This gentleman had plenty of room to stretch out whilst enjoying the game.
And here's a whopping throng enjoying a Houston Mavericks game at the old Sam Houston Coliseum. The players and officials actually outnumbered the crowd!Friday, February 20, 2009
Plenty of good seats still available...
Time for an ersatz tribute to the old American Basketball Association...
And here's a whopping throng enjoying a Houston Mavericks game at the old Sam Houston Coliseum. The players and officials actually outnumbered the crowd!
And here's a whopping throng enjoying a Houston Mavericks game at the old Sam Houston Coliseum. The players and officials actually outnumbered the crowd!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Don't look at me--I didn't name them!
A little tribute to those poor unfortunate athletes of the past whose parents had a sense of humor (or didn't, depending on one's point of view).
I'll start you off with a few oddballs:
I'll start you off with a few oddballs:
- Blenda Gay: Former NFL defensive back, mostly with Washington and Philadelphia. His first name was pronounced "Blen-DAY". Don't ask me why...
- Boobie Clark: Former Cincinnati Bengals running back. Not sure if he was a "Bubble-headed" Boobie or not.
- Icky Woods: Another former Cincinnati Bengals running back, who temporarily created a national sensation with his "Icky Shuffle" touchdown celebration dance a few years ago, and may well have been the inspiration for the Genesis song "I Can't Dance".
- Parris Duffus: Well-traveled minor-league hockey goalie, whose last name we tended to rhyme with "Rufus"...
- Bombo Rivera: Former Major League journeyman player, mostly with Montreal and Minnesota, but had a brief stint with our Royals in 1982. No relation to Geraldo...
- Dit Clapper: Hall of Fame Boston Bruins' hockey defenseman born Aubrey Victor Clapper. I have no clue where the "Dit" came from...
- Fair Hooker: Former Cleveland Browns defensive back. Why anyone would name their child after a mediocre prostitute is beyond me!
- Levern Tart: Journeyman basketball player who played in the old ABA. His nickname was "Jelly", naturally.
- Rusty Kuntz: Former Major Leaguer/current K.C. Royals first base coach. Yes, I know his last name is pronounced "COONCE", but somehow, us adolescents just can't resist making it rhyme with "runts'.
- I.M. Hipp: Former Nebraska University star running back, who had a brief career in the NFL. I never have heard what the "I.M." stood for, but he sho was Hipp, wasn't he?
- Marion Butts: Former San Diego Chargers running back who often kicked butt.
- Homer Bush: Journeyman Major Leaguer. No relation to Dubya or Jed, but you'd think he might've been with a name like that.
- Dick Trickle: Former NASCAR driver whom ESPN's Dan Patrick always took great pains to inform his audience where D.T. finished each week.
- Dick Lines: Former Major League pitcher, mostly with the Red Sox in the '60s. No comment needed here.
- Dick Pole: Former Major League pitcher with a career record of 25-37, with one save in the Major Leagues, but somehow, that qualifies him to now be a pitching coach—go figure! Meantime, he bears the one name in sports which is GUARANTEED to elicit a chuckle from me each and every time I hear it uttered!
- Pete LaCock: Former Major League 1st baseman, mostly with the Cubs and Royals, and son of one Pierre LaCock, Sr., better known to the world as original "Hollywood Squares" host Peter Marshall.
- Peter Ing: Professional hockey player, last seen with the Toronto Maple Leafs (Leaves?). I prefer to pronounce his name all as one—"Petering"!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I'm your Omblogsman
HAPPY V-D (VALENTINE’S DAY)!
As per my usual, I’m pretty nonplussed by today’s Hallmark “holiday”, and even if I did have a loved-one to participate in it with, I probably wouldn’t bother. Just as well—I haven’t been with anyone in almost ten years, and I’m beginning to wonder if my window of opportunity has already closed to find that special someone. I rarely meet anyone of the female persuasion that even remotely honks my hooter anymore, but you can’t accuse me of being too picky, either, at least in terms of looks. I have no use for scrawny supermodels, and I don’t mind a woman with a little meat on her bones. Hell, Renee Zellweger looks much better to me in Bridget Jones mode, than all emaciated like she usually is on the red carpets. I think Mott The Hoople’s Ian Hunter once put my situation best: “All of The Good Ones Are Taken”, and what few available ones that are left out there always seem to either have more facial hair than I do, or look like Joe Torre in drag, so I’m pretty well screwed…
KISS MY ASTERISK!
“What Alex (Rodriguez) did was wrong and he will have to live with the damage he has done…there is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game.”—MLB Commissioner Bud Selig
You tell ‘em, Bud, you righteous dude! Yes, folks, that’s the George W. Bush of baseball commissioners denouncing a situation that took place entirely during his watch, yet he’s the one who stood around with his hands in his pockets (literally) and turned a blind eye to it all when McGwire and Sosa and Bonds and A-Rod were assailing home run records and filling stadium seats, all for the “good of the game”. You can’t tell me this crap-weasel wasn’t aware how rampant steroid use was in the late ‘90s and early ‘00s. Now Bud’s even waffling about the possibility of restoring Hank Aaron as the true home run king—which we already know he is, anyway. Could someone please explain to me why Selig—who is the equivalent of a one-legged Riverdancer—is still in office?
As for the revelation that Mr. $25 mil a year (A-Rod) did steroids, does this come as a shock to anyone besides the great and powerful Bud? I will say this, though—it’s a little warped that only A-Rod’s name came out in this latest FUBAR—what about the other 104 names that are on this list? Seems to me that they should be revealed as well. What’s more stunning is throughout this whole performance-enhancing drug era, attendance at Major League games continues to increase, and people (me included) are still watching the game on TV as much as they ever did. As Don Henley sang, “They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast.”
“I REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG” REVISITED
A couple months back, I did a bit about the Steve Miller Band concert that was scheduled for New Year’s Eve at the Pavilion at John Knox Village, a major retirement village in nearby Lee’s Summit, and noted the irony of a Rock concert at an old folks home. My good friend John—who once worked at the Pavilion many years ago—was quick to chastise me about what I wrote, saying how narrow-minded and uninformed I was because they hold concerts there all the time. I wasn’t putting it down or anything—I just thought it was an odd place for a Rock concert. Evidently the Steve Miller show never happened, but flash ahead to the piece in Friday’s K.C. Star by columnist Mike Hendricks about the upcoming .38 Special show scheduled in two weeks at JKV in which he posed the very same question I did, “…this is taking geezer rock too far, don’t you think? Rock concerts at nursing homes?”
According to the article, this is John Knox’s first stab at a Rock show featuring a nationally-known act, therefore to my friend John, I say I was correct (as usual) in the first place! Even the JKV people admit that .38 isn’t exactly their residents’ demographic, but hey, if they can make a buck, more power to ‘em, I guess. The true irony of all this is how .38 Special’s Donnie Van Zant’s late brother Ronnie of Lynyrd Skynyrd once sang (as the good Dr. Sardonicus accurately pointed out to me at the time) the line, “You won’t find me in an old folks home…”
Speaking of Brother Donnie, I love the spin-doctoring the .38 Special website puts on about how he “races across the stage ‘like a tornado’, incites audiences ‘into mass hysteria’ and makes every show ‘a heart-pounding experience.” Uhhhh, back up the truck a minute—we ain’t exactly talking about Elvis here! Okay, .38 is a good live band, if not a great one (I’ve seen them twice), but Donnie Van Zant doesn’t even do the bulk of the singing for this outfit—guitarist Don Barnes is the one you hear singing on nearly all of their big radio hits like “Hold On Loosely”, “Rockin’ Into The Night” and “Caught Up In You”. DVZ is more like the Shemp Howard of Rock ‘N’ Roll singers, in a way.
EIGHT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!
I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here, but there’s something very warped about this octuplet-bearing chick that already had six kids (two of whom are disabled) who is hellbent on starting her own country, it appears. This twit—who apparently donated her brain to science before she was done with it—is unwed, owes 50 grand in student loans and lives off food stamps, yet apparently plans to mooch off the government for even more financial aid to raise her flotilla of kidlets. And whoever this doctor is that fertilized her in the first place should be strung up by his stethoscope! And then comes word today that her publicists are leaving her because of death threats. What the hell does she need with a publicist in the first place? What a country…
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #107
“Keep The Fire Burnin’”—R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON (1982) “We can help one another be strong…” Kevin Cronin sang that line so fast, I thought it was “We can help one and never be strong…” which makes absolutely no sense at all, of course. Talk about an album (Good Trouble) that was a victim of overly-high expectations in the wake of their breakout Hi inFIdelity. Of course, anything would’ve been a comedown after an album like that. I always liked the title track, though.
CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #8
Whenever a woman removes a wig on screen, there’s this amazing phenomenon wherein her real hair always comes tumbling out from underneath into a perfect hairstyle—never mind all the caps, hairnets, pins, staples, corkscrews and whatever other under-armor is usually a prerequisite for wearing a wig, particularly for long-haired gals. Nah, in this parallel universe, in a just matter of seconds, these women seemingly always look like they just stepped out of the beauty salon when they take off their hairpieces.
And in a semi-related cliché scenario, it’s amazing how people in movies who are made up to be bald with rubber skullcaps almost always seem to only wear turtlenecks.
DISEASE OF THE WEEK/WEAK
Ever heard of anal glaucoma? It’s this common affliction that causes an employee to call in sick (especially on Fridays) and inform his/her supervisor, “I just can’t see my ass coming into work today.”
As per my usual, I’m pretty nonplussed by today’s Hallmark “holiday”, and even if I did have a loved-one to participate in it with, I probably wouldn’t bother. Just as well—I haven’t been with anyone in almost ten years, and I’m beginning to wonder if my window of opportunity has already closed to find that special someone. I rarely meet anyone of the female persuasion that even remotely honks my hooter anymore, but you can’t accuse me of being too picky, either, at least in terms of looks. I have no use for scrawny supermodels, and I don’t mind a woman with a little meat on her bones. Hell, Renee Zellweger looks much better to me in Bridget Jones mode, than all emaciated like she usually is on the red carpets. I think Mott The Hoople’s Ian Hunter once put my situation best: “All of The Good Ones Are Taken”, and what few available ones that are left out there always seem to either have more facial hair than I do, or look like Joe Torre in drag, so I’m pretty well screwed…
KISS MY ASTERISK!
“What Alex (Rodriguez) did was wrong and he will have to live with the damage he has done…there is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game.”—MLB Commissioner Bud Selig
You tell ‘em, Bud, you righteous dude! Yes, folks, that’s the George W. Bush of baseball commissioners denouncing a situation that took place entirely during his watch, yet he’s the one who stood around with his hands in his pockets (literally) and turned a blind eye to it all when McGwire and Sosa and Bonds and A-Rod were assailing home run records and filling stadium seats, all for the “good of the game”. You can’t tell me this crap-weasel wasn’t aware how rampant steroid use was in the late ‘90s and early ‘00s. Now Bud’s even waffling about the possibility of restoring Hank Aaron as the true home run king—which we already know he is, anyway. Could someone please explain to me why Selig—who is the equivalent of a one-legged Riverdancer—is still in office?
As for the revelation that Mr. $25 mil a year (A-Rod) did steroids, does this come as a shock to anyone besides the great and powerful Bud? I will say this, though—it’s a little warped that only A-Rod’s name came out in this latest FUBAR—what about the other 104 names that are on this list? Seems to me that they should be revealed as well. What’s more stunning is throughout this whole performance-enhancing drug era, attendance at Major League games continues to increase, and people (me included) are still watching the game on TV as much as they ever did. As Don Henley sang, “They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast.”
“I REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG” REVISITED
A couple months back, I did a bit about the Steve Miller Band concert that was scheduled for New Year’s Eve at the Pavilion at John Knox Village, a major retirement village in nearby Lee’s Summit, and noted the irony of a Rock concert at an old folks home. My good friend John—who once worked at the Pavilion many years ago—was quick to chastise me about what I wrote, saying how narrow-minded and uninformed I was because they hold concerts there all the time. I wasn’t putting it down or anything—I just thought it was an odd place for a Rock concert. Evidently the Steve Miller show never happened, but flash ahead to the piece in Friday’s K.C. Star by columnist Mike Hendricks about the upcoming .38 Special show scheduled in two weeks at JKV in which he posed the very same question I did, “…this is taking geezer rock too far, don’t you think? Rock concerts at nursing homes?”
According to the article, this is John Knox’s first stab at a Rock show featuring a nationally-known act, therefore to my friend John, I say I was correct (as usual) in the first place! Even the JKV people admit that .38 isn’t exactly their residents’ demographic, but hey, if they can make a buck, more power to ‘em, I guess. The true irony of all this is how .38 Special’s Donnie Van Zant’s late brother Ronnie of Lynyrd Skynyrd once sang (as the good Dr. Sardonicus accurately pointed out to me at the time) the line, “You won’t find me in an old folks home…”
Speaking of Brother Donnie, I love the spin-doctoring the .38 Special website puts on about how he “races across the stage ‘like a tornado’, incites audiences ‘into mass hysteria’ and makes every show ‘a heart-pounding experience.” Uhhhh, back up the truck a minute—we ain’t exactly talking about Elvis here! Okay, .38 is a good live band, if not a great one (I’ve seen them twice), but Donnie Van Zant doesn’t even do the bulk of the singing for this outfit—guitarist Don Barnes is the one you hear singing on nearly all of their big radio hits like “Hold On Loosely”, “Rockin’ Into The Night” and “Caught Up In You”. DVZ is more like the Shemp Howard of Rock ‘N’ Roll singers, in a way.
EIGHT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!
I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here, but there’s something very warped about this octuplet-bearing chick that already had six kids (two of whom are disabled) who is hellbent on starting her own country, it appears. This twit—who apparently donated her brain to science before she was done with it—is unwed, owes 50 grand in student loans and lives off food stamps, yet apparently plans to mooch off the government for even more financial aid to raise her flotilla of kidlets. And whoever this doctor is that fertilized her in the first place should be strung up by his stethoscope! And then comes word today that her publicists are leaving her because of death threats. What the hell does she need with a publicist in the first place? What a country…
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #107
“Keep The Fire Burnin’”—R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON (1982) “We can help one another be strong…” Kevin Cronin sang that line so fast, I thought it was “We can help one and never be strong…” which makes absolutely no sense at all, of course. Talk about an album (Good Trouble) that was a victim of overly-high expectations in the wake of their breakout Hi inFIdelity. Of course, anything would’ve been a comedown after an album like that. I always liked the title track, though.
CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #8
Whenever a woman removes a wig on screen, there’s this amazing phenomenon wherein her real hair always comes tumbling out from underneath into a perfect hairstyle—never mind all the caps, hairnets, pins, staples, corkscrews and whatever other under-armor is usually a prerequisite for wearing a wig, particularly for long-haired gals. Nah, in this parallel universe, in a just matter of seconds, these women seemingly always look like they just stepped out of the beauty salon when they take off their hairpieces.
And in a semi-related cliché scenario, it’s amazing how people in movies who are made up to be bald with rubber skullcaps almost always seem to only wear turtlenecks.
DISEASE OF THE WEEK/WEAK
Ever heard of anal glaucoma? It’s this common affliction that causes an employee to call in sick (especially on Fridays) and inform his/her supervisor, “I just can’t see my ass coming into work today.”
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Another classic from the archives...
I didn't write this, but I wish I had. Enjoy the new rules...
1. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
2. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
3. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
4. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. When you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. When you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
5. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
6. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
7. New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, and with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his old ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
8. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're such a huge asshole.
9. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
10. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
11. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
12. New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go wild and eat two.
13. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
14. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
15. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
16. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
1. New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
2. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
3. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
4. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. When you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. When you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
5. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
6. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
7. New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, and with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his old ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
8. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're such a huge asshole.
9. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
10. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
11. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
12. New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go wild and eat two.
13. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
14. New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
15. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese.
16. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Da Raidas! (extended dance remix)
As with my original Black Oak Arkansas tribute post, I was displeased with the drive-by quality (only two paragraphs?!?) of my initial salute to Paul Revere & The Raiders, which is literally where it all began for me musically, so I will elaborate some more on this wonderful and very unappreciated Rock ‘N’ Roll band. This is kinda long, but well worth the trip, especially for all youse Raider aficionados out there…Long before Ted Nugent, long before Gene Simmons, long before Elton John even, my original Rock idol was Mark Lindsay, lead singer of Paul Revere & The Raiders. My earliest memories of being alive are of standing atop my toy box in our basement, rocking out to PR&TR with my plastic guitar (with the broken strings) at age 3 in 1967, and dreaming of being this cool-looking dude with the ponytail. The Raiders were MY group almost from Day One, and always will be—they were certainly my first taste of Rock 'N' Roll, and don’t even get me started on why these guys aren’t in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame. Paul Revere & The Raiders are the Rodney Dangerfields of Rock 'N' Roll, because they sure don't get no respect. I'd put their stuff up against the Monkees’, Beach Boys’, the (Young) Rascals’, Dave Clark Five’s and Lovin' Spoonful's best stuff any day!
Oddly enough, I can partially thank my ultra-conservative old man's narrow-mindedness for my devotion to this wonderful band. Dear ol’ Dad deemed The Beatles to be Communists because of Lennon's "We're bigger than Jesus" quote. This coming from a man who rarely (if ever) attended church himself, yet constantly pissed and moaned about the people who ran our family’s church (shades of A. Bunker), but I digress. Anyway, Dad deemed the Raiders patriotic (and tame) enough for their records to be allowed in our home when the Fab Four’s weren't. I can also thank their constant TV exposure on Dick Clark’s “Where The Action Is” for PR&TR being popular at our house, as my older sister really dug their music, as did my older brother, to a lesser extent. I discovered the magic of The Beatles in my own time as I grew older, so I didn’t miss a thing, and I’m so grateful for being raised on these crazy guys from the Great Northwest with the tri-cornered hats and tight white pants.
Originally known as the Downbeats, Paul Revere & The Raiders had an ever-changing lineup of musicians throughout their history, with Revere and Lindsay being the only two constants during the ‘60s and early ‘70s. Even Paul had to bow out for a time when he got drafted and one young Leon Russell even subbed for him (Leon Russell & The Raiders?) on tour in 1961. The Raiders were local favorites in and around the Portland, Oregon area in the early ‘60s and even scored a couple minor instrumental hits on the Gardena label, “Beatnik Sticks” and “Like, Long Hair”, both emphasizing featuring Revere’s piano playing. The band got its big break when Columbia Records woke up (almost too late) and realized Rock ‘N’ Roll existed in the mid-‘60s and added the Raiders (as well as Bob Dylan and Simon & Garfunkel) to their stodgy roster of artists like Doris Day, Mitch Miller, Rosemary Clooney and Ray Conniff. PR&TR’s first hit for Columbia was the classic “Louie, Louie”, which of course was an even bigger hit in 1963 for The Kingsmen (also from the Great Northwest) and recorded in the very same studio, no less. If you listen closely to the Raiders’ version of “Louie x 2”, you can hear Mark Lindsay in the background during the guitar solo utter, “Does she fuck?”
The band’s other big break came when Dick Clark came along and put them on TV to basically serve as the house band on “Where The Action Is”, where they performed other people’s music in addition to their own, as well as zany comedy skits that presaged what the Monkees would later do. They even appeared in an episode of “Batman”, among other shows, and if anything, the band may well have been a little overexposed on TV, which probably hurt them a bit in the long run. And while their stage act was highly visual with their Revolutionary War outfits, sex appeal (front man Lindsay, in particular) and intricate dance steps, unlike today’s amateur-ish lip sync-ers, PR&TR actually played live in concert and they were all very capable musicians.
The Raiders’ halcyon days were between ’65 and ’67 with their classic lineup of Drake Levin on guitar (at right in this pic), Phil “Fang” Volk on bass (in the back) and Mike “Smitty” Smith on drums (lower left), in addition to Revere (lower right) on keyboards and Lindsay (upper left) on sax and lead vocals. While Revere chafed a bit at what he deemed the “cheesy” Farfisa/Vox organ sound of the day (preferring his Fats Domino-inspired boogie-woogie piano sound from those early Gardena records), he couldn’t argue with success, as the Raiders gave even The Beatles a nice run for their money during this period, churning out hits like “Steppin’ Out”, “Just Like Me”, “Good Thing”, “Hungry”, “The Great Airplane Strike”, “Ups And Downs” and their classic anti-drug tune, “Kicks”, all produced by Doris Day’s son, the late Terry Melcher, who also co-wrote several songs with Lindsay. Their early albums contained mostly cover tunes, but over time, the Raiders played more and more original material and developed their own trademark riffy careening guitar-driven Rock sound that was embraced by all those budding garage bands of the day, not to mention teen audiences on TV and in concert, and a little kid in Raytown, Missouri.
By this time, PR&TR were doing so many TV appearances that the band often couldn’t devote proper time to working in the recording studio, so they sometimes utilized session players on their records like guitarist Ry Cooder and veteran drummer Hal Blaine, whom I believe plays on “Him Or Me-What‘s It Gonna Be?”. Following this peak period, numerous changes ensued. Drake Levin left the group to join the National Guard just after to the release of Spirit of ‘67 (in 1966—confused yet?) and was replaced by guitarist Jim Valley, who kinda/sorta bore a resemblance to a certain Marx Brother, hence the nickname “Harpo”. Less than a year later, Fang and Smitty—irked by the constant use of those session musicians—left the group to form The Brotherhood with Levin (after his Guard hitch ended) and did a couple albums for RCA. Harpo left not long after that, so by late ’67, Lindsay and Revere overhauled the group by adding guitarist Freddy Weller, bassist Charlie Coe and drummer Joe Correro, Jr. The first LP release under the re-tooled Raider lineup, Revolution!, was a solid effort with the hit singles “Him Or Me…” and “I Had A Dream”.After Revolution!, the band began to lose focus. First, there was the musical (and literal) detour Mark Lindsay took to Tennessee, where he cut a Stax-like R&B album under the band’s name called Goin’ To Memphis with producer Chips Moman in early ’68. With ML ill-advisedly trying to do a junior James Brown impression, the album yielded just one minor hit, “Peace Of Mind” (not the Boston song), although it did contain a serviceable version of Sam & Dave’s “Soul Man”. Also by this time, the band ditched the stage get-ups in favor of street clothes, and Paul Revere began a long slow fade to the background of the group. Lindsay also ended his collaboration with Terry Melcher and more or less carried the group on his back from then on, writing and producing nearly all of the music himself.
By the summer of 1968, the musical landscape had changed vastly from just a year or two before when PR&TR were at the height of their popularity, and the Raiders found themselves at a creative crossroads as heavier bands like The Doors, The Who and Jimi Hendrix Experience now ruled the scene. Their next release, Something Happening was a schizophrenic album that reflected the musical hodge-podge of the day. It included a little of everything—a heavy, driving message song (“Too Much Talk”), a little psychedelia (“Get Out Of My Mind”, “Free”), some sugary Archies-like pop fluff (“It Happens Every Day”, “Don’t Take It So Hard”, “Love Makes The World Go ‘Round”), a touch of jazz/fusion (“Communication”) and (at the end of “Burn Like A Candle”) even a bass fart! The album also included the theme song from the band’s latest TV series, “Happening ‘68”, which morphed into “It’s Happening” in ‘69.
Early ’69 brought the release of my personal favorite Raider album, the appropriately-titled Hard ‘n’ Heavy (with Marshmallow), which is pretty much what you got here. This time the actual band members played on the entire record, including new bassist and former “Action” regular Keith Allison (cousin of drummer Jerry Allison of Buddy Holly's Crickets), who replaced the departed Charlie Coe. Hard ‘n’ Heavy was a good mix of Pop pabulum (“Mr. Sun, Mr. Moon”, “Cinderella Sunshine”) and rockers (“Time After Time”, “Without You” and “Out On That Road”). H 'n' H (w M) also sported what was easily the coolest Raider album cover ever. Unfortunately, the band’s popularity was beginning to wane as their audience was rapidly outgrowing them. In the summer of ’69, Paul Revere & The Raiders adopted the pseudonym “Pink Puzz” to test-market their new single “Let Me!” with radio stations and see what response it would render. Top 40 radio programmers seemed to initially like the song a lot—until they realized they’d been duped and there was a bit of a backlash on the band. Sounding like it was recorded at the Hard ‘n’ Heavy sessions, “Let Me!” was a killer song, but the rest of the Alias Pink Puzz album was pretty bland, especially compared with its predecessor.In 1970, the band tried to re-invent itself even more by dropping ‘Paul Revere &’ from their name, thus pushing PR even further to the back of the bus, and creating a major (and understandable) resentment towards Mark Lindsay that I don’t think to this day has been fully resolved. It also probably didn’t help that Lindsay was distracted by his newly-launched solo career, which yielded hits like “Arizona” , “Silver Bird” , “Miss America” (not the Styx song) and Neil Diamond’s vastly-underrated “And The Grass Won’t Pay No Mind”. Guitarist Freddy Weller also pursued a solo career and had moderate success on the Country charts, including a successful cover of Joe South’s “Games People Play”. Meanwhile, the next Raider album, 1970’s Collage, was critically well-received, but a commercial flop, and included the semi-lewd jailbait tune “Just Seventeen”, a track I really like called “Boys In The Band”, and a couple unnecessary remakes of tunes from the Revolution! album, “Tighter” and “Gone, Movin’ On”. Uh, guys, the originals were better! Drummer Joe Correro left the band in mid-’71 and original drummer Mike “Smitty” Smith returned, but by this time Paul Revere was practically a non-factor, and things were looking dire, indeed. But, just when everyone was about to stick a fork in The Raiders, along came a thing called “Indian Reservation (The Lament of The Cherokee Nation)” in the summer of ’71 that became the band’s first and only #1 record. The follow-up single, “Birds Of A Feather” charted a disappointing #23 and the rest of the Indian Reservation album was largely forgettable, as was their last full-length original LP for Columbia, 1972’s not-really-Country Country Wine.
From ’73 to ’75, the Raiders put out a few singles that stiffed out and Mark Lindsay finally had enough and left the group. Paul Revere retrofitted the group with some new Raiders and reattached his name to it and has played the nostalgia circuit ever since, including their current semi-permanent gig in Branson, MO with Righteous Brother Bill Medley. While it’s great that he keeps the group’s name alive, it's too bad Paul Revere himself doesn't revere the band's history more appropriately in Branson, as his act is more like a '60s music revue than a PR&TR show where you get just as much non-Raider fare like “Mony, Mony" and "Heard It Through The Grapevine" as you do “Kicks” and “Hungry”.
There have also been various brief Raider reunions over the years, including one in 1979 of the Levin/Volk/Smith lineup on a Dick Clark TV special, but nothing that truly amounted to anything. Lindsay, meanwhile, has recorded and performed sporadically since he left the band, and I had the great pleasure of meeting my original idol backstage after a 2001 concert, and he was every bit as cool as I imagined him to be—very gracious and accommodating in signing otto-graphs for everyone in line, and quite a nice man to speak to. Nearly everyone in that line reminisced about the 1971 Raiders show at Starlight Theater in K.C., which was my very first Rock ‘N’ Roll concert at age 7. Mr. Lindsay quipped, “I must have been about nine, then…” The man still looks every bit the youthful stud of a front man he was in the ‘60s in HIS ‘60s.
As often as Paul Revere & The Raiders appeared on television, you’d think there would be a wealth of ‘60s/’70s video offerings of the band on DVD, right? Guess again. For reasons untold, Dick Clark apparently holds the marketing rights to most of the Raiders’ TV appearances, and to date hasn’t chosen to release any of it. Come on, Dick, don't be a dick—put this stuff out, already! Fortunately, a few things have snuck through the cracks and wound up on YouTube, which I’ve provided links to throughout this post for as many of their songs as I could find.
My All-Time Paul Revere & The Raiders Top 25:
Honorable mentions:
“Undecided Man” (1966) This may well be the most blatant song rip-off in music history, loaded with cellos that sounded suspiciously like “Eleanor Rigby”, which The Beatles had just come out with. And they thought George Harrison ripped off the Chiffons’ “He’s So Fine”…
“Steppin’ Out” (1965)/“Good Thing” (1966) Just wanted to acknowledge these two big Raider hits in case anyone wonders why they aren’t in my Top 25. It’s certainly no slam against these two great tracks—there are just so many other Raider songs that I like even better.
“Why? Why? Why? (Is It So Hard?)” (1966) It took me many many years to discover what a dirty song title this was! Cool song, all the same...
25) “I Had A Dream” (1967) One of the better wet dream songs in Rock history!
24) “Just Like Me” (1966) You youngin’s out there might be familiar with Pat Benatar’s cool 1981 remake of this one. Killer guitar work from Drake Levin throughout.
23) “Leslie” (1967) A little comic relief from Revere on lead vocal, all about a domestic servant and her kick-ass housekeeping prowess. Paul rips off the Hollywood Argyles’ “Alley-Oop” with the line, “Ooooh, she sho’ is hip, ain’t she?”
22) “Kicks” (1966) One of the greatest anti-drug anthems of all-time. Gets its point across without going overboard or being too preachy. The video here is a bit of an oddity—this is the Weller/Coe/Correro lineup performing a Levin/Volk/Smith-era song.
21) “Mo’reen” (1967) Cool song off Revolution! that would make the Fuzz Guitar Hall of Fame (if there was one).
20) “Louie, Go Home” (1966) The sequel to “Louie, Louie”, so to speak. I have distinct memories of spinning around and making myself dizzy in time to the guitar breaks in this one when I was three or four. This video is of a different version of the song than the one the Raiders did on record. The Who also did a similar tune called "Lubie (Come Back Home)" in 1965.
19) “Get It On” (1966) In a rare show of democracy for a Rock band, the Raiders spread the wealth and let nearly everyone do a lead vocal on each album, and here’s a dandy one from Phil “Fang” Volk. Not to be confused with the 1971 hit by Chase of the same name. If you want 30 minutes of pure '60s garage Rock, I highly recommend the Raiders' Midnight Ride CD.
18) “Tighter” (1967) Short, sweet and trippy tune off Revolution!. Why they saw fit to remake the song on 1970’s Collage is beyond me—this one was just fine.
17) “Boys In The Band” (1970) This might’ve been a good hit single had it not been for the band’s flagging popularity at the time. I love the verse about where each guy is from: “Mississippi’s on the drums and the bass guitar is from Texas…”, etc.
16) “Ballad Of A Useless Man” (1966) Not really a ballad, but a humorous ditty with Mark Lindsay posing as a down-and-out suicidal bum who sings, “I done lost my job, I done lost my girl—I'm a no good, useless man…” Sadly, the song would fit right in during today’s hard economic times.
15) “Out On That Road” (1969) Fun little romp about being on tour that managed to mix in lines from previous hits like “Kicks” and “Good Thing”. Check out the suit Mark Lindsay wore in this video—must've borrowed it from the Riddler on "Batman"!
14) “I Hear A Voice” (1967) This beautiful song off Revolution! was totally different than anything else the Raiders ever did. It’s just Paul (I assume) on a very echo-y piano and Mark on vocals, all about receiving contact from a female from the beyond. Reminds me so much of a friend who’s no longer with us.
13) “Too Much Talk” (1968) This one has a wicked bass line in it during the choruses (by whoever played it). With its theme about changing the world, it would’ve been perfect for the Obama campaign. A still photo from the show this video came from adorns the back cover of the Something Happening album.
12) “Cinderella Sunshine” (1969) Bubble-gum music at its finest! This one could’ve almost been done by The Archies, but I love it, anyway. Go with the album version off Hard ‘n’ Heavy instead of the choppy single version, which is featured in this video.
11) ”Get Out Of My Mind” (1968) Psychedelic song about a guy taking a long drive along the PCH in California in his Ferrari to forget about a girl—sort of a trip within a trip.
10) “Louie, Louie” [Live] (1965) Skip past the Raiders’ original studio version and go with the live cut from Here They Come!. Drake Levin just cooks on his guitar solo here.
9) “Louise” (1966) Hidden gem off Spirit of ‘67 that epitomizes mid-‘60s garage Rock to a tee.
8) “Indian Reservation” (1971) It’s so strangely ironic that when this one shot up to #1, it was the beginning of the end for the Raidas. That is indeed Mark Lindsay on lead vocals, not Freddy Weller, as urban legend once had it.
7) “(I’m Not Your) Steppin’ Stone” (1966) The Monkees had the big hit with this one, but the Raiders recorded it first and their punchier version is far superior. It packs more of a wallop than the Pre-Fab Four’s cut, and Mark Lindsay’s macho growl blows away Mickey Dolenz’ rather wimpy vocal.
6) “Ups And Downs” (1966) This virtually-forgotten hit came out as a single during the transitory period between the Levin/Volk/Smith and/or Valley lineup to the Weller/Coe/Correro one. The Spanish horns during the choruses totally elevated this one into a (lost) classic. This video is a rare TV appearance by Jim Valley with the Raiders.
5) "Him Or Me-What's It Gonna Be?" (1967) A high-energy hit that featured some nifty guitar from Freddy Weller (I think) and Mr. Revere (I think) on the rather prevalent piano. This video from the "Ed Sullivan Show" features the odd combo of Weller/Volk/Smith as the power trio.
4) "Let Me!" (1969) The only stellar track off Alias Pink Puzz—this one would also make the Fuzz Guitar Hall of Fame (if there was one).
3) "Hungry" (1966) One of their biggest hits, and one of the last with Drake Levin playing on it. Boyce & Hart practically stole the ending from it on their only hit “I Wonder What She’s Doing Tonight”. Not sure why Revere has a puppet that looks an awful lot like Kermit The Frog in this video...
2) "The Great Airplane Strike" (1966) Hilarious song about a poor musician’s travel travails at LAX featuring one of the coolest descending guitar figures you’ll ever hear, played by session musician Jerry Cole. Ironically, it sounds even better in mono with the actual airplane sound effect on it. The stereo version has something taking off that sounds like aircraft that NASA would be concerned with instead of the FAA. Even better, go with what I call the "extended dance remix" version on their excellent Essential Ride 1963-67 CD collection, complete with the airplane and extended jam after the original fade-out. I made sure to play this one on my iPod as I wandered around that L.A. flyway back in August—but I didn't build myself a fire in the bathroom, as the lyric suggested!
1) "Time After Time" (1969) Long-forgotten song (except by yours truly) from Hard 'n' Heavy about two times in a row with a killer opening riff, and another entry for the Fuzz Guitar Hall of Fame (if there was one). The backing track from “Time After Time” was also used in a Pontiac GTO TV ad featuring the band. That was one bad-ass car, too...
Friday, February 6, 2009
And I command thee to kneel before the...
...Blog of Thunder! (And Rock 'N' Roll...)
Sorry for the lack of new material lately on this blog (hence the wealth of archival stuff lately), but I’ve been tied up with moving furniture out of my computer/stereo chamber for to remodel it. My temporary PC command post now resides in my living room for the next month or so. I swear, I’ve had my computer in every room of my house at one time or another over the years except the bathroom and the laundry room...
REVOLUTION IN THEIR MINDS, THE CHILDREN START TO MARCH…
My day was made when I read about the kids at Shawnee Mission East High School over on the Kansas side who had the collective balls Thursday to organize en masse and execute a peaceful counter-protest to the Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of Neolithic dipshits who were nearby doing their tired old anti-Gay hate-monger shtick. Even more impressive, the SME students’ parents and school administrators fully supported their counter demonstration, and all the while, the kids raised money for AIDS research “with a goal of raising $250 for every minute the Phelps group stood across the street.” They apparently succeeded, too.
I’ve long been guilty over the years of labeling the affluent Shawnee Mission school district of being just a bunch of pampered Johnson County snobs, but methinks I should re-evaluate that attitude in light of this overwhelming gesture on their part. Even if you loathe homosexuality with all your heart (which I don’t), I don’t see how any right-minded American can condone what this human colostomy bag (Phelps) and his sicko "church" promotes, so I salute and applaud these young people for their initiative and their guts. Maybe there’s some hope for our future leaders, after all—nice going, kids!
YOU VETTER, YOU VETTER, YOU VET!
Just to show I’m not an Obama sycophant (as my good friend John no doubt believes), I’m going to rip on him a little for his poor choices for cabinet posts, namely Tom "Puff Daddy" Daschle and Timothy "Taxman" Geithner. Just as John McCain did a poor job of vetting Sarah Palin, President O apparently didn’t do his homework on these two tax-evading palookas before nominating them. What’s worse, Geithner is in charge of all our money now!
However, I do give Obama points for saying, “I screwed up” a mere two weeks into his administration, instead of waiting until two weeks before his term ends to do so like his predecessor did…
ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE?
I’d dearly love to have back the five minutes of my life I wasted today listening to the debate that ensued on ESPN’s “Mike & Mike In the Morning” wherein guest hosts Eric Ca-Silly-Ass (Kuselias) and Mark Schlereth worried and fretted over the fate of swimmer Michael Phelps (no relation whatsoever to the above-mentioned subhuman Phelpses) and his commercial endorsements in light of this photo which came out this week of him smoking a bong. Who really gives a rat’s sacrum about this? Is what Phelps did really so dad-blamed terrible? Yes, I know, marijuana is illegal, but come on—you can get exceedingly more wasted on tequila or bourbon (which are perfectly legal in this country) than you can on pot. I don’t partake of grass myself, but I don’t see why they don’t just legalize marijuana and tax the shit out of it like they do alcohol.
Then again, nobody forced Phelps to smoke that bong, let alone have his photo taken while doing it. What he basically did here was shit in his own nest by smoking (dare I say it?) shit! So, Mikey, if you lose your endorsements and all the moolah that goes with them, all I gotta say is [I can’t resist!], shit happens!
HALEY COMMENTS
As expected, the Kansas City Chefs hired Arizona offensive coordinator Todd Haley as the team’s new skipper, and I’m fairly pleased. True, he’s unproven as a head coach, but I think he’s got the smarts and the fire down below to be kind of a cross between Mike Shanahan and Bill Cowher. I don’t expect miracles overnight, but with the right free agent acquisitions and another well-executed draft, I can envision a nice one-season turnaround just like what happened with the Atlanta Falcons this year. Oh, and send Larry Johnson on a one-way trip to anywhere, too—let him go someplace else where he can’t hold his liquor…
HIRE THE CABLE GUY?
While I’m on NFL coaches, the Oakland Raiders re-introduced interim coach Tom Cable as their head coach this week. Evidently, no one else wanted the gig, so Cable got the job of dealing with senile owner Al Davis by default. Bet he doesn’t even last through training camp…
NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
For a while now, I’ve been a tad baffled by some of the dismissal decisions made by the Kansas City Star during the economic crunch in terms of featured writers and columnists. While I pleased to see a hack like gossip guru (or “wonk”, to use his terminology) Hearne Christopher, Jr. get the heave, I was particularly dismayed that they let go of longtime sportswriter Jeff Flanagan—a very good guy, indeed—but kept lifestyle columnist Jenee Osterheldt, whose frivolous commentaries (in what I like to call the “You Go, Girl!” column) are a vapid waste of perfectly good newsprint. Her flighty columns amount to fluff like how a $200 pair of stilettos can perk up one’s spirits (like any sensible woman could afford them now, anyway), and I wondered how on earth she kept her gig when so many other more credible longtime staffers got axed.
Then I read this week where longtime Star political pundit Rhonda Chriss Lokeman was recently busted for DUI. Lokeman, a liberal Black woman, had a regular commentary in the Sunday paper for many years (some of which I actually enjoyed), and just so happened to be married to the Star's Mark Zieman, which created a conflict of interest when he was appointed publisher last April, so Lokeman left the Star’s official employ and became a syndicated columnist instead, but her column still appeared in the paper every Sunday, giving the outward appearance that she was still a K.C. Star writer until her December 28th column when she “retired” from the syndicate, three whole days before her DUI arrest. Now I see why the Star keeps “You Go, Girl!” Osterheldt on the payroll—she’s their only black female columnist remaining!
Meantime, Lokeman claims she only had one glass of wine (yeah, right) when she was pulled over and refused a breathalyzer test, but is suing the state to keep them from taking her driver’s license away. Her lawyer/spin doctor tried to downplay it by saying “Ms. Lokeman retired from public life some time ago.” [one whole month?!?] “This is a private matter…” You can bet if Limbaugh or Hannity got busted for DUI, she’d have been all over them like white on rice for it in her column, if she still had one. Cry me a freakin’ river, Rhonda. And of course, this reflects really well on Mr. Zieman (an über spin doctor in his own right) in his leadership position at the paper when his wife gets ripped and goes out for a drive. In the words of Tim Conway's Mr. Tudball, "This is-a almost a-comical..."
CLASSIC MUSICAL TRIVIA TIDBIT #2
“Louie, Louie”—THE KINGSMEN (1963) There’s a goof in this one right after the guitar solo where the singer comes in too early and sings "Say...", but they left it in anyway. He pauses, then resumes the next verse shortly afterward. Even in the video for it, he lip-syncs to the goof! [At the 1:51 mark]
CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #7
Ever notice how on TV and movie disc jockeys rarely wear headphones while they’re talking on the air, even while music is playing? Even “WKRP In Cincinnati” was often guilty of this faux pas. For those of you who are unfamiliar, there is no way you can open a mic with music still playing over the studio speakers or you’ll have feedback ricocheting everywhere and give yourself and your listeners severe brain damage. Well, not really brain damage, but you get the idea!
Another lame cliché is the fallacy of radio jocks having sexual relations in the studio (like in the film FM) while on the air. I can say from personal experience that this is pure science fiction—it sure never happened to me, anyway! Most (but not necessarily all) DJs are fairly unattractive individuals, hence why they’re on the radio where looks are immaterial, ergo, they are hardly babe magnets! Then again, DJs do excel with knobs…
A WORKPLACE DILEMMA
Don’t you hate being asked to sign one of those group birthday cards for a co-worker you don’t particularly like? This has happened a couple times recently at my job, and although I feel like a total ass, I’ve politely declined the request. If I like the person, I’ll gladly scribble my name and say something cute to brighten their day with, but I think it’s pretty phony to endorse the birthday of someone I dislike or barely even know. Even phonier, there’s this two-faced woman I work with who often originates these birthday cards for the staff to sign and even brings snack foods for people whom it’s well-known that she can’t stand! How insincere can you be?
Birthdays are kind of a sore subject with me anyway, since the “what goes around comes around” concept doesn’t seem to apply to me. I used to be really gung-ho about recognizing friends and co-workers on their birthdays with a card and/or at least a verbal greeting, but over time the favor was rarely returned and my birthday has de-evolved into a routine non-event on a par with mass Sprint layoffs and David Crosby drug busts, so I just kinda stopped going to the extra effort. Guess that makes me an asshole…
GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS(ES)
Speaking of workplaces, I was thinking the other day about my employment history and the various places I’ve worked since I was 16. Instead of the actual positions I held, I found it rather interesting to think about it in terms of the actual places I’ve been employed at. Since 1980, I’ve worked either full- or part-time at the following eclectic mix: a car wash, a family restaurant, a record store, two radio stations, a bank, a newspaper, a loan service company, a hospital, and two medical imaging centers. Talk about a mixed-bag—as Johnny Cash sang, “I’ve been everywhere, man…”
Sorry for the lack of new material lately on this blog (hence the wealth of archival stuff lately), but I’ve been tied up with moving furniture out of my computer/stereo chamber for to remodel it. My temporary PC command post now resides in my living room for the next month or so. I swear, I’ve had my computer in every room of my house at one time or another over the years except the bathroom and the laundry room...
REVOLUTION IN THEIR MINDS, THE CHILDREN START TO MARCH…
My day was made when I read about the kids at Shawnee Mission East High School over on the Kansas side who had the collective balls Thursday to organize en masse and execute a peaceful counter-protest to the Rev. Fred Phelps and his merry band of Neolithic dipshits who were nearby doing their tired old anti-Gay hate-monger shtick. Even more impressive, the SME students’ parents and school administrators fully supported their counter demonstration, and all the while, the kids raised money for AIDS research “with a goal of raising $250 for every minute the Phelps group stood across the street.” They apparently succeeded, too.I’ve long been guilty over the years of labeling the affluent Shawnee Mission school district of being just a bunch of pampered Johnson County snobs, but methinks I should re-evaluate that attitude in light of this overwhelming gesture on their part. Even if you loathe homosexuality with all your heart (which I don’t), I don’t see how any right-minded American can condone what this human colostomy bag (Phelps) and his sicko "church" promotes, so I salute and applaud these young people for their initiative and their guts. Maybe there’s some hope for our future leaders, after all—nice going, kids!
YOU VETTER, YOU VETTER, YOU VET!
Just to show I’m not an Obama sycophant (as my good friend John no doubt believes), I’m going to rip on him a little for his poor choices for cabinet posts, namely Tom "Puff Daddy" Daschle and Timothy "Taxman" Geithner. Just as John McCain did a poor job of vetting Sarah Palin, President O apparently didn’t do his homework on these two tax-evading palookas before nominating them. What’s worse, Geithner is in charge of all our money now!
However, I do give Obama points for saying, “I screwed up” a mere two weeks into his administration, instead of waiting until two weeks before his term ends to do so like his predecessor did…
ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE?
I’d dearly love to have back the five minutes of my life I wasted today listening to the debate that ensued on ESPN’s “Mike & Mike In the Morning” wherein guest hosts Eric Ca-Silly-Ass (Kuselias) and Mark Schlereth worried and fretted over the fate of swimmer Michael Phelps (no relation whatsoever to the above-mentioned subhuman Phelpses) and his commercial endorsements in light of this photo which came out this week of him smoking a bong. Who really gives a rat’s sacrum about this? Is what Phelps did really so dad-blamed terrible? Yes, I know, marijuana is illegal, but come on—you can get exceedingly more wasted on tequila or bourbon (which are perfectly legal in this country) than you can on pot. I don’t partake of grass myself, but I don’t see why they don’t just legalize marijuana and tax the shit out of it like they do alcohol.Then again, nobody forced Phelps to smoke that bong, let alone have his photo taken while doing it. What he basically did here was shit in his own nest by smoking (dare I say it?) shit! So, Mikey, if you lose your endorsements and all the moolah that goes with them, all I gotta say is [I can’t resist!], shit happens!
HALEY COMMENTS
As expected, the Kansas City Chefs hired Arizona offensive coordinator Todd Haley as the team’s new skipper, and I’m fairly pleased. True, he’s unproven as a head coach, but I think he’s got the smarts and the fire down below to be kind of a cross between Mike Shanahan and Bill Cowher. I don’t expect miracles overnight, but with the right free agent acquisitions and another well-executed draft, I can envision a nice one-season turnaround just like what happened with the Atlanta Falcons this year. Oh, and send Larry Johnson on a one-way trip to anywhere, too—let him go someplace else where he can’t hold his liquor…
HIRE THE CABLE GUY?
While I’m on NFL coaches, the Oakland Raiders re-introduced interim coach Tom Cable as their head coach this week. Evidently, no one else wanted the gig, so Cable got the job of dealing with senile owner Al Davis by default. Bet he doesn’t even last through training camp…
NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!
For a while now, I’ve been a tad baffled by some of the dismissal decisions made by the Kansas City Star during the economic crunch in terms of featured writers and columnists. While I pleased to see a hack like gossip guru (or “wonk”, to use his terminology) Hearne Christopher, Jr. get the heave, I was particularly dismayed that they let go of longtime sportswriter Jeff Flanagan—a very good guy, indeed—but kept lifestyle columnist Jenee Osterheldt, whose frivolous commentaries (in what I like to call the “You Go, Girl!” column) are a vapid waste of perfectly good newsprint. Her flighty columns amount to fluff like how a $200 pair of stilettos can perk up one’s spirits (like any sensible woman could afford them now, anyway), and I wondered how on earth she kept her gig when so many other more credible longtime staffers got axed.
Then I read this week where longtime Star political pundit Rhonda Chriss Lokeman was recently busted for DUI. Lokeman, a liberal Black woman, had a regular commentary in the Sunday paper for many years (some of which I actually enjoyed), and just so happened to be married to the Star's Mark Zieman, which created a conflict of interest when he was appointed publisher last April, so Lokeman left the Star’s official employ and became a syndicated columnist instead, but her column still appeared in the paper every Sunday, giving the outward appearance that she was still a K.C. Star writer until her December 28th column when she “retired” from the syndicate, three whole days before her DUI arrest. Now I see why the Star keeps “You Go, Girl!” Osterheldt on the payroll—she’s their only black female columnist remaining!
Meantime, Lokeman claims she only had one glass of wine (yeah, right) when she was pulled over and refused a breathalyzer test, but is suing the state to keep them from taking her driver’s license away. Her lawyer/spin doctor tried to downplay it by saying “Ms. Lokeman retired from public life some time ago.” [one whole month?!?] “This is a private matter…” You can bet if Limbaugh or Hannity got busted for DUI, she’d have been all over them like white on rice for it in her column, if she still had one. Cry me a freakin’ river, Rhonda. And of course, this reflects really well on Mr. Zieman (an über spin doctor in his own right) in his leadership position at the paper when his wife gets ripped and goes out for a drive. In the words of Tim Conway's Mr. Tudball, "This is-a almost a-comical..."
CLASSIC MUSICAL TRIVIA TIDBIT #2
“Louie, Louie”—THE KINGSMEN (1963) There’s a goof in this one right after the guitar solo where the singer comes in too early and sings "Say...", but they left it in anyway. He pauses, then resumes the next verse shortly afterward. Even in the video for it, he lip-syncs to the goof! [At the 1:51 mark]
CLASSIC OVERUSED TV/MOVIE CLICHÉ #7
Ever notice how on TV and movie disc jockeys rarely wear headphones while they’re talking on the air, even while music is playing? Even “WKRP In Cincinnati” was often guilty of this faux pas. For those of you who are unfamiliar, there is no way you can open a mic with music still playing over the studio speakers or you’ll have feedback ricocheting everywhere and give yourself and your listeners severe brain damage. Well, not really brain damage, but you get the idea!
Another lame cliché is the fallacy of radio jocks having sexual relations in the studio (like in the film FM) while on the air. I can say from personal experience that this is pure science fiction—it sure never happened to me, anyway! Most (but not necessarily all) DJs are fairly unattractive individuals, hence why they’re on the radio where looks are immaterial, ergo, they are hardly babe magnets! Then again, DJs do excel with knobs…
A WORKPLACE DILEMMA
Don’t you hate being asked to sign one of those group birthday cards for a co-worker you don’t particularly like? This has happened a couple times recently at my job, and although I feel like a total ass, I’ve politely declined the request. If I like the person, I’ll gladly scribble my name and say something cute to brighten their day with, but I think it’s pretty phony to endorse the birthday of someone I dislike or barely even know. Even phonier, there’s this two-faced woman I work with who often originates these birthday cards for the staff to sign and even brings snack foods for people whom it’s well-known that she can’t stand! How insincere can you be?
Birthdays are kind of a sore subject with me anyway, since the “what goes around comes around” concept doesn’t seem to apply to me. I used to be really gung-ho about recognizing friends and co-workers on their birthdays with a card and/or at least a verbal greeting, but over time the favor was rarely returned and my birthday has de-evolved into a routine non-event on a par with mass Sprint layoffs and David Crosby drug busts, so I just kinda stopped going to the extra effort. Guess that makes me an asshole…
GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS(ES)
Speaking of workplaces, I was thinking the other day about my employment history and the various places I’ve worked since I was 16. Instead of the actual positions I held, I found it rather interesting to think about it in terms of the actual places I’ve been employed at. Since 1980, I’ve worked either full- or part-time at the following eclectic mix: a car wash, a family restaurant, a record store, two radio stations, a bank, a newspaper, a loan service company, a hospital, and two medical imaging centers. Talk about a mixed-bag—as Johnny Cash sang, “I’ve been everywhere, man…”
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
It was 50 years ago today...
...the "Day The Music Died". This photo was taken during my first pilgrimage to the crash site near Clear Lake back in 2002—get a load of that George Wendt hair I had! Anyway, the Des Moines Register did a fine job summing up the whole story better than I ever could.Rave On, Buddy, J.P. and Ritchie...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Stomp and shout and blog it on out...
THEY GOT THE D.T.'s—FINALLY!
Better late than never, the Pro Football Hall of Fame got it right and will be inducting the late Derrick Thomas this year after five straight years of snubbing him. He was about as dominant as you get at linebacker in the '90s, and was absolutely one of the most popular sports figures in Kansas City sports history, period. While I do still have issues with D.T.'s off-field shenanigans—fathering seven children with five different women—I think his induction into the Hall was long overdue.
Even longer overdue was legendary speedster/wideout Bob "World's Fastest Human" Hayes getting voted in, but they finally got it right. Did I say that about a Dallas Cowboy?!? Da hell you say...
"Bullet" Bob's induction gives us a ray of hope that my man Otis Taylor might still get his due and make the HOF. Their career numbers are very comparable: Hayes had 371 catches for 7,414 yards and 71 TDs, while Taylor had 410 receptions for 7,306 yards and 57 TDs. If O.T. had played for a higher-profile team (like the Cowboys, for instance), he'd probably already be in the Hall...
BILLY POWELL, 1952-2009
In what is seemingly becoming an annual event anymore, we've lost yet another member of Lynyrd Skynyrd, keyboardist Billy Powell, who died of an apparent heart attack this week. I think my favorite BP performances would be "Call Me The Breeze" and the live version of "Free Bird" where the late Ronnie Van Zant urged him to "Play it pretty for Atlanta," and he did. This leaves Gary Rossington (and technically Ricky Medlocke) as the only original members of Skynyrd still with the band. Original guitarist Ed King (formerly with Strawberry Alarm Clock) and original drummer Bob Burns are still alive as well, but left the group back in the '70s. Another Free Bird flies on...
THE POWER OF PRAYER?
I've passed several churches in the area here this week with message signs urging people to "Pray for our new President". Did these same folks pray for the old one? Fat load of good that did, eh?
SPEAKING OF THE PREZ...
I was most impressed that Mr. Obama actually endorsed the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the big game mañana instead of doing the usual political song-and-dance of not taking sides for fear of offending the other team's fans. Just coincidental, of course, that John McCain's home state is Arizona...
HERM'S GOT A NEW GIG
Former Chefs head coach Herm Edwards didn't walk the unemployment line for long—he has a new job already, and it's perfect for him. After all, we're talking about a man who possesses the innate ability to talk your ears off and basically say nothing, so where else should he wind up, but ESPN!
NOW IT CAN BE TOLD...
Check out the very last name on that list—Gene Simmons and I have something in common! Hate to say it, though, but Diana was a lousy lay...
FUNNY (AND TRUE) STORY
I was reminded of this the other day: Once upon a time during one of my sojourns at our local flea market to peddle my wares, across the way there was a palm-reader lady (whom I'll call "Miss Cleo"). I watched bemused-ly as a few suckers paid five bucks a shot to have their future predicted. It was a breezy 55º day, making it a bit chilly at times. Around Noon time, Miss Cleo wanders over to my table and inquires about that which I was selling (baseball cards, CDs, DVDs, et al). Then—dressed in a fairly thin leopard-print dress—she proceeds to moan and groan about the chilliness of the day. I don't mind telling you that I had to bite a damn hole in my lip to keep from saying to her, "Well, didn't you see it coming?!?"
DUMB QUESTION...
...but why does Guy Fieri wear his sunglasses on the back of his head? In what parallel dork universe has this been deemed to be cool?
GOOD JOKE
A female police officer pulls a man over and arrests him for drunk driving. "Sir," she says, "you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."
Better late than never, the Pro Football Hall of Fame got it right and will be inducting the late Derrick Thomas this year after five straight years of snubbing him. He was about as dominant as you get at linebacker in the '90s, and was absolutely one of the most popular sports figures in Kansas City sports history, period. While I do still have issues with D.T.'s off-field shenanigans—fathering seven children with five different women—I think his induction into the Hall was long overdue.
Even longer overdue was legendary speedster/wideout Bob "World's Fastest Human" Hayes getting voted in, but they finally got it right. Did I say that about a Dallas Cowboy?!? Da hell you say...
"Bullet" Bob's induction gives us a ray of hope that my man Otis Taylor might still get his due and make the HOF. Their career numbers are very comparable: Hayes had 371 catches for 7,414 yards and 71 TDs, while Taylor had 410 receptions for 7,306 yards and 57 TDs. If O.T. had played for a higher-profile team (like the Cowboys, for instance), he'd probably already be in the Hall...
BILLY POWELL, 1952-2009
In what is seemingly becoming an annual event anymore, we've lost yet another member of Lynyrd Skynyrd, keyboardist Billy Powell, who died of an apparent heart attack this week. I think my favorite BP performances would be "Call Me The Breeze" and the live version of "Free Bird" where the late Ronnie Van Zant urged him to "Play it pretty for Atlanta," and he did. This leaves Gary Rossington (and technically Ricky Medlocke) as the only original members of Skynyrd still with the band. Original guitarist Ed King (formerly with Strawberry Alarm Clock) and original drummer Bob Burns are still alive as well, but left the group back in the '70s. Another Free Bird flies on...
THE POWER OF PRAYER?
I've passed several churches in the area here this week with message signs urging people to "Pray for our new President". Did these same folks pray for the old one? Fat load of good that did, eh?
SPEAKING OF THE PREZ...
I was most impressed that Mr. Obama actually endorsed the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the big game mañana instead of doing the usual political song-and-dance of not taking sides for fear of offending the other team's fans. Just coincidental, of course, that John McCain's home state is Arizona...
HERM'S GOT A NEW GIG
Former Chefs head coach Herm Edwards didn't walk the unemployment line for long—he has a new job already, and it's perfect for him. After all, we're talking about a man who possesses the innate ability to talk your ears off and basically say nothing, so where else should he wind up, but ESPN!
NOW IT CAN BE TOLD...
Check out the very last name on that list—Gene Simmons and I have something in common! Hate to say it, though, but Diana was a lousy lay...FUNNY (AND TRUE) STORY
I was reminded of this the other day: Once upon a time during one of my sojourns at our local flea market to peddle my wares, across the way there was a palm-reader lady (whom I'll call "Miss Cleo"). I watched bemused-ly as a few suckers paid five bucks a shot to have their future predicted. It was a breezy 55º day, making it a bit chilly at times. Around Noon time, Miss Cleo wanders over to my table and inquires about that which I was selling (baseball cards, CDs, DVDs, et al). Then—dressed in a fairly thin leopard-print dress—she proceeds to moan and groan about the chilliness of the day. I don't mind telling you that I had to bite a damn hole in my lip to keep from saying to her, "Well, didn't you see it coming?!?"
DUMB QUESTION...
...but why does Guy Fieri wear his sunglasses on the back of his head? In what parallel dork universe has this been deemed to be cool?GOOD JOKE
A female police officer pulls a man over and arrests him for drunk driving. "Sir," she says, "you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."
Friday, January 30, 2009
I just can't let this go!
I know once upon a time on this blog, I stated that I wasn’t going to bitch anymore about who’s in and who’s not in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame. But, just like a crack addict, I just can’t kick the habit, so I’m back in my pulpit to preach the gospel of the truly deserving, and this time, I’m citing precedents to illustrate my points. These are in no particular order…
Paul Revere & The Raiders I’ve said it on here many times, this is easily the most underrated Rock band on earth from any era. The Academy (or whatever you call the panel of "experts" that runs this sham) needs to look past the campy stage act and omnipresence the Raiders enjoyed on TV in the ‘60s and check out their musical output a little more closely. PR&TR had more sustained chart success than the Lovin’ Spoonful, were every bit as good as—if not better than—the (Young) Rascals and could blow the Beach Boys and Dave Clark Five off any stage, yet those acts are all in the Hall.
Kiss I think they deserve to get in for their music alone, but in lieu of that, you can’t tell me Madonna got in the Hall solely for her music. Her induction had just as much to do with her overall impact on popular culture as her musical contributions—some of which are quite good, don’t get me wrong. Therefore, Kiss should get in because they certainly left their mark on the cultural landscape, and beyond that, there’s no denying Kiss’ influence on the way concerts and sporting events are staged today—watch this weekend’s Super Bowl pre-game show and see if you don’t see a bit of the Kiss influence with the pyro and such.
Three Dog Night As Randy Raley noted on his blog recently, the big knock against these guys is that they didn’t write their own songs. So? The Temptations didn’t write their own stuff, did they? Nor did the Four Tops. Dusty Springfield, either. Yet, they’re all in the HOF, as will be Little Anthony & The Imperials this year. All great acts, indeed, and if they are allowed in without doing original material, then that argument against Three Dog Night doesn’t wash. Other than The Carpenters, there wasn’t a more dominant Pop vocal group during the early ‘70s than 3DN.
Neil Diamond Okay, forget the sparkly shirts he wears in concert and the cheesy palaver he started putting out in the late ‘70s—let’s remember what a truly great songwriter ND is, not to mention that he could rock out as well in his younger days on hits like "Cherry, Cherry" and "Thank The Lord For The Night Time". Neil was right up there with the likes of Goffin-King in writing Pop classics like "I’m A Believer" and "A Little Bit You, A Little Bit Me" for The Monkees, and his early ‘70s output stacks up with the likes of Paul Simon, and he’s in the Hall as a solo artist.
Deep Purple/Motorhead The former practically invented Heavy Metal, and the latter made it even faster, so how is it Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Van Halen and Metallica all got in ahead of these two influential bands? In spite of their numerous personnel changes and incarnations, DP put out some killer stuff over the years, and Metallica themselves have acknowledged that they would never have existed if it weren’t for Brother Lemmy and Motorhead.
Doobie Brothers/Moody Blues/Rush/Chicago In terms of chart success, popularity and overall impact, the Doobies, Moodies, Rush and Chicago are on a par with the likes of Bob Seger, Tom Petty, Aerosmith, the Eagles and Lynyrd Skynyrd, all of whom are already in the Hall. Each band had its own unique style or niche, not to mention consistency and longevity—all are still popular concert attractions to this day.
Nick Lowe This man is renowned in music circles for producing and/or championing numerous Punk/New Wave acts in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s (including one Elvis Costello, who’s already in the Hall) as well as his acclaimed work with Rockpile and as a solo artist. Critics love this guy, so what gives?
Heart You can certainly make a case for Ann and Nancy Wilson to make the Hall for their music alone, but also for forming the first major Rock band where women more or less ran the show. Not since Grace Slick in Jefferson Airplane had a female been considered a peer of the men within the framework of a Rock band.
Pat Benatar/The Go-Go’s And while we’re making a case for the ladies, what about the two most dominant female acts of the ‘80s? Pat was/is a strong and independent woman and the The Go-Go’s wrote and performed their own music, which is more than one can say for (as great as they were) The Supremes or Martha & The Vandellas or The Ronettes.
Jim Croce/Stevie Ray Vaughan Jim and SRV both had careers tragically truncated by aircraft accidents. So did Ritchie Valens, whose career lasted basically all of eight months, which is about a quarter of the length of Croce’s time in the limelight and a mere fraction of Stevie Ray’s. No doubt, Ritchie had plenty more up his sleeve, thus I think his induction in the HOF was based mostly on potential, whereas with Croce and Vaughan the results are quite clear: Croce was a great songwriter filled with gentle good humor, and SRV was a killer guitar player and bluesman, and both are totally Hall-worthy.
There are plenty more deserving folks I could argue for like Dave Edmunds, John Hiatt, Grand Funk Railroad, Yes, the Hollies, et al, but you get the idea. I just can’t fathom how the aforementioned greats are being snubbed for the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame in favor of Rap groups (Grandmaster Flash, Run-DMC), nobodies (Leonard Cohen, Patti Smith) and marginal-at-best acts (the Ventures, the Dells).
Paul Revere & The Raiders I’ve said it on here many times, this is easily the most underrated Rock band on earth from any era. The Academy (or whatever you call the panel of "experts" that runs this sham) needs to look past the campy stage act and omnipresence the Raiders enjoyed on TV in the ‘60s and check out their musical output a little more closely. PR&TR had more sustained chart success than the Lovin’ Spoonful, were every bit as good as—if not better than—the (Young) Rascals and could blow the Beach Boys and Dave Clark Five off any stage, yet those acts are all in the Hall.
Kiss I think they deserve to get in for their music alone, but in lieu of that, you can’t tell me Madonna got in the Hall solely for her music. Her induction had just as much to do with her overall impact on popular culture as her musical contributions—some of which are quite good, don’t get me wrong. Therefore, Kiss should get in because they certainly left their mark on the cultural landscape, and beyond that, there’s no denying Kiss’ influence on the way concerts and sporting events are staged today—watch this weekend’s Super Bowl pre-game show and see if you don’t see a bit of the Kiss influence with the pyro and such.
Three Dog Night As Randy Raley noted on his blog recently, the big knock against these guys is that they didn’t write their own songs. So? The Temptations didn’t write their own stuff, did they? Nor did the Four Tops. Dusty Springfield, either. Yet, they’re all in the HOF, as will be Little Anthony & The Imperials this year. All great acts, indeed, and if they are allowed in without doing original material, then that argument against Three Dog Night doesn’t wash. Other than The Carpenters, there wasn’t a more dominant Pop vocal group during the early ‘70s than 3DN.
Neil Diamond Okay, forget the sparkly shirts he wears in concert and the cheesy palaver he started putting out in the late ‘70s—let’s remember what a truly great songwriter ND is, not to mention that he could rock out as well in his younger days on hits like "Cherry, Cherry" and "Thank The Lord For The Night Time". Neil was right up there with the likes of Goffin-King in writing Pop classics like "I’m A Believer" and "A Little Bit You, A Little Bit Me" for The Monkees, and his early ‘70s output stacks up with the likes of Paul Simon, and he’s in the Hall as a solo artist.
Deep Purple/Motorhead The former practically invented Heavy Metal, and the latter made it even faster, so how is it Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Van Halen and Metallica all got in ahead of these two influential bands? In spite of their numerous personnel changes and incarnations, DP put out some killer stuff over the years, and Metallica themselves have acknowledged that they would never have existed if it weren’t for Brother Lemmy and Motorhead.
Doobie Brothers/Moody Blues/Rush/Chicago In terms of chart success, popularity and overall impact, the Doobies, Moodies, Rush and Chicago are on a par with the likes of Bob Seger, Tom Petty, Aerosmith, the Eagles and Lynyrd Skynyrd, all of whom are already in the Hall. Each band had its own unique style or niche, not to mention consistency and longevity—all are still popular concert attractions to this day.
Nick Lowe This man is renowned in music circles for producing and/or championing numerous Punk/New Wave acts in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s (including one Elvis Costello, who’s already in the Hall) as well as his acclaimed work with Rockpile and as a solo artist. Critics love this guy, so what gives?
Heart You can certainly make a case for Ann and Nancy Wilson to make the Hall for their music alone, but also for forming the first major Rock band where women more or less ran the show. Not since Grace Slick in Jefferson Airplane had a female been considered a peer of the men within the framework of a Rock band.
Pat Benatar/The Go-Go’s And while we’re making a case for the ladies, what about the two most dominant female acts of the ‘80s? Pat was/is a strong and independent woman and the The Go-Go’s wrote and performed their own music, which is more than one can say for (as great as they were) The Supremes or Martha & The Vandellas or The Ronettes.
Jim Croce/Stevie Ray Vaughan Jim and SRV both had careers tragically truncated by aircraft accidents. So did Ritchie Valens, whose career lasted basically all of eight months, which is about a quarter of the length of Croce’s time in the limelight and a mere fraction of Stevie Ray’s. No doubt, Ritchie had plenty more up his sleeve, thus I think his induction in the HOF was based mostly on potential, whereas with Croce and Vaughan the results are quite clear: Croce was a great songwriter filled with gentle good humor, and SRV was a killer guitar player and bluesman, and both are totally Hall-worthy.
There are plenty more deserving folks I could argue for like Dave Edmunds, John Hiatt, Grand Funk Railroad, Yes, the Hollies, et al, but you get the idea. I just can’t fathom how the aforementioned greats are being snubbed for the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame in favor of Rap groups (Grandmaster Flash, Run-DMC), nobodies (Leonard Cohen, Patti Smith) and marginal-at-best acts (the Ventures, the Dells).
Thursday, January 29, 2009
57 Channels and Nothin' On?
Here's another classic I unearthed from the archives. It's a little dated and most decidedly politically incorrect, but it's still funny...
Al Jazeera TV Guide
All Shows brought to you by Texaco..."You can trust your Suburban to the man who wears the turban!"
SUNDAY:
0800 - My 33 Sons
0830 - Osama Knows Best
0900 - I Dream of Mohammed
0930 - Let's Mecca Deal
1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies
MONDAY:
0800 - Husseinfeld
0900 - Mad About Everything
0930 - Monday Night Stoning
1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money
1030 - Allah McBeal
TUESDAY:
0800 - Wheel of Terror
0830 - The Price is Right if Osama Says it's Right
0900 - Children are Forbidden from Saying the DarndestThings
0930 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
WEDNESDAY:
0800 - Tales from the Koran
0830 - When Kurds Attack
0900 - Two Guys, a Girl, and Pita Bread
0930 - Just Shoot Everyone
1000 - Veilwatch
1100 - This Old Cave
THURSDAY:
0800 - Fatima Loves Chachi
0830 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
0900 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black,Shapeless Dresses and Veils
0930 - Married with 139 Children
1000 - Eye for an Eye Witness News
FRIDAY:
0800 - Spongebob Squareturban
0830 - Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
0900 - Teletalibans
1000 - Camel 54, Where Are You?
1100 - My Favorite Kalashnikov
1200 - Beat The Press
SATURDAY:
0800 - Judge Jihad
0830 - Suddenly Sanctions
0900 - Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
0930 - Cave and Garden Television
1000 - No-Witness News
Al Jazeera TV Guide
All Shows brought to you by Texaco..."You can trust your Suburban to the man who wears the turban!"
SUNDAY:
0800 - My 33 Sons
0830 - Osama Knows Best
0900 - I Dream of Mohammed
0930 - Let's Mecca Deal
1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies
MONDAY:
0800 - Husseinfeld
0900 - Mad About Everything
0930 - Monday Night Stoning
1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money
1030 - Allah McBeal
TUESDAY:
0800 - Wheel of Terror
0830 - The Price is Right if Osama Says it's Right
0900 - Children are Forbidden from Saying the DarndestThings
0930 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
WEDNESDAY:
0800 - Tales from the Koran
0830 - When Kurds Attack
0900 - Two Guys, a Girl, and Pita Bread
0930 - Just Shoot Everyone
1000 - Veilwatch
1100 - This Old Cave
THURSDAY:
0800 - Fatima Loves Chachi
0830 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
0900 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black,Shapeless Dresses and Veils
0930 - Married with 139 Children
1000 - Eye for an Eye Witness News
FRIDAY:
0800 - Spongebob Squareturban
0830 - Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
0900 - Teletalibans
1000 - Camel 54, Where Are You?
1100 - My Favorite Kalashnikov
1200 - Beat The Press
SATURDAY:
0800 - Judge Jihad
0830 - Suddenly Sanctions
0900 - Who Wants to Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
0930 - Cave and Garden Television
1000 - No-Witness News
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Brother Leo strikes again!
My favorite columnist and fellow radical moderate, Leonard Pitts, Jr., has once again authored a dandy column. I’ll hit the highlights from it below, and you can read all of it here.
"I hope he fails." —Rush Limbaugh
"Do you ever say that about your President if you are an American who loves your country? Would you say it about George W. Bush, who was disastrous, about Bill Clinton, who was slimy, about Jimmy Carter, who was inept, about Richard Nixon, who was crooked? You may think he’s going to fail, yes. You may warn us he’s going to fail, yes. But do you ever ‘hope’ he fails? Knowing his failure is the country’s failure? Isn’t that, well…disloyal?
The irony is that Limbaugh and the other clowns would have you believe the are bedrock defenders of this country, that they love it more than the rest of us, more than anything. That’s a lie. Limbaugh just told us so, emphatically. It’s not the country they love, It’s the attention. Their perversion of conservatism is but a means toward that end. The country doesn’t matter. The "side" does. And Limbaugh’s side seems angry. It’s as if anger is all they really have.
If he (Obama) is successful, Limbaugh and the other clowns will face tough sledding in a radically different world. Small wonder he is so eager to strangle this presidency in its infancy. And need it even be said?
I hope he (Limbaugh) fails."
As far as ol’ Rush is concerned, failure is definitely an option, and I hope he accomplishes it. Ain’t nothing worse that some smug ass-hat who makes $10 million a year spouting sour grapes over a lost election. A good friend of mine once tried to downplay Limbaugh’s rhetoric by saying, "Oh, it’s just entertainment." If entertainment were all it amounted to, then fine, but the problem is too many people out there take this walking/talking bowel movement’s words as the Gospel Truth, and therein lies the danger. Too many people out there base their political opinions solely on the bilge that this windbag spews forth (and whatever Fox News Channel tells them to believe) without checking out other points of view first. I don’t even think Limbaugh truly believes half of the crap he says on his show—which basically amounts to runny post-KFC stool most of the time. He basically lives to stir up shit and draw attention to himself, no matter how outrageous he has to get.
As for all the sour grapes regarding Obama from all you conservatives, we put up with your guy for the last eight years and look what it got us—at least give the new guy a chance to succeed first before you start ripping on him.
"I hope he fails." —Rush Limbaugh
"Do you ever say that about your President if you are an American who loves your country? Would you say it about George W. Bush, who was disastrous, about Bill Clinton, who was slimy, about Jimmy Carter, who was inept, about Richard Nixon, who was crooked? You may think he’s going to fail, yes. You may warn us he’s going to fail, yes. But do you ever ‘hope’ he fails? Knowing his failure is the country’s failure? Isn’t that, well…disloyal?
The irony is that Limbaugh and the other clowns would have you believe the are bedrock defenders of this country, that they love it more than the rest of us, more than anything. That’s a lie. Limbaugh just told us so, emphatically. It’s not the country they love, It’s the attention. Their perversion of conservatism is but a means toward that end. The country doesn’t matter. The "side" does. And Limbaugh’s side seems angry. It’s as if anger is all they really have.
If he (Obama) is successful, Limbaugh and the other clowns will face tough sledding in a radically different world. Small wonder he is so eager to strangle this presidency in its infancy. And need it even be said?
I hope he (Limbaugh) fails."
As far as ol’ Rush is concerned, failure is definitely an option, and I hope he accomplishes it. Ain’t nothing worse that some smug ass-hat who makes $10 million a year spouting sour grapes over a lost election. A good friend of mine once tried to downplay Limbaugh’s rhetoric by saying, "Oh, it’s just entertainment." If entertainment were all it amounted to, then fine, but the problem is too many people out there take this walking/talking bowel movement’s words as the Gospel Truth, and therein lies the danger. Too many people out there base their political opinions solely on the bilge that this windbag spews forth (and whatever Fox News Channel tells them to believe) without checking out other points of view first. I don’t even think Limbaugh truly believes half of the crap he says on his show—which basically amounts to runny post-KFC stool most of the time. He basically lives to stir up shit and draw attention to himself, no matter how outrageous he has to get.
As for all the sour grapes regarding Obama from all you conservatives, we put up with your guy for the last eight years and look what it got us—at least give the new guy a chance to succeed first before you start ripping on him.
Monday, January 26, 2009
More movie clichés
I was cleaning out some old e-mails on the computer this weekend, and came across a couple things I'd sent out a long time ago featuring stuff I'd found on the 'net about the movies, which fits right in with my current Overused TV/Movie clichés feature. I didn't write any of this, but it's quite humorous...
15 Things We Wouldn't Know If It Weren't For The Movies
1) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
3) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5) If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their sexiest underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long
7) If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't.
8) Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: Enter Password Now.
9) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit.
10) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
12) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13) If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
15) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other!
And it seems there's plenty more where those first 15 came from...
15 Things We Wouldn't Know If It Weren't For The Movies
1) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
3) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5) If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their sexiest underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long
7) If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't.
8) Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: Enter Password Now.
9) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit.
10) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
12) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13) If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
15) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other!
And it seems there's plenty more where those first 15 came from...
- When a car runs into another and there's a front end collision, they both explode! How many cars have you seen explode from this? Or when a car goes over a cliff, it will ALWAYS explode...
- When a baby is born, it's soooooooo obvious that it's not a newborn, but at least a two-year-old.
- Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they're going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible.
- Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.
- When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper.
- A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.
- Anytime a character in an awful rush confronts another character curious about his predicament, the first one says, "There's no time to explain," and then explains anyway.
- If you're watching TV and "flip" onto any movie made pre-1940, you don't have more than a five minute wait before hearing the line, "Say, what's the big idea?!?" [Or "Let's get outta here!"]
- The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.
- A candle or table lamp can light a whole room.
- At nighttime, it is blue.
- If you are in a film, it is easy for you to master the skill of controlling any vehicle you need, like landing a plane, for example.
- Everybody when needing a computer can type super-fast and never need to hit the space bar!
- Computers never freeze or crash, unlike in the real world.
- They have super-duper graphics programs which can zoom into blurs in fotos to make them super-clear!
- The world is full of startlingly good-looking people.
- In space, it turns out people can hear you scream, ships explode, planets combust, etc...
- The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music.
- The moonlight will light up any room as though it were a 70-watt light bulb, and no one seems to own curtains/blinds or at least don't close them when they go to bed.
- Text appearing on a computer monitor appears letter by letter and making a sound as if it was produced by a typewriter.
- Computer mice don't seem to exist. People just type and all the windows they need appear and disappear and they manage to find plans of buildings and top secret things in a heartbeat.
- When someone uses a TV remote it makes a clicking sound that is impossible to replicate by existing remotes.
- Scientists always wear 70s clothes, and when called upon in meetings, stand up and say some stupid complicated explanation that no one understands, followed by the chief who paraphrases them by a pithy cliché, "So what you're saying is we're screwed?" "Um, yes..."
- Cats always make a noise. If someone is creeping into a house and is momentarily scared by a cat, it ALWAYS has to meow before running off.
- At a beach, nightclub or party scene, the record or band that's playing is rarely anything you've ever heard in the charts. In the sixties, people apparently only ever listened to twangy instrumentals from tiny transistor radios (which were still powerful enough for a dozen people to dance around to).
- Every gang of young people has to contain (a) a fat kid and (b) a geeky, bespectacled kid. The fat kid would grow up to play the "Fat Friend" usually portrayed by Jack Black or Chris Farley. These provide comic relief only, never having a girlfriend themselves. They exist only to make the hero look good.
- Americans always bring their "groceries" (shopping) back from the "market" (supermarket) in a brown paper bag with a baguette and stalk of celery sticking out of the top.
- Every necklace in the movies is a breakaway, so you can just yank once it comes off the person's neck.
- A woman being chased by a murderer will ALWAYS fall over—either because she's running in stilettos or is ridiculously clumsy.
- Serial killers never just die...they will remain still for ages so that the hero is fooled and walks right past them...at which point the killer grabs their ankle and then keeps fighting.
- It is possible to drive safely for long periods with your head turned completely away from the road ahead, whilst either in conversation or looking at a map.
- People brush their teeth BEFORE eating breakfast but not afterwards, at which point they run out the door with a piece of toast in their mouth.
- Aussie accents in American films always sound like a mix of Cockney, South African and New Zealander. And they say things like "Streuth!" and "Blimey!"
- The bad guy's sexy girl will try to seduce the good guy, then when that fails will beat him up using martial arts, whilst wearing skintight leather, lycra and stilettos.
- Women can never find their car keys whilst being pursued by a killer. Once they do find them, it takes them ages to fumble the keys into the ignition, giving the killer enough time to reach the car and pound on the window.
- Every bad guy knows how to tie really complicated knots...which somehow the good guy manages to untie.
- A person investigating strange noises in their house always finds that the lights don't work, then stumble around in the dark rather than getting a torch. At least one of the noises they hear will turn out to be made by a cat.
- Dogs always bark at ghosts.
- Vicious guard dogs can be easily distracted with a piece of steak.
- Mice can somehow fashion a perfectly semi-circular entrance to their dwelling.
- If a baddie is trapped in a cage with a gorilla towards the end of a light-hearted romp, the gorilla will take a sexual interest in the baddie.
- A small goat is capable of propelling a fully grown man through the air by butting him in the ass with its horns.
- Many animals, when they consume alcohol, will take on human drunken characteristics—usually to the sound of a trombone being played.
- When a cat eats a fish, it leaves the skeleton perfectly preserved and intact.
- If there is a telephone in the background or close by, it is GOING to be ringing. The person calling will usually be a bad guy, and now THEY KNOW YOU'RE THERE...or something else bad will happen because of that phone call.
- Any time a person is expecting a bad guy to jump out at them, often they'll sigh in relief when it's just the cat, or the wind, or a tree branch against the window. But as soon as they let their guard down and laugh at their "silliness," they're going to be attacked by the bad guy that really WAS there after all.
- In movies, when someone puts a baby down to bed, that baby coos and smiles, and then just goes right off to sleep. It's amazing…
- All high school students look like people in their mid-twenties, and can dance professionally.
- In the movies everyone seems to have L-shaped sheets on their beds able to cover a woman up to her neck and her partner up to his waist.
- Why if they have just spent the night together do they need to take a complete quilt and rap it round themselves before getting out of bed?
- Does anyone eat a meal? Food is set in front of someone, a conversation is had with others at the table and the food is cleared away or left without a bite being taken…
- I need the manufacturer of the make-up and hair products that can get me up in a morning looking like I did when I went to bed…
- Guns don't need to be cocked. But you do have to cock them after someone says a witty one-liner or when it sounds completely badass.
- Cars explode instantly from handgun fire.
- Being around a bomb causes time to slow down.
- Bad guys die instantly, good guys die slowly.
- All police investigations will require at least one visit to a strip club.
- You can jump from a tall building and land on mattresses, a pile of boxes, or a dumpster full of garbage and, though you might groan and be a little slow getting up, you will not sustain any serious injury.
- It's very easy to fool the security guards at highly top secret government institutions.
- It's very easy for a computer hacker to break a security code and find just the information he's looking for in less than a minute.
- If you're a criminal mastermind, you cannot just shoot the hero in the back, you have to tie him up and wait for some diabolical machine to finish the hero off and you can't wait around to make sure it works, which allows the hero a chance to escape, which he always does because apparently no bad guy ever got his knot-tying badge in the boy scouts.
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