I generally try to post something every Saturday, but I was a tad busy yesterday replacing the siding on the back of my house with the help of my good friend Phil. This pic shows the results of our nearly 11 hours of labor. My legs and back are killing me today, but it was totally worth it to correct 30 years worth of jungle rot 
that had infected the woodwork underneath the shoddy aluminum siding that some yokels installed long before I ever owned the place.
In spite of all that, I kinda liked seeing the natural light beaming into my bathroom, and was tempted to install a window thereof, but I'm not sure if my neighbors to the north would've enjoyed seeing yours truly buck nekkid and full monty all the time, so I opted to go the conventional route and replace the walls. Special thanks once again to Phil for sacrificing another Saturday to help me out. I owe you a veritable shitload of favors, my friend...THOROUGHLY DIS-GUS-TING
As soon as I tuned in the Chefs-Falcons game today, I knew I was in for a long day. It's a given that since K.C. and Atlanta are just one step above Pop Warner-level football, we viewers get stuck with Pop-Warner-level hacks like CBS' Gus Johnson, the Les Nessman of TV football announcers. After he spouted the term "Hot-lanta" three times in a 15-minute span, I immediately hit the mute button on my TV and flipped on the Chefs' radio guys. Get a real job, Gus...
While I'm at it, a memo to CBS' James Brown: Lose the "Shan-NON" thing when referring to your tag-team partner Shannon Sharpe—you don't even sound Black when you do this shtick...
"PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS CHIEFS SHOULD STOP FOCUSING ON WINNING"
That's an actual headline from today's K.C. Star, regarding our local NFL franchise. Uhhh, I think they already did, being's how they've now lost 12 regular season games in a row. To give you an idea of how bad today's 38-14 loss was, during the first half not long after I gave up on Gus Johnson and Co. on TV and turned on the radio, I actually switched over to my rented "Love Boat" DVD reruns in favor of wasting precious minutes of my life watching this fiasco. The world NFL record is 26 losses in a row by the expansion 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and the Chefs are almost halfway there already. I'd be shocked if they win a game all season this year...
"THERE'S NOTHING REAL IN THE WORLD ANYMORE!!!"
Late Oakland Raiders play-by-play man Bill King might've re-uttered his own famous words today as the lowly Miami Dolphins (1-15 last season) fed the New England Patriots their own lunch today in Foxborough 38-13. This thing wasn't even close, either, and the Pats' NFL-record 21-game regular season winning streak ended with a muffled thud. Okay, if a 1-15 team from a year ago could do this in the Patriots' house, then why could the 4-12 (last year) Chefs only manage a 17-10 loss at Gillette Stadium two weeks ago? Oh, I forgot, we're rebuilding. Meh...
HAIL TO THE SPARTANS!
Whilst Phil and I were toiling away yesterday, Michigan State made Saturday an A.G.D. (Automatic Good Day) for me by whooping up on Notre Dame in East Lansing, 23-7. That's the way ya do it...
WELCOME TO THE SHOW...
Cubs win! Cubs win! I was quite pleased to see the Chicago Cubs clinch their second straight NL Central Division title yesterday. I firmly believe that 2008 may truly be the year the Cubbies finally get over the hump and win the whole she-bang because unlike past years when they've made the playoffs ('84, '89, '98) and totally sucked the next season, they've actually improved on their record this year and have made the playoffs in successive seasons. They should have no problem with any of their National League brethren (Dodgers, Mets, Phillies, Brewers, whoever) in the playoffs, and I think they stack up nicely against any American League foe they might face in the World Serious.
JUST AN OBSERVATION...
...but does that goomer in the UPS TV ads writing with the dry-erase pens not bear a very strong resemblance to Mike Damone in Fast Times At Ridgemont High? Bet he could still score you some good Cheap Trick tickets too...
JUST ANOTHER OBSERVATION...
Two weeks ago, I paid $3.34 a gallon for gas before Hurricane Ike hit. Even before Ike came ashore, gas jumped 15 cents a gallon here to $3.49, yet it was determined that the damage Ike inflicted was fairly negligible, and yesterday gas here suddenly dropped to $3.29 a gallon. Luckily, I filled up before the shit went up, but what cheeses me off is how these oil company scumbags raise the price of gas solely on what might happen instead of actual results.
And oh by the way, do you think these companies like my trash collectors who jacked up their monthly fee by a buck or two when gas was $4.00 a gallon are going to revert back to what they were charging previously now that we're back into the $3-twenties again. Shit, no! Bull-puckey, I say!
THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING
I saw by the 'ol Internet today that singer George Michael was busted today in London for drug possession once again. Just like during his 1998 arrest in Beverly Hills' Will Rogers Memorial Park for waxing his own dolphin, Georgie Boy was busted in another toilet. I'll give the boy credit—if nothing else, he sure is consistent.
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #96
"Him Or Me-What's It Gonna Be?"—PAUL REVERE & THE RAIDERS (1967) "...and if you decide it's him, I'll change my plans..." I started listening to this song when I was barely three years old, therefore I knew precious little about two-timing women-folk, so forgive my youthful innocence when I thought Mark Lindsay sang, "...and if you decide it's him, I'll change my pants..."
"THIS IS THE END, BEAUTIFUL FRIEND—THE END..."
Tonight brings the curtain down on the "House That Ruth Built", the venerable Yankee Stadium in Da Bronx. Very mixed feelings on this end about it all, as I never got to visit this hallowed sports institution, especially after I passed up the opportunity last month to do so in favor of doing my California excursion instead. But, given how easily I was rattled by all the scum and villainy I encountered in downtown San Francisco, I know now that I sure as hell wasn't ready to take on the Big Apple without a police escort and a personal bodyguard, therefore I think I made the right move, therefore, so be it. Eighty-five years' worth of history (not just baseball) has gone down at this legendary locale, everything from Babe Ruth to Lou Gehrig to Muhammad Ali to Joe DiMaggio to Giants/Colts-Don Ameche to Yogi Berra to Mickey Mantle to the Pope(s) to Roger Maris to Frank Gifford to Pele to Sugar Ray Robinson to Thurman Munson to Don Larsen to Billy Joel to Billy Martin to G. Brett's pine tar to Don Mattingly to Howard Cosell to Yogi Berra to Pink Floyd to Reggie Jackson to Derek Jeter to A-Rod to Mariano Rivera to Bob Sheppard.
The last name on that list is the Yankees' legendary P.A. announcer, Bob Sheppard, who turns 98 years old next month. This man could even make dickey dick-brain Rickey Henderson sound like a saint when he uttered his name. Shit, I'd give my left nut and maybe part of the right one to hear the man announce my name as I step up to the plate—"Now batting, number 11, designated sitter...Brian Holland...number 11..." Sadly, Bob has been in poor health since last season and unable to perform his duties during this final season for The Stadium. I sincerely hope they can at least find a way to allow him to give tonight's starting lineups one more time from his living room couch so we can hear "Number two...shortstop...Der-ek Je-tahhh" live one more time.
My favorite Yankee Stadium memory? That's easy—George Brett's mammoth home run into the right field upper deck during the 1980 ALCS to propel the Royals into the World Serious for the first time ever. I'll never forget as long as I live the drunken revelry in Crown Center that night after the game as we all chanted "Yankees suck!!" and "Cosell sucks!!" in front of the local TV cameras that night.
Even though the New York Yankees are every bit as evil as Darth Vader, the Dallas Cowboys, Nancy Grace, TV evangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Notre Dame football, Herbalife, Bill O'Reilly, the San Diego Sockers, Ann Coulter, Tom Cruise, the Oakland Raiders, Michelle Malkin, Wal-Mart, Dick Cheney, Sean Hannity, the oil industry and quite a few others to me, I DO respect their history, and especially that of what is probably the most famous sports venue in the world, so don't think I'm not a little sadder at the passing of this eternal baseball institution. For this one night—and one night only—I'm root-root-rooting for the Yankees to win tonight.
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