Saturday, February 10, 2007

Weekend Update with Chevy Driver

It has been brought to my attention that the tone of my blog is decidely far too negative and that it's high time I said something positive for a change!  Okey-fine, I aim to please, so I'll do it.  Hmmm—okay, I'm drawing a blank here.  Give me a few minutes, mmm-kay?.....

Being as the Stupor Bowl was last weekend, it can only mean one thing—pitchers and catchers report to spring training in a couple weeks!  Ah yes, time to start thinking about beisbol season, and for 2007, the Kansas City Royals have unveiled their new slogan:  "True. Blue. Tradition."  Not bad, actually.  Certainly better than the one they had in 1992, "Royals Baseball: It’s Here!"  Still and all, I prefer my suggestion:  "Kansas Shitty Royals Baseball: It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This—EVER!" or my alternative:  "Royals Baseball: Come On Out—Sit Anywhere You Want!"

In spite of the past few dismal seasons, I’m actually looking forward to the season here this year—there’s always hope that the Royals could emulate what Detroit did last season.  We’re just as shitty as the Tigers were a couple years back, and they turned it around in a short time, so there's always hope.

"You’re So Vain"—CARLY SIMON (1972) "I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee…", better known to me as "there were clowns in my coffee…" Better lay off that caffeine, Krusty!

I can state with great certainty that I am POSITIVE I am sure as hell NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child!  One of my favorite ZZ Top songs applies here: "I wouldn't touch it with a Ten Foot Pole..."  Not even a 20-foot pole!

Speaking of the dearly-departed, a co-worker of mine claims she heard that there is suspicion that A.N.S.'s late son might well be the father of her infant child, thus why he offed himself last year.  Not that I really care about any of this in the first place, but my response to that is, "EWWWW!" with a capital "EW"!

Remember a few days back when I reported about K.C. Mayoral candidate Stan Glazer's proposed 50-story "observation wheel" for the Kansas City riverfront area?  Well, one enterprising individual found a practical use for the damn thing after all....By the way, I forgot to mention that ol' Stan used to be the owner of a couple local comedy clubs here, and I'm pretty sure that he smoked a joint or two with the likes of Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, and Bob Saget, so it ain't too hard to figure out where he gets his ideas from.  This is almost as good as that episode of "Frasier" where the good Dr. Crane threw his support to the candidate who admitted to communicating with aliens.  No wonder he so strongly supported the "little people!"

"Ventura Highway"—AMERICA (1972) "Alligator lizards in the air…"  Yikes!  Doesn’t sound like any kind of highway I’d want to drive on—I think I’ll take the back roads when I finally do get out to Californy…

"Rockin’ Into The Night"--.38 SPECIAL (1980) "I ain’t no new messiah, but I’m close enough for Rock ‘N’ Roll."  Huh?  What’s one got to do with the other?

"Firehouse"—KISS (1974) "And the quicker you get sicker, she removes your medication…" Reminiscent of the Bon Jovi "Bad Medicine" lyric, this one contradicts all logic.

"Eve Of Destruction"--BARRY McGUIRE (1965) "Think of all the hate there is in Red China, then take a look around to Selma, Alabama..." Barry didn't write this, so it ain't his fault, but based on the rest of the song's rhyme scheme, there's a major FUBAR hereChina and Alabama do NOT rhyme!  China does rhyme with North or South Carolina, though.  Just a guess, but I think this song's composer woke up on the wrong side of the bed the day he wrote it, and it sounded like McGuire sang it while he had a serious case of the shits! Again, that's just a guess...

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