OCHO STINKO IS ALL A-TWITTER
And what a twit he is, too! Seems that Cincinnati Bengals wideout Chad Johnson/Ochocinco claims that he plans to do some Twitter-ing during the games he’s playing in this upcoming season. Yeah, Chad, way to focus on the task at hand and concentrate on winning a football game, huh? Is it any wonder the Bungholes are such a dysfunctional lot with jokers like this fool who constantly undermines the concept of team? Shannon Sharpe had a big mouth, too, back in the day, but at least he backed it up with solid play, while Chad is just a total Chad, and only shows flashes of brilliance here and there. Cincy already let their best receiver, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, get away to Seattle in the off-season, and it’s obvious that Ocho Stinko only cares about showboating. Why does Cincinnati put up with this clown? Wide receivers are a dime a dozen anyway—kick this bozo to the curb already, and get someone who cares about winning!
SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST
In a similar vein, why do the L.A. Dodgers put up with Manny Ramirez? They were doing just fine without him while he served his suspension, and since his return, he’s been more or less on cruise control, getting his five innings and three at-bats in every night before wanting out of the game. Last night vs. the Mets, he seemed to have gotten ejected from the game on purpose in the 5th inning and didn’t even contest the ejection. This arrogant jagoff is Exhibit A on what’s wrong with pro sports today. When properly motivated, Ramirez can be one of the best players in the game, but it’s a rarity that he even gives a shit anymore. Just retire, baby!
HALF-WITT’S HOLIDAY?
I remember an old "SCTV" skit where Andrea Martin poked fun at "Three’s Company" actress Joyce DeWitt’s early ‘80s L’eggs pantyhose TV commercials, with AM posing as "Joyce De-Half-Witt", modeling L’eggs Knee-Hi’s instead. Well, the real Joyce certainly lived up to that name on the 4th, getting busted for DWI after running through a barricade—in El Segundo, of all places! Hell, even I avoided El Segundo at all costs when I was in La-La Land last summer. Why is it drunk celebrities can’t seem to get a ride when they get totally ripped? Surely, these people can afford a cab ride, even has-been actresses like DeWitt, whom I always found to be far more attractive than her co-star Suzanne Somers back in the day. Until I saw this photo, that is. Even in recent years it appeared that JD still took care of herself and wasn’t hard on the eyes, but this latest embarrassing drunken celebrity mug shot shoots that theory all to hell. Sad, sad, sad…WHEN THE LITTLE HEAD DOES THE THINKING…
At the risk of sounding like Dr. Phil, I would love to pose this question to the late Steve McNair in regards to this 20-year-old chick he was involved with: What the hell were you thinkin’?!? Just judging by her photo, methinks he could’ve done a lot better than her—she ain’t exactly a hottie. I’ve never seen McNair’s wife, but I can’t believe he cheated on her in favor of this skank, especially when you consider that Mrs. McNair is a nurse, and she helped him rehab a lot of his nagging injuries and kept him on the playing field and prolonged his career—so much for undying gratitude. As for the skank, it sounds to me like she had her eyes on his fame and fortune and when he threatened to end their little fling, she whacked him, then herself—can you say "Golddigger"?
JUST GO AWAY, AL
Why is it every time a high-profile Black celebrity dies, they always trot out Al Sharpton and/or Jesse Jackson to deliver eulogies? And yes, I know Jesse’s a family friend of the Jackson clan, but these boobs have no relevance anymore, even in the Black community, yet there was Sharpton yammering away at Michael Jackson’s memorial service yesterday. And why in blue blazes does he feel the need to constantly yell during his speeches? I realize the whole Southern Baptist preacher shtick involves being forceful and frenetic, but this is a somber occasion! You can just as easily get your point across in lower tones. Jive turkey…
THE KING IS DEAD—ALREADY
No, not referring to Michael Jackson, but rather LeBron James, who had video confiscated of Xavier U's Jordan Crawford having the personal effrontery to outplay LeBron and deliver a slam dunk over "King James" in a pick-up game Monday at the LeBron James Skills Academy in Akron. Up until that point in the proceedings, it was perfectly okey-dokey for the two cameramen on hand to shoot the event until the Nike Getstapo commandeered the tapes so their poster boy won't be scarred for life by repeated playings of the dunk on YouTube and ESPN, et al. I used to like LeBron up until now, but between this and the non-handshake thing during the playoff series with Orlando last month, he's revealed his true colors as Kobe, Jr.—just another arrogant and petty douche athlete. And then there were Dan Leb-Retard and J.A. Adande on ESPN defending James and Nike, acting as the true corporate shills they are, since ESPN and Nike are basically joined at the hip. You know what I say? Screw Nike and their overpriced ugly-ass shoes! Take your stupid swoosh and shove it...
There! I feel much better now...
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