With all the rancor and insanity from the past couple weeks, I'm practically all ranted-out, so I'll keep the anarchy to a minimum tonight, with one little exception...
OOPS! SHE DID IT AGAIN...No, I'm not referring to Britney Spears shaving her head, but instead I'm talking about about conservative wing-nut Michelle Malkin (left) writing yet another inane column, this time suggesting that we should arm college students on campuses across the country with handguns so they can defend themselves in the unlikely event that another piece of human feces like that Cho dickhead goes on a rampage. Oh yeah, Michelle, putting firearms in the hands of those mature young people fresh out of high school will certainly make college campuses so much safer! You think the carnage at Va. Tech last week was bad? Just wait until you get a bunch of drunken frat boys packing heat at a kegger...
Perhaps Miss (near Miss?) Malkin oughtta shave her head and Britney should try writing newspaper columns for a while instead...
FOR ONCE I AGREE...
...with college football coach Steve Spurrier, who recently stated that he thinks the state of South Carolina needs to lose the Confederate Flag at their Capitol building. Whaddya know? The "Ol' Ball Coach" isn't such a dumb redneck after all!
HOW 'BOUT THOSE YANKEES?
Bravo to the Boston Red Sox for not only sweeping the New York Yankees over the weekend, but for doing it with style by cranking out four home runs in a row in last night's game. Although I'm totally burned out on the whole Yankees-Red Sox rivalry thing and the way ESPN plays it up so much, it was still pretty funny...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #25
"Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)"--THE HOLLIES (1972) "Well suddenly we heard the sirens..." Sirens sounded more like "sunrise" to me. "Well I told her don't get scared 'cos you're gonna be spared..." I always thought that line went "'cause you've gone off--it's bad." That song never did make a whole lot of sense to me, but I guess it was still better than "Short Fat Woman (In A Brown Dress)"...
AND NOW, THE END IS NEAR...
I saw by the paper over the weekend that Bannister Mall, located just outside of Raytown, will be closing for good on May 31st. This comes as no great shock, as this once-mighty mall has been in a nosedive of epic proportions over the last five years or so, thanks to commercial over-development/overkill in the surrounding area and one too many carjackings in the parking lots, culminating in the one-by-one defections of the mall's anchor tenants, beginning with Dillard's, followed by J.C. Penney, then the Jones Store, and the final nail in the coffin when Sears closed just after last Christmas.
I distinctly remember the summer of 1980 when the mall first opened, how us Raytown South High students in search of gainful employment all flocked there to apply for jobs. Camelot Records was my primary target, naturally, and desperation even once caused me to apply at something in the food court called Taco Factory, but I never actually worked at the mall. I also remember spending a small fortune at Fun Factory during the winter of '81-'82 on video games. Kinda sad to see the place go, but unfortunately enclosed malls have fallen by the wayside in favor of the en vogue "big box" retailer clusterfuck shopping centers that you need a road map and a fucking compass to find your way around in. Rumors abound that they're going to bulldoze Bannister Mall and build a soccer stadium on the site for the Wiz(ards), assuming that David Beckham doesn't bankrupt Major League Soccer first.
TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE
Not that I really care about this "American Idol" palaver, but it seems that the dearly-departed Sanjaya was quoted as saying that "being famous feels weird." Must be true, being as he seems like an aficionado on weirdness. Okay Bud, your 15 minutes are now up, so please go join William Hung and the rest of the faux celebrity wanna-bes/never-weres. See you in Branson in a few years...
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