Sorry, but I just can't help but be excited—"Love Boat", Season One comes out on DVD in a couple weeks! Also sorry I haven’t done much blogging on current events and such, but I got so wrapped up in doing my Concert Trek series that I misremembered to keep up on things lately…
HI IN-FIDEL-ITY
So nice of Fidel Castro to finally step aside as leader of Cuba, but I ain’t holding my breath on things changing much there as long as his brother’s in charge. The good news is little Castro is only about five years younger than Fidel, so I think we can safely assume he won’t have a 50-year reign like his brother did. Meet the new boss—same as the old boss...
SPEAKING OF TURDS WHO NEED TO GO AWAY…
I heard that Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of nutjobs planned to protest at two of the funerals for the victims of last week’s shootings at Northern Illinois University, never mind that homosexuality didn’t have a fucking thing to do with it. This is crude to say, I know, but wouldn’t it be kinda nice if one of these crazed gunmen just took out the Westboro Baptist Church instead of innocent bystanders? I will never understand what possible satisfaction anyone could derive from disrupting the funeral of some stranger who never did anything to them. One of these days, these weirdos are going to piss off the wrong people with their deranged protests, and I can’t wait to see it happen.
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES DOWN?
I love this story about the U.S. Navy potentially shooting down a crippled old spy satellite tomorrow before it crashes into something on Earth. You don't suppose while they're at it they could take out the satellites that bring us BET and Faux News Channel?
LOCKING THE BARN DOOR (TWO YEARS) AFTER THE COWS GOT OUT?
I also find this week’s massive beef recall from a California processing plant a tad amusing. Seems to me that recalling meat that’s two years old—most of which has already been consumed—is every bit as pointless as keeping score at a Harlem Globetrotters game…
A REAL SNOW JOB
I found it downright laughable when the Raytown street crews charged up and down my street twice on Sunday morning to the plow the whole one inch of snow we had just received. To top that off, it stopped snowing about an hour after that and the sun came out and melted most of it anyway. A complete waste of time, gas and equipment—in other words, my tax dollars hard at work...
THE REGAL BEAGLE
Nice to see a true mutt win the Westminster Kennel Show last week instead of those sissy-looking frou-frou dogs that usually win. Uno did Snoopy proud by becoming the first Beagle to ever win this thing in like 100 years. I still say they should have a separate weenie-dog competition, too…
POLITICS, SCHMOLITICS—PART I
Great article in last week’s Newsleak about how all the conservative TV, radio and print pundits/pinheads now all have skidmarks in their drawers over eventual Pres. nominee John McCain. McCain actually did pique my interest at one point, but he lost me when he started kissing ass with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to win support a couple years ago. I initially swore up and down that I wouldn’t vote for a Republican even at gunpoint in this election, but then again, if Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, O’Reilly, Beck, Malkin, et al, are so dead set against McCain, then he’s probably worth taking another look at. At the moment, Obama’s still my front-runner, but you never know.
What's amazing to me is all those people claim to be so in-touch with the pulse of the rank and file of the American voting public, yet they are so blind to the fact that people are fed up with the same old bullshit we've been getting from the Dubya Administration, therefore even staunch conservatives are turning to McCain in droves. I'd like to ask ol' Rush and Bill O'Retard, et al, do you have any better suggestions for a decent candidate? Huckabee and Romney sure don't appear to be cutting the proverbial cheese...
POLITICS, SCHMOLITICS—PART II
It makes me so proud as an American (cue the Lee Greenwood song and keep yer hankies handy!) to know that our elected officials have their priorities in order these days. Hell, screw that war in Iraq, skyrocketing gasoline prices, (lack of) gun control, the bazillion-dollar deficit and a looming recession—by dingies, let’s go get those bastard sports cheaters! Between last week’s Roger Clemens circus before Congress and Arlen Specter obsessing about the NFL’s "Spygate" scandal, it’s certainly nice to know that all of our ducks are in a row…
By the way, why is it every time there’s some sort of scandal in this country, the media always attaches the suffix "gate" to it? Watergate was just the name of a hotel—there was no gate involved in the scandal itself. What’s going to happen if there’s ever a scandal at the Kentucky Derby—are they going to call it "Starting Gate-gate"?
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #71
"The Spirit Of Radio"—Rush (1979) "Bright antennae bristle with the energy…" I was a little slow on the uptake here—I first thought Geddy Lee sang, "Bright and tender, bristle with the energy." Duh, it’s a song about radio, dummy!
NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE
I read where hack TV host Pat O’Brien recently entered rehab for the second time. Now I see where he may have gotten some of his delusions, like when he was working for CBS Sports and reporting on Bo Jackson’s hip injury and said something like, "I’m sure those who love Bo Jackson—and I think that includes everyone—wish him a speedy recovery." Uhhh, don’t include me in that group, buddy—I think Bo Jackson was/is a horse’s ass.
HOOP-DE-DOO-DOO
Coming soon to a theater near you—yet another Will Ferrell movie where he has the same stupid look on his face in the print ads for it! Ferrell is this generation’s Chevy Chase—all smarm and no charm—and just like fellow SNL-alum Adam Sandler, all his movies are just variations on the same theme. This current one, Semi-Pro, was inspired by the old American Basketball Association from the ‘70s, and what sucks about that is they missed a golden opportunity here. Instead of some schlock parody film that’ll be forgotten in a month, they could’ve just done an actual biopic on the ABA and I guarantee you the true stories would be ten times funnier than anything they could make up.
If you ever want to read some hilarious (and true) sports stories, I highly recommend the book Loose Balls by Terry Pluto, which chronicles the wild and crazy history of this forgotten league that once tried (and nearly succeeded) to rival the NBA. The stories about the old Spirits of St. Louis team alone are priceless, like when star player Marvin Barnes was confused by the departure/arrival time of a flight from Louisville to St. Louis, which because of the time zone change had it arriving six minutes earlier than take-off, which led him to say, "Man, I ain’t gettin’ in no time machine!" Meantime, the ABA’s impact on the sport of basketball is hard to ignore, as they gave us the three-point shot and all-star slam dunk competitions, and they were one of the first sports leagues (along with the American Football League) to feature the players’s names on the back of their uniforms. I also highly recommend a visit to a wonderful ABA tribute site here.
HI IN-FIDEL-ITY
So nice of Fidel Castro to finally step aside as leader of Cuba, but I ain’t holding my breath on things changing much there as long as his brother’s in charge. The good news is little Castro is only about five years younger than Fidel, so I think we can safely assume he won’t have a 50-year reign like his brother did. Meet the new boss—same as the old boss...
SPEAKING OF TURDS WHO NEED TO GO AWAY…
I heard that Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of nutjobs planned to protest at two of the funerals for the victims of last week’s shootings at Northern Illinois University, never mind that homosexuality didn’t have a fucking thing to do with it. This is crude to say, I know, but wouldn’t it be kinda nice if one of these crazed gunmen just took out the Westboro Baptist Church instead of innocent bystanders? I will never understand what possible satisfaction anyone could derive from disrupting the funeral of some stranger who never did anything to them. One of these days, these weirdos are going to piss off the wrong people with their deranged protests, and I can’t wait to see it happen.
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES DOWN?
I love this story about the U.S. Navy potentially shooting down a crippled old spy satellite tomorrow before it crashes into something on Earth. You don't suppose while they're at it they could take out the satellites that bring us BET and Faux News Channel?
LOCKING THE BARN DOOR (TWO YEARS) AFTER THE COWS GOT OUT?
I also find this week’s massive beef recall from a California processing plant a tad amusing. Seems to me that recalling meat that’s two years old—most of which has already been consumed—is every bit as pointless as keeping score at a Harlem Globetrotters game…
A REAL SNOW JOB
I found it downright laughable when the Raytown street crews charged up and down my street twice on Sunday morning to the plow the whole one inch of snow we had just received. To top that off, it stopped snowing about an hour after that and the sun came out and melted most of it anyway. A complete waste of time, gas and equipment—in other words, my tax dollars hard at work...
THE REGAL BEAGLE
Nice to see a true mutt win the Westminster Kennel Show last week instead of those sissy-looking frou-frou dogs that usually win. Uno did Snoopy proud by becoming the first Beagle to ever win this thing in like 100 years. I still say they should have a separate weenie-dog competition, too…
POLITICS, SCHMOLITICS—PART I
Great article in last week’s Newsleak about how all the conservative TV, radio and print pundits/pinheads now all have skidmarks in their drawers over eventual Pres. nominee John McCain. McCain actually did pique my interest at one point, but he lost me when he started kissing ass with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to win support a couple years ago. I initially swore up and down that I wouldn’t vote for a Republican even at gunpoint in this election, but then again, if Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, O’Reilly, Beck, Malkin, et al, are so dead set against McCain, then he’s probably worth taking another look at. At the moment, Obama’s still my front-runner, but you never know.
What's amazing to me is all those people claim to be so in-touch with the pulse of the rank and file of the American voting public, yet they are so blind to the fact that people are fed up with the same old bullshit we've been getting from the Dubya Administration, therefore even staunch conservatives are turning to McCain in droves. I'd like to ask ol' Rush and Bill O'Retard, et al, do you have any better suggestions for a decent candidate? Huckabee and Romney sure don't appear to be cutting the proverbial cheese...
POLITICS, SCHMOLITICS—PART II
It makes me so proud as an American (cue the Lee Greenwood song and keep yer hankies handy!) to know that our elected officials have their priorities in order these days. Hell, screw that war in Iraq, skyrocketing gasoline prices, (lack of) gun control, the bazillion-dollar deficit and a looming recession—by dingies, let’s go get those bastard sports cheaters! Between last week’s Roger Clemens circus before Congress and Arlen Specter obsessing about the NFL’s "Spygate" scandal, it’s certainly nice to know that all of our ducks are in a row…
By the way, why is it every time there’s some sort of scandal in this country, the media always attaches the suffix "gate" to it? Watergate was just the name of a hotel—there was no gate involved in the scandal itself. What’s going to happen if there’s ever a scandal at the Kentucky Derby—are they going to call it "Starting Gate-gate"?
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #71
"The Spirit Of Radio"—Rush (1979) "Bright antennae bristle with the energy…" I was a little slow on the uptake here—I first thought Geddy Lee sang, "Bright and tender, bristle with the energy." Duh, it’s a song about radio, dummy!
NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE
I read where hack TV host Pat O’Brien recently entered rehab for the second time. Now I see where he may have gotten some of his delusions, like when he was working for CBS Sports and reporting on Bo Jackson’s hip injury and said something like, "I’m sure those who love Bo Jackson—and I think that includes everyone—wish him a speedy recovery." Uhhh, don’t include me in that group, buddy—I think Bo Jackson was/is a horse’s ass.
HOOP-DE-DOO-DOO
Coming soon to a theater near you—yet another Will Ferrell movie where he has the same stupid look on his face in the print ads for it! Ferrell is this generation’s Chevy Chase—all smarm and no charm—and just like fellow SNL-alum Adam Sandler, all his movies are just variations on the same theme. This current one, Semi-Pro, was inspired by the old American Basketball Association from the ‘70s, and what sucks about that is they missed a golden opportunity here. Instead of some schlock parody film that’ll be forgotten in a month, they could’ve just done an actual biopic on the ABA and I guarantee you the true stories would be ten times funnier than anything they could make up.If you ever want to read some hilarious (and true) sports stories, I highly recommend the book Loose Balls by Terry Pluto, which chronicles the wild and crazy history of this forgotten league that once tried (and nearly succeeded) to rival the NBA. The stories about the old Spirits of St. Louis team alone are priceless, like when star player Marvin Barnes was confused by the departure/arrival time of a flight from Louisville to St. Louis, which because of the time zone change had it arriving six minutes earlier than take-off, which led him to say, "Man, I ain’t gettin’ in no time machine!" Meantime, the ABA’s impact on the sport of basketball is hard to ignore, as they gave us the three-point shot and all-star slam dunk competitions, and they were one of the first sports leagues (along with the American Football League) to feature the players’s names on the back of their uniforms. I also highly recommend a visit to a wonderful ABA tribute site here.
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