A TACTICAL ERROR ON THEIR PART?
The big highway message boards around KC the last couple weeks keep warning motorists about some "Aggressive Driving Enforcement Zone—April 26-May 22". Dumb question, but why are the law enforcement types even tipping their hand here? Call me crazy, but it seems to me that the element of surprise would be the key element in nabbing these miscreants...
A BOOT TO THE HEAD...
...to the hateful-looking skank with the tattoos who was being mean to her little girl at Margarita's Mexican restaurant this afternoon while I was trying to enjoy my chicken burrito. The little girl was just being a little girl, but this be-yatch expected her to stand at attention the entire time they were there. I may be guilty of judging books by covers here, but I'd bet my next paycheck this child was born out of wedlock, and this whore probably has a different boyfriend every other weekend. This is one of those times when I truly wish they'd make it mandatory for people to fill out an application in order to breed...
ANOTHER BOOT TO THE HEAD...
...to all these people with those little earpiece cell phone things. As G. Carlin once said, "Technology has brought us these self-important twits." Call me old-school all you want, but I am so sick of these fuckers at the grocery store going around acting important and jabbering away, while I think they're actually speaking to me at first until I spot that high-tech Q-Tip in their ear! And while I'm at it—what is so bloody important that can't wait until you get home to talk about anyway? This is precisely why I don't even own a cell phone—I like being inaccessible!
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #31
"Back In The U.S.S.R."—THE BEATLES (1968) "On the way the paperback was on my knee/Man, I had a dreadful flight…" I always thought Paul had a paper bag on his knee! Who knows what was actually in that paper bag, too!
NASA WARNS OF MORE "SCORCHING SUMMERS" IN THE EASTERN U.S.
Ya think? Well, that's a damn sight better than "Scorching Winters", I dare say! Summers are supposed to scorch, you big dummies!
VICK THE DICK?
Lots of controversy surrounding Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick today, as some folks who personally know him are claiming that he was/is well-aware of and has an "affinity" for the literal dog-eat-dog shenanigans that have allegedly been going on lately at a home that he owns in Virginia. These allegations may or may not be true, but one thing's for sure—young master Vick has this bad habit of stepping on his own winky—whilst wearing spiked golf shoes...
DUMBEST TV COMMERCIAL CAMPAIGNS--THE CURRENT STANDINGS
1) Enzyte "male enhancement" products (all)
2) eHarmony.com (all)
3) Enterprise Rent-A-Car (all)
4) Sonic Drive-Ins (w/the two dorks in the minivan)
5) Geico Insurance (w/cavemen)
6) Allstate Insurance (w/the Dennis Haysbert lectures)
7) Geico Insurance (w/the babbling gecko)
8) Subway Restaurants (w/Jared)
9) FreeCreditReport.com (w/that "I'm thinking of a number" pussy)
10) Hanes bras and panties (w/some artsy-fartsy female dance troupe prancing around in their ugly-ass underwear and looking utterly silly)