Saturday, January 24, 2009

I'm Donn Hairball--damn glad to know ya!

(That‘s an anagram for Brian Holland)

Don’t you just love this story about ousted Merrill-Lynch CEO John Thain and his corporate spending spree that took place all the while as M-L begged for a government bailout?  $1,200 for a trash can?  Billions of dollars in bonuses to other executives?  I think it’s high-time for our government to get a grip on these corporate cocksuckers and regulate them.  I’m not saying these guys should take vows of poverty, but Wall Street blood suckers like Thain are totally out of control.  Is it any wonder our economy is so utterly fucked?

The Big Cuban, Fidel Castro, says he fears he won’t be lucid in four years.  I wasn’t aware that he ever was…

Well, the inevitable occurred yesterday and the Chefs finally fired coach Herm Edwards.  It was really about the only thing they could do at this point.  Herm’s a great guy, but I think he’s much better off as a defensive coordinator for some other team instead of as a head coach.  Rumors are flying like bodies in a mosh pit that former Denver head coach Mike Shanahan will become the next Chefs head coach, but I’m having trouble envisioning that, for some reason.  ESPN keeps playing it up like Shanahan wants to join the Chiefs so he can exact revenge on the Broncos, just like when he joined the Broncos to show up Al Davis for firing him from the Raiders a few years ago.  Just one problem with that theory—the Broncos treated Shanahan well, for the most part.  It’s time ESPN stuck to reporting the news instead of making it up.

Meanwhile, K.C. Star sports columnist Jason Whitlock continues to contradict himself with his own words.  Earlier this week, the Flatulent One went to great lengths to criticize new Chiefs GM Scott Pioli and his methodical and deliberate handling of the coaching situation:  “The secrecy surrounding the Chiefs’ next head football coach is beginning to look arrogant, juvenile, unfair and stupid.  Short of Scott Pioli landing his father-in-law, Bill Parcells, I cannot see the upside in Pioli’s handling of his first week on the job”  Now, flash ahead to today’s headline in his column that read, “For Pioli, taking it slow was the way to go in dismissing Edwards.”  Oh, and JW has already bestowed one of his cute little nicknames on Pioli, “Slo-Po.”  I still can’t believe the Star pays this hypocritical jackass over $200,000 a year to write such drivel…

Ever wonder why the Pittsburgh Steelers only have logos on the right side of their helmets?  Someone posed that question the other day, and I just happened to know the answer.  According to the Steelers website, “…this was a temporary measure because the Steelers weren't sure they would like the look of the logo on an all-gold helmet.  They wanted to test them before going all-out.  Equipment manager Jack Hart was instructed to put the logo only on one side of the helmetthe right side.  The 1962 Steelers finished 9-5 and became the winningest team in franchise history to date.  The team finished second in the Eastern Conference and qualified for the Playoff Bowl.  They wanted to do something special for their first postseason game, so they changed the color of their helmets from gold to black, which helped to highlight the new logo.  Because of the interest generated by having the logo on only one side of their helmets and because of their team's new success, the Steelers decided to leave it that way permanently.  Today's helmet reflects the way the logo was originally applied and it has never been changed.”

And oh yes, those diamond thingies in their logo are officially called hypocycloids.  I seem to remember drawing those on my Super Spirograph when I was a kid…

What do Johnny Cash, Donny Osmond, J.J. Cale and Lonnie Mack all have in common?  [Scroll down for answer]

...the following words don't exist in the English language?


After all, we have disheveled, nonchalant, non-sequitur, unkempt and incontinence...

I was reminded the other day of a chain called Mr. Quick that I really liked, even though I only got to experience them once.  During a road trip when I was a kid, we stopped in to their location in Blytheville, AR—just a stone’s throw east of Jim Dandy’s hometown of Black Oak, and just a way’s north of Memphis on I-55 near the Missouri boot heel.  This was back in the day when even at fast food places, you still had to wait a spell to get your food, so I was amazed at how Mr. Quick lived up to its name by whipping out our order in no time flat.  I also remember the vanilla shake I had was to die for.  Mr. Q had locations scattered about in the south and upper Midwest, but never made it to Kansas City.  I understand there are a handful of Mr. Quick’s still operating in Michigan, according to this tribute site.

“Power Of Love”—HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS (1985)  “Change a hawk into a little white dove...”  Not me, this time, but whoever it was that did the subtitles for the Back To The Future DVD who thought Brother Huey sang, “Change a heart into a little white dove.”

Johnny Cash, Donny Osmond, J.J. Cale and Lonnie Mack are all mentioned by name in the 1974 novelty hit “Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)” by Reunion, which featured Ohio Express lead singer Joey Levine.  The song also mentions everyone from Z.Z. Top to B. Bumble & The Stingers.

Almost without fail, in anything produced by Hollywood-types, people wait until December 24th to put up and decorate their Christmas tree.  And it always—ALWAYS—snows on Christmas Day.  Even if the story’s set in Guadalajara, it always snows on Christmas.  Hell, in my 44.5-plus years on this planet, we’ve only had like two white Christmases here in K.C., and the last one was over 30 years ago.

I was reminded of this humorous TV gaffe the other day, courtesy of ESPN’s Steve Levy.  It’s reminiscent of the time on local radio legend Dick Wilson’s morning show on Oldies 95 that Katey McGuckin read the sports and reported that the Royals’ Mike Sweeney “missed last night’s game with a stiff back. And, Dick…” [Not making that up, it really happened!]

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