AND AWAY WE GO!
Ahhh, finally—NFL games that count again! Although the football purist in me prefers that the regular season begin on a Sunday, it still feels good that the wait is over and we're finally playing for keeps again. Some things never change, either, as Peyton Manning has already connected with Marvin Harrison for a TD in tonight's game in Indy.
It was very cool to see the sea of people in downtown Indianapolis before the game tonight too, as Kelly Clarkson performed (she's cuter than I intially realized). For those of you who've never been there, Indy is a great town with a very underrated downtown area. Victory Field is one of the better parks in Minor League baseball, Conseco Fieldhouse is a great new "retro" indoor arena, and the Colts' new joint, Lucas Oil Field (Oil Field—get it?), opens next year with its retractable roof and all, and it could conceivably host the first outdoor NCAA Final Four basketball tournament someday. And oh yeah, there's this famous race track in town too—there's much more to Indiana than just John Cougar Summercamp.
THIS IS OUR SELLOUT...
Speaking of Mr. Cougar, Mellencamp also performed in tonight's pregame ceremony. As I type (early in the second quarter), we're already on the third playing of Mellencamp's "This Is Our Country" Chevrolet commercial. I've always despised this hick Springsteen wanna-be, but the ONE thing I always respected him for was his refusal to accept corporate sponsorship for his concert tours (not unlike fellow hard-ass Neil Young). Until last year, that is, when Big John started shilling for Chevy. Douche-bag...
[Update: We're now on the fourth spin of "This Is Our Country" already, and we're still early in the 2nd quarter. Ain't that America, indeed...]
PLAY THE GAME
As the other "Big John" babbles away during the game, I'd like to once again promote my own little invention, the patented John Madden Drinking Game. It's so damn simple, even Madden himself could successfully play! During any football telecast that Big John presides over, simply do the following with your favorite alcoholic beverage whenever Madden:
—Utters the phrase "those types of things" or "those kinds of things" or makes a totally non-sensical remark—take one drink.
—Overstates the blatantly obvious—take two drinks. [Example: "When the referee throws that yellow flag, that means he's going to call a penalty."]
—Starts talking about spit, slobber, sweat, blood, drool, vomit, pus, or any other bodily fluids when describing a given play or player—take three drinks.
—Glowingly praises Brett Favre for anything (regardless of whether the Packers are actually playing in the game you're watching or not)—take four drinks.
—Draws crappy pictures on the telestrator—take five drinks.
If you play properly, you'll be sloshed by halftime—just please don't drive anything other than a golf ball afterwards!
HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN...
Totally different topic here, but my dear friend Tom seemed a tad distraught when he sent me the link to the latest Paul McCartney song/video. His e-mail was titled "OMG", and in his text, he wrote "this is CRAP". Hate to say it, but I'm afraid he's absolutely right. While this one isn't quite as heinous as "Ebony And Ivory", "Say, Say, Say" or "No More Horny—er uh—Lonely Nights", one wishes that "Nod Your Head" did not come from an ex-Beatle...