Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Oops! They did it again!

Well, the (C)Rock & Roll Hall of Fame folks have outdone themselves this time.  While they did manage to get it right by FINALLY voting Van Halen in (see my previous December 7th post), imagine my absolute horror in hearing that in the same induction class with them will be Rappers Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five.  You gotta be shittin’ me!  Must we remind these dunderheads again that this is the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame?  Who they gonna induct next, Tone-Loc?  Okay, I do realize that Rock ‘N’ Roll means different things to different people, but this is a joke!  If and when someone puts together a Rap/Hip-Hop HOF, then I’m sure Gaspasser Flush and crew belongs there.  Meantime, they belong in the Rock Hall about as much as Liberace does.  In the words of former Denver Broncos head coach Lou Saban, "They’re killin’ me, Whitey, they’re killin’ me!"

BTW, for the uninitiated out there—I can’t stand Rap, and I refuse to officially recognize it as a form of music.  And don’t forget, you can’t spell "crap" without it!  Call me narrow-minded all you want, but I'm being honest here...

As for the other Class of '07 inductees, The Ronettes should’ve gotten in years ago, being one of the better "Girl Groups" of all time...Patti Smith?!?  Puh-leeze!  She’s never been more than a mere cult figure in Rock—yet another act that all the Rolling Stone critics go ape-shit over for no particular reason.  Her only real hit, "Because The Night", needed an assist or two from Bruce Springsteen, too—I'd have sooner voted Patty Smyth (of Scandal fame) into the Hall—at least she had some talent...R.E.M. are borderline HOF’ers, at best.  I like some of their stuff (as did Leonard Bernstein, I presume), but overall I think they’re pretty overrated, and Michael Stipe’s over-seriousness about everything wears thin on me after a while.  R.E.M.’s a good band, not a great band, but since they’re another group the critics go ape-shit over, they got voted in the nanosecond they were eligible, just like U2 did.  Van Halen had to wait three years. Figures...

Getting back to VH, what’s really going to be intriguing is who will actually be there to accept their award and/or perform at the HOF ceremony.  For those of you who’ve lost track of this soap opera, the band is now strictly a family affair—only those with the last name Van Halen are allowed in the band now, evidently.  Eddie has apparently burned his bridges with singer Sammy Hagar (again), as well as with singer Gary Cherone (who had the proverbial "cup of coffee" with the band in 1997), and bassist Michael Anthony has also been told his services are no longer needed.  So currently, it’s down to Eddie, Alex, and Eddie’s 15-year-old son Wolfgang replacing Anthony on bass (whether young master Wolfie can actually play the bass is a matter of conjecture).  There are also rumors of Eddie trying to do a deal (runnin'?) with the devil to lure back David Lee Roth—even though they hate each other’s guts.  However, Diamond Dave claims he has not talked to Eddie in two years, and warns that a reunion with Van Halen could result in a "NASCAR-style wreck," or "Jerry Springer style fight."  I tend to agree.  Hagar, to his credit, has taken the high road in all this, but he’s basically said he’s through with Van Halen, and I can’t say I blame him.  Officially, it's going to be the original four (Eddie, Alex, Mike and Dave), plus Sammy being inducted, but it's anybody's guess what's going to happen at the ceremony.

What on earth has happened to Eddie Van Halen?  Does he not look like the second coming of Charles Manson in these photos?  He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy until about ten years ago, but he’s become so petty and childish since kicking Sammy out the first time, thus rendering his band totally irrelevant now.  I know he’s had health problems with the mouth cancer and all (smoking’s bad, mmm-kay?), and no doubt the drugs and alcohol have taken their toll over the years, but what I don't get is why he’s also become such a total jerk to everyone he ever worked with except his brother.  It’s pretty sad to see a guy who was once the Wayne Gretzky of Rock ‘N’ Roll guitar players become such a pathetic has-been.  Come back to us, Eddie—we miss you!