The Crock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame

During a recent road trip to Cleve-Land (as Howard T. Duck pronounces it), I visited the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall Of Fame Museum, and was quite impressed. A little pricey at 20 bucks a ticket, but well worth the trip if you’re ever up that way. I only had a couple hours to spend there, but probably could’ve stayed all day and still not really seen everything. Plus, it was kinda cool to see my name among the inductees as part of the famed Holland-Dozier-Holland songwriting triumverate. I was pretty fucking brilliant for a 1-year-old, writing all those Motown songs and all. I really do wish they’d start sending me those royalty checks, though…

All kidding aside, and as cool as the museum is, I have some MAJOR issues with some of the inductees thereof. This is one subject that will elicit a very passionate argument from me--who belongs in the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame, as well as who DOESN’T. It’s pretty obvious that they don’t have true Rock ‘N’ Roll people running this thing, based on some of the people they consider to be worthy of induction, while totally overlooking many others who are most deserving.

Take Bonnie Raitt, for example: I have nothing against her—she’s a pretty good slide guitar player and a decent singer, but I’m having trouble grasping how big an impact she’s truly made on Rock ‘N’ Roll. And considering that her biggest hit "Thing Called Love" is a cover version of a song by John Hiatt (who I think DOES belong in the HOF), I’m not all that impressed with her credentials. I just don’t get this one, apart from maybe because they feel guilty for not having enough women in the Hall. If that’s the case, I have two words for them: Pat Benatar! And here’s another one: Heart! You could probably even make a case for Linda Ronstadt (we’ll forgive her for that Nelson Riddle album thing!). The Go-Go’s are eligible now too, come to think of it. Even Joan Jett would be a step in the right direction...

Another example: Elvis Costello. Yes, he was influential in the New Wave/ Punk scene in the late ‘70s, but I think he’s highly overrated. If he’s in the Hall, then surely Nick Lowe should be—he was even MORE influential in the New Wave/Punk thing, and he writes FAR better songs! And even though I love Ritchie Valens, I have to question his status here too—his career was far too brief, and I think his induction was based more on his potential than his true impact on Rock ‘N’ Roll. Based on that theory, then the late Jim Croce should have gotten in long ago…

The Sex Pistols?!? Bollocks, indeed!!! The Clash? Puh-leeze!!! Miles Davis?!? He was a freakin’ jazz player! I’m not even convinced that Blondie or The Pretenders truly deserve the Hall—at least not yet. Not while bands like Rush, The Moody Blues, Deep Purple, the Doobie Brothers (in spite of the Michael McDonald era), Bad Company, Chicago, Grand Funk Railroad (we want the Funk!), Alice Cooper and many more are still waiting for induction. And why in blue blazes isn’t Van Halen there yet? They’ve been eligible for at least three years and (in spite of their current inner turmoil) should have gone in on the first ballot! After all, U2 got voted in the nanosecond they were eligible, didn't they?

While I’m at it, I will strongly campaign for the most underrated band in the world--Paul Revere & The Raiders--to make the Hall. Sadly, no one takes them seriously because they were considered to be a novelty act with their TV shows and all (Revere’s current nostalgia act in Branson doesn’t help change that perception, either), but these guys could rock with the best of them! They sold more records than The (Young) Rascals, could blow the Beach Boys off ANY stage and were light years better than the Lovin’ Spoonful, yet they’re all in the Hall, and Da Raidas aren’t! Speaking of Spoonful, I think the Hall should have rescinded their membership after their gawdawful performance at the induction ceremony a few years back—it pays to rehearse, fellas!

And did you think I’d forgotten my favorite band of all, Kiss? Soitenly not! They’ve been the subject of much conjecture on this HOF thing, and members of the Kiss Army have ardently campaigned for their inclusion in the Hall, even though the band itself is pretty nonplussed about it all. My take is that Kiss deserves it for their music alone—I’d put their stuff up against Aerosmith’s and Queen’s best any day, and they’re both already in--but there’s NO denying the impact Kiss has had on pop culture, not to mention the way concerts (not just Rock) are staged today. Look how all that has transcended into other entertainment venues--sports pre-game shows, opening/closing ceremonies at the Olympics (Kiss was actually IN one of these), Super Bowl halftimes and even Garth Brooks or Shania Twain concerts--and you can clearly see Kiss’ influence. People love a show, and Kiss knew that long before everyone else did.

Hell, the bleepin’ Bee Gees are in the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame, and they aren’t even Rock! Meantime, I read somewhere that the Moody Blues have like zero chance of getting in--in spite of their vast body of work—and aren’t even being considered for the HOF. Poffeycock!!

Maybe one day the powers-that-be at the R‘N’R HOF will get it right, but then again, these are the same people who had Ricky Martin butchering Ritchie Valens’ songs at his induction ceremony, so I’m not holding my breath…