"I don't wanna cause no fuss..."

...but I often do, anyway!

A LITTLE PLUG HERE...
For the "Gonzo Papers" blog (see link at right) and his little Blogiversary Carnival event, featuring submitted writings from various bloggers, including yours truly.  You'll find my "7-6-82" Elton John concert blog entry near the bottom of this little blogfest.  Read up, peoples!

HEAD ON--DIRECTLY TO THE BONEHEAD!
It may well be against protocol to re-post other people's blog entries without permission, but I can't resist here.  This is from Dave's Window (see also link at right), and it sounds just like something I'd write, and I fucking wish I had:

If you're a consumer who has actually purchased the product Head On, you deserve a headache.

No offense, of course. It's not like you're stupid or anything, it's just...no wait.  Yeah, it is like you're stupid.  Ironically the head-bone is the reason that using Head On is a bone-headed idea.  If you apply it to your forehead, there is a huge barrier between the medicine and the pain...it's called the skull.  Ironically, using Head On makes you a real numb-skull.  Ah, so much irony in such a stupid product.

The funniest line of the commercial (besides the annoying "apply directly to the forehead" crap) is "no prescription necessary."  No shit?  Look, if your doctor tries to give you a prescription for this product, you should open your network provider booklet immediately.  End rant.

Dave, you're a voice of reason in this vast wilderness of stupidity!  Hope you don't mind me borrowing your stuff...

SQUEEZE ALL YOU WANT TO NOW!
Actor Dick Wilson died Sunday at age 91.  We knew him better as pop culture icon Mr. Whipple of Charmin toilet paper TV commercial fame. I kid you not, folks, I was out of T.P. and had to buy some on the way home from work today, and I gave a little squeeze in tribute.  R.I.P., Mr. Whipple...



ICONS SCHMICONS REVISITED
After seeing the entire TV Land/Entertainment Weakly "Top 50 TV Icons" list, I have even more grievances.  Jon Stewart?  Calista Flockhart?  Sarah Michelle Gellar?  George Clooney?  Come on, now!  Where the fuck is Fred Sanford?  George Jefferson?  Fred Flintstone?  Adam West as Batman?  No one from "Cheers" or "Frasier"?  Not even fucking Gilligan?  The entire "Brady Bunch" snubbed?  Yet hacks like Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres make the cut?  Horse hockey!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD (AND WE KNOW IT)
High school pep bands now play Bon Jovi songs.  Even "You Give Love A Bad Name" with the "bad name" echo vocal done on trombone, no less!  A sure sign of the Apocalypse...

THAT CAT NAMED HERCULES DOES IT AGAIN
In lieu of the Elton John concert at Sprint Center I missed last month, I picked up his new Elton 60 DVD which chronicles his 60th birthday concert from March of this year at Madison Square Garden—coincidentally his record-setting 60th performance as the world's most famous arena.  Well worth the 15 bucks I paid for it too, as it features a gi-normous set list filled with the usual suspects like "Bennie" and "Levon", and the not-so-usual suspects like "Roy Rogers", "(All The Girls Love) Alice" and "(Where To Now), St. Peter?", among many other long lost Elton gems that he's been known to dust off and play in concert.

Other highlights for me from the concert itself were "Hercules" from Honky Chateau, "Holiday Inn" from Madman Across The Water (and the title track from that one as well), and "High Flying Bird", the beautiful closer from the Don't Shoot Me album.  Also included in this 2-disc set are several other long lost live performances from various points in EJ's career, including the rarely performed "We All Fall In Love Sometimes/Curtains" from Captain Fantastic.  Another thing I found impressive is how Elton often says things during the show like, "Here's a song we haven't done in over 30 years..." as in "we as a band" instead of "I".  With longtime stalwarts Davey Johnstone and Nigel Olsson in the band—not to mention lyricist Bernie Taupin—this is especially appropriate.

I encountered one little problem whilst singing along with Elton on these great old songs, though:  I found it just a tad disconcerting when I'd hit those high falsetto bits on songs like "Madman", "Bennie & The Jets" and "Philadelphia Freedom" and Elton didn't!  Sadly, since his 1987 throat surgery Elton is no longer able to scale the heights of his vocal range as he once did.  Fortunately, I'm 17 years younger than he is and my high range is still intact.  Meantime, jolly good show, ol' chap...

WHO DEY?
I also checked out the new Who DVD documentary collection Amazing Journey this week.  For all you young'uns out there who think Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Kid Rock were/are the shit, I suggest you watch this video and get educated!  For the rest of you unitiated out there who just want to learn about the history of one of the finest Rock 'N' Roll bands ever on earth in this hemisphere, this is as good a place to start as any.  I was quite pleased with the extra effort Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey went to in highlighting the late John Entwistle's importance to the band, as well as the lunatic fringe that late drummer Keith Moon brought to the table.

One thing I could've done without is the crackle sounds they used to simulate an old phonograph record album to accompany the documentary.  Cute concept, and yes, the crackle sounds were par for the course on old vinyl records, but they're highly irritating and distracting on a Dolby 5.1 DVD!  Oh well, long live Rock.  I certainly need it every night...

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #59
"Gemini Dream"--THE MOODY BLUES (1981)  "Make it work out (make it work)/Make it work out, for each other tonight..."  I first mistook the "for each other tonight" line for "you're in trouble tonight..."

SPRINT CENTER REVIEW
I attended the very first sporting event at our mighty new Sprint Center last night, a college basketball doubleheader featuring UCLA vs. Maryland and Michigan St. vs. Missouri in the CBE (College Basketball Experience) tournament.  As expected, the arena doesn't suck as a sporting venue with its awesome sightlines, outstanding lighting and superior sound system that makes Kemper Arena seem like a V.F.W. hall by comparison.  This joint will make one helluva hockey arena one day too...

One thing I did miss last night was the concession stands at Kemper, which were far more efficient that the one I waited in line at for well over 20 minutes at Sprint Center before the MU game.  I read later that they ran out of hot dogs in the entire arena by halftime of the MU game.  Uhhh, were y'all not expecting a big crowd last night?  You had nine straight sellout Garth Brooks concerts and never ran out of hot dogs, yet you couldn't properly prepare for a freakin' basketball crowd?  Get on the ball, folks!

Then again, I loved the well-lit state-of-the-art lavatories, which are a major upgrade over those at our "dump with a hump" in ye olde stockyards (Kemper).  I much prefer the one man-one urinal concept over pissing into the communal trough, as it were, and I also feel a bit more secure when I'm actually seein' where I'm peein'!