WE ALL KNOW THAT CRAP IS KING…
Step right up, folks, the psycho circus is back in town! The TV news media people have already taken to this diaper-wearing-astronaut-charged-with-attempted-murder-story like arsonists to a burning building. The National Enquirer couldn’t even dream stuff up like this, and what perfect timing for all the news channels—it’s the February sweeps! Mark my words, the media coverage of this thing will dwarf the runaway bride, Terry Schiavo and Natalee Holloway combined! And I’m sure the ever-opportunistic Oprah will book this astronaut gal on her show the first chance she gets, the same way she pounced on (and exploited) that kidnapped kid from Missouri. Strap yourselves in, folks—this is going to be a loooong month…
While I’m on the news media, Faux News Channel was making a fairly sizeable stink today about some woman who is being hassled by her neighborhood association for flying an "unauthorized" flag along with her American flag on her house to honor her fallen son who died in Iraq. My condolences on the latter part, but the mistake she made in the first place was joining a neighborhood association. I would never EVER allow my neighbors to have say-so on what I can and can’t do with my property! But I’m sure Bill O’Reilly will get right to the bottom of all this and straighten it out, and all will be right (pun intended) in their little world.
I’m not being too cynical for you, am I?
WHEEL! OF! BOREDOM!
Current K.C. mayoral candidate/nut-job Stan Glazer has proposed the construction of a 50-story $100 million "observation wheel" as a way to revive our moribund riverfront area. According to Glazer, this ferris wheel-type thing—which he’s not quite sure how to pay for just yet—will attract over two million riders every year, to the point where "the St. Louis Arch won’t touch this!" Riiiight. What exactly will people "observe" while they ride this contraption? All the crime taking place below in the neighborhood it’ll be facing? How dirty the Missouri River looks from above? Gridlock on the Paseo Bridge? The carcass of the chemical plant that's burning as I type this? You’re right, Stan, the Gateway Arch (the coolest man-made thing on earth, in my humble opinion) couldn’t touch this because it wouldn’t want to!
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #6
"Message In A Bottle"—THE POLICE (1980) "A year has passed since I wrote my note…" translated to me as "A year has passed since I broke my nose."
CULINARY ARTS, 101
Was reading a coupon in the paper today for Col. Sanders for a deal that included four "baked" biscuits with the chicken bucket. Call me crazy, but is there any other way to cook biscuits?
RUN (OR BREAK) LIKE THE WIND, AL!
"Comedian" Al Franken announced he’s running for Senate. I’ll be damned—It took the som-bitch almost 30 years, but he finally said something that made me laugh!
SPEAKING OF "COMEDIANS"…
During the Super Bowl, CBS kept hyping its new sitcom "Rules of Engagement" starring David Spade. I repeat—"Starring David Spade." That phrase alone should be a red flag! How on earth does this snarky, no-talent yutz continue to get work? On the funny scale, I’d put him in the same category as Michael Richards and Andy Dick—about as funny as a canker sore or maybe crib death...