninger claims that a Secret Service Agent, standing on the back seat of the car that trailed Kennedy’s limo accidentally fired the rifle he was handling as he reacted to the shots fired by Lee Harvey Oswald.  Uh huh…”
So much for all that lone gunman theory crap, eh?  Don’t you wish we had camera phones back then so we could solve this mystery once and for all?

Sunday, February 23, 1992:  “Anti-abortion weirdos picketed the home of a Leawood doctor today, shouting “baby killer”, “murderer” and other righteous banalities.  Trouble is, the doctor they were picketing was a rheumatologist, and not the OB/Gyn they were targeting!  Dr. Arnold Katz, the wrong doctor, said this is the second time this has happened.”
These nut-jobs are so ignorant they can’t even picket the right house!  Another reason why I just can’t take these genetic defectives seriously…

Tue. February 25, 1992:  “Natalie Cole won 7—count ‘em—7 Grammys for a remake of a 42-year-old song (“Unforgettable”), including Record of The Year, Album of The Year, Best Song, Producer of The Year, Best Engineered Album and Best Tradition Pop Performance.”
No disrespect intended toward Ms. Cole, but does this not say it all about the Grammy Awards?  You’d think such a highly-awarded recording would still be highly thought-of today, but it’s basically been forgotten.  The Grammys are all politics anyway.

[WARNING: This next one contains religious commentary—skip it if you’re easily offended.]
Wed. February 26, 1992:  “Colorado football coach Bill McCartney has founded a group called Promise Keepers, in an effort to encourage more ‘moral Christian behavior’.  They are planning a gathering in July at Folsom Field based on the theme ‘What Makes A Man’.  The group hopes to train the men who attend the event to ‘walk in Christian masculinity’, and to become ‘promise keepers to the Lord’.  The gathering is intended to help men ‘honor their wives, care for their children, support their churches, be involved in their communities and to love the neglected and fatherless.’  This is the same man whose daughter got knocked-up [out-of-wedlock] by his star quarterback Sal Aunese a few years back, and Mr. Aunese was practically canonized for being such a fine, upstanding young man.  McCartney has also been outspoken against homosexuality, calling it ‘an abomination of almighty God’, and a matter of choice, rather than genetics.  By the way, it’ll cost $35 a head to get in to this gathering.  Is the University of Colorado not a state-funded school, and is this not a religious gathering?  What happened to separation of church and state?  What a crock, and what a hypocrite!”
My opinion of McCartney and Promise Keepers hasn’t changed much in 18 years—I think they’re big-time hypocrites and a bunch of homophobic bigots, to boot.  One of the things that truly turns me off to organized religion is the mob attitude that it fosters and promotes—the group mentality that demands conformity.  Too many of these people let the Bible and/or some so-called religious “leader” make all their decisions for them.  Sorry folks, but no kingdom reigns over me—I actually dare to be a free-thinking individual.

Thu. February 27, 1992:   “Jenny Jones discussed her problems with her breast implants on her TV show.  She had it done about 12 years ago, when they were first introduced, and she’s had problems with them hardening up, leaking, etc. Interesting program, in light of all the media attention lately on breast implants.”
Believe it or not, I watched “The Jenny Jones Show” when it first debuted.  For the first year or so, it was actually a decent show with interesting and thought-provoking discussions.  Little did we know what a sleazy crapfest this thing would devolve into.  Even Jones herself wasn’t initially comfortable with doing Jerry Springer-style subject matter, and she was like, “I can’t believe I’m asking you this, but…” early on when the show lowered its standards.  But as soon as her ratings soared, she got real comfortable with topics like “I’m Having Sex With My Nazi Lesbian Midget Daughter”, et al.  JJ also resorted to the “ambush-style” technique on the show, which resulted in the death of Scott Amadure, a gay guest who confessed his love on national TV for the guy who subsequently murdered him.  Jones has shown little or no remorse for any of this.  Twit.

Thu. March 12, 1992:  “In what may be the scandal of the year, an embarrassed House of Reps. voted unanimously to publicly identify 355 current and former members who bounced checks at the chamber’s bank.  Offenders rushed to confess overdrafts even before the vote.  Originally, House Speaker Tom Foley wanted to identify only the 24 worst offenders, but he and other leading Democrats gave in to intense public pressure and Republicans crying cover-up.”
Anybody remember this?  Anyone remember the public outrage at the time?  No?  It figures—America has such short memories when it comes to stuff like this.  This was a big mega-stink for about a week.  Every last one of those fuckers who bounced those checks should’ve been voted out of office, but as usual in the U.S. of A., all was forgotten by election time, and many of these schlubs got re-elected.  Is it any wonder Congress is so fucked-up today?  They can get away with most anything!

Thu. March 12, 1992:  “The FCC voted today to let financially successful broadcast owners buy more radio stations.  The FCC will now allow one company to own 30 AM 30 FM stations nationwide, instead of restricting owners to 12 of each, with only one of each in a single market.  A company will now be able to buy from three to six in a single market, depending on the size of the community.  This will definitely change the face of radio as we know it.”
Again for one of the rare times, I was accurately prophetic.  This was, in effect, the “Day the Music Died”, Episode 2.  It was the birth of the “Corporate Radio” malaise that now infects terrestrial radio wherein all the stations sound the same and play the same 500 songs over and over ad nauseam.  Damn you, FCC!

Tue. March 17, 1992:  “Three members of Bush’s cabinet, including defense secretary Dick Cheney, acknowledged that they were among the check-bouncers in the House bank.”
The Big Dick did something crooked and underhanded?  Naw, couldn’t possibly be true…