Holland's Comet: I can't even think of a word that rhymes!!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I can't even think of a word that rhymes!!

...but I think I can string together a few words that make sense!

I'M BECOMING A DANGER TO MYSELF!
Well, last week there was my fall off the ladder while gutter-cleaning that left me dinged and bruised, and this week, I nearly guillotined the pinky finger on my right hand! I was merely opening a window on Thursday in my living room—an ancient one that requires a board to prop it open—and the damn thing slammed down on my exposed digit before I could prop it up. An x-ray yesterday showed no fracture and no permanent damage, so my 43-year streak of no broken bones in my body still remains intact, and my pinky is fully-functional as I type now. It hurt like hell the other night, tho...

OH YES, THEY CALL IT THE STREAK!
Our mighty Kansas City Royals are in the midst of their seemingly obligatory annual double-digit losing streak (12-and-counting as I type). Things were looking just peachy a couple weeks ago, after they had a nice five-game winning streak and won two out of three at Florida. This shit is getting beyond old...

SQUAWKIN' MALKIN STRIKES AGAIN!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: there ain't nothing worse than a conservative columnist/pundit with an agenda, and Michelle Malkin is Exhibit A of that. In case you missed it, she made a big stink this week in her regular column about a Dunkin Donuts TV ad featuring TV host Rachel Ray, and more specifically, the thing she wore around her neck in said ad, which Malkin claims is a keffiyeh. I'll let her clue you in: "The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yassir Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not so ignorant) fashion designers and left-wing icons...The scarves are staples at anti-Israel rallies in San Francisco and Berkeley."

Count me among the clueless, then, because you know what I see this woman wearing? A garment bearing a strong resemblance to something I'd pull out of the rag bag I keep under my kitchen sink! Guess that makes me a terrorist too, huh, Michelle? Okay, maybe this scarf is what Malkin says it is, but even so, are we really supposed to believe that a vapid talk show host like Rachel Ray (let alone Dunkin Donuts) has evil intentions? Would anyone else besides Malkin be offended by this ad if MM hadn't opened her yap? Highly unlikely. Now, if Rachel was wearing a swastika, I might be alarmed, but this is a freakin' travesty! What next? Danica Patrick buttons her coveralls like a terrorist? Jared from Subway wears a jihadic zipper in his pants? Come to think of it, I've always wondered about that thing Kermit The Frog wears around his neck...

Here's Malkin's entire column, if you care to waste precious minutes of your life reading it. It just astounds me how intellectually bankrupt Michelle Malkin is—she makes Dan Quayle's infamous "Murphy Brown" remark sound like the work of a Rhodes Scholar. I just find it pathetic when xenophobic people like her go out of their way to find terrorism (and/or racism) at every turn. Malkin is almost as offensive in her own way as Ann Coulter with the ignorant crap she spews forth—how this twit rates a weekly column in major newspapers across the country is a mystery to me...

HARVEY KORMAN, 1927-2008
Was saddened to learn of the death of funny-man Harvey Korman this week. My old man hated Carol Burnett, for some reason, so it wasn't until I had my own TV in my bedroom that I got to watch her show and enjoy the exploits of her outstanding ensemble cast, including Korman and Tim Conway. It was fun to tune in each week to see when Conway was going to make Korman break character and bust out laughing, and of course, Korman was pretty funny in his own right. R.I.P., Hedley Lamarr...

EARLE HAGEN, 1919-2008
Another important figure in Hollywood passed away this week. You may not know Earle Hagen's name, but you know of his work if you watched TV at all in the '60s and '70s. Hagen was a prolific composer/musician who created so many instantly-identifiable theme songs to numerous TV shows, including "Gomer Pyle, USMC", "That Girl", "I Spy", "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "The Mod Squad", the latter of which is one of the most kick-ass theme songs from a cop show ever. And then there's his most famous work—that's Easy Earle whistling along to his "Andy Griffith Show" theme, too.

WANNA SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?
Then check out this ancient Amboy Dukes video, featuring my ex-idol Fred Nugent on guitar. By George, I believe da boy's wearing mascara there—how gauche! And somehow, the Nancy Sinatra clones dancing along with the band don't exactly strike me as being Gonzo Rock 'N' Roll. Btw, nice suit, Ted!

EXTREME MAKEOVER, HOLLAND'S COMET EDITION