Saturday, February 3, 2007

Shark Jumping 103

Time for another installment of the Best of, and this time I feature "The Cosby Show".  Keep in mind, these are comments submitted by various people, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of yours trulywell, MOST of them actually do, but not all...

—The overuse of that chubby white kid that was always over there and never said a word…

—The constant parade of elderly jazzmen cast as Cliff Huxtable’s relatives.  Did you ever see that parody on “The Simpsons”?  “Meet your new Grandpa—he’s a great jazz musician!”  “But we have three Grampas, already!”

The actress who played Sondra was far too pretty for the part.  They should have used a dorkier person with thick glasses or something.

—Definitely when Olivia joined the cast.  Is she the love child of Cousin Oliver from “The Brady Bunch” and Dee from “What’s Happening!”?

—Elvin was without as doubt the biggest pussy in the history of television.  I think he went on to play one of the Teletubbies…nah, even they’re too manly for him!

—Before Cuba Gooding, Jr. even became Jordy on ‘Star Trek’…there was Elvin.  If ever there was proof of The Man’s endless efforts to oppress people of color, Elvin was it.  This guy (and I use that term generously) made Urkel look like Schwarzenegger.

I was just waiting for Nelson Mandela to guest star as Cliff’s high school track coach.  Hell, who knows?  Maybe he did and I missed it.

—Grandpa—who seemed as light in the loafers as Elvin…

—The only facial expression she (Olivia) knows is that silicon-fake smile, which she turns on and off like a flaky Christmas light.

—How about the episode where Rudy took the $2.30 that Claire had left on the counter, and Claire proceeded to tear the house apart looking for it?  Come on, she’s a lawyer for Christ’s sake, married to a doctor, living in a million dollar brownstone in Brooklyn Heights, and she’s really gonna be that upset about losing $2.30?  Rudy could have found that money between the couch cushions!

—Does anyone remember the friend of Vanessa’s that talked really fast?  She used to drive me up the wall!!!  I swore that girl must be on crack!!

—What the heck was up with Vanessa’s hair (asymmetrical bush)…in what lifetime was that fashionable?  I am sure there is an unemployable hair/make-up person somewhere regretting the day that ‘do was done.

—As time goes on, “The Cosby Show” increasingly reeks from the same blandness and patness as “The Brady Bunch”.  Take race out of the equation and they are practically interchangeable.

And why was Olivia always dressed like a small circus performer?

—When Vanessa’s hair started to resemble that godawful wig Jan Brady tried sporting to differentiate herself from Marcia.

—When Theo went from being as smart as a thumbtack to being a Rhodes Scholar…When Vanessa started looking liked Weird Harold from the Cosby cartoons of the ‘70s…When Rudy’s mustache finally came in thicker than Theo’s…WAY TOO much of that damn son-in-law Elvin—that guy was way too light in the loafers and made me ashamed to be a man.

—First, Lisa Bonet becomes this walking freak show in a house full of conservative dressers (and she married a nerd—yeah, right!).  The older one’s husband whines more than Marge Simpson.  And don’t even get me started about Raven-Symone, the no-talent gnome.

—I think the show jumped the shark when I realized Rudy Huxtable had a thicker mustache than my dad.

—Denise (when she returned with the husband and Olivia) looked like she needed a good bath.  I think I could smell her through the TV.

—When comedians stop being funny and start being politically correct and opinionated, we all suffer.

—…later into the show, is it me or was everyone either paying tribute to a dead or near-death jazz musician, wearing a turban and African jewelry, or otherwise highlighting something or someone as though every month were Black History Month?

—Some of those sweaters Bill used to wear looked like some varmint puked on them.