...I'll give you a couple seconds to decipher that greeting!
COUNTING UP THE DOUGH...
I finally broke a nasty losing streak at the casinos by popping a slot machine for a nice jackpot last night, reaping a net profit of $246. It had been nearly two years since the last time I won anything of note at the gambling houses around here. Every time I go gambling, I also get a chuckle out of these people who do the whole valet parking thing. Why on earth would you pay some total stranger to park your car? The way these maniac attendants drive, I wouldn't let them go anywhere near my vehicle. And what, you're too lazy to walk a little further from your car in the parking garage to the front door?
TOTALLY POINTLESS PRODUCT #1
Speaking of the never-ending pussification of America, the commercials for these voice-activated car stereo systems crack me up—you know, "Play artist so-and-so." I mean, how fucking hard is it to reach over to the radio and push a button or two? Have we gotten that totally lethargic in this society now? Pitiful, pitiful!
TOTALLY POINTLESS PRODUCT #2
You gotta love this new gimmick Coors Light has been hyping lately with its beer bottle labels where the mountains turn blue to let the consumer know when their beer is cold enough to drink. Seems to me that if you can't figure out how cold your beer is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it anyway...
A REAL SNOW JOB
I loved watching the Packers and Seahawks playing in the white stuff in today's playoff game. When the elements play a part in football, it makes the game even more fun sometimes. By the way, you don't suppose the luxury-car owners in Green Bay drive Lambeau-ghinis, do ya? Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!
CLASSIC OLD-SCHOOL TV COMMERCIAL #1
I'm initiating a new regular feature today, since TV Land no longer does their old "Retromercials" anymore. Here's an oldie but a goodie from the good folks at Chuck Wagon dog food. Even though we didn't have a dog, I loved these ads all the same when I was a kid...
Just for shits and grins, I rented the ancient '70s ABC cartoon show "Hong Kong Phooey" this weekend. You think they'd get away with that title today? For the uninitiated, HKP was a mild-mannered dog named Penrod (voiced by the late Scatman Crothers) who worked as a janitor in a police station. When trouble arose, Penry would leap into a file cabinet and morph into Hong Kong Phooey, legendary martial arts superhero crime fighter. I hadn't seen this thing since I was in 5th grade, and trust me folks, as Huey Lewis once sang, "Sometimes bad IS bad."
"NATURE POINTS UP THE FOLLY OF MAN"...
I can't help but laugh at VH-1's promos for their various "reality" shows, like the current one featuring Scott Baio and this new "Celebrity Rehab" thing which includes D-list hacks like Jeff Conaway and Brigitte Nielsen ostensibly working out their drug problems on national TV instead of in real therapy like normal folks. At the end of each promo, this little "Watch and Discuss" message pops up, as if VH-1's programming is somehow educational or profound. Yes, let's all kick around the plight of Bret Michaels of Poison, shall we? Doesn't it just break your heart when a millionaire Rock star just can't seem to find the perfect tattooed skank of his dreams to doink?
Another commercial on VH-1 that makes me chortle is the one for these annual Rock 'N' Roll Fantasy Camps. Similar in concept to baseball fantasy camps, one can pay mega-bucks to hang out with real Rock stars and jam (assuming one has musical ability, that is). In past years, these camps have featured some fairly big-name folks like Paul Stanley and Ace Frehley of Kiss and Roger Daltrey of The Who, but this year's lineup of stars is a tad less stellar, with such Rockers as Alan White of Yes, Elliot Easton of The Cars, Nick Mason of Pink Floyd, and get this—David Ryan Harris from John Mayer's Band!! Who from who's band? Never heard of 'im! I don't suppose they managed to nab any of the guys from Winger too? Is Derek Smalls from Spinal Tap available?