Big fat tires and everything...

OH, WHAT A TWIT!
Heaven forbid that Michelle Obama would even dare to look at Queen Elizabeth during her visit to merry ole England last week, let alone put her arm around her!  Don’t you just love it when the media gets a hold of something like this and runs amok with it?  Apparently, it goes against protocol for anyone to act human in the presence of Her Royal Haughtiness, so putting one’s arm around the bitch is strictly forbidden.  Never mind that HRH initiated the contact with Mrs. O.—what was Michelle ‘sposed to do, pull away from the Queen as if she had cooties or something?  No disrespect intended, but I have a news flash for all youse Brits out there—Her Royal Hiney’s shit stinks just like everyone else’s!  This whole monarchy crap is about as relevant today as a K-Tel Record, and should’ve been done away with decades ago…

THE HOUSE THAT A-ROID BUILT?
Even though it cost a king’s ransom to build, I have to say I’m fairly impressed with the new Yankee Stadium in Gotham City (click pic to enlarge), which had its shakedown cruise last Friday during an exhibition game between the Bronx Bummers and the Cubbies.  An egregious wrong has finally been righted with the return of the famed Yankee Stadium frieze ringing the roof of the ballpark, just like it did before the mid-’70s renovation, which relegated it to a cheesy plastic rendering above the outfield bleachers.  Another feature I like is the replica linescore board embedded in the outfield wall, similar to the ones used during the Mantle/Ford/Kubek/Skowron era.  The concourses look pretty impressive too, but then again, for eleventy-billion semolians, they oughtta be!

BLOW JOB! BLOW JOB! BLOW JOB!
A boot to the head to Royals reliever Kyle Farnsworth for serving up a grapefruit to the White Sox’ Jim Thome in the 8th inning on Opening Day, giving the ChiSox the 4-2 win, and wasting a fine outing by starting pitcher Gil Meche.  Farnsworth did the same crap with the Cubs, Tigers and Yankees, and I cursed the day the Royals signed this bonehead.  Yes, I know, one loss doth not a season make, but this is going to be a long year with him in our bullpen.

IOWA, WE HARDLY KNEW YE!
I was quite surprised (and pleased) to see the state of Iowa’s Supreme Court rule that their gay marriage ban was/is illegal.  Yes, we're talking God-fearing/conservative/corn-belt/Radar O'Reilly's Iowa!  But of course, all the right-wing religious pinheads out there are already declaring this as another blow to the institution of marriage.  Funny, but I don’t see where gay people have contributed to the divorce rate of 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second marriages and 74% for third ones in this country, do you?  Seems to me this “institution” is imploding just fine on its own…

ARE WE UP-TO-CODE NOW?
Much hand-wringing has taken place in K.C. lately over the dress code adopted by the Power & Light entertainment district, which includes the new Sprint Center arena.  The code’s detractors claim it is racially motivated to exclude people of the Rap/Hip-Hop element.  What it’s actually saying to these people is “pull your freakin’ pants up, already, ya dweebs!”  The code also addresses skankily-attired females, but it sure didn’t prevent Britney Spears from performing at Sprint the other night…

CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #14
When someone’s on the phone (pre-cellphone era) and their call gets disconnected, why do they always react by clicking the hang-up button and frantically uttering “Hello?” several times?  Like that’s going to bring the other caller back?  Pushing the button only guarantees you’ve been disconnected!

DA BLOOZ!
The end of the NHL’s regular season is fast approaching, and it’s been fun watching the St. Louis Blues launch a mad late-season dash to make the playoffs after a poor start to the season.  St. Lou was a regular fixture in the Stanley Cup playoffs for 25 years straight until hard times struck during this decade when the NHL labor stoppage all but killed the team.  Former NHL goalie and broadcaster John Davidson (not the hack nightclub singer of the same name) took over as team President a couple years ago and, unlike the NFL’s Matt Millen, has made the transition from the TV booth to the front office successfully.  JD has managed to round up a good core group of young players like Brad Boyes, Barrett Jackman, David Backes and Erik Johnson that could be the nucleus of a dominant team for years to come.  Best of all, it’s great to see the fans are responding by filling the seats again, just like in the glory days of the old St. Louis Arena on Oakland Avenue.  Now if only K.C. had a hockey team…