Issues And Assholes

Just a few random items to get the ball rolling...

--I read in the paper today that those guys who heckled comedian Michael Richards and set him off on his infamous tirade are now in cahoots with some lawyer in an effort to milk a little moolah out of the deal, in addition to whatever in-person apology Richards was/is going to give them. Gee, what an ordeal those poor guys have been through! Can you imagine the suffering--oh the humanity!! While I certainly don't condone what Richards said/did, I have yet to hear anyone call into question the behavior of these heckler bozos in the first place for taunting him. Last time I checked, heckling was considered rude in our jungle, and these yutzes were out of line to begin with. They merely learned the hard way what some of us already knew--Richards is not that funny anyway! I was never a big "Seinfeld" fan, although I know he was a fan-favorite on the show playing a quirky character (sort of a male version of Phoebe on "Friends", perhaps).  I only found him to be marginally funny on the old ABC "Saturday Night Live" ripoff called "Fridays", so I can't picture him being all that hysterically funny as a stand-up comic. As for the hecklers, if you're that dissatisfied with the show, then get off your lazy ass and leave instead of ruining the show for everyone else! Apart from maybe getting their ticket money refunded (and even THAT is a stretch!), these yahoos don't deserve a damn thing for their "suffering"! What a country...

--Speaking of which, is there anyone besides me that's sick of this Borat thing already? Everytime I open a magazine or read the paper, there he is with that geeky smile on his face! If you rescramble the letters in Borat, you get "abort", which in his case sounds like a damn good idea. He has to be the most overrated, over-hyped something-made-out-of-nothing since the Blue Man Group! I predict a long career for him in Branson (opening for William Hung). What a country (again)...

--There's a TV ad for Enterprise rental car that just kills me. It shows this guy "Moose" getting all pimped-out for his high school reunion, to which he'll be driving in a rental car from Enterprise, ostensibly to "get there in style". Yeah right, I'll impress my old shallow-as-shit classmates who I haven't seen in 20 years with a fancy car that doesn't even belong to me--that'll show 'em! Way to go, Moose...

--While I'm on TV commercials, I have to rant about John "Booger" Mellencamp and his lame new song on the Chevy commercials. I've loathed his music for years (to me, he's the Jerry Seinfeld of Rock 'N' Roll--a whole lotta songs about nothing), but the ONE thing I always respected about him was how he rejected corporate advertising to sponsor his concert tours and generally disdained kowtowing to big business in general. So now what's he doing? Shilling for Chevy! What's up with that, Big John? Your records ain't selling so hot these days, so you better grab that paycheck from GM, huh? All the while disguising it with a shovel-full of phony patriotism to boot. You sly dog! For a Bruce Springsteen wanna-be, ol' John Cougar Summercamp sure don't act like him...

--I know this is a bit dated, being a month after the elections and all, but I didn't have a blog then, so I'll say it now: Although I never doubted this for a moment, do we need any further proof about what a walking/talking bowel movement Rush Limbaugh is after his comments on Michael J. Fox, accusing him of faking his condition? This coming from a man who was supposedly going deaf a couple years ago?!? One could accuse the BFI (Big Fat Idiot) of faking his condition too, so I'll do the honors. True story: I tuned into Limbaugh on the radio one day just after the 2004 election and--I'm not making this up--the first thing out his mouth when the show came on was, "Wait a second, hold on--it's way too loud in here!" Now, how could anything be too loud for someone who's supposedly deaf? Go get stuffed, Rush!

--Lest anyone think I'm too negative, let me finish tonight by singing the praises of singer Don Henley, albeit for a song that's almost 25 years old. The more I listen to his 1982 hit "Dirty Laundry", the more I love it--what a prescient song when you look at today's TV news media! Back when the song came out, Walter Cronkite had just retired, CNN was still in its infancy, Anderson Pooper was in puberty and Fox TV didn't even exist yet, let alone Fox News Channel ("We Distort, Then Deride"), yet the lyrics of "Laundry" so accurately encapsulate the current state of TV news. Bill O'Reilly could sing the line, "I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here/I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear" and he'd be telling the truth for once! Katie Couric could probably handle the final verse of the song, "We can do the Innuendo, we can dance and sing/When it's said and done, we haven't told you a thing/We all know that crap is king--give us Dirty Laundry!" Amen to that, brothers and sisters! This is why I generally avoid TV news anymore--it's all sensationalism, titillation, tease, tease, tease, yet no semblance of substance--I get my news out of the paper or off the 'Net now. Anyway, getting back to Mr. Henley, I initially didn't like his work (both solo and with The Eagles), but over the years, I've made peace with him and have grown to love his music--he has a unique way of cutting through the B.S. and getting to the heart of the matter (pun intended). His Eagles song "Get Over It" is another favorite of mine--a brilliant stab at trashy TV talk shows. What's more, he sings in my key! Excellent work, Mr. Henley, and give my regards to Geraldo Rivera!