The Bane of My Existence

Time for another rant that I simply must get off my chest, and it’s aimed at today’s cell phone generation people.  Yes, these modern technological marvels do serve a purpose in the world, and are very important to certain folks who need to be reached urgently when they are otherwise unreachable, and of course, cell phones are quite handy in emergencies.  BUUUUTTT—they are also becoming a Major League public nuisance because all too often, they’ve fallen into the hands of inconsiderate people who abuse them.  As George Carlin once said about people with car phones back in the ‘80s:  "Technology has brought us these self-important twits…"

Okay, I’ll admit that I’m a tad biased because I’m rather resistant to change, thus I don’t own a cell phone, nor do I care to.  As my friend Phil once said, cell phones are like "the modern-day cowbell," and at the risk of seeming anti-social, I like being relatively inaccessible.  I really don’t like talking on the phone that much anyway—I’d much rather talk in person or in writing, so let's get together and talk or e-mail me if you wanna get a hold of me.  That being said, I find the majority of cell phone users to be a very annoying lot for numerous reasons.  My biggest question is what is so bloody important that can’t wait until you get home (or at least back to your car) to talk about when you’re in public places like the grocery store?  I’m growing really weary of this "dig me, I’m important—I have friends" dynamic that these yahoos exhibit constantly.  Allow me to cite a few examples:

• Just last night I was behind this jagoff in the checkout line at the store, and he was just jabbering away and not even giving the cashier the time of day the entire time—until he decided he needed a pack of cigarettes at the last second, thus making us all wait even longer.  By the time I got out to my car, the fucker was still yapping away while he loaded his truck!
• I work at a CT/MR imaging facility, and on more than one occasion we’ve had patients who are so absorbed with themselves that they step outside to take/make calls while waiting for their scheduled appointments.  Some of them actually expect us to wait for them to finish their call before doing their scan!  You wanna talk about chutzpah…
• During my recent trip to Nashville, as I was walking back to the garage where I was parked, I encountered this palooka at a bus stop stomping around in a circle just cussing up a storm into his cell phone at someone, all the while waving his free arm around like a rap singer—he looked almost like one of the Beastie Boys.  After retrieving my car, I drove past him again about ten minutes later, and he was still stomping around and yelling and waving while the other bus stop people looked on! I’d bet my next paycheck there was no one on the other end of the line, and this joker was just trying to draw attention to himself and show everyone what a bad-ass he was.
• New technology has brought us all those cute little ring tones, thus converting cell phones into portable jukeboxes.  All day long at work, I get to hear these contraptions going off, as many of my co-workers are addicted to these damn things, and I swear I feel like I'm inside a damn pinball machine...
• One co-worker is particularly obsessed with her cell phone, constantly jabbering away all day long on it—right in front of patients who are waiting, or while in the bathroom, or at the lunch table while the rest of us are trying to eat—and it’s downright rude!  Unlike her, all my friends have jobs during the day and don’t have time to talk.
• [RANT WITHIN A RANT:] The above person actually had her cell phone cut off at one point because she was behind on her monthly bill—this is the same person who recently applied for Section 8 government housing because she recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend and had no place to stay.  She’s 30 years old, has three kids with three different fathers (none of whom she ever married), her oldest kid is 14 (do the math) and now she wants to mooch off the government, yet she somehow can still afford to drive a Mitsubishi and maintain her funky fingernails and her funky shellacked Turtle Wax/Simoniz hairdo and the grill in her mouth, get a new tattoo every other month, and run up a $500 a month cell phone bill!  Can you say "poffeycock!"? [This is where the conservative in me rears his ugly little head, but that’s another rant for another time, so I digress…]
• You can’t even get through an entire ballgame on TV anymore without having to watch some bozo on a cell phone in the stands directly behind home plate waving frantically to alert his friend(s) on the other end that he’s on TV.  It would totally make my day if that protective backstop would suddenly disappear just long enough for these mongoloids to get clocked right between the eyes by a line drive foul ball or an errant fastball from Johan Santana or Big Unit.
• As I’ve previously blogged, these people with the fancy new earpiece things (or electronic Q-Tips, as I like to call them) who look like they’re talking to themselves are also quite irritating to me.  And don’t even get me started on how many car wrecks I’ve nearly been involved in because of some yutz yapping on their cell phone.  Hang up and drive, people!

There—I feel much better now!