DID YOUR MOTHER MAKE YOU WEAR THAT SHIRT?
Unfortunately, yes, she did! I was foraging through my personal archives today, and unearthed this little gem—my First Grade school photo from Blue Ridge Elementary, circa. Fall, 1970. How 'bout those baby blues, huh? And where the hell did those Opie-esque freckles come from?
Funny story behind this photo—I had to have my pic taken a few weeks after the rest of the class had theirs done because on the night before the scheduled class photo day, I just had to do my Evel Knievel impersonation by attempting to pop a wheelie on my mighty Sears bicycle, which resulted in me crashing into our neighbor's driveway, knocking myself out cold and rendering yours truly with a rather unsightly fat lip! Meantime, I hated that bloody shirt then and I loathe it exponentially more now. At least my ugly-ass Sears Toughskins pants ain't visible here...
A BLESSING IN DISGUISE
I had to drop 500 semolians this week to repair my furnace, which just up and quit overnight when it got down to four degrees in the great outdoors the other night. Seems that it was internally overheating because my condenser coil was dirty and clogged with all manner of crap, which prohibited proper airflow and triggered an automatic shut-off switch. The blessing part came when the repairman detected how rusted-out the pipe leading from the furnace to my roof exhaust pipe was. This is where carbon monoxide builds up and is transported out, and if it had started leaking out into my crawl space and drifted upstairs through the vents, yours truly would no longer need a furnace, so the 500 bucks was a small price to pay to correct this potentially lethal situation. I lost a friend to carbon monoxide poisioning 13 years ago this month, so this really hit home with me. Special thanks to the "heating man from A.B. May", as their local TV ad jingles say.
HE WASN'T A HOMOSEXUAL—HE JUST PLAYED ONE IN A MOVIE!
The way some morons are reacting to actor Heath Ledger's untimely death, you'd think he was indeed gay, never mind that he dated his female co-star from Brokeback Mountain and fathered a child with her. Uhhh, Tom Hanks played a gay man in Philadelphia, yet no one considers him to be gay, do they? The late John Ritter's character pretended to be gay on "Three's Company", but everyone knew he was straight, right? Well, none of that stopped Fox News radio host John Gibson from taking pot shots at Ledger by using the line where Ledger's Brokeback character said, "I wish I knew how to quit you," to which Gibson tastelessly replied, "Well, he found out how to quit you!" Gibson later offered a predictably half-assed and totally insincere apology that no one—least of all me—is buying. Then again, what else should one expect from some douche connected with Faux News Channel?
And to the surprise of absolutely no one, the merry band of walking/talking human feces known as Rev. Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Church plans to protest at Ledger's funeral. It figures. I hope the funeral is held in Ledger's native Australia so these fuckers will have to pay through the nose to get there.
THE NEW YORK TIMES' EFFECT ON MAN?
The New York Times ripped on former mayor and current flagging Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani pretty good this week with an editorial that endorsed John McCain, saying "The Rudolph Giuliani of 2008 first shamelessly turned the horror of 9/11 into a lucrative business, with a secret client list, then exploited his city's and the country's nightmare to promote his presidential campaign." Pretty strong words, yes, but let's not forget that even though ol' Rudy handled the 9/11 tragedy about as well as anyone could under the circumstances, prior to all that, he was a VERY unpopular mayor, and some New Yawkers wanted his head on a platter. He'll be dropping out of the race any minute now...
A LITTLE SLOW ON THE UPTAKE, HERE...
It took me well over 30 years to make this connection, but the game Gnip-Gnop is "Ping-Pong" spelled backwards! Hell, I bet Forrest Gump even figured that out before I did...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #68
"China Grove"—THE DOOBIE BROTHERS (1973) This song seems to have bamboozled everyone for decades. I've seen two different interpretations here: "When the gossip gets to flying, they a-lign when the sun goes fallin' down..." and "When the gossip gets to flying, they ain't lying..." Anybody know which one's correct?
CLASSIC OLD-SCHOOL TV COMMERCIAL #3
All hail the mighty Milton Bradley!