Just a few odds and ends today...
MYRON COPE, 1928-2007
During a long road trip in 1992 while cruising the Pennsylvania Turnpike en route to Philadelphia on a beautiful Fall Sunday afternoon, I dialed up the Pittsburgh Steelers game on the radio. At the time, I was totally unfamiliar with this strange announcer dude they had who sounded like the late Larry "Bud" Melman (on steroids), but I came to learn later on that this guy was a Steel City legend, one Myron Cope. Unlike their baseball brethren, football radio announcers aren't quite as well-known since they only play once a week and all the games are on TV anyway, but Mr. Cope was an exception to that rule—this guy was as popular in Pittsburgh as Terry Bradshaw, Willie Stargell and Mario Lemieux, and he passed away today at age 79. Also known for creating the Steelers' dreaded "Terrible Towel", Cope had his own unique lexicon of phrases—"Yoi!", "Okel-Dokel" and "Double Yoi!", for example—and he had the longest continuous tenure with the same team (1970-2004) of any broadcaster in NFL history. Rest in peace, Myron, ya crazy mutha!
IS NOTHING SACRED?
The Chicago Cubs' top brass are now saying they haven't ruled out selling the naming rights to Wrigley Field. First off, if they think I'm going to call the Friendly Confines anything else besides Wrigley Field (or Friendly Confines), they're nuckin' futs. Second off, isn't "Wrigley Field" already a corporate moniker?
OHHH OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR...
In case you're wondering why I had no commentary on the Academy Awards, I have to confess that I slept through most of the broadcast Sunday night. I lasted about 20 minutes into the show before Morpheus went to work on me. I got tired of looking at George Clooney every other minute anyway. Just a couple brief thoughts—Jon Stewart is totally out of his element as host here. Might I suggest bringing back Billy Crystal?...I could really have done without the big tattoo on the shoulder of that Diablo chick that won for Juno...Can we please make it a rule that heterosexual men over the age of 50 who aren't Rock stars should not be allowed to wear earrings? This goes for you, Harrison Ford and Daniel Day-Lewis!...Apparently I missed my girl Renee Zellweger presenting an award while I was snoozing—d'oh!...Of all the flicks that won awards, La Vie En Rose looks to be the most interesting. I read the bio on the late Edith Piaf, and her life story was one big soap opera, so the movie might be well worth a look, even with French—I'm sorry, Freedom—subtitles...And finally, I was impressed that they somehow managed to finish this show off ten minutes early for a change. That writer's strike must have done some good, after all...
CLASSIC MISHEARD LYRIC #73
"N.I.B."--BLACK SABBATH (1970) "The sun, the moon, the stars--all bear my seal." Or as I thought Ozzy sang it, "The sun, the moon, the stars—all that I steal..."
GENE-ITAL ELECTRIC?
Seems there's quite a buzz this week in the tabloid world about a sex video featuring famous blood-spitter Gene Simmons. The site where it originated has been taken down, but you can see a couple brief clips of it here. Evidently in the fully-erect version of the video, one gets to see Gene's manhood full-monty, and based on what I've read, he's hung more like a chihuahua than a pit bull, as he would have you believe—ergo, there's apparently enough room in those codpieces he wears on-stage to park a Hummer.
Meantime, the Simmons camp issued the following statement on his website:
You should know for the record, the garbage was recorded without my knowledge and is a page from my past. It happened and there's nothing I can do to repair that. The black and white footage may have been decades old. The entity behind the garbage has repeatedly tried to make money off of this and we have always refused. This is not the first time the entity has tried to blackmail and extort us. We have always refused and we will continue to refuse. I'm told the legal team has been tracking down the parties involved and they will be dealt with appropriately. Most importantly, the love I have for Shannon, Soph and Nick I hope is evident in our relationship. Yes. We have a TV show, but the people in the show are real and the love you see between us is real.
Okay, why should this video even faze our beloved tongue-wagging bat-lizard? After all, this is the same guy who's spent the past 30 years bragging about shagging 3,000 women—a claim which I have never ever bought—and the "entity" he refers to is merely one of his supposed conquests. I've said it before, and I'll say it again—if Gene Simmons doinked as many women as he boasts about, he'd be dead by now! Come on, Gene, let's see video of your other 2,999 "entities", and maybe then I'll believe you. Once again, as Fred Sanford said to Merv Griffin, "I used to like you—Dummy!"
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While I was hanging in the lobby at KY one afternoon, a straggly looking skinny kid walked in the station. It looked like he hadn't had a bath for days and if he would have said that he arrived off of a box car, I would've believed it. He told me he just got out of his cab, didn't know where his room was but asked the cabbie to take him to the radio station because he had an interview to do. He had on a thermal underwear shirt and a holey, dirty pair of jeans. It was Bryan Adams. He arrived about two hours early to do the interview and I asked him if he wanted to go get something eat. He agreed and we hopped in the KY truck and went to Winsteads. He told me how tough it was on the road. His first album had come out about three months before and I dug the shit out of it. From "Lonely Nights' to "Fits Ya Good", I thought it was killer. I told him so and he asked me to do stage announcements that night at One Block West and I said I would. He said he had some songs written and played me a couple on his guitar at Winsteads. "I'm Ready" was one and so was "This Time". We had a great afternoon and later that day I found out my stage announcements would be part of an upcoming Westwood One live show featuring Bryan. Nationwide baby. After the show, I told him I thought he was so good, that the next time he would play here, he'd be playing in Kemper. The show you saw was his next time through.
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