Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Your 411 on 4/11

No time for losers, and congrats to me for emerging victorious in my fantasy hockey league on Yahoo!  My mighty Johnstown Chiefs made a thrilling comeback in the league finals over the weekend to secure my fourth fantasy sports title in the last five years (two in football, one in baseball).  Special thanks to goaltender Niklas Backstrom of the Minnesota Wild for his stellar play and three shutouts in the last two weeks of the season, which wound up being the difference between me winning and losing.  We had no championship trophy for our league, but I do have a PCV valve that I never used on my old car—it looks kinda-sorta like a mini-Stanley Cup—so it’ll suffice as the makeshift Holland Cup!

This was also my first go-round as a league commissioner, and it went quite swimmingly.  True, I didn’t have the Pacman Joneses and Ron Artests of the world to deal with, but I still think I made a better commish than Bud Selig!

And now we can all kick back and watch the real deal, as the NHL playoffs begin tonight. Let the games begin, and GO DEVILS!

We now know who Anna Nicole Smith’s baby’s father is.  Can we now please lay this two-bit whore to rest once and for all?

…about all this Don Imus hoop-de-doo: It made everyone forget all about Anna Nicole…for about half a day, anyway.  Another cool thing about it:  I just love watching Imus (in the words of Louie DePalma), "squeal like an eel, and squirm like a worm!"  And, oh by the way, MSNBC announced today that they will no longer simulcast "Anus In the Morning" on the tee-vee.  So much for my insomnia cure—d'oh!

"Trouble Walkin’"—ACE FREHLEY (1989) "I am trouble walkin’."  When I first heard this, I thought Space Ace was singing, "I have trouble walking," which in his case, was especially true during the Kiss days trying to navigate around in those platforms.  He never quite mastered the Earth’s gravitational pull, and was known to wind up on his keester on-stage a time or two…

I couldn’t help but note the irony of the Cleveland Indians having to move their series with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (By Way of El Segundo) to Milwaukee’s Miller Park this week, being’s how Milwaukee was "home" to the Cleveland Indians in the film Major League.  Cleveland’s Municipal Stadium was a great old ballpark, but was apparently a lousy actor, so old County Stadium in Milwaukee—which was right next door to Miller Park—stood in for it.  Evidently, Cleveland’s current ballpark, Jacobs Field, couldn’t act either, since Baltimore’s Camden Yards starred in the sequel Major League 2.  So far so good for the current Tribe, as they won last night 7-6 in their "home away from home", and they didn’t even need Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger or the dude that played Pedro Cerrano who now lectures us in those dumbass Allstate commercials...

Speaking of Miller Park, it’s too bad that more corporate names on stadiums and arenas aren’t as simple as this one, or say Wrigley Field, Philips Arena or Busch Stadium.  Those at least still sound like they were named after a person, unlike these ludicrous monikers like M&T Bank Stadium, National Car Rental Center and Quicken Loans Arena.  Even Target Center, United Center, Qwest Field and our new Sprint Center don’t sound nearly as heinous as crap like Networks Associates Coliseum.  And you know it's only a matter of time before they name some poor stadium after a law firm—can't you just picture "Dewey, Cheatem & Howe Park"?

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