Givin' The Blog A Bone

SO MUCH FOR THE “FIVE-YEAR PLAN”...
At long last, “King” Carl Peterson will no longer be the GM of the Kansas City Chiefs.  He had one year left on his contract, but stepped down on Monday following the Chefs’ 22-21 debacle loss to San Diego on Sunday (after they blew a 17-point lead late).  Officially, Peterson “resigned”, but I get the impression that he was given the choice by owner Clark Hunt of either quitting on his own volition or being fired anyway.  Peterson did some wonderful things during his almost 20-year tenure with the team, but he clearly overstayed his welcome and should’ve come to the realization that he was not a particularly good judge of player talent.  Yes, he nabbed a few gems along the way like Tony Gonzalez, Dan Saleaumua, Priest Holmes and the late Derrick Thomas, but there were just as many blunders like Kendrell Bell, Junior Siavii, Elvis Grbac, Greg Hill, Steve Bono and Trezelle Jenkins over the years.

When Peterson first came to K.C. in 1989, I was impressed with his aggressiveness in changing the culture of such a moribund franchise and giving the fans something to chew on.  Before Carl’s arrival, many of the seats at Arrowhead Stadium had cobwebs on them, but in just a couple years, the joint was jumping and was packed to the gills for years to come.  Those first ten years under Carl and coach Marty Schottenheimer were highly successful, but as time wore on, Peterson’s arrogance got the better of him and he started making questionable personnel moves (Bam Morris, anyone?) with his “win now, but mortgage the future” attitude, thus the Chiefs have returned to moribundance the last couple years.  Peterson’s strength lies in the administrative side of the operation, and he would have been much better-served to focus on being the team’s CEO and bringing in a GM who could better evaluate talent on the field, but his ego wouldn’t allow it.  So while I do appreciate that which CP helped create at Arrowhead over the years, I’m also relieved with his departure, which was long overdue.

As for the future, I have two words for the Chiefs:  Bill Cowher!

REALLY BIG SHEW(S)
As y’all no doubt have seen by now, Dubya’s press conference in Iraq the other day featured more ducks than an AFLAC commercial.  I just love how the dude on the right in this pic seems oblivious to everything.  I have to admit, I was impressed with Dubya’s quick reflexes—he no doubt obtained that fine dexterity from all that ducking of the Constitution, not to mention ducking all the tough questions from the media these last eight years.  And what's the bet those shoes will soon be up for auction on eBay?  Memo to Mr. Shoe-Hurler:  next time, try using steel-toed work boots—they carry better!

And for those of you who will accuse me of being disrespectful to your President, you’re damn right—I have not one iota of respect for this man, so sue me…

BAH HUMBUG, INDEED!
Hate to sound like ol’ Eb. Scrooge here, but this year’s Christmas season is rapidly wearing me down, between all the hustle and bustle, irritating TV and radio commercials, not to mention the perceived “War on Christmas” that the Christians think has been waged by those who aren’t quite so gung ho religious.  As a member of the latter category, I’m pretty ambivalent about it all—I don’t care if they put a nativity scene on government property nor am I offended if someone from Lowe’s wishes me a Merry Christmas, but all the same, I think it’s a little warped that other folks aren’t allowed equal time.  For instance, like the folks at the Freedom From Religion Foundation, whose motto is:  “At this season of the winter solstice, may reason prevail.  There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell.  There is only our natural world.  Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

I read an interesting column by Mary Sanchez in the K.C. Star Monday about the whole hubbub being stirred up by the religious right regarding the holiday season.  In it, she wrote, “In other words, some Christians are fine with tolerating other faiths, as long as it is clear that theirs is king of the religious mountain.  The paradox is, if we all just lightened up and let Christmas be Christian, there might be less Christian jingoism and more room for others to celebrate their own faiths and traditions.  Religious holidays, after all, ought to be expressions of our best attributes, not our petty differences.”  Well said.

As for the irritating Christmas ads, there was a good piece on MSNBC.com Monday which lamented the fact that today’s holiday season commercials are either really lame or really annoying or both.  Far and away the most heinous of this season’s commercials are the give-a give-a Garmin ads that are set to the tune of “Carol Of The Bells”.  Every time I hear it, it makes me want to sing (in time with the same music) “Please make it stop, please make it stop, please make it stop…”  Makes me long for the days of cool Christmas ads like this one.  And this one.

ALL HAIL JOHN THE REVISIONIST!
John McCain said this week that he can’t promise that he’ll support Sarah Palin if she runs for President in 2012.  A mere three months ago, he tried to convince us all that Ms. Winky-Dink would make a good Commander-In-Chief in the event of his untimely demise, yet he’s not even in her political corner now—what does this tell us about Big John and his fitness to command, huh?  I believe the term youse Republicans out there like to use is “flip-flop”.  It’s so blatantly obvious now that he was merely using Palin to get votes if he doesn’t firmly believe in her possible candidacy in ’12.

SMOKIN’ IN THE BOYS’ ROOM
I got a little chuckle this morning when I read about the Japanese toilet maker Inax Corp., who is having to repair 82,000 electric toilet-bidet combos after some of them evidently overheated and started smoking.  Talk about your hot cross buns!

This reminds me of the innovation Archie Bunker once came up with—the “electric turlet seat”.  According to Arch, he “got the idea one freezing morning after the wife left the bathroom window open all night…it works sorta like your electric toaster, only it don’t pop you off the seat. I’m thinking of calling it the Bunker Bun Warmer…”

SIT ON IT, FONZIE!
The term “Jump The Shark” was coined from the infamous 1978 “Happy Days” episode in which Fonzie goes water skiing over a live shark to indicate the point at which a popular TV show loses its way and goes overboard.  After further review, I think the true JTS moment may well have been a year earlier in the 1977 season-opening “Fonzie Loves Pinky” trilogy that I’m currently watching on the HD Season 4 DVD set, featuring the legendary Pinky Tuscadero and the dreaded Malachi brothers in a demolition derby.  It astounds me that this thing seemed so cool 31 years ago and now comes across as so friggin’ hokey!  Guess that’s the difference between seeing things with 8th-grade eyes and 44-year-old ones.  By the time the third part of the episode aired, actress Roz Kelly was already a has-been—what a waste of an attractive redhead.

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #104
“With A Little Luck”—WINGS (1978)  “The willow turns his back on inclement weather...”  Dopey me, I thought Sir Paul McCartney was singing something about “clever weather”.

CHANNELLING GEORGE
Here’s a few Carlin-esque musings I thought of today:

• The phrase “clean as a whistle” always mystifies me.  Unless it’s brand new, a whistle is full of spit and drool—how clean can they possibly be?
• Why is it people always take a gander, but never leave any?
• Do steel traps actually have minds?
• Exactly how fit are fiddles?