Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Good answers

Questionnaire:  "How do you normally meet single women?"
Me:  "Very infrequently."

Judd Hirsch:  "You’re an outpatient at Riverdale Mental Hospital?"

Richard Mulligan:  "At times."

Sigmund Freud:  "Are you paranoid?"

Jimmy Carter:  "No, I’m a Baptist."
(Old comedy bit from the ‘70s)

Fred Scuttle:  "Give me two pronouns."

Bob Todd:  "Who, me?"
("Benny Hill Show")

Lt. Dan:  "Gump, have you found Jesus?"

Forrest Gump:  "Was I ‘spose to look for him?"
(Forrest Gump)

Quiz question:  "What was Louis XIV responsible for?"

Skyler Fishhawk:  "Louis XV."
(Shoe comic strip.)

Edith Bunker:  "Not now, Archie, I ain’t in the mood."

Archie Bunker:  "FOR WHAT?"
("All In The Family")

Bill Cosby:  "Why did you and your wife have five children?"

"Because we did not want six."

Hawkeye Pierce:  "Who gets an ‘A’ in fidelity?"
B.J. Hunnicutt:  "RCA-Victor."

Junior High metal shop quiz question:  "What device is used to create a grooved-seam?"

My longtime friend John Jefferies:  "A seamstress."

Quiz question:  "Name the five senses."

Skyler Fishhawk:  "Sight, smell, touch, horse and common."
(Shoe comic strip.)

Benny Hill:  "What kind of man marries another man?"

"A vicar."
("Benny Hill Show")

Charles Bronson:  "Do you believe in Jesus?"
Terrified criminal with gun pointed at him:  "Yes."
Charles Bronson:  "You're gonna meet him..."
(Death Wish II)

Mary the housekeeper:  "Do you like boiled mutton?"

Fred Sanford:  "Does anybody?"
("Sanford And Son")

Quiz question:  "Who said that the treatment of the American Indian is a national disgrace?"

Archie Bunker:  "Geronimo?"
("All In The Family")

Mrs. Yogi Berra:  "I saw ‘Dr. Zhivago’ yesterday."

Yogi Berra:  "Geez, what’s the matter with you this time?"

Girl:  "I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party..."

Guy:  "Blow it out your ear, 'cause you work at Hardee's!"
("Instant Club Mix", Dead Milkmen song)

J.T. Walsh:  "What does three up and three down mean to you?"

Robin Williams:  "End of an inning."
(Good Morning, Vietnam)

Henry McGee:  "How long has it been?"
Fred Scuttle:  "Different lengths at different times, sir."
("Benny Hill Show")

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