Dis, dat and da other...

WELL, SO MUCH FOR THAT…
It appears the Van Halen reunion tour is already about as dead as Bobcat Goldthwait’s career.  David Lee Roth, being uncharacteristically diplomatic, said, "We have fragile politics in Van Halen.  Please accept that as a partial answer," following this week’s announcement of the tour being cancelled.  To wit, he and Eddie are already at each other’s throats.  Evidently, they barely even got through one rehearsal for the tour, which comes as no great shock.  I’m glad to see this tour won’t happen now because based on Dave’s megalomaniacal tendencies and Eddie’s instability/unreliability, this thing would have seriously trashed the band’s already-tarnished legacy even further.  Word has it that everyone who was ever a member of Van Halen except Gary Cherone WILL attend the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame ceremony a week from Monday, but the Van Halens (Ed, Al, and Wolfie) are reserving their own table, so Diamond Dave, Sammy and Mikey are on their own, I guess.  Velvet Revolver has been drafted to play their songs for the show, too.  Better yet, why not just play some concert footage from back in the day when it was real?  It would do the band's legacy more justice than seeing Slash and that dumbass druggie from Stone Temple Pilots playing their stuff...

DON’T NEED A WEATHERMAN TO KNOW WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS…
Lock up your daughters—Sir Rant-A-Lot's on the loose again!

I stumbled across Al Roker (quite possibly the whitest Black man in North America) on the tube this morning doing his "Today Show" shtick from the site of yesterday’s devastating tornadoes in Alabama.  First off, Al Roker is to meteorology what Chevy Chase was to talk show hosting, and secondly, ain’t it just a tad tacky that amongst all the destruction and sadness, he’s standing there telling the rest of the country what the weather’s going to do in Walla Walla?

It pisses me off when TV news and weather people use the scene of a tragedy as the stage for their shows.  I first noticed this phenomenon in the aftermath of the San Francisco earthquake in ’89 when Dan Rather sat behind a desk parked right in front of a collapsed Oakland freeway (probably still full of dead people) and I found it to be completely tasteless.  All the major networks are guilty of doing this following Hurricane Katrina too.  Reporting live from the scene about the tragedy itself is one thing—I have no problem with that—but it’s another thing entirely to use that scene as the backdrop for reporting the rest of the day’s news and/or weather, as if being there somehow magically enhances your credibility.  Local stations use a similar lame tactic on the 10:00 news when they recap a story about some courtroom verdict with some schlub reporter standing outside the darkened courthouse that’s been closed for five hours.  So asinine!

Have I ever mentioned before that I have issues with today’s electronic news media?

DEVILS MAY CARE
Caught an interesting show on Animal Planet the other night all about Tazmanian Devils, and was shocked to learn that they don’t look anything like this guy…They’re actually over-sized ferrets and are a hundred times meaner than some pit bull dogs. They may look cute, but don’t be fooled by appearances… IF I HAD A DOLLAR…
…for every time I turned on my radio and a Boston song was playing, I swear I could retire!  It drives me nuts how often that band gets played on Classic Rock radio.  People think I’m making this up, but it’s astounding how often I’ll tune in one of our two Classic Rock stations here in K.C., and there’s a Boston song already playing, or one comes along within the next 5-10 minutes.  Don’t get me wrong:  I don’t dislike Boston—or at least I didn’t before they got played to death on the radio.  As I mentioned before in my Best Debut Album list, Boston was a VERY good band, and could have been as big as Led Zeppelin if they hadn’t gotten mired in internal strife, perfectionism (eight years to make their third album?!?) and egos and all.  But jeez Louise, for a band that only had two albums and change worth of good material, they get way too much airplay in my opinion.  Shit, Zeppelin and The Who combined don’t get near as many spins as "More Than A Feeling" does.  And I could leave the damn radio on all day and not hear one solitary Kiss song, too. So here’s a desperate plea from yours truly to all you radio station programmers out there:  I’m begging you—stop the madness!!!  Or, better yet, just start giving me those dollars every time you play Boston and I’ll shut up...

JUST KILL ME NOW...
I read today that someone is thinking of making a TV series based on these lame Geico Insurance TV ads with the caveman!  It figures.  First, they ran the talking gecko into the ground (he used to be funny), and now they're milking this sorry-ass caveman bit (which was never funny) for all it's worth.  I think Jed Clampett summed it up best, "Pitiful...Pity-Ful!"  By the way, Geico sucks anyway—their rates aren’t any lower than Allstate, State Farm, MetLife, et al, and their sales tactics are real high-pressure too.  Avoid them just like you would avoid a Rick Astley CD!

In a similar development, it seems that actor John Ratzenberger, aka Cliff Claven on "Cheers", will soon be appearing on "Dancing With The Has-Beens—er uh, Stars". I'm not Jewish, but here's a hearty "Oy, Vey!" anyway...

Have I ever mentioned how much I abhor, despise, loathe and just plain HATE "reality" TV shows?  I much prefer canker sores over them...