Thursday, May 3, 2007


Wow, almost five months to the day after I started this little venture, and I’ve already reached the Mendoza Line for number of posts.  Maybe I should switch from "Sir Rant-A-Lot" to "Sir Post-A-Lot"…

I had a mini-catastrophe last night here at the ol’ homestead when I went to plug in my submersible pump in my crawl space and slipped on the wet wooden steps and landed right smack on my kiester!  I didn’t break anything on my body, but my ass managed to break off the front edge of the step.  Not sure whether or not I should be proud that my ass can break wood or not—it breaks enough wind as it is.  I’m actually fortunate I landed where I did instead of on the cinder blocks at the top of the steps, too—I might be in the hospital now.  As it was, I wound up with some abrasions on my left hand, a bruise at the base of my right thumb (inflicted by my flashlight), a wounded ego and a slightly dislocated left rump, plus I’m sore all over today from the impact.  In sports parlance, I’d be listed as "day-to-day" on the injury report.  Then again, aren’t we all day-to-day?

Former "Tonight Show" musician and substitute bandleader Tommy Newsom died earlier this week at age 78.  Tommy would fill in for Doc Severinsen as bandleader from time to time, and was often the butt of Johnny Carson’s jokes about his "wild" lifestyle.  He was always the penultimate straight man and a good sport about it, too.  R.I.P., "Mr. Excitement"…

"She’s A Lady"—TOM JONES (1971) "She’s got style, she’s got grace—she’s a winner."  Not so, according to my seven-year-old ears—the woman was a "weiner"!

A BOOT TO THE HEAD... the lady in front of me in the Express Lane at the grocery store tonight who bought $14 worth of stuff and paid for it with a $100 bill.  The checkout girl didn't even have enough twenties to make change for her.  Thanks for making everybody wait, lady!  And please tell me why is it grocery stores allow check-writing in the Express Lane?  Kinda defeats the whole purpose of having the blasted thing in the first place, don't it?

Well, there have been a few important news stories the last couple weeks, like the Pat Tillman/Jessica Lynch testimony before Congress, the Virginia Tech massacre and the whole Atty. Gen. Gonzales flap, but in TV News Land, they're long forgotten already.  "Why is this?" I asked myself.  Then a quick scan of the channels last night reminded me—it's May Sweeps time.  George Carlin was absolutely right about America:  "It’s a great country, but it’s a strange culture."  TV news producers will have you believe that people want to see the same old crap every night that generates big ratings rather than important news stories. 

Behold the following that I observed on the tube last night:  There was Anna Nicole Smith’s mother blubbering away on MSNBC, and on CNN Headline they were already back on the Don Imus thing (he’s now suing CBS for his 40 bajillion-dollar salary) because Al Sharpton was on there grandstanding again.  And the Larry King lovefest continued on regular CNN as they celebrate his 50 years in broadcasting—never mind the fact that no one knew who the hell he was for the first 20. Man, if there was ever someone for whom the phrase "a face made for radio" applies, it’s him.  And over on "Calamity & Holmes" on Faux News Channel, guests Ann Coulter and Ted Nugent were busy labeling those of us who want to see the war in Iraq end ASAP as being unsupportive of our troops.  Fuck, I want them home and out of harm’s way NOW—if that ain’t being supportive of them, then what the hell is?

I have a question for all you conservatives out there:  How come it's NOT okay for singers like Bruce Springsteen and the Dixie Chicks and all those "Hollywood types" to express their political opinions against the Bush Administration and the war in Iraq because they are merely entertainers who should just keep their big yaps shut, yet singers like Ted Nugent, Charlie Daniels and Toby Keith, as well as a "Hollywood type" like Charlton Heston are your "go to" guys to be cheerleaders for the Republican party?  I don't see much difference—aren't those guys entertainers who should just keep their big yaps shut, too?  All I hear from these people, as well as the likes of Hannity, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Buchanan, Robertson, Will, Coulter, Malkin, Krauthammer, Murdoch, McCain, et al, is a lot of hackneyed posturing and over-reliance on the same old shop-worn Bush Administration semantics about patriotism and supporting the troops.  Mission accomplished, my ass...

I made one other little observation last night:  I think the rumors might be true after all—Ann Coulter is a transsexual!  I swear, that woman has an Adam's apple as big as Dallas in the middle of Texas!  Don't believe me?  Watch the video from last night, if you dare, but be forewarned—you may be hit by flying bull!

Here's a little nugget from that ol' gas bag Rush Limbaugh from a couple weeks back:  "If this Virginia Tech shooter had an ideology, what do you think it was?  This guy had to be a liberal."  Where the fuck did that come from?  What the hell kind of logic is this?  Give me a fucking break already.  Why does everything with conservatives have to be one way or the other, be it black/white, liberal/conservative, right/wrong, red/blue, etc.?  In case you missed it, Rush, ol' buddy, ol pal, this Cho son-of-a-bitch was a fucking psychotic, numb-nuts!  It makes no difference to me whether Rush was dead serious or joking here—this kind of shit is far more reprehensible than anything Don Imus ever uttered, yet Limbaugh remains on the air?  I've said it before, I'll say it again:  Rush Limbaugh is a walking talking bowel movement...

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