World's Dumbest Song Lyrics of All-Time, Vol. II

Again, in no particular order

"Play Me"—NEIL DIAMOND (1972) "Songs she sang to me/Songs she brang to me."  Brang?!?!? A in’t no such word as "brang"!  Unfortunately, neither the words "brought" or "provided" rhymed with "sang", so Brother Neil just made up a word…

"Just Like Paradise"—DAVID LEE ROTH (1988) "Susie’s woozy."  Diamond Dave will never be renowned for his brilliant lyricism.  Too bad, in this particular case, because he spoiled a really good song simply for a cheap and easy rhyme.

"Gimme Some Slack"—THE CARS (1980) "I wanna shake like LaGuardia…"  Huh?  Are we referring to LaGuardia, the man or La Guardia, the airport here?  Either way, it’s too abstract for my feeble brain to deal with.  Ric Ocasek’s lyrics always were pretty strange.  In the words of the late Keith Moon: "Arty-farty, he is!"

"The Look"—ROXETTE (1988) "Kissing is the wet sand…her loving is a wild dog"  They should have renamed this song "Things That Make You Go ‘Huh?’"  "What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue?"  Well, cutting off her air supply is one way…

"Blinded By The Light"—BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (1973)/MANFRED MANN’S EARTH BAND (1976)  What the hell was Bruce smoking when he wrote this song?  Someone find out because I want some.  I could probably write a whole book about this song, but I don't have the time at the moment. I  always misunderstood the line "Wrapped up like a deuce" to be "Wrapped up like a douche"!

"My Love, My Life"—ABBA (1977) "I know I don’t possess you/So, go away, God bless you."  Well ain’t that a fine how do ya do?  Go away, and God bless you at the same time?!? I'm confused…

"Bad Medicine"—BON JOVI (1986) "Your love is like bad medicine/Bad medicine is what I need."  Thanks, Big Jon!  Your words are like dumb lyrics, and dumb lyrics are what I need…

"Aqualung"—JETHRO TULL (1971) "…as he bends to pick a dog end."  What the fuck’s a dog end?  And why on earth would you want to pick one?

"Take Me To The Pilot"—ELTON JOHN (1970) "If you feel that it’s real, I’m on trial/And I’m held here in your prison…Through a glass eye, your throne is the one danger zone/Take me to the pilot for control/Take me to the pilot of your soul."  Another classic case of lyrics that sound really cool when you sing them, but don’t make a lick of sense!

"MacArthur Park"—RICHARD HARRIS (1968)/DONNA SUMMER (1978) Let me get this straight—there’s this cake named after a dead General and a park and someone left it outside in the rain causing it to melt and on top of all that, the dumbass that baked it lost the damn recipe?  And this was considered topical enough to write a song about?  Okey-fine…

"Love The One You're With"--STEPHEN STILLS (1970) "She's a girl, and you're a boy..." Gee thanks for clearing that up, Steve!  As Archie Bunker once said to Edith, "Well, now that we know what we are, can we GET ON with it?!?"

"A Horse With No Name"--AMERICA (1972) "The heat was hot, and the ground was dry..." Direct from the Department of Redundancy Department.  I do hope the water was wet too…

"Show Me The Way"--PETER FRAMPTON (1973) "Someone drops a cup, and I submerge." This song is chuck-full of oddball lyrics like this one, yet somehow, it was a huge hit when the live version came out in '76.  Anyone have a clue here?  I don't…