ROY SCHEIDER, 1932-2008
Roy Scheider left us over the weekend, passing away in Arkansas at age 75. Good actor, and pretty versatile too, as he was nominated for Oscars for such diverse roles as choreographer Joe Gideon in Bob Fosse's All That Jazz and Det. Buddy Russo in The French Connection (or as the Bush Administration would prefer you call it, The Freedom Connection). And of course, his signature role was Police Chief Brody in Jaws (and Jaws 2), featuring that immortal line “you’re gonna need a bigger boat”, which was reportedly an ad-lib by Scheider. Pretty stellar ad-lib, as it's permanently etched in our pop culture lexicon. R.I.P. Roy, ya done good.
I remember reading somewhere that Scheider and co-star Lorraine Gary, who played his wife in the Jaws flicks, didn’t much care for one another during filming. I found it rather difficult to look at that woman myself—in the words of the late Redd Foxx, “Dat’s a UGLY white woman!” By the time she did the utterly pointless Jaws The Revenge, I was rooting for the damn shark to eat her! I also remember reading that Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw (Matt Hooper and Captain Quint, respectively, in Jaws) couldn’t stand each other, either, thus the on-screen animosity between them wasn’t necessarily an act.
Scary moment in last night’s NHL game in Buffalo when Florida’s Richard Zednik was inadvertently slashed in the neck by a teammate’s skate and had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery before he bled to death. The slash severed Zednik's carotid artery and evidently just missed his jugular vein, and it looks like he’s okay and will make a full recovery, but the trail of blood he left on the ice scared the shit out of everyone in the building. Here's the video, which isn't terribly gory. Lucky for him, he was treated by the same physician who tended to Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett and may well have prevented him from being permanently paralyzed. Think this doc might just be in high demand now? A similar incident also took place in a game on Saturday between Philadelphia and New York when a linesman took an errant skate to the bridge of his nose, and he's okay too.
Zednik's injury was déjà vu all over again in Buffalo, which was the scene of quite possibly the goriest sports injury ever this side of Joe Theismann. It happened at the old Aud back in 1989 when Sabres goaltender Clint Malarchuk suffered a very similar injury to Zednik's in front of his goal and immediately started spewing blood everywhere. Here's the video of it, but be forewarned—it's NOT for the squeamish, so viewer discretion is strongly advised. It takes quite a bit to gross me out, but even I was squirming when I first saw this replay in '89. Thankfully Malarchuk had the presence of mind to apply pressure to his neck (as did Zednik) until the trainers came to his aid. As fast-paced as hockey is, it’s no small wonder this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often. Too bad there isn’t such a thing as rubber ice skates, eh?
BURNING QUESTION OF THE DAY #1
I’m trying not to get too caught up in all this Roger Clemens steroids folderol, but I’m rather amused with the revelation that this Brian McNamee trainer character claims to have injected Clemens’ wife with Human Growth Hormone for a photo shoot she did several years ago. How on earth does HGH benefit one for a photo shoot?
BURNING QUESTION OF THE DAY #2
The “Hannah Montana” show is supposed to be aimed at pre-teens, right? Then why does Disney Channel air this thing at 10:30 at night (11:30 Eastern time, no less) when kids of that age should probably be in bed?
BURNING QUESTION OF THE DAY #3
Okay, which was the bigger waste of time Sunday, the Grammy Awards or the NFL Pro Bowl? My distaste for the Shammies is well-documented on this blog, so I won’t belabor the point here, other than to say that the Grammy Awards broadcast is now about as relevant as a very average “B.J. And The Bear” rerun.
Of all the major league all-star games, the Pro Bowl is probably the least entertaining, with next weekend's NBA All-Star Game rating a close second. There’s very little drama, most of the players don’t even want to be there, and the game is so watered-down (for fear of someone getting hurt) that it’s practically unwatchable. One thing I was proud to see yesterday was Cincinnati Bengals big-mouth wide-out Chad Johnson getting upstaged by his teammate T.J. Houshmandzedah, who scored two TDs for the AFC. All Johnson did all week long was bitch about how betrayed he felt by the Bungholes for not giving him a fat new contract and all. I grew really tired of Mr. Ocho-Stinko’s act long ago—he’s an overrated showboater and ESPN highlight whore that I personally can do without.
MAY WE? MAIS, OUI!
A co-worker brought in some French Vanilla ice cream at work today. I asked him why he didn’t get the “Freedom Vanilla” variety instead. While I'm at it, I'm still waiting for Faux News Channel to try to prove to America that Barack Obama “looks French”.
BEEN SPENDING, 'SPREE?
I'm just all choked-up (pun intended) over this story about Latrell Sprewell—once one of the premier players in the NBA—who apparently has to sell that yacht he's got before the bank forecloses on his house. This is the same guy for whom a three-year, $21 million contract extension was once insufficient, so he held out for more dough, saying, "I've got my family to feed." Perhaps we can all chip in and buy ol' 'Spree and family some Chef Boy-Ar-Dee or something...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #70
“I’d Really Love To See You Tonight”—ENGLAND DAN & JOHN FORD COLEY (1977) “There’s a warm wind blowing the stars around…” I thought the line was "There’s a warm wind blowing, the stars are out...” which made a lot more sense, unless there a helluva typhoon up by Alpha Centauri to cause that other phenomenon...
THE BITCHES ARE BACK!
Tonight’s the Westminster doggie show on the ol’ boob tube. I wonder how our old friend Petey would've done in one of these competitions...
CLASSIC OLD-SCHOOL TV COMMERCIAL #4
While the dog show airs, this cat demands equal time!