Pittsburgh Steelers back-up safety Anthony Smith personally guaranteed the Steelers would beat New England yesterday. Final score: Patriots 34, Steelers 13. This is why I generally don't approve of trash-talking—most of the time you wind up looking foolish in the end. However, I do have a new piece of strategy for the teams who play the Patriots the rest of this season: guarantee that you're going lose to New England! Hell, a little reverse psychology might just work...
SOMETIMES BAD IS BAD
Yesterday's performance by the Kansas City Chefs in Denver was quite possibly their most sorry-ass game in the last 20 years, a 41-7 debacle during which the offense gained a whole 48 feet (16 yards) rushing and the defense pretty much phoned it in. I knew K.C. wasn't going to be a contender this year, especially after they basically wasted training camp and the preseason, but I at least expected a team that played hard and competed. I'm still willing to give head coach Herm Edwards the benefit of the doubt and give him time to shape the team in his image, but it's time for general manager Carl Peterson to step aside and let someone else run the show and bring in some better talent. This team hasn't looked this pathetic since the Frank Gansz era in the late '80s.
IF YOU CAN'T FIND A PARTNER, USE A WOODEN CHAIR...
Good advice for Michael Vick over the next 23 months, since that's what the judge gave Mr. Bad Newz today for his dog-fighting enterprise. That's more than I was expecting he'd get, and no doubt a lot more than all the Vick apologists/sycophants hoped he'd get. And before said sycophants play the race card here, I'll say it again: I'd feel the same way about this if it were Brett Favre or Peyton Manning who was accused of this crap—rot in jail, asshole! Meantime, I sure hope Mikey remembered to pack his K-Y Jelly, because he's going to be somebody's little puppy in the clink. Sorry, bad pun...
ANOTHER PERSON I CAN REALLY DO WITHOUT...
Add to my ever-growing list that precocious little girl with the elephant on the DLP plasma TV ads. Not sure why, but I find her more than just a tad irritating...
JOHN INMAN, 1935-2007
News travels a little slow sometimes even in this day and age, as I just learned over the weekend of the passing of British actor/comedian John Inman way back in March of this year. Inman played junior menswear clerk Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries on the '70s BBC sitcom "Are You Being Served?" AYBS is a cult favorite, and I latched on to the show about 12 years ago on PBS (when Wendy Richard's dynamite legs caught my eye), and Mr. Humphries was clearly the focal point of the show with his campy over-the-top character, mincing steps, homosexual overtones and trademark "I'm free!" catchphrase. Although it was always implied that Mr. Humphries was gay, he never actually outed himself on the show—in the same way that we never actually saw Vera on "Cheers" or Maris on "Frasier"—and John Inman was a total hoot. If I may paraphrase Mr. Humphries himself: Now he's truly free! A belated R.I.P., John—you were one funny little dude...SEPARATED AT BIRTH?
In this corner, I give you Former U. of Missouri basketball coach "Stormin'" Norman Stewart...
...and in this corner, we have little Jackie Wright from "The Benny Hill Show"!
ICE, ICE BABY
Impending doom is apparently on its way to Kansas City, as another ice storm approacheth. First off, I'd like to recite my annual Winter refrain: Global Warming, my ass! Second off, there's a distinct possibility that I might incur a power outage here at the ol' homestead and not be able to finish what I
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