Can I help you--occupy your brain?

WE DID KNOW DIDDLEY…
Another pioneer in the world of Rock ‘N’ Roll left us this week as Bo Diddley died of a heart attack yesterday at age 79.  Believe it or not, the man was still performing shows up until he suffered a stroke last summer.  As influential as the man was, I find it sad that he was rarely ever compensated monetarily for his work, which is often the case when it comes to early Rock and Blues musicians (especially Black ones).  Early Rock ‘N’ Roll would not have been the same without Mr. Diddley, that’s for sure.  R.I.P., Bo…

TATUM, WE HARDLY KNEW YE…
Claiming she was “doing research for a role”, actress Tatum O’Neal was busted for attempting to purchase cocaine over the weekend.  The spin-doctor machine immediately kicked into gear, as she now claims that those nice officers who busted her actually “saved” her.  Yeah, sure, whatever.  This all comes after her 2004 tell-all autobiography where she claims to have gotten clean, yadda x 3.  I don’t mean to sound cold-hearted or unsympathetic to someone who has a drug or alcohol problem, but I’m becoming a bit jaded about these celebrities who go around claming that everything is peachy-keen in their lives after some major fall from grace (especially after reaping the profits from a tell-all book), only to fuck up again.  Cry me a freakin' river...

“ALWAYS NEVER QUITE RIGHT…”
It behooves me to tell you that I took a side trip back to the nether world of the early ‘80s this past week by viewing the entire series “Square Pegs” on DVD, which co-starred Sarah Jessica Parker before her ever-present mole (along with the rest of her) was quite fully developed.  Upon further review, I seem to remember this show being a whole lot funnier in 1982 than it actually was.  Some of the plotlines were thinner than the Olsen twins, and it got awfully repetitive after a while—no wonder the show only lasted 19 episodes.  One bizarre episode involved the character Johnny Slash (played by the late Merritt Butrick) trying to get a New Wave band together to play a gig at the supermarket he worked at, and we were somehow supposed to believe that John Densmore of The Doors (playing himself) had nothing better to do and sat in with them on the drums.  Evidently, that was the case, and Densmore looked rather pathetic and out-of-place here.

“Pegs” did have its moments, though, particularly those involving insufferable preppy Muffy Tepperman (played by Jami Gertz) and her on-going exploits to raise money for Weemawee High School’s adopted “poor Guatemalan child.”  Tracy Nelson as the Valley Girl with the Pat Benatar haircut was kinda cute too—ironicially, she went on to play a nun on “Father Dowling Mysteries”.  Some of the jokes from the show are horribly dated now tho, like “Did hemorrhoids stop George Brett?”  Well, yeah, they kinda did…

Although I was a bit of a high school misfit myself during that same era and could definitely identify with the two main characters, Patty and Lauren—as well as their Lenny & Squiggy-like male counterparts, Johnny and Marshall—I just don’t get why anyone would bust their ass so much just to fit in with a bunch of unlikable snob assholes.  Oh well, the DVD was worth it just to reminisce a little about the Space Invaders/Pac-Man/Donkey Kong era, just to get a load of some of the things kids were wearing back then.  But I will say one thing, though:  at least girls gave a hoot about what they looked like back then, which is more than I can say about current skanky fashions, particularly today’s hairstyles—borrrring!

OKAY, I’M CONFUSED…
Is it just me, or does the name Shia LeBeouf sound like a girl’s name or what?  Until I read about him in Entertainment Weakly for the first time, I just assumed Shia was a chick with a name like that!

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #84
“Mr. Bojangles”—NITTY GRITTY DIRT BAND (1971)  “I met him in a cell in New Orleans, I was down and out…”  I grew up thinking the singer met Bojangles “at a sale in New Orleans”.

DID YA DO HER, GENE? WELL, DID YA? HUH? HUH?
And here’s the Kiss tribute band Kiss posing with Condoleeza Rice in Sweden for no particular reason, other than to prove what a publicitiy hound/suck-up Gene Simmons has become, to the point where he’ll even have his photo taken with inept Secretaries of State.  Rice claims to have Kiss on her iPod, and that “Rock And Roll All Nite” is her favorite Kiss tune.  Yeah, sure, right—it’s probably the only Kiss song she’s ever heard of.  Btw, does Paul Stanley (second from left) look like he just ripped a fart in this pic, or what?

So, Gene, inquiring minds want to know, how was Condi?  Is she “entity” #4,001?  Did you put her Polaroid in your scrap book with the other 4,000 entities?  Did your tongue rate you a return booty call at the White House sometime soon?  If you can, try to play some better background music than Foreigner this time…

OH, NOW THAT’S RICH!
I read today on MSNBC’s web page that former Dallas Cowboys Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin are allegedly “watching over” perennial dumbass Adam “Pac-Man” Jones so he won’t get into any more off-field troubles.  That’s like putting a runaway teenage girl in the custody of a pimp and a drug dealer, respectively…

BOBA FETT OR BOOBLEFOOT?!?
Always on the cutting-edge when it comes to crazy ballgame promotions, the minor league St. Paul Saints even outdid themselves on May 25th with their "Bobblefoot" giveaway in honor of Sen. Larry Craig, who did a little foot-tapping just a few miles away at the Minneapolis airport.  Here's the official write-up on it:  "Some of the most famous dance halls in the country include Radio City Music Hall in New York, the Fox Theater in Detroit and now the list includes a restroom at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport.  With so much fanfare around dancing, the St. Paul Saints will honor "tappers" during National Tap Dance Day."...  The design is a bathroom stall, with a foot that peaks out of the bottom and "taps" up and down.  The day coincides with National Tap Dance Day."While many people tap their foot because they are impatient, others may do it because they are nervous.  It doesn't matter if your tapping style is done with a "wide stance" or is used as some sort of code, the Saints are asking all fans to tap to their heart's content on May 25."

The Saints are owned by Mike Veeck, son of the late master promoter and baseball showman Bill Veeck, and the team always has some sort of nutty promotion to bring the fans out to the ballpark.  There was even a time not so long ago when they were actually out-drawing the Major League Twins on some nights.  And why not?  Who wants to go watch baseball in an antisceptic dome on such beautiful summer nights?

INDOOR SOCCER KICKS THE BUCKET
I read in the paper today that the Major Indoor Soccer League ceased operations recently after a long uphill struggle to find its niche in the sports world.  This came as no big shock to me, but I still find it rather sad, because like hockey, indoor soccer is a fun sport to watch, particularly in person.  With as many kids as we have out there playing soccer now (inside and out), indoor soccer is a natural for families to attend, but for whatever reason, it never has truly caught on in this country, despite it’s high-scoring games that are the polar-opposite of interminable 1-0, 2-1, 0-0 outdoor games.

The original MISL formed in 1978, fielding six teams that played on Astroturf fields laid over existing hockey rinks, mostly in the northeast, and it quickly caught on in some cities, with its fast-paced action and Rock concert-like pre-game shows.  Kansas City got a team in 1981, and I was instantly hooked by our mighty Comets, and by the end of the ‘80s, I practically ate, slept and drank that team.  The team, as well as the league, was a big hit at the box office initially, and the Comets routinely outdrew the NBA’s Kansas City Kings during the early/mid-‘80s.  Unfortunately, the league got greedy and tried to expand too quickly, all the while over-spending on player salaries, and by the late ‘80s/early ‘90s, even the league's stalwart franchises like St. Louis, Cleveland and the Comets were folding right and left, and the league bit the dust in 1992.

Meantime, a rival league, the American Indoor Soccer Association, fielded teams in smaller markets like Canton, Dayton, Louisville, et al, and was marginally successful.  The Atlanta Attack franchise moved to K.C. in 1991 to fill the Comets’ void, but the league, which had changed its name to National Professional Soccer League by then, still struggled to make the big-time.  There was also an outfit called the Continental Indoor Soccer League that was partly-subsidized by several NBA owners, but it was mostly a West Coast venture with teams in Seattle, San Jose, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, etc.  By the end of the ‘90s, the CISL folded altogether and the NPSL morphed into the second version of the Major Indoor Soccer League and the Attack even changed their name back to Comets in 2002, but none of this translated into more fannies in the seats.  Kemper Arena was too big to house a team with such small crowds, so the Comets put their franchise on temporary hiatus three years ago while waiting for this mythical 9,000-seat Johnson County arena to be built that never has gotten past the talk stage (it was to be located right up the street from where I work, ironically), and I knew then that the team would never see the light of day again.  Sadly, I was right…

I plan to do a more in-depth tribute to the original Kansas City Comets soon in an upcoming blog series and share some of my favorite sports memories.  I dearly miss those “Hot Winter Nights”…