Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Welcome to Limbo...

“Been away so long I hardly knew the place…”—P. McCartney, “Back In The U.S.S.R.” (1968)

I thought I’d better post something before someone does an autopsy on this blog.  I heartily apologize to those of you who still check in here for the past three months of inactivity on my part—it wasn’t by design.  I’ve just plain not had the time lately—let alone the writing mojo—to devote to putting out blog posts that live up to the quality you’re used to seeing here.  I do have a litany of excuses, if you care to read them…

Excuse #1:   I’m currently going through a transitory period where I’m trying to get my head out of my ass in regards to my personal life and flatlining social/love-life situation.  Shit, I might as well just say it:   I’m seeing a therapist to help me figure out why I keep stepping on my own dick (often while wearing soccer cleats) when it comes my finances, not to mention the stuff that really counts in life (friendships/relationships) and why I often feel so disconnected from even my closest friends and family.  This is my second go-round with professional therapy, and unlike Charlie Sheen, I hope to make it stick this time.  I’ve found a new therapist who comes highly-regarded and after only six sessions, we have a great rapport going and I feel very comfortable opening up to her.  I’m feeling a sense of urgency now that I’m approaching my late ‘40s (I’ll turn 47 in June) and it’s time to take out all this mental garbage I’ve been dragging around for four decades and have a real life while I’m still young enough to enjoy it.  I need to finally get an answer to Pete Townshend’s eternal question, “Can you see the real me—can you?!?”

Excuse #2:  I’ve been concentrating more lately on finally completing several long-dormant computer projects that have eaten into my free time, as well as my on-going effort to load songs into my new super-mega iPod.  Annnnnnd, I’m doing some long-overdue house-cleaning (literally) by purging old stuff I’ve collected over the years that’s no longer relevant to me or has been replaced by other things, i.e., old cassette tapes, magazines (including porn, which is readily available on the ‘net anyway), wall posters, defunct stereo components, bizarre childhood school artifacts and just plain crap that I have no idea why I kept in the first place.  I inherited a pack-rat mentality from my old man, and after he died last year and we had to get rid of his belongings, I was totally amazed at all the shit he held onto—this man couldn’t bear to throw ANYTHING away.  For example, bank statements and paycheck stubs dating all the way back to the ‘40s!  He even kept this ‘70s vintage toilet tank lid that was busted into three pieces—as if he could somehow glue it back together?!?  Well, I don’t want to be like dear old Dad (in more ways than just this), so I’m doing some major herd-thinning at my house.  I’m not tossing everything out, mind you, just carefully selected items, and unlike these nerf herders on “Clean House”, I don’t need some total stranger(s) going through my personal belongings telling me what’s what.  It’s not all that hard to do, really—just time-consuming, therefore I’ve found it’s easier to work on this a little bit at a time, when I can think straight and not feel rushed to get it done, all the while reorganizing the remaining belongings and storing them properly.  Space in my two-bedroom abode is at a premium anyway, so this will make my place a leaner/meaner operation in the end.  If nothing else, I’ve been impressed with my own productivity the last 3-4 months, after years of half-assed effort/apathy.  I’ve discovered that the slow, rolling boil method is quite effective…

Excuse #3:  One of the major components of this blog early on was my ranting about political/social stuff that chafed my hiney, but I’ve outgrown a lot of that now.  I’m still slightly left-leaning, but I’ve done a lot of re-evaluating of my own political outlook recently and I now view some people whom I once thought highly of in a different light, Michael Moore being a prime example.  Whereas I still find right-wing Schnauzer’s dicks like O’Reilly, Hannity, Coulter and Limbaugh, et al, to be highly repugnant, Moore’s money-grubbing attitude and fact-distorting tactics make me question his motives and credibility too.  Keith Olbermann is another lefty pundit I could do without—he’s too childish and snarky, and MSNBC was wise to sack his ass.  Anyway, I’m to the point now where I think both sides are full of shit anyway, and I’m totally burned-out on the whole liberal vs. conservative/left vs. right/blue vs. red/Jedi vs. Sith/us vs. them discourse.  I don’t see/hear a lot of solutions coming from either camp, and I’ve come to realize what a waste of time it is expending so much energy bitching about them when it doesn’t really solve anything.  Although I’m still a practicing hypocrisy pointer-outer, I’ve ceased being such a reactionary—it ain’t worth my time anymore.

Excuse #4:  You can also blame Facebook for the dearth of activity here.  Like many others before me, I, too, have been seduced by the power of the Dark Side.  Although I could do without the limitations of having to post things in little dribs and drabs on FB in their 482-character limit (as opposed to my full-fledged filibusters on here), I fully admit I have gotten somewhat addicted to the instant gratification FB provides when friends respond to what I say.  It’s sorta like performing for a live audience, as opposed to acting in a movie or TV show or even writing a book, where the reaction is delayed and/or far less tangible.  Blogging also seems to have become very passé of late, and I’m loathe to admit that I don’t even read my favorite blogs by other people much anymore.  Just as home-taping was “killing music” back in the ‘80s, Facebook is killing blogging now.

Excuse #5:  With spring fast approaching, I have several home-improvement projects looming, as well as beaucoup impending yardwork…

I’ve been tempted to pull the plug here altogether and ride off into the sunset, but I don’t want to do that in the event that the dust clears and I can find the time to do some relevant creative writing again in the not-so-distant future.  For now, let’s just say the HollandsComet blog is on temporary hiatus until further notice.  Please check back every so often—I might feel compelled to do some new feature pieces or pay tribute to someone who passes on when and if I have more time.

“Hit the target or you better hit the ground—still time to turn this game around…”—N. Peart, Rush (“Face Up”—1991)

"Get away from the blind side of life..."—S.R. Vaughan ("Change It", 1985)

1 comment:

Rickpa said...

Before you enter in a relationship, you need to understand that you are giving up autonomy, and a good deal of volition. It's that old trade off of freedom for security, but unless you choose carefully, you will have neither. Unfortunately, love has no guarantees, romance has an expiration date, and the only thing you can count on in the phenomenal world is impermanence.

If you're going to do this, you need to be fearless, giving, and never expect perfection. There is none! The world might be great with the one you love, but every gain has loss as it's near shadow.