IT’S MADNESS, ALRIGHT…
Overall, I’m fairly pleased with the NCAA Tournament brackets, and I think they did a pretty fair job of selecting the right teams to play in it. Still, that didn’t stop Billy Packer and Dick Vitale from crusading for the ACC, claiming they got shafted because only four teams from their conference made the big dance. Well, I thoroughly agree with the rank and file of sports talk pundits regarding the bubble teams that are crying in their beer (Arizona St., Virginia Tech, Ohio State, Syracuse, et al) because they weren’t selected—try winning more games! If you schedule better non-conference opponents and win more games, you’ll make the tournament. Until then, good luck in the NIT. Meantime, can we please take Vitale and Packer (along with Digger Phelps and Bob Knight) and cast these babbling idiots adrift in a slow boat to China?
There is one little problem with this year’s brackets, however. The NCAA either needs a new United States road atlas or a refresher course on geography. How is it you have West Regional games being played in Tampa and East Regional games being played in Denver?!? These regionals are geographical in name only, so why don’t they just do like World Cup Soccer and refer to them as Group A, Group B, Group C, etc.? Or do like the NHL used to do with their divisions (Norris, Adams, Patrick, Smythe) and name each regional after someone—John Wooden Regional, James Naismith Regional, etc.
Oh, by the way, after careful deliberation I completed my brackets today, and I have three of the four #1 seeds making the Final Four—Kansas, North Carolina, and Memphis—but UCLA is going to be tripped up by my dark horse, Xavier. Watch out for those mighty Muscatels—er, uh—Musketeers! And even though I'm a Missouri fan, I have Kansas winning the whole shootin' match on the 20th anniversary of the last time they did it. Remember folks, you heard it here first!
Speaking of the Big Dance, according to the latest issue of Sports Illustrated, "An Oregon clinic is suggesting that men who need an excuse to stay home and watch the NCAA Tournament get a vasectomy." Unfortunately, that excuse can only be used once. Actually, if you're thinking about getting fixed anyway, it's not a bad idea. I had a vasexomy (as A. Bunker called them) myself about nine years ago, and thanks to my medical benefits, it didn't cost me a dime. It didn't hurt all that much—it just felt like someone had jabbed a baseball bat in my crotch a few times. It wasn't so bad once I got home and was able to ice it down with a bag of frozen peas, but the worst part for me was the drive home from the doctor's office. At the time, I drove a Honda Prelude, which has all the ground clearance of a cockroach, and that car rode rougher than a stagecoach across the Rockies, thus every bump was an adventure in pain!
EVERYTHING’S JUST PEACHY
Here’s what your President reminds me of as he constantly tries to re-assure America about our plummeting economy.
Here’s a still from a deleted scene from the new film Horton Hears A Who. BTW, did they really need to screw with this classic cartoon? Why do we need a full-length feature film to tell the same story it took 30 minutes to tell on TV?
I came across this in the Sunday paper. It’s called "Super Slave Dome" by William Willmott, and it's on display at a local Black Cultural Heritage center. According to the K.C. Star: "It seems to suggest that one of America's favorite pasttimes is a vehicle for enslavement, as well as escape, and a key locus for racially charged influences. A football field encompassed by what looks like people seated in bleachers is at the center of the picture. Upon closer inspection, the bleachers reveal themselves to be a restructuring of the hatchways between decks into which men, women and children were packed aboard slave ships in the early 19th century." WTF?!? How do these arty types read such crap into stuff like this? All I see here is the seating diagram of the Louisiana Superdome—it really takes a lot of talent to pirate that! Folks who go out of their way to find racism in everything aren't high my list of people I respect either...
WELCOME TO "WHITE TRASH THEATER"
This week's episode: "Shit Or Get Off The Pot" . You may have already heard this story on the TV news recently, but here it is again. I couldn't even dream of making this kind of shit up! The late Jim Morrison was right for one of the rare times in his screwed-up life when he said, "People are strange..."