PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY!
I normally don’t root for another person to die, nor is it usually my nature to revel in someone having cancer, but I make an exception when it comes to human feces like Tammy Faye Bakker Messner (or whatever her fucking name is now). She appeared on "Larry King Live" last night for the eleventy-millionth time, this time with the caption "Tammy Faye Gravely Ill". The interview apparently was TF’s idea and not Larry’s, and if you truly want to see death warmed over, check it out, but be forewarned--she ain't a pretty sight (not that she ever was to begin with). Looking like an elderly drag queen, TFBM bore a rather eerie resemblance to late ventriloquist Wayland Flowers’ former partner
depicted here, and her voice sounded like that of a lifetime two-pack-a-day smoker during this waste of perfectly good CNN airtime. Leave it to this shameless self-promoter to exploit even her own inevitable demise and seize the opportunity to have one last pity party on Larry’s show for all her adoring fans. Coincidentally, The Kansas City Star also published a little blurb yesterday about Tammy Faye becoming "Kansas City’s newest resident celebrity", having recently moved to one of our Ritzier southern suburbs. Do they really think we give a rat’s gonad?!? It’s all academic anyway—it don’t appear she’ll be a KC resident very long, given that she has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.
Pardon me if I don’t shed any tears for this ugly bitch—has everyone besides me forgotten how Tammy Faye became rich and famous in the first place? She used to shed crocodile tears and beg for money along with her asshat ex-husband Rev. Jim Bakker and bilked millions of dollars out of emotionally crippled and/or simple-minded check-writing viewers of their "P.T.L. (‘Pass The Loot’) Club" show, all the while hiding behind righteousness and The Bible. Sorry gang, but I have NO respect whatsoever for money-grubbing TV evangelists who lead extravagant lives of luxury, and I’m especially tired of the way the media—Larry King, in particular—fawns over this shallow-as-shit publicity hound and gives her so much face time on TV and in the papers. Hell, this Messner guy she married is a convicted felon too—these are people I'm supposed to look up to? And now we’re ‘spose to all feel sorry for Tammy Faye because she’s got the Big C? Well, what goes around comes around, sweetheart—just do us all a big favor and fucking die already, you worthless mascara-laden lump of shit!
As for Larry "I Have A Face Made For Radio" King, I actually used to like him back when he had his latenight radio show in the late ‘70s. This was back when talk radio was more free-form and King would just take calls all night about any subject during his "Open Phone America" segments. One minute, he’d be talking politics, the next he’d talk baseball or movies or something, and it was quite enjoyable. Anymore though, I’ve lost all respect for King because of the way he slobbers (figuratively) all over his celebrity guests during interviews, especially Tammy Faye. I nearly hurled when he made the gratuitous remark last night "she’s been so brave in the face of all this…" Then again, anyone who’s been married and divorced as often as Lawrence Harvey Zeiger has (seven and counting!) with the balls to change his surname to King is probably a total douche, anyway...
SPEAKING OF UGLINESS…
…that’s what this whole Michael Vick thing is going to be for the next few months. Yes, I know—innocent until proven guilty, and all—but I have to say that he looks pretty darn guilty to me, based on what I’ve read and heard. He should at least do Atlanta and the NFL a big favor by stepping aside and taking a paid leave of absence until all this gets sorted out because he’s no good to the team at this point. The players and coaches will constantly have to deal with all the media distractions, and how could he possibly focus on leading the Falcons to a Super Bowl and handle all this legal stuff at the same time? More power to Vick if he can prove his innocence, but I sure don’t foresee any kind of positive outcome for him in all this.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #40
"Honky Cat"—ELTON JOHN (1972) "Boy, you gotta tend a farm…" I originally interpreted this as "Boy, you got a telephone..."!
DERF STRIKES AGAIN!
[Click pic to enlarge it] I swear, this Derf guy channels my mind sometimes! By the way, a tip for all you potential car thieves out there: I highly suggest you pay a visit to Raytown, MO sometime and just hang out in front of any convenience store for any length of time—you’re bound to hit paydirt here. I always lock my car up even to just stop in for beer or whatever, but I constantly see these fools pull up to QuikTrip, et al, and enter the store with their motor still running, windows wide open and stereo blaring. The damn car might as well have a neon sign attached to it that flashes "MY OWNER'S AN IDIOT—STEAL ME, PLEASE!" It just astounds me how careless some people are with their vehicles.
ALL ABOARD THE LAST TRAIN TO SOULSVILLE…
A little TV alert for you: In a piece of perfect timing for me as I nearly finish reading my Stax Records book, PBS will be airing a documentary on Stax as part of the 50th anniversary of the founding of the legendary Memphis soul record company that gave us the likes of Otis Redding, Isaac Hayes, Booker T & The MGs, Sam & Dave, Rufus Thomas, The Dramatics, et al. The show airs on or around August 1st on PBS as part of their "Great Performances" series, so check your local listings, as they say in T.V. circles…
I normally don’t root for another person to die, nor is it usually my nature to revel in someone having cancer, but I make an exception when it comes to human feces like Tammy Faye Bakker Messner (or whatever her fucking name is now). She appeared on "Larry King Live" last night for the eleventy-millionth time, this time with the caption "Tammy Faye Gravely Ill". The interview apparently was TF’s idea and not Larry’s, and if you truly want to see death warmed over, check it out, but be forewarned--she ain't a pretty sight (not that she ever was to begin with). Looking like an elderly drag queen, TFBM bore a rather eerie resemblance to late ventriloquist Wayland Flowers’ former partner
depicted here, and her voice sounded like that of a lifetime two-pack-a-day smoker during this waste of perfectly good CNN airtime. Leave it to this shameless self-promoter to exploit even her own inevitable demise and seize the opportunity to have one last pity party on Larry’s show for all her adoring fans. Coincidentally, The Kansas City Star also published a little blurb yesterday about Tammy Faye becoming "Kansas City’s newest resident celebrity", having recently moved to one of our Ritzier southern suburbs. Do they really think we give a rat’s gonad?!? It’s all academic anyway—it don’t appear she’ll be a KC resident very long, given that she has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.Pardon me if I don’t shed any tears for this ugly bitch—has everyone besides me forgotten how Tammy Faye became rich and famous in the first place? She used to shed crocodile tears and beg for money along with her asshat ex-husband Rev. Jim Bakker and bilked millions of dollars out of emotionally crippled and/or simple-minded check-writing viewers of their "P.T.L. (‘Pass The Loot’) Club" show, all the while hiding behind righteousness and The Bible. Sorry gang, but I have NO respect whatsoever for money-grubbing TV evangelists who lead extravagant lives of luxury, and I’m especially tired of the way the media—Larry King, in particular—fawns over this shallow-as-shit publicity hound and gives her so much face time on TV and in the papers. Hell, this Messner guy she married is a convicted felon too—these are people I'm supposed to look up to? And now we’re ‘spose to all feel sorry for Tammy Faye because she’s got the Big C? Well, what goes around comes around, sweetheart—just do us all a big favor and fucking die already, you worthless mascara-laden lump of shit!
As for Larry "I Have A Face Made For Radio" King, I actually used to like him back when he had his latenight radio show in the late ‘70s. This was back when talk radio was more free-form and King would just take calls all night about any subject during his "Open Phone America" segments. One minute, he’d be talking politics, the next he’d talk baseball or movies or something, and it was quite enjoyable. Anymore though, I’ve lost all respect for King because of the way he slobbers (figuratively) all over his celebrity guests during interviews, especially Tammy Faye. I nearly hurled when he made the gratuitous remark last night "she’s been so brave in the face of all this…" Then again, anyone who’s been married and divorced as often as Lawrence Harvey Zeiger has (seven and counting!) with the balls to change his surname to King is probably a total douche, anyway...
SPEAKING OF UGLINESS…
…that’s what this whole Michael Vick thing is going to be for the next few months. Yes, I know—innocent until proven guilty, and all—but I have to say that he looks pretty darn guilty to me, based on what I’ve read and heard. He should at least do Atlanta and the NFL a big favor by stepping aside and taking a paid leave of absence until all this gets sorted out because he’s no good to the team at this point. The players and coaches will constantly have to deal with all the media distractions, and how could he possibly focus on leading the Falcons to a Super Bowl and handle all this legal stuff at the same time? More power to Vick if he can prove his innocence, but I sure don’t foresee any kind of positive outcome for him in all this.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #40
"Honky Cat"—ELTON JOHN (1972) "Boy, you gotta tend a farm…" I originally interpreted this as "Boy, you got a telephone..."!
DERF STRIKES AGAIN!
[Click pic to enlarge it] I swear, this Derf guy channels my mind sometimes! By the way, a tip for all you potential car thieves out there: I highly suggest you pay a visit to Raytown, MO sometime and just hang out in front of any convenience store for any length of time—you’re bound to hit paydirt here. I always lock my car up even to just stop in for beer or whatever, but I constantly see these fools pull up to QuikTrip, et al, and enter the store with their motor still running, windows wide open and stereo blaring. The damn car might as well have a neon sign attached to it that flashes "MY OWNER'S AN IDIOT—STEAL ME, PLEASE!" It just astounds me how careless some people are with their vehicles.ALL ABOARD THE LAST TRAIN TO SOULSVILLE…
A little TV alert for you: In a piece of perfect timing for me as I nearly finish reading my Stax Records book, PBS will be airing a documentary on Stax as part of the 50th anniversary of the founding of the legendary Memphis soul record company that gave us the likes of Otis Redding, Isaac Hayes, Booker T & The MGs, Sam & Dave, Rufus Thomas, The Dramatics, et al. The show airs on or around August 1st on PBS as part of their "Great Performances" series, so check your local listings, as they say in T.V. circles…
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