Sunday, May 27, 2007

I know you are, but what am I?

I’ve been reading a lot lately in the papers and on the Internet about who’s who and what’s what in terms of politics, and I’m desperately trying to find my own place in all of this.  I’m so sick of reading “Liberals would have you believe…” in columns written by the likes of Malkin, Goldberg, Hannity, et al, and “Conservatives would have you believe…” columns written by Franken, Gore, et al, and all the “Hooray for OUR side,” histrionics, thereof.  Thus, I’m asking for YOUR help, gentle readers.  I know I’m definitely NOT a conservative—but I’m not so sure I’m a full-blown liberal, either.  So, YOU be the judge (especially those of you who know me fairly well)—YOU tell me what the fuck I am, based on the following…

I am conservative in that I:
don’t believe in government handouts…
—don’t quite believe in everything the ACLU stands for, especially standing up for the rights of human turds like the Rev. Fred Phelps and all the vitriolic hatred that man tries to spread, nor do I think that all the serial killers should go free, as per what some factions of the ACLU might say…
—don’t approve of “affirmative action” hiring practices (having been denied a job I really wanted once because of it)…
—don’t believe in this whole “Global Warming” shtick that Al Gore is trying to promote, nor am I buying any of this fashionable “going green” crappola…
—would like to see a tad more modesty in terms of women's fashions, and can do without tattoos and body piercings (other than ears)…

—am tired of Hollywood-types like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Madonna, et al, adopting foreign children because it's so en vogue to do so…
—feel that Al Franken is just as big an idiot as Rush Limbaugh is.  Ditto for Rosie O’Donnell…
—don’t approve of out-of-wedlock births…

—am in favor of the death penalty…
—am not all that crazy about interracial marriage/relationships…

—am resistant to change, i.e., I don't own a cell phone…
—think Tom Cruise and all the Scientologists are nut-jobs…

I am liberal in that I:
—take things on a case-by-case basis, instead of stating an opinion simply because “that's what my side dictates"…
—think that the Bush Administration is a total fucking joke…
—am totally willing to admit a mistake when I make or say one…
—hate Fox News Channel, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, et al, with a passion...

—hate the “Religious Right” and the oppression it stands for…
—don’t believe that Jewish people control all the money in the world…
—am okay with gay people and their right to exist in our country and do whatever they want behind closed doors (just don't do it in front of me, okay?)…

--believe in religious freedom and especially the right to choose NOT to be religious…
—could really do without the NRA…
—don’t believe that Ronald Reagan was the be-all/end-all President of our generation...
—don’t believe in government censorship of music (i.e., Tipper Gore and the dreaded P.M.R.C.)…
—believe the Electoral College should be abolished…
—am pro-choice…


Your thoughts will be most appreciated and duly noted...

2 comments:

Yankee Biz said...

To me, you appear to be a Liberal with common sense. You're issues seem mostly left-wing, but you aren't sold hook line and sinker. You seem as though you just don't like the pompous fronting of the liberal media and cultural elite. Global warming, affirmative action, hollywood jargon...that's all blow-hard excess from the left that you could do without. That's my view of you.

Brian Holland said...

Wow, and to think I can't stand the Yankees! But, I DO appreciate your appraisal because I think you nailed it--I'm not buying all the "blow-hard excess" from the cultural elite, even though I do lean more to the left than the right. That's why I've never been all that comfortable with the "liberal" label. Muchos gracias for the commentary...