Yadda x 3

POWERBALL
Seems this elderly couple in St. Louis bagged the $240 some-odd-million Powerball jackpot last weekend.  Is it just me, or don’t it seem like nine times out of ten, those big gi-normous jackpots are always won by these old people who probably won’t live long enough to enjoy the money, anyway?  Oh well, I do hope they enjoy the 30 bucks I contributed to their cause over the last couple weeks…

I’M NOT A GUITAR PLAYER, BUT I PLAY ONE ON T.V.
Does anyone know who the hell this guitar-hawking Esteban schlub is?  I consider myself to be fairly knowledgeable about music people, but I’ve never heard of the guy outside of these silly late-night infomercials where they puff him up to be the second coming of Eric Clapton.  Is the Big E really world famous, or are they bullshitting us?  By the way, if it takes someone half an hour to convince me to buy something, they’re shit outta luck, anyway…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #3
"At The Hop"—DANNY & THE JUNIORS (1957) "When the record stops spinnin’, you Calypso when you chicken at the hop…" sounded to me like "you can listen with your chicken."  Neither lyric makes a whole lotta sense!

B. SIMPSON WOULD BE PROUD
Some ESPN guy on the radio the other morning said that Shaquille O’Neal sat out the previous night’s Miami Heat game with a "calf issue".  I just have to ask:  Did he have a cow, man?  (Place rim shot here!)

GLOBAL WARMING, MY ASS!
I awoke to single-digit wind chills here this morning when I went out to start my car.  Therefore, Al Gore and his believers can all go get stuffed!  It’s colder than a well digger’s butt—and now we have a little snow too, so we can conduct the Iditarod right here in K.C.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME…
…what the hell we need TVs for in fast food dining areas?  I mean, come on—is the collective attention span in this country THAT short now?  I understand having TVs in bars, airports, doctor's waiting rooms—anywhere you'll be for an extended time—but at McDonald’s?!?  And worse yet, why do they waste a perfectly good 52" plasma TV there?  That’s like putting chrome hub caps on a riding lawn mower.  Any why is said TV seemingly always tuned to Fox News Channel?  What a waste of technology…