A humorous look at some of the goofy shit I encountered on my recent California trip...
If I'm not mistaken, this is an ashtray, correct? If so, why does it display the "No smoking" symbol on the bottom of it? And what the hell was it doing in my "Non-smoking" hotel room?
ON A CLEAR DAY, YOU CAN SEE THE WINDOW
Check out the view from my hotel room in downtown San Francisco! One of the reasons why I wanted to stay downtown was to be able to look out on something besides pigeon poop and a brick wall. I felt like I'd stepped aboard a time machine in this old 1920's vintage hotel that Super 8 had taken over, complete with old-time fire escape out front and narrow alley in between. I only wish Super 8 hadn't neglected to mention when I made my reservation that there was no free off-street parking, and that it would cost me 20 semolians a night for valet parking.
A VICTIM OF SOYCUMSTANCE
It took a little work once I got to this cemetery in Whittier, but I finally found the grave of my man Curly Howard from the Three Stooges. A previous visitor attempted to spell out "NYUK, NYUK, NYUK" with rocks on the concrete slab. Jerome Horwitz, you died way too young, but thanks for the laughs, ya knucklehead!
NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL, PART 1
Interesting piece of art here that adorns the L.A. Memorial Coliseum—anatomically-correct, yet headless, humanoids?!? Obee-kaybee...
NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL, PART 2
Believe it or not, this critter was sleeping when I snapped this pic at the famed San Diego Zoo. I can now also truthfully say I've seen a flamingo take a dump!
PLEASE TELL ME...
...why there would be any reason whatsoever to bring a dog to a ballgame? That's about as pointless as bringing an infant child to a game, like the people who sat behind me did at the Giants game. Speaking of dogs in public, I couldn't believe the number of people out and about in L.A. with those pathetic little Paris Hilton dogs.
CELEBRITY DROP-DEAD SPOT #1
This would be the infamous Viper Room, out front of which actor River Phoenix bit the big one in 1993 after inhaling practically every intoxicant known to mankind all at once. Dumbass.
CELEBRITY DROP-DEAD SPOT #2
It was on this corner on Hollywood Blvd. that actor William Frawley, better known as Fred Mertz on "I Love Lucy", suffered a fatal heart attack in 1966. He died just up the block after being dragged to the lobby of the notorious Knickerbocker Hotel, where he used to live for over 30 years. The "Knick" was also once home to former Stooge Larry Fine until he suffered a debilitating stroke in 1970, and it was the scene of the suicidal leap of famed costume designer Irene Gibbons in 1962. Scenes from The Graduate were filmed there, as well, and now it serves as an old-folks home. No doubt about it, Hollywood is a trivia haven!
WAKE ME UP BEFORE I CUM-CUM!
This would be the men's room in Will Rogers Park in Beverly Hills where singer George Michael was busted by an undercover cop for spanking his monkey there in 1998. Georgie Porgie naturally claimed his arrest was "entrapment". More like a colossal career-killing brain fart, Georgie boy...
This john doubled as a convenient rest stop in the middle of the "Tragical History Tour" I partook of during my trip, and ironically, is located just around the corner from the road the Clampetts drove their truck down during the opening credits on the "Beverly Hillbillies".
"WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN IN THE CITY...
...and the bum lies by the bay..."
Here's just one example of the riff-raff I saw throughout San Francisco in a pic that was taken on the concourse along McCovey Cove by the ballpark. I saw literally dozens of these sorry-ass people throughout downtown SF and Golden Gate Park, many of whom apparently have been assigned their own personal shopping cart like this dude. I don't mean to seem insensitive to people down on their luck, but there are places these people can go for help—unfortunately for them, they don't allow drugs and booze in the homeless shelters...
GET A LIFE, AMERICA!
Into our ever-increasingly short attention span society now comes the advent of TV screens at gas pumps. Doctor's waiting rooms are fine places for TVs, but at the gas pump? The price of gas is high enough—what do we need this shit for? How much time does one normally spend at the pump—five minutes? Granted most of that five minutes was nothing but commercials, but I didn't really need to see highlights from David Letterman from the night before while pumping my gas, either.