It's Salisbury Steak day!

Well, surely it is at SOME elementary school out there, one would think...

SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH
Your Vice-President poked fun at Dubya’s relationship with the White House press corps last week. "Funny Man Dick" said, "The president is really sorry he couldn’t be here tonight, but he had other obligations…his book club is meeting." [Place rim shot here] Don’t quit your day job, Dickie—I have no doubt that just like Swingin' Steven Hauk in Good Morning, Vietnam, you have avowed, "In my heart, I know I'm funny," but trust me, Dick, I know funny, and you ain't it!  On second thought, please DO quit your day job—we’d all be a lot better off for it.

And come to think of it, that book club story might be true—it took him five and a half years, but ol’ Dubya finally finished reading that book about the goat…

MR. POT, MEET MR. KETTLE—YOU’RE BLACK!
Speaking of your President, Dubya was bitching up a storm yesterday over House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s visit to Syria, calling it a "photo-op".  That may or may not be true, but you sure are one to talk, Mr. "Heckuva job, Brownie"…

CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #23
"Roxanne"—THE POLICE (1979) "You don’t have to put on the red light."  Another co-worker submission here—apparently her young son thought Sting was saying "You don’t have to stop at the red light."  Yes, kid, I’m afraid you do…

EBERT AND SIR RANT-A-LOT?
It was movie night at the ol' homestead here last night, and it wound up being a decent double-feature.  First off, I watched The Holiday starring Cameron Diaz and my girl Kate Winslet.  Not too bad for a chick flick, although the story was pretty implausible and I didn’t enjoy the storyline surrounding Diaz’s character half as much as Winslet’s.  For some reason, I have trouble getting into Cameron Diaz, even though she has gorgeous blue eyes—I know she’s everyone’s favorite movie hottie and all, but skinny blondes like her just don’t turn me on (apart from Renee Zellweger, that is, and even then, I like her better at her Bridget Jones size).  On the other hand, Kate Winslet is more my type, although I MUCH prefer her as a redhead.  Getting back to the film itself, I thought Jack Black was quite good here, playing a Chandler Bing-like character.  And thanks to this film, I now finally know what actor Eli Wallach looks like after years of him being nothing more than a crossword puzzle answer to me!

Part two of my double feature was Rocky Balboa, and I have to say the rumors are true—this was actually a good movie!  If you like the Rocky film series at all, you’ll love this one.  True, Rocky V sucked (anything involving that mongoloid Tommy Morrison is doomed to suck), and I had my doubts going into this one too, but Sly Stallone managed to get it right this time.  All the Rocky detractors out there tend to forget that the scope of these films goes well beyond just boxing, and there’s more depth to the characters than Stallone is given credit for.  In the commentary on the DVD for the first movie, Talia Shire called Rocky and Adrian "these two discarded people" who found each other, and their story was still pretty interesting even if you took out the whole boxing aspect of it.  That’s what I liked about the new one—the story arc brought everything full circle and/or provided a fair sense of closure, with Rocky still grieving over Adrian’s death and dealing with the prospect of aging—rendering the fight scene almost irrelevant to me.  Two things I could have done without, though:  A) the guy who played Rocky’s son—he looks too much like Ben Affleck and not enough like the two other kids who played him in Rocky IV and V, and B) Jim Lampley—I’ve always hated that arrogant jagoff ever since he was a sideline reporter on ABC’s college football games back in the ‘70s.  One other thing:  Just once, wouldn't you have loved to see Rocky slam Paulie's nuts in a car door?  Anywhooo, this was not a bad flick at all, and a nice way for the Italian Stallion to officially "retire".

MY THOUGHTS ON THE KEITH RICHARDS THING...
...where he claims to have snorted his father's cremated ashes along with a little Cocaine. Didn't Keef hit his head really hard falling out of a tree not so long ago?  I think the boy is bullshitting us on this myself, but what still baffles me is why on earth he wears that fishing tackle in his hair.  Dare I say it again—drugs are bad, mmm-kay?