Show me "Sand the floor"...

I was rummaging through the archives some more and came across this little nostalgia piece, entitled "YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE ‘80s IF:"

-You owned/operated a “Trapper Keeper”
-You know what “Psych” means
-Once, while spending hours in the arcade, you actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game to “reserve” your spot
-You know the profound meaning of “Wax on/Wax off”
-You can name at least half of the members of the elite “Brat Pack”
-You know who Tina Yothers is
-You wanted to be a Goonie
-You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your Jr. High computer lab
-You know who Max Headroom is
-You ever wore fluorescent (neon, if you will) clothing
-You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool
-You could breakdance, or wish you could
-Partying “like it’s 1999 seemed SO far away
-You wanted to be on “Star Search”
-You hold a special place in your heart for Back To The Future [Great Scott! Don’t we all?]
-You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off
-You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth
-You HAD to have your MTV
-You actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie [It is a good movie, I think!]
-You remember when Cosmo Kramer was on a show called “Fridays”
-You knew “The Artist” when he was humbly called “Prince”
-You remember when Atari was a state of the art video game system
-You own(ed) any “cassette singles” [I did/do. CD singles too!]
-You ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female Smurf
-You wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish
-You ever wore a Swatch watch
-You remember when “Saturday Night Live” was funny

In the meantime, I came up with just a few more additions to the list:
-You poked fun at Nina Blackwood’s hair [Someone buy that woman a hair brush, will ya!]
-You waited in line all night on Fridays at a record store to buy concert tickets first thing Saturday morning
-You remember what a record store actually was!
-You wanted your money back on the LaserDisc player you bought because there wasn’t much of a selection of discs to play in them
-You thought wearing replica Major League Baseball helmets made you look cool [Guilty as charged here!]
-You remember those little green Cyalume (sp?) glow-in-the-dark light sticks that people threw around at concerts
-You engaged in the VHS vs. Beta debate [Beta rules!]
-You remember when Lifetime was called the Cable Health Network and when SpikeTV was called The Nashville Network
-You thought Gene Simmons had a future in the movies
-You were in competition with other girls at the mall to see who had the tallest hair
-You remember when enclosed shopping malls actually thrived
-You filled up dozens of VHS tapes with individual music videos off MTV
-You remember when MTV aired nothing but music videos, 24/7, ESPN aired nothing but sports and CNN Headline News did 48 separate 30-minute newscasts every day [Whatever happened to Sasha Foo, btw?]
-You know who Rhonda Shear was
-You paid 50 cents a minute to call Jose Canseco’s 1-900 phone line thing
-Your computer screen was all-green
-You remember when there was no such thing as competitive poker on television
-You wasted money on “picture disc” LPs that sounded like shit
-You or someone you know played one of those “headless” guitars or basses
-Your local TV weather man stood in front of a magnetic U.S. map instead of computer-generated graphics
-You bought into any advice that Dr. Ruth Westheimer dished out on TV
-You remember the Ford Probe being described as the “car of the future”
-You actually bought into the (overrated) Flashdance fashion craze
-You thought of Reagan as a politician instead of an actor and Schwarzenegger as an actor instead of a politician
-You thought Dexy’s Midnight Runners were the “next big thing”
-You let the Moral Majority and/or the PTL Club do all your thinking for you
-You thought electronic drums were really neato!
-You videotaped every episode of your favorite TV shows (“M*A*S*H”, for instance) to keep, not knowing there would be such a thing as TV shows on DVDs in the future [Guilty as charged!]
-You would get so pissed-off when weather/news alerts would interrupt those shows you were taping!
-After catching the last ten seconds of a new video on MTV you’d been dying to see, you’d watch for hours on end until it was shown again
-You wore one of those doofy George Michael “Choose Life” shirts
-You assumed every woman dressed like Jane Fonda when they did aerobics
-You fell for Herbalife
-You believed that women would start shaving their heads to be fashionable after Star Trek-The Motion Picture came out
-You kept thinking the next Rolling Stones concert tour would be their last [Some things are eternal!]
-You remember when Album Rock stations still played new music
-You had to turn the dial on the converter box to channel-surf on cable instead of using a remote control
-You remember The Simpsons starting off on the “Tracey Ullman Show”
-You actually paid money to see Madonna’s movies, no matter how putrid they were (Who’s That Girl, for instance)
-You remember when local TV stations would go off the air at one in the morning
-You owned or utilized a Key-Tar
-You bought a Refrigerator Perry t-shirt [I plead insanity on that one!]
-You remember when “Friday Night Videos” replaced “Midnight Special” on NBC
-You had to own your favorite albums in every format that was available at the time (i.e., LP, 8-Track and cassette) [Guilty as charged!]
-You secretly hoped that just once, Madonna would twist out of that tube top she wore in the “Papa Don’t Preach” video
-You thought Vince McMahon was a legitimate sportscaster
-You remember when Michael Jackson was a good-looking black guy
-You remember when David Letterman was on NBC
-You took Geraldo Rivera seriously as a journalist
-You were underwhelmed when the “Who shot J.R.?” cliffhanger was revealed
-You bought into L. Ron Hubbard’s Dyanetics
-You thought Billy Squier might be the next Eddie Van Halen
-You planned your weekends around the Friday night soft-core porn offerings on Showtime and Cinemax
-You had trouble getting used to the “Los Angeles” Raiders
-You remember seeing Paul Stanley’s real hair during Kiss concerts
-You went “Huh?!?” when you heard Elton John married a woman
-You had an instant dislike for Alan Thicke and his late night talk show
-You can name at least four teams from the USFL
-You spanked your monkey just like Judge Reinhold did when thinking/dreaming of Phoebe Cates [This means YOU, Tom!]
-You owned a copy of the “Super Bowl Shuffle” videotape
-You really thought indoor soccer would become a major league sport in America on a par with the NBA and NHL [Sadly, it didn’t]
-You remember when Tom Hanks dressed as a woman on TV
-You wore an “I’m with Stupid” t-shirt or ball cap [This means YOU, Tom!]
-You actually paid good money for a Garden Weasel or Pocket Fisherman from Ronco
-You remember when highway signs also had metric measurements on them
-You remember when most convenience stores didn’t sell gasoline
-You remember having to write a check out to cash to get money from the bank in the pre-ATM days
-It took an act of Congress for the schools to close when it snowed
-You remember the “new” Coke (and hated it)
-You owned a DEVO hat [I still want one!]
-You know who Captain Lou Albano and Gorilla Monsoon were